JonJack said:
Try this brucevangeorge. Realize that who you are and what you do are for your own pleasure and are not so that you can please others.
I realize it may be extremely difficult to rid one's self from seeking the affirmation of others. However, it is something that everyone should realize is a futile venture that will most often lead to disappointment.
So, how does one enjoy their lives when everyone around them seems to be putting them down and throwing negative comments their way? First, you have to take responsibility for your own predicament. It is not the fault of others when they deny you words of encouragement or put you down. Accept that they are entitled to treat you however they wish and that desiring them to treat you better is the result of you not being able to feel good about yourself without their help.
So, now you have to start thinking about whether you want to feel good about yourself on on your own, or whether you need others to give you affirmation for you to feel good about yourself. Do you want to be that kind of person that seems to always be fishing for compliments, assurance, confirmation and encouragement? Or do you really need it all to feel good about yourself?
The root of the issue here is your need for external affirmation. You 'need' it from the people around you. You 'need' it from a tape. You 'need' to hear it from someone, anyone. Along the way, you may get it and you may feel good about yourself. But remember that your happiness will always be dependant on these external devices and that you have basically placed your life's happiness in their hands.
True. But when you have negaive cycles going on inside the head you have to remove them.
Whenever I start doing something.. there's always these thoughts that say "better not" or "maybe I can't do it" or "what's the point?". They are not as strong as before but DAMN. At the worst times they throw me into doubt and fear.
And don't think that it is rational thought that makes you think twice before doing stupid things. It is subconcious. I always think before I do stuff. But these remnants of what people have said throughout my life just randomly pop up.
Like the other day: I was talking to this very attractive girl that I work with once in awhile. She was giving me pretty good signs of interests. But then I think "Maybe I'm not attractive enough.. she won't go for me" or "I'm fat". And it's all bull****. I USED to be fat and kinda weird looking when I was a kid. But I guess it affected me quite alot then and IT WON'T GO AWAY.
I had to stop talking to the HB because I knew that if I kept thinking that stuff around her that I would eventually act that way.
Get the idea of what I mean?
These were not my thoughts to begin with. They were passed down by people around me.
So I figure.. if they got in by repetition... why not get rid of them by repetition? Like an affirmation tape that I make? I made one that's a few minutes long and I'm just going to repeat it over and over on my iPOd. If I don't get sick of the blasted thing for being annoying... I hope it will work to an extent.