I'm afraid of escalation.

[ElStud]

I think this is one of my big problems in "cold" approaches. I'm afraid of escalation and I'm also just afraid of the kiss close. I mean when it comes to real simple friendly escalation like high fives or handshakes I can do that without fear. Hell, I can even hug girls without fear. But when it comes to more closer escalation, I'm afraid to do it. I'm afraid because I fear that if I try to escalate more, she'll reject the escalation.

So I think that's one of the biggest problems keeping me from getting laid. Even if I get interest, I usually don't escalate much more than high fiving or handshaking. So how can I get over this fear guys?

 

[hanson]

Its because your not going on dates. Ask a girl for a date and see how much easier it is.

 

[Metaphysical]

i remember the days i felt this way too.. when i couldn't sleep.. or eat.. and i would put a piece of food in my mouth and feel like i was gonna throw up because all the anxiety was throbbing in my stomach and chest...

damn. thank god i got past that bullsh1t.

how? .. well in short.. you just gotta be a man and grab your balls and do whats natural to us men to do... bang that broad

 

[Metaphysical]

Its because your not going on dates. Ask a girl for a date and see how much easier it is.

he should be number closing them and then getting them to meet up with him over coffee.. if she shows up for coffee, u know for sure she digs you.. if you know 100% sure that she wants to mess around with you, then there is nothing to fear

 

[COD]

well FIRST, high fiving is not ESCALATION its VIBING, hugs are a type of kino.

Kino is a form of escalation but its the type and time exposure of kino that matters.

The reason we TRANSITION into ESCALATION is to avoid the FRIENDZONE.

Okay so what should you do..........glad U asked...........

Hug just a bit longer.........lift her up, spin her around when you hug. Introuduce DIFFERENT TYPES of kino (touch her cheek, tug her hair slightly, palm reading, take her by the hand and say follow me, touch her leg momentarily when stressing a point while your story telling, etc.)

Also you gotta be congruent and comfortable with kino.

ESCALATIONS-kino is one........isolation to remove the slut factor is another, push/pull method.......go in for the kiss then at the last second pull away, prolonged eye contact, decreasing proximity, a specific compliment, a sly look, a smile, body language, dancing, smelling her neck, a quick kiss on her forehead, heck even alcohol works.

JUST CAUSE U HIGH FIVE A CHIC DOES NOT MEAN U ARE GOLDEN........u are closely entering the friendzone. To avoid it.....introduce prolonged kino, a new escalations.

 

[tsmith2334]

he should be number closing them and then getting them to meet up with him over coffee.. if she shows up for coffee, u know for sure she digs you.. if you know 100% sure that she wants to mess around with you, then there is nothing to fear

that's true but it doesn't take away the anxiety of escalation or performance anxiety...

 

[Metaphysical]

that's true but it doesn't take away the anxiety of escalation or performance anxiety...

then you need to spend some time thinking about it deeper and you will eventually learn how to change your behaviour and the way you feel.

half the book i wrote was on this exact topic, because my friends kept asking me to write more and more on this subject.

i may make a post up here to tell u guys some tips

 

[ready123]

At one time you were afraid of the cold approach. So what did you do? You did it anyway and then through repetition the fear subsided. Along the way you got rejected a LOT. But now, looking back, those rejections gave you a roadmap, and you no longer have any emotional attachment to them

Every step of the interaction, without reference experience, chances are you're gonna fvck it up trying to calibrate. That's OK because you're focused more on the skillset than you are about the girl. Being willing to fvck it up is how you learn ANY skill.

And if you want really easy kino to start off a gradual escalation, at the beginning of the date, start off by holding your hand out under the assumption that she'll take it (your intention is to hold hands while you're walking). It totally removes the platonic tone without any ambiguity.

 

[Maxwell]

I'm the same with kiss-and-beyond escalation, mostly because:

A)
I am working through OCD, and while I am improving close contact still terrifies me; compulsive thoughts of Meningacoccal hold me back from a kiss close.

B) I haven't kissed someone on the mouth before, so I suspect on my first few attempts I'll accidentally bang noses or headbutt them. :crackup:

 

[GaryUranga]

I dunno if I can say the same thing I was a lip virgin till last year, the first girl I kissed I got to 3rd base with

 

[tsmith2334]

B) I haven't kissed someone on the mouth before, so I suspect on my first few attempts I'll accidentally bang noses or headbutt them. :crackup:

My first kiss came relatively late (the latter half of high school), but I actually kissed REALLY well for a first timer. The trick is to not be aggressive while taking initiative. Also, switch up the speed here and there. You'll do fine.

 

[TheBaconator]

Its because your not going on dates. Ask a girl for a date and see how much easier it is.

Totally agree.

His problem is he seems to be going for an all or nothing approach.
Elstud, you need to take baby steps. You need to reel in the fish, if you jerk the line too much or too fast the catch may getaway.

I don't see why you don't take this advice. It would be much easier to escalate and eventually kiss when you are isolated with a chick on a date for two reasons. One is that you are alone, two is that if she's on the date with you chances are you have made a good impression, thus the chances of rejection are lower, so you have less to fear.

 

[true romance]

The fix for approach anxiety and escalation is that you have to surround yourself with women.

Join Yoga class, dance class...you converse with them, you have a lot more body contact when you dance latin or ballroom...
Just regular conversation, ask them out to pratice or watch a game, music band..

Elstud is in college, there are plenty activities to train yourself...volleyball, basketball team..etc

The reason you have anxiety because you are not use to talk to women...

so surround yourself with women. grab your balls and talk.

Do not create obstacle when there is a an easier way to go.

Jesus, it;s simple..expose yourself...

 

[Groovy]

Every step of the interaction, without reference experience, chances are you're gonna fvck it up trying to calibrate. That's OK because you're focused more on the skillset than you are about the girl. Being willing to fvck it up is how you learn ANY skill.

I liked this part.

My only advice to you is that if you do it, you'll feel better after. Even if you don't really suceed, you'll later think about it, and say to yourself, it was fun! By stepping out of your comfort zone you gain more confidence in normal situations. Like if you approach 3 girls at once, the next time you approach only one girl, it's going to seem easier.

Another thing worth mentioning, is that if you went in for the FUN, you wouldn't have these problems. You don't loose, because even if you don't get the girl, you still have fun.

But seriously, it's gotta be one of the most unique moments in the whole approach... There's something about the feel you get when you start doing polonged eye contact, there's nothing you need to know, stuff just start flowing easily, she'll get all girly, and you know you have it! ;D

I find kino one of the EASIER steps actually, it's very fun to see the effect it makes on the girl, and combine it with the hormones jumping around, plus when you have that sexual vibe, HELL YEAH!

And REALLY, what happens if you fail? NOTHING. You're scared of NOTHING. No one's pointing a gun at you, the fear is completley irrational, it's really all in your head.

I hope I helped and you get through this horrible irrational thinking that's only screwing you over. Good luck!

 

[young_gun]

El Stud,

It's POSSIBLE that you could get a kiss-close right after you approached a girl, but let's be honest, is it PROBABLE? No. Instead of taking this all-or-nothing approach, you should separate it into chunks. Go for a kiss after the first date you have with her, or at a party or something. I think your problem lies in the fact that you're trying to get a kiss right after you approach. She doesn't know anything about you, plus, you're in public. Don't expect this, especially when you haven't even kissed a girl in the first place.