I'm done with this chick but was just wondering if this is a BPD case...

[MikeTampa]

I post on here a few weeks ago talking about a chick I took to Tahiti and had an awful time with. In that thread, I mentioned that I was also seeing a chick here locally and many of you said I should just pursue the girl in my city. Well, I did and I've never seen a case such as this. I think it's a BPD case, which means I'm totally out of there, but I was just wondering if I was correct.

I met a chick who is 33. I'm 27. I noticed the signs right away, but wanted to just have some fun with her since I was sorta down from my Tahiti trip. The 33 year old girl is 1) divorced and 2) was in a 5-year relationship after the divorce which failed as well. We met, slowly started dating and did so from mid-September until last week. (along with two other chicks I added on to the rotation) and she proved to be the most fun for a bit. She introduced me to her sister, who is married with a kid and who she claims is the most important person in her life. Great. I met her sister, friends (who are all married) and was warmly received by everyone. Let me rephrase that. They all FVCKING LOVE ME. The girl even goes as far as to say I'm "unlike anyone she's ever dated, I'm nice, genuine, honest" (red flag) but I kept on going. She would do the thing where chicks get drunk and ask, all starry-eyed "why do you like me? what makes you like me?".

Anyway, Halloween night, we had a great time, I stayed at her place, got up and went to watch the UM game with my buddy. After the game, I called her and she said "I can't hang out tonight, my friend just found out she's getting divorced and she's crushed." I was fine with it. The two of them even stopped by because she had to get a part of her Halloween costume out of my car.

They went off to dinner and I didn't hear from her all day Sunday and into Monday. She calls Monday night and say she feels that things are "moving too fast". I was like WTF? You're the one parading me in front of half the world. I said I was fine with this and if she wanted to call me in the future, I was cool with talking to her. I don't hear from her for a week until this past Monday and get a text saying "food for though, we could work out a friends with benefits deal if you're up for it." The text was completely out of the blue. Now, my take on such an offer is that she think she'll be able to show up at my door in the middle of the night when she's drunk. This can only end badly when I'm in bed with another chick. I politely declined the offer and sugar-coated it a bit saying I didn't want to be fvck buddies with someone I cared about. She actually cried at this and said it was very sweet.

Oh well, needless to say, I haven't heard from her since Monday and haven't called her. I went from being the knight in shining armor one night to never seeing her again. From being the guy everyone loved to not hearing from her at all. I figure one of her ex's or something came back into the picture. It's not such a big deal because at 33, I'm not sure where it would have gone anyway with me being 5.5 years younger. The sex was fun and she was pretty cool up until she spun out of control. I've got two other plates spinning and heading out to the bar tonight, but I just wanted to get the opinion of the board as to whether this was a true BPD chick or not.

As always, thanks for any input guys!

 

[darkstarrr]

i enjoyed reading your story. i do not think there is nearly enough information to diagnose her as being BPD or HPD etc, as has been widely discussed on this forum.

i do agree with you that most likely she is fvcking someone else and what is happening is she has welcomed you into her life as you explained but feels guilty for the other $hit that is going on. i believe that is where her backing away and talking that weird $hit about things going too fast after she paraded you around.

too early to be able to diagnose her, but not too early to tell that she is a piece of $hit whom you are better off without. fvck her. imagine things progressed more with her and then in 2 or 3 years she pulls some $hit talking about space or just being a cvnt for what seems to be like no reason? this girl is clearly driven by her emotions and can't keep her d1ck in her pants; not that you were looking for anything serious necesarily from her anyways.

 

[decades]

probably...all the signs are there and you are typical of the men they leave in their wake. that line you have about not wanting her as an FB because you "care" about her demonstrates just how strongly you've fallen for her, and typical of their men who put them up on pedestals.

btw I got the exact same lines as below and guess what MINE was? I got the lines from the in laws, her brother in law said "I am surprised how NORMAL you are". And that starry eyed crap from her I got that all the time. Did she tilt her head a little when she looked at you?

They all FVCKING LOVE ME. The girl even goes as far as to say I'm "unlike anyone she's ever dated, I'm nice, genuine, honest" (red flag) but I kept on going. She would do the thing where chicks get drunk and ask, all starry-eyed "why do you like me? what makes you like me?".

 

[darkstarrr]

probably...all the signs are there and you are typical of the men they leave in their wake.

"unlike anyone she's ever dated, I'm nice, genuine, honest"

reading statements like these triggers something in my brain that tells me i am learning something.

 

[jophil28]

"I can't hang out tonight, my friend just found out she's getting divorced and she's crushed." I was fine with it. The two of them even stopped by because she had to get a part of her Halloween costume out of my car.

They went off to dinner and I didn't hear from her all day Sunday and into Monday. She calls Monday night and say she feels that things are "moving too fast". I was like WTF? You're the one parading me in front of half the world. Oh well, needless to say, I haven't heard from her since Monday and haven't called her. I went from being the knight in shining armor one night to never seeing her again. From being the guy everyone loved to not hearing from her at all.

There are so many clanging warning bells in there that my ears hurt all the way down here.

BPD or not, Mental illness or otherwise, this chick is so unstable and lost that you never want to go back there again. She will contact and test you again inside of three weeks .

See her again at your peril.

If you must have a label to stick on her try , * Stupid *

 

[Mr.Positive]

[/LIST]

Seconded...

MikeTampa, chalk this one up as a learning lesson, and a memory that will soon be forgotten.

IE, your best bet, is to to competely forget her and find a new gal.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Where's Daddy? Did he run off and leave her? There is a traumatic abandonment in the past of every bpd girl.

I think you were right about another guy coming into the picture. bpd girls tend to be slvtty. That's part of why the sex is so good - they get lots of practice. Her offering the fb arrangement was to compensate for her guilt over doing the other guy. She was really crying because she felt like a wh0re...probably because she had been acting like one.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Second to all the above input. Stay clear of her. What you are doing now is your predator instinct. You are chasing ideas about a chick that you can't figure out. It's not worth it. Any time that you have to think,"Why'd she do that?" you're on the wrong track. The warning flags were there,"Why do you like me..(self esteem)..pulling you in to meet family early..(wanting you to like her)=esteem issues..relationship drama..(slamming on the brakes)= another guy or just her own not knowing what she wants.the probable drunk FB offer.(distancing/control)....Whatever her dysfunction is labeled is not important. This girl is going to leave you on the side of the road bleeding if you proceed with her. Walk away.

I do want to compliment you on a couple things Mike, first you are spinning plates which gives you perspective. Second you realize that she's 5.5 years older and is not dateable due to that and the above mentioned issues. You've got yourself headed in the right direction.

KC

 

[darkstarrr]

Where's Daddy? Did he run off and leave her? There is a traumatic abandonment in the past of every bpd girl.

I think you were right about another guy coming into the picture. bpd girls tend to be slvtty. That's part of why the sex is so good - they get lots of practice. Her offering the fb arrangement was to compensate for her guilt over doing the other guy. She was really crying because she felt like a wh0re...probably because she had been acting like one.

good information

 

[decades]

Expect to hear from her again. count on it. She wants you as an FB not so much for the sex (sex is a tool for them) but to make you a point on a triangle she has going. Btw they absolutely love no strings relationships. That's because they have freedom to do what they Really want (whatever they desire in the moment) at the same time, they have someone solid like you around for when they need support or to be lifted emotionally.

If you agreed to her little plan, when you were together (probably just after boinking) you could expect her to casually "drop hints" about other guys she is seeing. Just enough to whet your appetite for more information and plant the seeds of jealousy. Her goal is to make you say you want her again, and to "give up" her other guys. She won't of course, but she wants to hear you say it. She wants to be able to Reject you and say "you know it will never work between us Mike".

Stay away. She isn't done with you. The only question is how done with her, are you?

 

[jophil28]

Expect to hear from her again. count on it. She wants you as an FB not so much for the sex (sex is a tool for them) but to make you a point on a triangle she has going. Btw they absolutely love no strings relationships. That's because they have freedom to do what they Really want (whatever they desire in the moment) at the same time, they have someone solid like you around for when they need support or to be lifted emotionally.

If you agreed to her little plan, when you were together (proably just after boinking) you could expect her to casually "drop hints" about other guys she is seeing. Just enough to whet your appetite for more information and plant the seeds of jealousy. Her goal is to make you say you want her again, and to "give up" her other guys. She won't of course, but she wants to hear you say it. She wants to be able to Reject you and say "you know it will never work between us Mike".

Stay away. She isn't done with you. The only question is how done with her, are you?

What he said.

A woman who is sane, stable and WORTHY of you will never act like this.
You have Trouble my friend , right here in River City ( I got that from an old movie, BTW)
You better get your defenses ready because she is planning her next move on you . These women NEVER accept rejection without launching a counter offensive ...They commonly hoover you back in to re-affirm their illusion of control over you and THEN dump you hard when you show your "feelings".

They aim for maximum collateral damage. .

 

[MikeTampa]

Wow, holy sh1t guys, I didn't expect such responses to this! I actually just posted it up, went out and had a few drinks with another chick at a bar near my apartment only to wake up this morning to find a half a novel written! Thanks!

Anyway, yeah, I never had any intention of this going anywhere. When I decided to date her, I, myself, was down over my sh1tty trip to Tahiti so I was just looking for some entertainment. I apologize if I wrote things in a way that showed that I was extremely attached to her. I was more trying to convey how nice I attempted to be to her when I declined her fvck buddy offer. Right or wrong, I felt sad reading that message from her because I felt bad for her as a person. I'm just a nice guy in that respect. However, I can easily separate feeling sorry for a person for a moment from really giving a sh1t overall.

I agree that she'll probably contact me in a bit, but I've already deleted her number from my phone and I don't answer calls with no ID on them. I've got a girl lined up for Thanksgiving week who just called me on Thursday saying she as single and will be home for the holidays. The plates will keep spinning, I just wanted to get the input from you guys on the BPD issue. Perhaps it's not specifically BPD, but it was just very weird. After not hearing from her for a day and a half, I was just more worried she was in a car accident or something. Oh well, time to watch football.

EDIT> The only real downside to this is that one of her friends husbands is a freaking awesome dude who is a college golf coach and instructor. He offered to take me out on the course more then once for beers and to just BS and have fun. I'd really like to call HIM, but I think I'll wait a month or so....you can always play golf in Miami in December.

 

[MikeTampa]

Where's Daddy? Did he run off and leave her? There is a traumatic abandonment in the past of every bpd girl.

I think you were right about another guy coming into the picture. bpd girls tend to be slvtty. That's part of why the sex is so good - they get lots of practice. Her offering the fb arrangement was to compensate for her guilt over doing the other guy. She was really crying because she felt like a wh0re...probably because she had been acting like one.

1) Divorced early on (she's 33 but was shortly married then divorced).
2) Was with another dude for 5 years who left her.

Daddy is still around, parents are married, sister is married with a newborn.

 

[KontrollerX]

Well even without having a past that would be fertile grounds for producing BPD's Mike you also should be informed that men and women sadly and tragically can simply be born as BPD's.

There still has not been a definitive conclusion about what causes or creates Cluster B Personality Disorders.

Just a lot of good theories.

So I just basically inform posters that Borderlines and their Histrionic Personality disordered close cousins can be both born (genetics or in the genetic line) or made (traumatic abandonment childhood).

BPD is a disorder of intimacy going way beyond the normal push pull of typical fun playa relationship games.

When these women sense you love them they are gone from your life before you know it with no explanation.

Its kind of a pro-active abandonment where they abandon you before you abandon them as they cannot handle reliving their childhood trauma usually of their mother abandoning them in some way be it emotionally or physically.

They absolutely believe you will abandon them no matter how re-assuring you are that you won't.

And likely they do not realize on a conscious level why they begin hating a man that shows his love for them and how it relates to their mother's abandoning of them in some way they just know their feelings have turned from good to bad and they live on those disordered emotions pretty much completely and there is nothing that can be done to change their minds.

This phase of the dance is usually referred to in BPD support groups as painting you black.

The beginning stages where you can do no wrong and she builds you up like a god are referred to as the white knight stage.

"She actually cried at this and said it was very sweet."

Yeah see for a chick you've just met this type of reaction does not pass the mentally healthy test. Yes women are emotional but not that emotional for a guy they are just getting to know when that woman is a normal human being.

Anyway to conclude the sociopaths and psychopaths have their way with these women because they have no emotions with which to prey upon and the BPD's and HPD's not aware of what these men are think they are like every other man that will fall under their spell and fall in love with them eventually so they keep on trying to win the psychopaths non existant love unwittingly becoming his slave because psychopaths of the four Cluster B types are the top predator of the list and of the world.

The HPD and BPD the less they are loved or regarded as important by the man they show interest in begin falling more deeply in the false Cluster B type of love with that man. Its funny though that even for the guys they are absolutely head over heels obsessed with they will still callously cheat on at every opportunity the moment strikes because they need distraction from their inner mental turmoil.

So yeah you are pretty well informed now Mike and pretty well informed before making this topic by the looks of it as you may of indeed dodged a BPD bullet if she turns out to be one after all.

I agree with the others that if she is one your sugar coated last message to her about caring for her will eventually bring her back wanting you because you indicated distance with it in that you weren't eager to have her as a fvck buddy which on one hand invalidated her sexual charms and on the other hand you still indicated interest with the sugar coated ending but only on your terms as a love relationship.

The distancing and need for validation is what will cause her to make contact with you again.

And try and not feel sorry for them over anything except having the condition.

The vast majority of what they say is a lie meant to prey on a person's caring nature whether its a friend or lover of theirs.

 

[darkstarrr]

When these women sense you love them they are gone from your life before you know it with no explanation.

This is part of the reasoning I have against the argument that AFCs are ruining it for the rest of us. You see, you can get involved with a chic who is a skilled actress, guessing at what is normal. She can hide the signs until you are already in up to your neck and then as stated above she will chop your head clean off with your eyeballs bugged open wondering WTF just happened. Its like a nightmare and it can happen to the best of us. This is why we need to stay on our guards and learn as much as we can from the DJ Bible, etc and really absorb it all into who we are so that we will be able to do our own tests so to speak and better recognize these qualities earlier than later.

 

[MikeTampa]

First of all, thanks for another great series of posts. You guys are really spot-on with a lot of your analysis. The one thing I would say about myself is that while I may have sent a bad message to her in being nice, I was more or less being nice because I'm generally a good guy, which is why she (and most people, guys and girls) get long with me. I just can't be mean to people, but at the same time, I have no desire to see her again, no desire to sleep with her again and no desire to waste my time with her when I've got at least two, and possibly a third girl in my life. Just like with my brokerage account, I'm trying to stay diversified. I might have a stock I really like and I might ride it down a bit (like with the girl I took to Tahiti who's mom passed) but eventually, I'll sell that asset and move my money to a more profitable girl.

I would also like to say that I'm pretty sure being left by two other guys, one marriage and one long relationship has made this girl not want to get burned again which is partly why I think she's pushing me away. However, that's not my doing and not my problem. She's 33 and single and will wake up tomorrow and be 50 and single simply because she'll do it to herself. Two other guys left her for a reason and the only common-denominator there is her.

 

[parrot84]

why freaking bother?... the DISRESPECT YOU GET from BPD BYTCHES is the same DISRESPECT you get from normal bithches! A MAN shouldn't even ask himself this question! DONT'T BOTHER!!! TREAT WOMEN LIKE SHYT! YOU'LL GET RESPECT! You'll get respect and lot's of pyssy; all kinds of pyssy! THAT'S WHAT THE GUY'S WHO KNOW THE STUFF SAY! I'm starting to realise this the hard way ! BUT NO PROBLEM! The whell turns! Some day i will be another guy

 

[MikeTampa]

why freaking bother?... the DISRESPECT YOU GET from BPD BYTCHES is the same DISRESPECT you get from normal bithches! A MAN shouldn't even ask himself this question! DONT'T BOTHER!!! TREAT WOMEN LIKE SHYT! YOU'LL GET RESPECT! You'll get respect and lot's of pyssy; all kinds of pyssy! THAT'S WHAT THE GUY'S WHO KNOW THE STUFF SAY! I'm starting to realise this the hard way ! BUT NO PROBLEM! The whell turns! Some day i will be another guy

Dude. You have issues.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Mike you nailed it with your last post. 2 things we should never accept as DJ's:
1) You don't pay other mens damage bills
2) Everybody is responsible for what they get themselves into. She was the only common denominator in her past failed relationships. Whether her ex beat her, cheated on her etc. Whlile she may not have brought it on, her selection process may have allowed it. That's a big part of why there's so much drama in SS. When posters realize that they alone are responsible for what they get into, it pulls the wool from over their eyes and they SEE that women aren't evil, or cruel, or whatever. They are what they are.
I used to get mad when a woman did something disrespectful. Know what? I now get a grin and now KNOW what her charecter is. I may be disappointed, but I don't get angry. She's just helped me in the selection process. That's POWER!
Looks like this one has done the same for you, and you are reacting similarly. That's a good place to be my friend!

KC

 

[jophil28]

They went off to dinner and I didn't hear from her all day Sunday and into Monday. She calls Monday night and say she feels that things are "moving too fast". I was like WTF? You're the one parading me in front of half the world.

She was parading you to re-affirm to herself and significant others in her life that she "still has it" - that means her ability to attract and snare a cool guy.
You had served your purpose in re-building her ego by participating in this charade .

She got cold feet when she thought that you probably wanted to have a "real " relationship . To a BPD woman that feels like encroaching "engulfment" - she might have to actually BE in a 'big girl' relationship !! Holy crap ..that means he will have demands and expectations . THat is way too terrifying . She believes that such a deal would never work out and you are surely going to dump her down the road so she pulls out first. The FB deal was her way of "distancing " herself . IT was also a power play to control the connection with you on HER terms.
Good for you that you turned this down and remained true to your ethics .