I'm good looking and successful. Why can't i get the girls i want?

[Money2burn]

I'm a 24 y/o NYC fireman... good looking to the point where when i go out to clubs... every once and a while even attractive girls would grab me (literally), so that i would engage in conversation with them or dance. I have never been in a real relationship and never really dated... mainly because before i became a fireman, i was slightly spoiled as a younger man where i would hook up w/o really putting effort into it. I pretty much was attracted to and wanted to bang everything. Now i don't really seem to have that drive like i used to... and i think i'm looking more into establishing a relationship ( I know it sounds Chump-ish).
I've lurked these forums for probably the last 6 months. I've read the DJ bible and etc... I just wanted to clarify that i really wouldn't have made this post w/o doing some type of homework.

I know that i have some work to do as far as my social skills are concerned. People seem to gravitate towards me... and then i'll shell up. I have like a comfort curve where if i don't know people... i get really quiet and seem disinterested and non fun. Those are problems which i am trying to improve on and i know it has some factor into why i am still single.

 

[Money2burn]

The real reason why i decided to post is the fact that i met a HB9 at least at a club 2 nights ago. I was walking through the club with a drink in my hand... and we made eye contact as i saw her with a hot group of friends. I smiled at her and kept walking... and then i felt her grab my arm (like i said this happens often). I completely mushed up but tried to play it cool and remembering what i read from the forums... and over the shoulder told her that "i should be the one grabbing on you"... She smiles. Her friends walk away about 3 feet to a couch and basically wait for me to finish talking to her. As if they were giving us space to do our thing. We chit chat and she tells me that she is a nurse, then asks me how old i am. I get this so much... and i HATE to lie... and i'm starting to learn i better off lying. I looked at her and assumed she had to be around my age and told her i was 25. She was 31. I figured i ****ed it up.

I asked her for her number and told her i think we should hang out sometime. Since i figured that she was too hot and gonna give me the whole your too young for me crap she would decline. But to my surprise she still gave me a number. I swore it was a fake number and decided to cut my loss. I kissed her on her cheek and let her go.

I was really feeling her. She was the highlight of my night and even tho i had alot of fun wit my boys and messing around with a couple of UB's. I just couldn't get her off my mind.

I'm really not good with the rules of phone conversations, i've been reading into it today. But i didn't even wait 24 hrs before i tried her number. I called and guess what. She picks up. I had no prep and she obviously had something going on in the background... i heard people yelling and carrying on and she is with her family and tells me to call her back later. SO i do so about 4 hrs later and she doesn't pick up.

 

[Money2burn]

I don't know if this was the right thing to do or not... but i decided to text her. Figuring that if she wasn't interested she would just ignore it and i could have some closure.

" A family woman, a nurse, and gorgeous. I'm yours... What's your ring size?"

a few hours go by... and i'm sweating thinking that i blew it. I'm obviously feeling this girl... and being a Sunday night, other than watching football, i really had nothing better to do but to think about her. I try to get her off my mind and make sure i don't do anyhting stupid to make myself seem desperate, so i deleted her number from my phone. DON'T know if that made any sense but i did.

Then . I get a msg. "What rock size?"

I respond, "Bigger than the one JLO got. My women get only the best."

She:" Now were talking!"

Excited. I don't kno why but i figured i could try and see if i can get more of a conversation from her through texting. Up till now texting has always been the main source of communication between me and girls since i kinda embraced the whole Sidekick hand held trend. I've been using those things since the first one which is probably 4 years now.

Me: "Wait! i haven't tasted your cooking yet. So i'm going to put the ring on hold. You coming out tonight?"

I thought it would be cool to pull back. But guess she thought it would be cool and not respond for the rest of the night. .

So here i am. I really want to get this woman. I know i am reading too far into things and not letting it go naturally. But i'm assuming that letting things go naturally isn't what these forums are all about.

I apologize for the long read. But i can really use some guidance. I would ask guys at work... but most of them already assume that i'm a big time player. I'm the youngest person in he firehouse... and being that i joined the FDNY at the age of 20, i come off senior, and the guys forget how young i really am. So as a last resort... someone here has to help me out. On what i should do to ensure that i get this girl.

Thanx in advance.

 

[DJDamage]

I am sorry to inform you but you are really losing her or you already lost her. Her interest went from being high to really low, this isn't one thing that could have gone wrong but multitude going back from when you first met her. Your insecure and its really showing through your behaviour and actions.

Go read the "book of pook": http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/ It will enlighten you and get you to fix the core of the problem.

 

[tsmith2334]

might have been a little too much with all those aggresive texts, i probably would have sent one, replied once if she did, and pulled back

maybe a call a few hours later or the next day to see if she's gonna be headed out later

remember to take it easy and not to rush

that's just my two cents, i could be wrong

 

[WesCottII]

Why are you treating this woman like gold, before you've even got to know her?

If this was a game of poker, you just laid bare your hand. "i'm yours"?, way to go about establishing dominance....

You know this man, you're putting woman on a queen pedastal, with comments like "I should be the one grabbing you", a better response would've been something along the lines of "do you do this to every good looking guy? I think I have pinch marks (with a smile)". You should be the KING of this crap, not some guy begging for attention with constant calls/texts.

You want to get this woman? Work on yourself.

 

[Sandow]

You said you read the DJ Bible? You may need to read through every article again...

 

[Heart Break Kid]

Reading is not enough. You have to try everything before moving on. 30 girls per article worked nicely for me. Back then I wasn't nearly as good looking as now either so it was all the material.

 

[Money2burn]

i appreciate the honest responses. I'll just leave her alone... for a few days. I mean i don't mean to put her on a pedestal. Just its rare that i come across a HB that i really like. i put her number in my black book ... and deleted it from my cell again to guarantee i won't be calling her on impulse again.

Any advice on what you guys would personally do to in this situation?

 

[Bible_Belt]

A lot of girls go for firemen. You will do well even if you never see this hb9 again. Look for women who identify more with political conservatism than liberalism, stances like: Republican, pro-gun, anti-immigration, maybe even pro-life. These women will probably be more inclined toward marriage and family, which is what you want anyway. Then try to find out what daddy does for a living. If he's a cop or at least a guy in uniform, then you're golden!

 

[WesCottII]

I understand that mate, I don't mean to be harsh, but sometimes we all need a kick.

You need to re-frame your thoughts, and put yourself as the prize, not some woman you hardly know.

What would I do?

Just chill out, hold off for a few days, then ask her out again. If she declines, thank her then cut her off.

 

[The Inside Man]

"spin more plates". Go meet some other girls, don't call more than once or twice a week to set something up. Also maybe chill on the ring and marriage jokes, funny at first but most women take getting married seriously whether they say it or not, especially if they're getting older.

One more thing : CONFIDENCE. everything is there, the girls opening you, noticing you etc... That you lost your drive is only in your head, a lot of people when they mature decide they would rather "settle" in with one girl instead of trying to pound club chicks every weekend.

 

[Maxtro]

Ok some things are not adding up. How the hell can you have any insecurities when you have women coming up to you and begging you for your attention? WTF!!!

Buddy be grateful for what you have. You have no idea how hard it is for the average to below average guys.

 

[tsmith2334]

i put her number in my black book ... and deleted it from my cell again to guarantee i won't be calling her on impulse again

.
smart move, i would have done the same thing in your situation

Any advice on what you guys would personally do to in this situation?

give it 7-14 days, then approach her in a relaxed and confident manner

 

[Bvbidd]

Your going to have a lot harder of a time as you and the girls get older.

Girls are a whole lot less slvtty in their 20s than teenagers.

So your probally just not use to it. That's normal.

 

[COD]

Why do you insist on stating what you do for a living FIRST......I am a fireman and my name is.....

U CAN VIRTUALLY SAY ANYTHING profession wise............if a chic is ONLY gonna like you for your profession then she aint the right chic.

Success in life is great but if you aint got the SKILL-SET then you have your work cut-out for you. The skill-set is gained by doing.

Good looks do help but its your attitude that will PRE-DETERMINE your altitude. U need to be a lil more ****y, more playful, more sly........and there will be women who MIS-INTERPRET this attitude coming from a good looking guy as TOTAL ****Y. SO do it in spurts, when U got her hooked........turn on the niceness a lil bit so that she sees your not a player. Huge fricken difference between a player and a pick-up artist.

The whole how long should I wait before I : a) call her, b) text her, c) email her, d) see her again, etc ALL PERTAINS to how the brain views you as a challenge. Theres some validity to NOT calling right away........let it marinate for a while get her thinking about you.

U need to get the inner game and the perception of an alpha male to really kick ass. The fireman thingy is great bait.....use it for all its worth but start changing your attitude, frame it, vibe, become DA MAN U know u can be.

Do u know if two great looking guys with career success were at a bar who would get more women.........THE GUY WITH THE SKILL-SET.........thats why average looking guys who have "game" often kick you male models a ss when it comes to picking up women.

 

[Mad Manic]

You put her on a big pedestal and demonstrated lower value by saying that she can have you no problem, despite the fact you don't know her well.

 

[ketostix]

This kind of seems like a troll post.

 

[Mad Manic]

This kind of seems like a troll post.

Not really, the majority of guys are like this with women because it's a reaction to feeling needy since women have the power in the dating game.

 

[Money2burn]

I'm not sure what u mean by a troll post. But i get what you guys are saying. I appreciate the fact you guys slapped some sense in to me. You've really helped me out. I actually read what you guys have had to say and i started thinking that i really shouldn't be looking for the relationship thing and to let it happen naturally. I won't call her... for probably a week or so. Just to see where her mind is.

From now till then i will be going out as i normally do. I just wanted to kinda up my standard a bit and grab a woman instead of a girl, ya know?

I stated what i do, because i look around my job and see the guys use it as a easy in for a lot of ass. I never really told girls upfront what i do.

And i guess, ya i'm getting older... and its getting obviously harder. I stated in the first place i never really had a real relationship and i guess i just have alot of anxiety that... the older i do get the less likely i will fall into one.

Thanx alot for the help guys. I truly appreciate the honesty.