I'm having a severe existential as well as an identity crisis.

[thatfeel]

I guess it could be somewhat relatable to the identity crisis post on the rational male, but not entirely.

I just turned 25 and I feel...lost. I'm constantly questioning myself. I don't know who I am or what my "self" is or what I am supposed to be doing with my time and my life. I genuinely believe in wanting to be able to make myself the best version of myself that I can be but I'm just so afraid that I'll never realize any of my dreams.

All I really do with my time right now is play MMOs, go to work, mess around with my server stack sometimes, and that's it. A part of this crisis is that no girl is interested in a guy that has "nothing" going for him but the fact that he works and plays MMO...they want more than that, don't they? Or am I irrationally projecting something onto women that isn't necessarily true?

This is all sort of coming from the fact that I've decided(or so I thought)to leave my girlfriend's house and be on my own...implying a break up. I met a girl at work who I talk briefly about in one of my posts on the DJ Discussion forum here and we had a really nice time. We've gone out a couple of times, and, I could see myself with her. In the midst of a conversation with her it kind of came up that I still had a girlfriend, but, I also mentioned that It was kind of a junk show and so she took the hint that I was unhappy(I don't really know if I am unhappy, I feel ridiculously confused with myself). Well, she basically told me it would be better for me to just move on from my current ordeal and make myself happy first and all the rest would fall into place. To that point, I could agree, but the question I have for myself now is, am I truly unhappy?

I really find myself dealing with a huge onset of cognitive dissonance with these kinds of things because it's like...god. Is it the right decision? I can sit here and tell myself that it's probably true that me being stuck here with my current gf is just going to continue to stifle me and impede any kind of improvement I could make for myself. Because i'm very comfortable living with her and don't feel the need to do much besides play MMOs and go to work and do the house chores.

So when I made the decision to tell my gf I need to leave it's just like ... i'm leaving everything behind that we enjoyed together. I mean, what I ultimately want to be doing I think is to better my life, become more interesting, have more passions. This whole ordeal within myself is already causing me so much discomfort as to prevent me from having gotten an erection when I was going to sleep with said girl.

I want to get to a position in life where I don't give two fvcks about whether or not a girl ends up taking me as her boyfriend or whatever. I have a passion for understanding and reading about chinese martial arts and really want to take on a full time hobby of learning some after work when I have time during the week. I would love to see myself become a fully envisioned and experienced practitioner of them. I really need to get my body in shape and just fit and I know that thing right there sounds superficial but it's true. I feel anxious around women sometimes because i'm a bit self conscious about my body. I'm not a huge bloated carcass but i'm definitely not what any woman would consider to be ideal unless they were delusional. 5'10 at 160, not bad, not great.

My finances are also kind of a mess. I've gotten extremely sloppy with them living here. I'm really not where I should be in my life considering I've been working for the past...3 years and with no student loans(have my B.S. though). Regarding finances, let's just say I've given into a LOT of egocentricity.

I'll tell you one thing that I feel like has gotten me stuck in such a rut here. I love my girlfriend a lot and I would honestly be sad to let her go. On my third date or whatever with the other girl, we did what always seem to be the cliche thing to do, is, we ended up at a bar. All the time while I was hanging out with her, either before the bar or after, she would continuously say things like "I have a lot of baggage", "You should run while you still can", and just dropping all these little comments about how she's a poor prospect for relationship material. And I'm just here thinking, this is like what every girl ever says to every dude, and I just blew that sh!t off. But I'm thinking also to myself. I'm just not that interested in transient flings with girls who are constantly liking and posting/reposting sh1t on Facebook every day, or always constantly going to hang out with their girl friends. The girl literally sent me a screenshot of her phone, showing me a picture of a guy who messaged her, and in the background I see she has 73 pof notifications, facebook notification icons in the pull down bar, okcupid messages. The girl got out of a relationship about 3.5 months ago and just seems to almost be projecting an image of "devil may care" kind of attitude, but, it's interesting because I always thought that girls got over break ups instantly, why is she trying to convince me so hard that she isn't relationship material? I mean hell, the girl is 39 and she is still doing all this sh1t?

At the end of the day I just find myself thinking, It's not likely that this girl could ever care about me in a way that I would want her to care about me.

I am already in a relationship(or am I? god I cannot decide, hence, the can't find peace comment)with someone who I genuinely believe cares a great deal about me, loves me in the way I want to be loved, and is just, herself, without any of the garbage that we just see everyday like dating sites, facebook, attention wh0ring, etc. There are some annoying things about the relationship but I just feel like even with a red pill attitude it's naive to expect all relationships to be absolutely perfect. I can't find the courage to admit to myself that I should just leave my girlfriend over just things that aren't worth leaving over. I DO love her, I don't really know why I should or why I even would leave her. I don't even know why I reached out to the other girl; maybe I wanted to experience the game again for just a little bit, or something. But see, I already told myself, I'm not interested in transient relationships, so what is true and what is false?

I have absolutely ZERO idea of how I should be living my life. Again I almost seem to think that I'm projecting an idea of what I feel like women would see an ideal guy to be to associate with, have sex, get into LTR, etc. I am still young and can experience the world and do things in it. But would I be doing those things for the right reasons? Or would I be doing them because I believe in how they will make women see me? I want more passions in my life, to share with people. But when I come to the realization that perhaps I do need to branch out of my current complacency, you could begin to understand why I am suffering from such dissonance in deciding how to handle my current situation and whether or not "living my life and being free" would be for the right or wrong decision. Would I be doing it for myself ultimately? Would I be doing it for the image it would portray to women? Which one is more right, is the latter wrong?

I cannot find peace with myself.

 

[Lozboss]

How old are you?

Firstly- don't throw away a relationship over minor things. Sit down and talk to her- DON'T DUMP your feelings on her though. Say what is annoying or what you find frustrating and work at it. Perfect doesn't exist but happy does.

Secondly- find yourself. You're suffering from what many men go through- I went through this at 23 when I left the marines (UK). It takes time but in the meantime you can improve yourself. Playing MMOs is ok but limit your time- do something constructive like a sport or getting in shape.

Explore- go out and experience new things- you won't like them all. Meetup.com is a great place to start. You only discover passions by opening yourself to them and going to explore.

Work- What are you doing? Do you like it? If not then change it. What would you like to do?

We've all been lost, without an identity, struggling to work out what we want to be.

Change starts one step at a time. It's terrifying at first- it truly is. But once you experience the positives you won't stop.

 

[thatfeel]

I'm 25. As far as work, yeah I like it. It's IT.

 

[dustmuffin]

How long have you been with your gf? As far as your finances and fitness go, take action! Don't dwell on it. Do something about it!

 

[thatfeel]

Bout 2.5 years, around there.

 

[Desdinova]

I'm guessing that you and your GF started dating when she was in her early 20s (or maybe earlier). If you snag a woman who's still early in her dating experience, she is going to be much more loyal and dedicated than any 39 year old. It sounds like your gf's a keeper, so don't throw her away.

Here's the thing... Women will follow their men. No matter what you decide to do with your life, a dedicated woman will join you for the ride as long as you're leading your life and not following someone else's. If for some reason she falls off the train while you're conducting, then that's her stupid fault and she'll have to deal with the consequences.

All I really do with my time right now is play MMOs, go to work, mess around with my server stack sometimes, and that's it.

You need to get off the damn video games. They eat up time that you could spend doing something to make your life better. You need to make yourself some goals for the future, and then do what you need to reach them.

I have a passion for understanding and reading about chinese martial arts and really want to take on a full time hobby of learning some after work when I have time during the week.

WTF do you mean "when I have time"? You just told us what you fill your time with... VIDEO GAMES. Get rid of those and you'll have time for your martial arts. That's a good starting point. Go do something different and while you're at it, plan another goal.

I really need to get my body in shape and just fit and I know that thing right there sounds superficial but it's true.

This is an excuse. YOU put that roadblock there. YOU can remove it. Just go sign up for the martial arts and get your ass on a stationary bike once you start getting on a roll. You can be "in shape" without being a skinny little bytch. I'm 160 and shorter than you, but I've got incredible stamina because I'm always on the move. You can also be 160 and be out of breath climbing a flight of stairs. Once you get the ball rolling, your body will start to adapt. Starting is the hardest thing to do, but once you get the ball rolling, it gets easier. Now go sign up for the martial arts and quit making excuses!

My finances are also kind of a mess.

You need to figure out how to fix that. Do you need a better job? Do you spend to much money for add-ons for your video games? Do you eat out too much? Find all the problems and see where you can make changes.

On my third date or whatever with the other girl, we did what always seem to be the cliche thing to do, is, we ended up at a bar. All the time while I was hanging out with her, either before the bar or after, she would continuously say things like "I have a lot of baggage", "You should run while you still can", and just dropping all these little comments about how she's a poor prospect for relationship material.

Take her advice and run. She sounds problematic. Stick with your loyal GF. That 5hit is hard to replace.

It really sounds like you need something to make your life more interesting and you've resorted to replacing your GF to accomplish that. This isn't the area you should be looking at. She is not the source of your boredom with your life. YOU are the source of it.

You don't need to make all these changes at once. Take baby steps. Pick one thing and work on it until you're ready to try something else (like the martial arts). You can also pick stuff that includes your GF. Take some dance lessons with her. You'll have fun AND enhance your relationship with her.

 

[thatfeel]

It really sounds like you need something to make your life more interesting and you've resorted to replacing your GF to accomplish that. This isn't the area you should be looking at. She is not the source of your boredom with your life. YOU are the source of it.

This speaks to my soul in so many ways...thank you.

I didn't reveal this in my original post but would it matter if my gf was older than 39?

 

[zonn]

I'm 25. As far as work, yeah I like it. It's IT.

You are making the whole thing sound a lot worse then it really is. You are doing a job you like and financially sound (even though you think its a mess) and that is 50 per cent of your battle done. There really are people in far worse situations then you.

Get a grip and do the extra curricular activities you want to do. One of these days I will write a post about myself and it is far worse then this ****. And I am a lot older then you.

 

[dustmuffin]

How old is your gf? You said older than 39 and you are 25?

 

[thatfeel]

My gf is 50. The other girl is 39. But I do love my gf...she loves me in the way I want to be loved.

 

[dustmuffin]

My gf is 50. The other girl is 39. But I do love my gf...she loves me in the way I want to be loved.

Is this a mom fetish? Not judging just asking. You also need to ask yourself if this will work in the long term. You are young.

 

[ubercat]

Sorry dude but WTF I m 49 and I don't date 50 YOs. How the heck is she ever going to be able to hang out with your friends. And what do your parents think of this weirdness. Anyway on a much more positive note I'd really suggest Wing Chun for a young guy. download some vids and teach yourself basic Muay Thai. That combination is pretty well rounded. I also love tai chi but it's much better to start with the external martial arts to learn how your body moves. If somebody starts kickboxing you you can use sticking leg and trapping hands. If somebody rushes in close you can use Muay Thai knees and elbows. And Wing Chun is too efficient to really build serious Fitness but the combination surely will

 

[Desdinova]

To each their own, but she's not crazy about you because you're an early dating encounter. She's into you because she'll never do any better.

If you want my two cents, you're in the prime age to be dating young women who are still emotionally vulnerable, and get yourself on their 'high score' lists. But if you're satisfied dating a 50 year old, that's your business.

 

[dustmuffin]

Sorry dude but WTF I m 49 and I don't date 50 YOs. How the heck is she ever going to be able to hang out with your friends. And what do your parents think of this weirdness. Anyway on a much more positive note I'd really suggest Wing Chun for a young guy. download some vids and teach yourself basic Muay Thai. That combination is pretty well rounded. I also love tai chi but it's much better to start with the external martial arts to learn how your body moves. If somebody starts kickboxing you you can use sticking leg and trapping hands. If somebody rushes in close you can use Muay Thai knees and elbows. And Wing Chun is too efficient to really build serious Fitness but the combination surely will

I am 52 and I sure as hell want to date younger. I'm working on it! : )

 

[ubercat]

Ah bit of context I suggested Wing Chun because you said you r into Chinese martial arts and everyone on thread has agreed that you badly need some hobbies . Wing Chun is a great Style. But like any style it does have some weaknesses. It's quite linear so circular attacks like a Left Hook or MMA round kicks can be a problem if you don't train with them. It also uses the immovable elbow Theory whre the elbow is a bit of a barrier to give you room to work. And that can be countered by a person rushing you. Adding a small amount of kickboxing training warm naturally fix these problems. What is a style you choose I would suggest practicing hard on side stepping every style has this foot work. In a self defence situation where there are multiple attackers you want to keep moving. All your wanting to do is throw a couple of techniques at them breakthrough and run the heck away.

I've got 20 years martial arts experience in a variety of Styles so you can probably trust me on this one. I've, commented on this side topic because I have the experience and it seems like a good next step for you. Anyway its your not your main question so PM me if you want a hand in this area.

 

[sodbuster]

she's 25 years older than you? How can you even ask if you should leave? You should have NEVER been there in the first place. Check your zipper and see if you feel a pair of balls. GROW up, make it on your OWN and DON'T date old ladies for their "mothering skills" or "financial stability". You are postponing adulthood by having someone take care of you.....

 

[MatureDJ]

My finances are also kind of a mess. I've gotten extremely sloppy with them living here. I'm really not where I should be in my life considering I've been working for the past...3 years and with no student loans(have my B.S. though). Regarding finances, let's just say I've given into a LOT of egocentricity.

You finances are a mess? A few years ago, I had about $150K in credit card debt. But guess what; there is the "green pill" called bankruptcy, and like Donald Trump says, "it's fabulous".

 

[evan12]

25 and dating 50 , no wounder you are not satisfied with your life, I think you are hiding this fact from your awareness but it is coming out as a bad feeling out from your unawareness. other than that , I cant see any problem
oh, some men feel empty without having offspring , have you thought in having kids ?