I'm new and this is my first post. I want to improve and I like this girl I know.

[GBrown]

Hello all! I've been a member for a few months now and I have read many good threads/articles on this great site. Until now, I didn't think I needed any guidance but this one I need some help on. It might be a fairly long read as I am going to try and get all the details and be accurate.

This all starts on March 29 (Sunday) of this year. I met this girl and chatted her up. Things went well and I got her email (she included it on the card with her number) and phone number. Well I waited a couple days (Tuesday) to call her and she picked up on the first ring, we chatted and I mentioned to her to meet me for a date on Wednesday at 7pm at a coffee house close by. Unfortunately, she had class that day until 10pm and I was going out of town on Thursday so she mentioned doing something the following week when I was in town.

Fast forward to Sunday night when I returned home, she knew I was going to be there so she sends me a text asking about my trip and we make plans to get together later that week to see the Cherry Blossoms in DC before they are out of full bloom. That's how we end the conversation that night...well a couple days later she sends me an email while she is working stating that her brother (they aren't really close) is coming home for two weeks and wants to bond with her while he is back. I gladly say "Alright, well give me a call sometime next week and let me know when you’re free so we can get together…ok?" She replies, "Definitely...hopefully sooner than later."

So that was Tuesday (4/7) of this week. The next day she sends me a texting in the morning saying "Good morning" and stuff. It is like 5am and I don't respond until later that morning while I am sitting at work with little small talk and stuff. She says "Good you responded, I got worried you weren't going to." Over the course of the next few days we email/message back and forth.

Here is where I need some help...should I call her on Sunday and plan something during the week or should I just stop contacting her all together?

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks,
G

 

[Hughman]

She actually got back to you when you asked her to (from what I'm learning you should never do that if you can help it). That's got to be some interest. Try to see her pronto before she does lose interest.

 

[GBrown]

She actually got back to you when you asked her to (from what I'm learning you should never do that if you can help it). That's got to be some interest. Try to see her pronto before she does lose interest.

I'm trying to get with her as soon as possible. It is fairly hard when we both have busy schedules during the week and right now her brother is getting her on the weekends it seems.

What do you mean that I should never ask her to get back to me???

 

[DohnShaft]

You are doing good bro...don't rush it be chill. She is showing interest just don't come off as needy. You are a busy guy, and have plenty of options.

 

[GBrown]

You are doing good bro...don't rush it be chill. She is showing interest just don't come off as needy. You are a busy guy, and have plenty of options.

Needy is something I have worked on over the last few years of not becoming. I used to be VERY needy but being alone and on my own has shown me the light of not becoming like that.

Thanks for the post.

 

[Hughman]

I'm trying to get with her as soon as possible. It is fairly hard when we both have busy schedules during the week and right now her brother is getting her on the weekends it seems.

What do you mean that I should never ask her to get back to me???

It's giving her the power to make decisions (that is, you look like a wuss). You're the one that has to lead and make decisions, at least until you're in a healthy relationship with her.

 

[PocoDiablo]

Hey Dude... Here's my take:

This all starts on March 29 (Sunday) of this year. I met this girl and chatted her up. Things went well and I got her email (she included it on the card with her number) and phone number. Well I waited a couple days (Tuesday) to call her and she picked up on the first ring, we chatted and I mentioned to her to meet me for a date on Wednesday at 7pm at a coffee house close by. Unfortunately, she had class that day until 10pm and I was going out of town on Thursday so she mentioned doing something the following week when I was in town.

All good signs here. She gave you her phone number and you used it, she picked up on the first ring, and while she could not make it to your plans, she counter-offered with another date and time. I would have liked to pin down a time, but otherwise all good.

Fast forward to Sunday night when I returned home, she knew I was going to be there so she sends me a text asking about my trip and we make plans to get together later that week to see the Cherry Blossoms in DC before they are out of full bloom. That's how we end the conversation that night...

I think that's good, too. You sealed the plans, and made a date.

well a couple days later she sends me an email while she is working stating that her brother (they aren't really close) is coming home for two weeks and wants to bond with her while he is back.

So I now ask myself ... "Why didn't she call? If she were trying to hide something, it's harder to do over the phone than email. And why the excuse? So her brother is coming to town, but she can't take TWO hours to go out with you? If her brother wants to be a part of her life, she should/could have told him that she has a date, and she intends on keeping it, and the brother should completely understand." Unless she is coming up with an excuse to get out of the date. Personally, I would have considered this a blow-off unless she again countered with another date and time to go our, and SWEAR she won't break her plans. Basically, she lacks integrity right off the bat, and to me (and my ultra-high standards) that doesn't work. [NOTE to SoSuave members, the OP and I know each other, so he knows what I'm talking about. ]

I gladly say "Alright, well give me a call sometime next week and let me know when you’re free so we can get together…ok?" She replies, "Definitely...hopefully sooner than later."

You know what I would have said ... I would have teased her, flirted, and gave her grief in a playful and fun manner. Perhaps I would have said something off-the-wall like "So wait, you're going on a date with your brother instead of me? Well I dunno ... how are you going to make it up to me?"

I'm 50-50 on putting the ball back in her court - giving her control to let you know when she is free. You're giving away your power. There are several other ways you could have replied and remain in control, perhaps something like these (SS folks can help refine this I am sure):

1. Sorry, that's the only time I have free. If you can't make it, I understand.

2. Ooooh, I understand completely. (You do - she's giving you BS, so you're writing her off). Well, that's okay, thanks for letting me know, but I have to go.

3. That's seriously about the weakest excuse I have *EVER* heard. I mean, really! Anyway, it's cool, I get the clue, I hope you have a good time with your brother, but I have to go now.

With any luck, you backing off will signal to her that you ARE high quality and you WON'T put up with her baloney. That makes you more attractive because you have high standards.

So that was Tuesday (4/7) of this week. The next day she sends me a texting in the morning saying "Good morning" and stuff. It is like 5am and I don't respond until later that morning while I am sitting at work with little small talk and stuff. She says "Good you responded, I got worried you weren't going to." Over the course of the next few days we email/message back and forth.

Friendzone. You know this. If anything, you tell her "Hey, this text stuff sucks. Let's go out. You you know want to. You free tonight?" If she keeps texting, you tell her "Sorry, I can't text at work" or "Hey, nothing personal, but I hate texting. Let's go out."

Your goal should be to always maintain the highest level of interaction that you had last. You met her in person ... so interact with her in person. Texting is going backwards. Unless you're a texting-wonder-stud-flirt (I sure ain't!) then you're shooting yourself in the foot. Texting, phone, IM ... those are all tools for making dates or getting friendzoned. It's your call if you want to risk it.

Here is where I need some help...should I call her on Sunday and plan something during the week or should I just stop contacting her all together?

It's Easter weekend. Leave it be. If she texts you, call her and ask her out. Don't text her back. Or text her back and say "Sorry, I can't talk now." Perhaps reply much later saying "Sorry, I was busy." Make her think you're with another woman (why else wouldn't you be able to reply?) Otherwise, I would suggest waiting until Monday to make a date.

Give her the gift of missing you.

In my opinion, I will give a woman TWO chances to go on a date with me. I'll make plans and they can change once. If you can't make it the second time, I'm through with her.

You know what Donna did? She walked out of Thanksgiving dinner with her family and told them "Sorry, I have a hot date!" Obviously, you know where we are now. She had a VERY high interest level, and was willing to make sacrifices to go on that first date with me. Her actions spoke very, very clearly.

This girl? What are her actions saying? She's making lots of excuses, but not taking action. Is that what you want? I'd say if anything is going to happen, SHE needs to prove she's interested first.

 

[jayhood]

The truth is, your situation is not that bad. The gap between her showing a lot of interest and her flaking on you is very small. She managed to back up all her flaking with sign of high interest. The first time she flaked on you the situation was understandable. However, the second time has something funny behind it. A gamish vibe I should say. It does not make sense that she can't find even a little time to hang with you eventhough her brother is back home. I would not put a red flag on it though. It just show that eventhough she might show sign of high interest she will still give you a challenge. So what do you do? Challenge her back. But how? By giving her LESS attention. I'm not saying to totally ignore her like you suggested. What I'm saying is if you use to text her 2 times a day cut it back to once. Just reduce your attention. It seems like she is getting what she wants which is to get to know you by phone and email and you are not getting what you want which is to go out with her. Also, reveal as little as possible about you during those phone and email conversation. Give her something exciting about you, but do not go into much detail about it on the phone or email. That will make her wonder. The plan is to bait her out of her comfort zone ( phone and email) and bring her to your comfort zone ( dating)

So my thought is this. Game her for one week by doing what I said above. And then by the end of the week ask her out again.