The Gamer said:
Why don't you have a career?
I guess I'm afraid of picking something and working on it. I feel like I've been in some perpetual time of indecisivness. That plus I just....man, I just don't feel like I've been good enough to compete with people on a perfessional level. This is partly due to me just barely scrapping by in highschool because I didn't apply myself AT ALL. Also just because of my social standing and overall self image.
Look here, what you did or who you were in high school has NO effect on what you can do or who you can be. Read that sentence again because you need to internalize that and use it as a daily mantra to remind yourself of where you are.
I'm sure you've heard stories of high school reunions where people are just totally surprised by fortunes or misfortunes of their classmates. Some people who were really popular in high school end up having a career at their local grocery store as the employee of the month. Some people who were laughed at beacause of their addiction to Dungeons & Dragons end up becoming millionaries of some investment banking.
You need to look at the big picture. How do you want people from high school to perceive you at the reunion? Do you want to be the employee of the month or the millionaire banker? You know what, forget answering those two questions. I don't want to show you the wrong path of success where your motivation is bragging and showing off to high school classmates. I want to show you the right path of success where your motivation is bragging and showing off to yourself.
Nobody is born a professional. You aren't expected to step into real world one day and act professional. Remember that. So, stop worrying about competing with professionals. If competing with professionals was that easy and natural, don't you think everybody would be doing it? Don't you think that we would have more millionaire bankers? Don't you think that employee of the month wouldn't exist?
Figure out why you didn't apply yourself. No, wait, more importantly, figure out if you have what it takes to apply yourself NOW. Can you handle the challenges that lie ahead of you? Can you jump high enough to clear the obstacles that will be in your path? Can you take any and all curveballs that life will throw at you from here on out? Your answer doesn't have to be a simple "yes". That would be an incomplete and a false answer. Your answer should be, "I believe in myself and my abilities to handle challenges, clear obstacles, and take the curveballs".
The GAMER said:
Do you have a passion in life? What are you interested in?
Well I have passions. I become passionate for things and then loose interest and find different passions. One passion that hasn't ever left me is my music. I've always made music and will continue to do so. Another passion that hasn't left me (funny enough) is my thirst for knowledge. I havn't done **** for school but I love to learn things that interest me.
Ok, read this thread and watch the video I posted:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=133908
The thing about finding passions in your life is exactly that: finding passions. I mean, you're only 21. Most 21 year olds haven't figured out what they are passionate about. They haven't figured out what are some things they could see themselves doing or be a part of for the rest of their lives. Most 21 year olds just don't have the experience for developing true passions. Most 21 year olds are living in a dream world, a fantasy world. The world in which they are promised a good job, healthy marriage, wonderful children, and nice 2-garage suburban home. Most 21 year olds end up living in this dream world until they realize they have been wasting their youth. Popular psychology has a term for this: mid-life crisis.
If you want to go back to school, go back to it from a different perspective. You say you are passionate about knowledge in general. Use this to your advantage. You have no idea how far it can get you if you choose to apply yourself from that perspective. If we were to quiz you on this board and tell you to write a 500 word essay on contents of this board, you would look forward to taking the quiz or writing that essay. Why? Because you will be challenged to present your knowledge about something that actually interests you. If you go back to school (or pick a career, whatever) with this perspective, with this same burning passion, with this incredible thirst for knowledge, then your whole world will be shaken up. You will wake up, look yourself in the mirror, and say, "Damn, Am I really that good?"
You need to self-reflect, self-evaluate, and self-support yourself consistently. Nobody, not even me, can do this for you. The only thing I can do for you is show you the way. Using matrix analogy, I can only give you the choice between the red pill and the blue pill. It is you who has to decide which path you will take and follow. It is you who will decide which pill you want to take.
Self-reflect so you can see what you are, who you are on the inside. Your beliefs, convictions, values, and perceptions need to be crystal clear to you. You need to know yourself. Socrates once said, "An unexamined life is not worth living." This is exactly what's happening to you right now. You haven't examined yourself deep enough and that is why you are here wallowing in self-pity. Realize that I'm not scolding you or belittling you. I am only showing you the way. Once you figure out who you are, you are then ready to take on the next two steps.
Self-evaluate is an honest assessment, an inventory, of yourself. What you're good at, what you suck at, what needs improving, what needs reinforcement, etc. On a regular evaluation form, a person is ranked from worst to best on different characteristics that pertain to the form. For a job evaluation, the person's professional skills are ranked. For a student evaluation, the person's academic skills are ranked. For your self-evalution, you need to rank your skills at handling challenges, clearing obstacles, and taking curveballs in life. Can you honestly do that? If you can, then don't forget this very important step that follows.
Self-support. You have to be physically, mentally, and emotionally strong enough to support yourself. After a job evaluation, the person is supported by his colleagues or his boss about his performance (good or bad). After a student evaluation, the person is supported by his peers and teachers about his performance (good or bad). Now, after your self evaluation, who is going to support you? Your friends? No, they got too many problems of their own to genuinely and constantly worry about you. Your girlfriend? No, actually she's looking for somebody who will support her, not the other way around. Your parents? No, because even if they are supporting you, and rightly so because it's in their nature, they are hurting inside knowing that their own son is failing at life and can't handle himself. Tell me, is this how you would want your son to grow up and be? As somebody who can't handle himself?
Self-reflect, self-evaluate, and self-support. Once you start doing those three things, you will be reborn. You will finally unplug. You will be reincarnated. You will be a new person. People around you won't recognize you. People from high school will be shocked at your metamorphosis. You will surprise yourself every single day.
Here is reset's recent thread that touches on some of the points I've made:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=144294
Reread my post again. Take some time to digest it. I don't expect you to reply to my post because I don't expect you to change overnight. This is a life long process. Lot of what I've said comes from experience and work in progress.
Remember, nobody said change was going to be easy. Especially a change for the best. Because if it was that easy, then we wouldn't need psychologists, psychiatrists, self-help sections, mentors, and sosuave.
Good luck!
