I'm the problem! - I think you guys can help me

[coldredfusion]

Hi,

I'm Cold Red Fusion,
32 Years
almost 11 years in a LTR and 7 years of living together
we have one son 5 years young
My currently state: worst version of a nice guy

This year so far... We had 1x (bad) sex
and a couple bad "messing around"attempts
daily almost begging for sex - I'm sick of it

my first problem: - I dont want to live without sex
I want a life full of passion, love making and happiness!

My expectations... 3/5 times great lovemaking a month?


So I just started to change:
Ready Book of Pook
No more mr nice guy
DJ bible

Really big eye openers here!

- I don't avoid any more discussions
- I try to apply "takeaway" (need more reads on this)
- doing more things for my own
- taking my old hobby back (drawing/painting)
- Most important (almost a week now)
STOPPED the daily almost begging for sex thin... - I'm sick of it

More later... I have to leave now...
Hope you gys can help me
thanks

even if my partner refuses me...
how can I expect that all women would fall for me...

One thing is sure, I will become a DJ! its time for a change!

 

[Shaka]

Maybe she is having it with someone else.

A relationship without sex isn't more than a friendship. Actually, no. It's NOTHING (I don't believe in friendship between a man and a woman but it's not my point here).
So it's hard to admit, but this isn't a relationship. It's just convenience (don't want to be alone, habit, etc...)

You have to be prepared because maybe it's the end.

So, please keep doing what you're doing and improve yourself. You're on the right path.
Flirt with other girls
Don't give a **** about her or sex with her. At least, don't let her see that.
This is, if you want to "win" her back.
But beware, I don't advocate this.

What you really should do is :
prepare thing financially if you're married
focus on yourself and your son
and finally, walk away with a big smile that says "I'm not hurt, I will see through this. Thank for everything, I'm not bitter but it's time to move on"

 

[Albatross953]

Married man sex primer....read this book.

 

[apprenticedj]

First question: Have you talked to her about this in a mature, adult way? Explain to her your position and see where she stands. If she's still unresponsive it's time for plan B.

Let her know, by ACTIONS not WORDS, that you want sex and you're gonna get it somewhere.

Start working on yourself, hit the gym, buy some new clothes, work on your appearance. She will become very curious about your new found changes.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Flirt with other girls

Start working on yourself, hit the gym, buy some new clothes, work on your appearance.

Ironically, the things to do to save your relationship are the same things you should be doing if the relationship really is over. I'm not married with children, but I've been going through the same thing myself.

It reminds me of when I take my dog to play frisbee, and she won't get in the truck to leave. I have to start driving off without her, and when she realizes that she's about to be left behind, suddenly her attitude changes, because she does not want to be left alone.

 

[coldredfusion]

Thanks for the first reactions!

I think it will take some time to become fully aware of where I stand now and who I want to become (within this relation)

So reading and taking all this info is my first thing to do
(I will also read Married man sex primer, thanks for pointing this out!)

Yes I have talked to her that sex and intimacy is a part of a relationship.I want that my partner want to want love with me!

it should never be an obligation for her..
I'm the prize for her to win from this day on, not the other way around.
she must really feel the desire to want to have sex with me
Thats one of my goals

Sex is not my main goal/purpose for me in life anymore
damn that sounds harsh, I have to get used to this idea
as a future Dj women and sex come to me!

What about finding the right balance in the houshold and stuff like that
I dont want to become a jerk or worse.
What about communication with her...

Must read more - Will keep updating this tread/topic

kind regard to all of you

 

[coldredfusion]

Albatross953
I will read this book asap - thanks voor pointing this out!


I'm the prize to win!

Working out, and changing myzelf, thats what I'm going to do first!

apprenticedj
Yes she knows it...
no word only actions!

I will keep you guys up to date!

 

[Greasy Pig]

Congrats on wanting to change your circumstances OP. I also highly recommend looking up "Dave from Hawaii". His stuff on relationship game is gold and I think it'll really resonate with you.