I'm Almost Over the Edge...

[someone800]

Hey,

Over the past two days...I don't know what's really happened to me. All I know for sure is that throughout today, I've gotten so depressed over myself that I am almost over the edge.

To start off, last night was just to revealing to me that helped me feel this way today. I was hanging with a close friend of mine and after we saw a movie, my closest (hot) friend-girl called me up and said that her and her (not so hot) friend were bored and wanted to hang out. So, we went and picked them up and hung out driving around in town.

Throughout this time, I found out that sometimes CAF doesn't work for me, because even though I can be great at it-sometimes bad things just come out of my mouth (this has always happened) that are meant to be a joke but make the person upset. We were parked in a parking lot and I made a joke to my friend-girls friend and it was (apparently) so mean that she got out of the car and started walking home till I drove up to her and told her sorry and stuff.

Also, this same girl accidently got gum on my parents leather car seat that I didn't realize for a while until I noticed this stickyness on the back of my shirt and pulled over and spent a freaking long time with them cleaning it up and being paranoid about it.

Also, last night, I found out my friend has actually had a girl-friend. So what you are thinking? Well, he's kinda a bigger geek than me and is considered that by a lot of people. I have never even kissed a girl on the lips-in my life. This was kinda a big shot in the chest to me because now I realized that of all my friends, I am probably the farthest behind socially in life.

I got home, and my parents asked me where I went (called them to ask if I could go somewhere with my friends when we were out-Mom said no and we went to a "approved" place) and I told them and they bugged me about it till I fully explained where it was. The girls I was with and my friend really disaproved of me telling my parents where I go all the time and "asking" them and that I should just go. But the thing is, (despite them not being that strict-they are nice) they are the parents that look closely at things and if they notice something (or gas meter to far), they will get pissed off about it.

Today, I was hanging out with my friend-girl again and we went to a local mall (after I told my Mom we were going to hang out there). After going there and driving around some places, going to my place, then dropping her off, my mom again asked me where I went and I said we went to that mall. Then, she was like, where at the mall? I was like, "does it matter?" (I was pissed after feeling sorry for myself). Then she kept bugging me till I told her some specific stores we went to.

Also, when I was hanging out with my friend-girl today at my house, before we left my room to drop her off, she took my folded clothes I had on my dresser and floor and threw them on the floor because I had everything to neat. I kept putting them back up because I am so worried about my parents freaking if they saw clothes over the floor after she was there (because she is a girl-plus they don't allow closed doors with girls). She has constantly told me how uptight I am and I have told her I'm trying not to be. She responds with that she thinks it's the way I have been raised and there's nothing I can do about it.

Basically this and all these other things have come down on me recently to the point that I feel like a failure.

 

[SinJester]

Seems like one of your biggest problems is your parents. I think you need to have a good long talk to them about all this.

The other problem is that you are putting too much value on success with girls. What are you, 17? There's some 30 year old guys here who haven't kissed a girl. How much of the bible have you read? You need to realize that getting chicks isn't the most important thing in life.

 

[someone800]

Seems like one of your biggest problems is your parents. I think you need to have a good long talk to them about all this.

The other problem is that you are putting too much value on success with girls. What are you, 17? There's some 30 year old guys here who haven't kissed a girl. How much of the bible have you read? You need to realize that getting chicks isn't the most important thing in life.

I fully understand that...in fact it's kinda in my values. One of my morals is that sex should be saved for marriage. I wouldn't mind getting into a position in a relationship that a girl would want to have sex with me, but still, those are my morals.

Why am I putting so much value on success with girls though? One of the things I am kinda depressed about my life right now is that I know I am not currently living it to it's best and fullest. You only live once. That means you might as well make the best of it in my opinion. Right now, in high school, I want to do good in it (struggling with some grades-but getting better), but I also want to do good socially. I've never gone to a real party (besides birthday parties really) and never had a girlfriend and stuff. I don't want high school to pass me by when I know I could be enjoying success and having fun and then look back later in life and see that I wasted my high school years.

You mentioned talking to my parents about it. Well, I want to and they want to. They are understanding, but I just don't know what to talk to and tell them about. I have talked to my mom about what I am dealing with, but I haven't said everything and I don't think I've said things right. I'm just thinking out loud, but I recently wrote an auto-biography (one of my friends wrote one-it encouraged me to) and it is pretty uncensored to the point that it includes the confusing problems of masturbation and pornography I dealt with. It also includes a bunch of posts I made on SoSuave because I feel they reflect a portion of my life...Showing that would probably be over-kill though.

 

[Stacks Of Terror]

This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
On the, rise to the top, many drop, don't forget
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
And through our travels we get seperated, never forget
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets

- Jay Z

Sounds like regret is holding you back more than anything. Just do what you can when you can how you can.

Get in where you fit in
if you don't fit squeeze
-Mac Dre

Sounds as if everything about you is a bit more awkward than you would probably care to admit. What is one thing you want to do more than anything.
Live your High School life to the fullest. Do it. Network and have a good time. Explain to your parents that while you do live in their house you are 17 and they need to let you have a good time. As long as your grades don't fall any lower and they don't question your morals I don't see why they would have a problem.

 

[SinJester]

Why am I putting so much value on success with girls though? One of the things I am kinda depressed about my life right now is that I know I am not currently living it to it's best and fullest. You only live once. That means you might as well make the best of it in my opinion. Right now, in high school, I want to do good in it (struggling with some grades-but getting better), but I also want to do good socially. I've never gone to a real party (besides birthday parties really) and never had a girlfriend and stuff. I don't want high school to pass me by when I know I could be enjoying success and having fun and then look back later in life and see that I wasted my high school years.

Then why aren't you out doing it?

 

[someone800]

Then why aren't you out doing it?

Because I feel oppressed by society. I feel like there aren't many opportunities for me at school or just in general. I'm sure there are many that I don't see, but still.

 

[duffman360]

i am so lucky cause my mom is not that strict

 

[Touchout]

The edge? the edge of what?

Half the stuff you just mentioned was trivial bullsh1t ( like the car and stuff) and the other half was just your parents being good parents. I always tell my parents where I am or am going, they always bug me about it, I always say things like "does it matter"...this is common stuff dude...

Don't make a mountain out of a molehill