I went to the museum with the girl and her friend. (Field report) What do you think?

[hop On hop Off]

Just got back from museum with my housemate. The other girl housemate came along. (here's the what happened few days ago: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=222124)

It would've been a perfect date without the other girl. There were outdoor walking in the park. I led the way, they followed. I didn't bring my phone. So, she took pictures for me throughout the trip. I made some funny ****y pose, she laughed hard.

Half the time it was silence between us three, half the time we talked. I really don't know what to talk about. So, I kept distant, but made sure I was not aloof.

I would reach for her hand if it was us two! There were some KINO: she asked me to take pic, vice verse. Hand touched a dozen times. She didn't react surprisingly.

I took them to a bar restaurant afterwards. Order her a margarita, she doesn't drink, never got drunk, but she liked the drink. While dining, the other girl kept on talking to me and looking at me. But she did the opposite. She kept quiet, never asked me questions, showing no interest. When I looked at her in the eye, she would engage with me for a few seconds and look away. What kind sign is this?

I asked her to come to church tomorrow. She replied with an "again". She kept on asking the other girl to come along. The other girl refused. And my girl didn't say yes, didn't say no. I told her the time, and she is coming. She asked for what time, I told her. And we leave it at that.

So, what do you guys think? What do you think about me and the girl? What is next?

 

[Thorninmyside]

I dunno man. It sounds like three friendly housemates went on a day out together, and one of the housemates thought they were on a date with one of the others.

 

[VladPatton]

Whatever that outting was, a date it was not. Unless you're gonna bang both chicks and are doing some new age 3-way dating shtick, a 3rd wheel is never a good thing.

 

[Donaldinho]

Like I told you in the other post, DO NOT let her bring a girlfriend. And you just ignore the advice, things go bad and you're back asking for advice.
Also, you invite her to church? I don't know what that's all about, but I'd think you invite an ltr or some such to church, not a girl you're just interested in.
The only thing you should do now is ask her out on a REAL date (without her friend and not to church) and if she says anything else other than a yes, cut your losses and move on.

 

[LiveYourDream]

You are housemates. You live with both girls. You are seriously deluding yourself thinking of your outing as a date.

I think you are seriously misreading your housemate's friendliness as specific interest in you. I think your tunnel focus on her is based on your fantasy. I don't think pursuing your housemate is wise. I think you would be best served to quickly go find several other women to occupy your focus, before you come off as creepy and ruin a good living situation.

That said, you live in the same house with this girl. You have endless possibilities to easily initiate conversations, in order to spend time, in her room with her. Why aren't you getting to know her, in her bedroom and escalating from there. Some would say it's a dream set-up. In fact eventually you could invite the second housemate girl join in, if you all desired.

Instead, there is the big museum outing discussion, as if it's a date.

Then last week and again today, you repeatedly pressure her to go to church with you. WTF? Each time she has clearly not been interested in gong to church with you. Yet you have not let up, but instead push harder for her to go, anyway. There are not words to describe how annoying and inappropriate I see that to be. It's right up there with strangers randomly knocking on my door at home wanting to share their religion with me. What part of pressuring her to go to church with you, do you think is attractive, a turn-on, or builds desire?

I personally think you are way off base on all of it. I think you need to either get a clear message of true interest and get into your housemate's room and get on with getting to know her and escalating or seriously realize she is not interested and get a life and find other women to obsess over, before you seriously creep your housemate out.

 

[hop On hop Off]

Field report (day 2):

Today I took her out. On the way, I tried to hold her hand inside the car. Then, I tried a kiss close inside the car. She didn't react to hand KINO, but backed away from k close, with surprise and disgust on her face.

I thought the worst for a guy is being friend zoned. With that mindset, I want to make it clear that I interested her. Several things were in my mind: break that invisible physical barrier; dominance; escalate to test the water.

I put my hand on the edge of her seat, she didn't back away. Then, reached out for her hand, and held it. She didn't withdraw (until it was near home). When I went for k closed, she backed away again saying we grew up in different backgrounds.

So, what is next?
She messaged me as soon as she got home. She thanked me for all my hospitality, she has no plan to join me in future events. She still want to thank me and she is glad to meet me. She also asked me to visit her when I am around town, she will give me a tour.

I noticed I can no longer she her Facebook posts, though we are still friends. I hope she is not talking trash.

My reply, I am sorry for today, you will find a great BF one day. If you want to keep in touch, feel free to reach out.

 

[marmel75]

What is your obsession with taking this girl to church? Are you trying to bang her or turn her into your wife?

I don't see this going anywhere, her saying "again" is letting you know she thought the idea was pretty lame, which it most certainly is...

Plus she brought a friend along, which means it wasn't a date in her mind, it was just friends hanging out. Don't get your hopes up and stop trying to take her to church...wtf is wrong with you?

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I'd say she crossed you off her list of potential candidates but from everything you've told us, it does not appear that you were ever on that list to begin with. As posters above have advised you - strictly one on one from now on; no 'chaperone lites'. On the upside, you escalated, you pushed her to make a decision, and she did - not the one you were looking for, but what matters is that you went after what you wanted. Good for you. Bid her adieu and onto the next...

 

[djthiago1]

This seems very counter productive. Taking a person you plan on fvcking to a place where it teaches you NOT to fvck. Use that big brain god gave you bro, next time take the girl for a drink (alcohol).

 

[hop On hop Off]

I am embarrassed on several fronts right now.

At church, people thought this girl is my girlfriend. My pastor gave us a pair of tickets. I didn't even get a chance to explain us.
By the way, she dress down going out with me. Girls not interested in me often do this to me.

At the apartment, it may be weird for few days, though she is moving out in a week. She is quite good at letting things go, and catch up in conversations with you again. So, that is good.

On the internet, we are still friends on that chat app, maybe she will defriend later? I can't see her Facebook posts anymore, but still friends. I think she is talking trash about church-goer being PUA. Despite I don't know her friends, she can post my pictures everywhere.

I SCREWED UP! I need to catch on sleep, two-hours of sleep from anxiety. I need to recover!

 

[BetterCallSaul]

On the internet, we are still friends on that chat app, maybe she will defriend later? I can't see her Facebook posts anymore, but still friends. I think she is talking trash about church-goer being PUA. Despite I don't know her friends, she can post my pictures everywhere.

This internet stuff is serious business apparently. Dude how old are you? The way you write, you sound like one of those people who would hang himself because people "on the internet" were talking about you in a not so nice way.

 

[hudpes]

I am embarrassed on several fronts right now.

At church, people thought this girl is my girlfriend. My pastor gave us a pair of tickets. I didn't even get a chance to explain us.
By the way, she dress down going out with me. Girls not interested in me often do this to me.

At the apartment, it may be weird for few days, though she is moving out in a week. She is quite good at letting things go, and catch up in conversations with you again. So, that is good.

On the internet, we are still friends on that chat app, maybe she will defriend later? I can't see her Facebook posts anymore, but still friends. I think she is talking trash about church-goer being PUA. Despite I don't know her friends, she can post my pictures everywhere.

I SCREWED UP! I need to catch on sleep, two-hours of sleep from anxiety. I need to recover!

You seem like you're rushing things because you don't want to miss the chance and you do things you think you ought to do, regardless of the circumstance. It's like being deaf and blind, trying to follow a dance instructor's moves. Chill out. Catch the flow, read the signs. You don't have to wait for a clear green light, but don't run the red one!

 

[Heisenberg]

Before anyone replies to this thread, you should really go back and read OP's other posts on this girl.

To hop: hopefully this will be a lesson to you and you can avoid the many, many mistakes here in the future.

It's just too bad that you had to make a girl feel so uncomfortable in her own home that she had to move out in order to learn this lesson. If you weren't sure whether or not she was interested based on her recoiling against your physical advances and her general (frankly) repulsion towards you, then the fact that she had to physically move out of her home just to get away from you should probably give you a hint.

I think she is talking trash about church-goer being PUA.

Don't worry. She doesn't think you're a PUA.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

After she told you that she has no intention to see you again, you have ONLY ONE OPTION. Do not attempt to contact her. Unfriend her. Forget about her. She is no longer in your life, by her own choice, regardless of your feelings.

Let me repeat that. She is no longer in your life.

The sooner you find someone else to focus on, the better.

 

[hop On hop Off]

My take-aways and response to comments

Thanks, BetterCallSaul, hudpes, Heisenberg, Deadly_Ripped, for your advices and comments.

She decided early this month to move out, possibly when I was giving her NC, and she sensed my interest. It is way before any KINO.

hudpes,
She is moving out soon, that's been known. I pushed myself to make move when I found she is moving out THIS month. Not expecting results, but I wanted to make my intention known. I like her more than a friend. I need to escalate. The rest is up to her. "Rejection is better than regret. " -Pook

Heisenberg,
Moving out is an extreme move. I was crushed when I heard.

Ripped,
NEXT, I agree. In a way, I feel the house is a mess. I am guilty for desperately trying diff recipes on SS. But she acts calm and collected. Never gave me a look, say anything about rejection or LJBF. She simply messaged me she can't come out anymore, happy have met me, and invited me to visit her in the future. That's pretty cool!


------------------------

My take is she had an interest, but lost it quickly. I was out early on. Maybe because she knows she is moving, relationship is a lost cause. Maybe I am just not attractive.

Remember, we touched hands a dozen times while exchanging phone to take pic. I received the phone with her hand inside my palm again and again. We touched shoulders the very first time we took pictures. These are signs that I read, or say, misread, depending on how you see it.

In the end, I suffered loss of sleep, anxiety, but I come out relieved knowing I pursued the girl I am interested in. I tried things I never tried. I challenged myself to KINO. I escalated holding her hand in my car, she did not withdraw. I think she will remember that, for better or for worse.

Things did not come out all pretty nor successful, but I am sure I made a positive impression for being brave and showing an interest.