I'm constantly used as a trophy!

[Jariel]

I've started to notice a pattern with all the women I date and even many of my female friends. It seems they all use me as a trophy, to boost their ego and social proof.

I am a good looking guy and I seem to be the centre of a lot of female attention, but it feels like many of my female friendships and relationships are based entirely on this fact.

I connect very well with women, I'm charismatic, witty and create rapport exceptionally well. These women want me sexually, so that's not the issue, but none of them see me as relationship material.

It was flattering at one time, but I'm starting to hate being used and deceived like this. I'm also starting to get the impression that women would not show any interest in me as a person if it wasn't for my looks and my existing popularity.

I can't distinguish between women who genuinely respect me and women who just want me as their trophy, and I don't know how to stop it from happening.

 

[Don_Joffe]

Try turning yourself from a trophy into the PRIZE. be less easier to get.etc..

 

[I-am-someone]

Jariel, stop being such a manwh0re and start earning the respect from women.
Catch my drift?

Btw, it's probably good I'm reading this thread now - I've been getting women that do the same thing w/ me. Let's see if I can prevent this stuff from happening.

 

[Don_Joffe]

Whats wrong with being a man-*****? its great, your friends will respect you.

 

[Double]

RAISE YOUR STANDARDS!!#


if you go after average girls such as this LSE b1tch you wrote about.....then sure these *****es will only see you as a trophy and will give nothing in return. but if you go after quality women....then they will ALSO see you as a trophy. but guess what nobody really cares about you. or do you think they really care about their AFC boyfriends? hell, no! the only difference is that as a DJ you are more aware that you are just used. does the AFC really understand that he is just used, no, because he believes in love more than we DJ's and he has lower standards.

But there is a way out of this, find a quality girl(Plz not again such a bs *****) that has some confidence and wants similar things out of her life as you, has similar views of the world or experiences. of course many all girls are attracted to a good looking man, but you need to find a compatible woman. if you want a relationship you can't go in there like "uhh i hope she wants me for more than just sex"...no you need to check the girl if she is worthy of you.

And Don_Joffe is right, although i will get flamed for it, you can't give yourself so easy away if you want a LTR.....DON'T kiss on first date etc....u get the point....if you make it that easy for her she could just see you as a good and easy fvck.

Of course, you can kiss her at first date but that was just an example to show you the important attidude behind it.

And if you still believe you are too goodlooking for a LTR or whatever then look for REAL famous/rich/goodlooking men like the classic example brad pitt. if he had a LTR, everybody can. But...he had a very high standard girl, and why should he want any girl below his own standard?

RAISE YOU STANDARDS!!

 

[Don_Joffe]

Double: ANd ofcourse eventually he will then become predictable and boring and she will find someone else.

 

[PRMoon]

you know I had a girl in town who I could of but didn't f*ck a few years back. We got to talking about that issue and she told me she was going to do it so she could parade around and tell her friends "Yeah I had that"

A very similar situation, to be sure. Don't worry about it too much, you'll know when a girl likes and wants to hang out with you for who you are. Go on instinct.

 

[DrSoSuave]

Trophy boyfriends are not uncommon. Here are the symptoms of being one:

1. You are paraded in front of her friends, or meet her friends right after the first date. (Normal people wait about a month or after 3 dates.)

2. You are paraded in front of her coworkers/family members in less than a month. (Normal people wait about 1-3 months)

3. When you attempt to have an intellectual discussion, it is flat and empty because it reflects the relationship - it's empty.

Trophy boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives only serve the status image of appearing normal.

Some people will ask "So what's wrong?" well there are people out there that prefer to have relationships where there is constant feedback rather than having a relationship as a status thing. Unfortunately a lot of people are accustomed to just having a relationship (especially girls) as a dependent thing. As if their self worth is based on what they possess.

 

[SageOFAllenAge]

USE ME, USE MEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Heh, your problem sounds like the one hot chicks have, where guys just want to boink them & dont care about the people they are.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks for the replies. Unfortunately, I always think that the women I'm picking are quality women and I always feel a connection. That's just something essential I look for before getting involved. Yet at some point these women change and turn on me.

I don't want to become cynical and distrusting of women, but I'm getting very cautious.

Thinking about it, I may be too easy to take for granted and need to focus on being more of a challenge.

 

[Double]

From your post i get the impression that although you must be muscular and good looking, you still are too much of a nice guy. yeh you think, but as i said in the other thread, actions speak louder than words. you shouldn't even analyse such situations as with your last girl, you should be too busy burning her telephone numbers. you need to establish from the get go that you are the man and that you don't disrespect her like a jerk but that you are the man and she has to submit to you. she will probably see you still as a trophy but she doesnt own the trophy, the trophy owns her, hehe. but she wants to own the trophy and that will keep the challenge going as long as you stay in your position of power@don_joffe

 

[MindOverMatter]

Hey Jar.

Noticed a lot of (somewhat) depressive posts out of you recently, and that's normal. Sooner or later everyone, no matter how successful they are in attracting women, ends up having a bad luck streak and feel like they can't find what they want. It's unavoidable, and it will make you question yourself and your actions.

The best thing you can do, is not spend too much time thinking about it. I mean trying to deconstruct it all will prolly help you make more sense out of it, but in the end, it's a self-destructive method.

I'm in the same boat as you. I too look for something real, a connection, and a potential long term thing over just some piece of ass. Most of the time I end up with a very physical short term relationship, get paraded in front of her friends, etc, then it starts going downhill and you have no choice but to dump her.

Once that happens, you're back at square one, wondering, questioning yourself & your actions.

This is BAD. When you're back at square one, don't spend any time thinking about this, don't spend any time asking questions. The important thing to do is to bounce back and get back on your feet asap.

It's all a game of numbers man. Even finding a girl you connect with. To get a date you are going to have to talk to a certain number of women, to get a girlfriend you're going to have to get a certain number of dates, and to find a girl you connect with, you are going to have to work yourself through a certain volume of girlfriends.

The important thing to do is to always be in motion. Don't stop to think, analyze or question yourself. Learn as you go along.

 

[Jariel]

I know you guys are right. I am over-analysing, looking for reasons and trying to pinpoint my errors and it is really fvcking with my head! I am trying to focus on other things, but I can't keep my mind focused.

Double: I'm definitely a nice guy and can't deny it, but I am confident and forward enough to get women, it's keeping the ones I want that's my biggest issue, so yes, being more of a challenge sounds right.

MindoverMatter: I've dated a lot of women during the past 6months and nexted majority of them because there was no spark or connection, so I guess I tried too hard with this latest one as I fear another 6months or more of searching for the same spark. So being back at square one feels quite depressing at the moment I have to admit. But I agree, keeping in motion and continueing to date is the only way I'll meet the woman I'm looking for.



Thanks. Anyone have any tips for keeping my damn mind from straying though? Even when I'm out with friends, lifting weights or whatever I can't stop thinking about her!

 

[Kaine]

This is a quality problem!

I'm sure many guys here wish they had this problem right now


Here is something for you to think about. Ever had a trophy girlfriend? Why was she designated the role trophy girlfriend and not real relationship material. Think about the reasons and turn it around.

You feel a connection with the girl it seems, but you haven't switched her ON to you. You need to elicit her values and beliefs. You have the sexual attraction but not the deep rapport.

My conclusion is you need to work on your communcation skills.

I would recommend some reading from Ross Jeffries. Language tricks aside he does focus on a lot of connection building.


Kaine

Edit: Caveat, my assumption for the above is that you aren't an AFC chump. But your last post indicates that you may possibly exhibit this behaviour. Work on that first if that is the case.

 

[Alpine]

Is that 'cos you've got jug ears?

 

[englishman]

Sounds like your good looking and a maybe a himbo? could be you need to work on being a badass just same as if you werent good lloking then you wouldnt be paraded around, just ignored....
now your being paraded around and then ignored.....u got the looks but not the attitude.........could be worse, you could be fvkin ugly to lol.........peace....

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Jariel
I've started to notice a pattern with all the women I date and even many of my female friends. It seems they all use me as a trophy, to boost their ego and social proof.

I am a good looking guy and I seem to be the centre of a lot of female attention, but it feels like many of my female friendships and relationships are based entirely on this fact.

I connect very well with women, I'm charismatic, witty and create rapport exceptionally well. These women want me sexually, so that's not the issue, but none of them see me as relationship material.

It was flattering at one time, but I'm starting to hate being used and deceived like this. I'm also starting to get the impression that women would not show any interest in me as a person if it wasn't for my looks and my existing popularity.

I can't distinguish between women who genuinely respect me and women who just want me as their trophy, and I don't know how to stop it from happening.

This is just what it feels like to be an attractive woman. You are always wondering if the guys that pursue actually like YOU the person or are just looking for an ornamental arm piece. This is also why attractive women are sometimes very defensive when approached by complete strangers. It gets so old...

 

[Climax]

...

Originally posted by Wyldfire
This is just what it feels like to be an attractive woman. You are always wondering if the guys that pursue actually like YOU the person or are just looking for an ornamental arm piece. This is also why attractive women are sometimes very defensive when approached by complete strangers. It gets so old...

It gets old when guys approach them just like any other men do... thats what makes us Don Juans different We dont do things like AFC's do things.

Jarie: You need to make the girls work harder to get you, dont just give in to any HB that wants you.


Laterz...

 

[Don_Joffe]

I know a friend of mine that was paraded around as HER trophy. He isnt the prize, he wasnt the prize, he was shown as a trophy, one more to her trophy cabinet, one more into her little black book.
How does the girl do it?
She kisses him in some place where NOBODY can see then she will walk with him and introduced to all her friends to show them "whos queen" tonight. Dont be that guy that is paraded around. You! YOU! Must be the one parading.

 

[Don_Joffe]

One more thing...after she has shown you around, she doesnt give a continental about you anymore, all she wants is to then show you off by only sexual stuff, kissing as an example infront of everyone.