I went AFC on her, is it too late to pull it back???

[bunjy]

Met this hot chick 6 months ago. Ran my best game on her, she lapped it up, Ended up being in a relationship with her after two months. Everything seemed to be going great, she would always text me everyday, initiate kissing/hugging/sex and generally paid me lots of attention. I went with it and let my guard down, eased off on my game and started being a bit AFC.

But now things have changed. She started to pull away about three weeks ago, not much just a tiny bit but enough for me to notice. Less responsive to my texts, not being as affectionate or initating kissing/sex, being snappy and occasionallly cold. I reacted to this by going full blown AFC on her, texting more saying things like 'I miss you' more, being available all the time and generally coming across as needy and insecure. I dont know why I went this way, I guess because Im usually used to having girlfriends who adore me but this one is different and is much more guarded (she always has really come to think of it).

As it stands now she is still engaging with me, still having sex, spending time with me, we are doing ok generally but Ive got a stong feeling shes unsure about things and has (or is) considered dumping me.

So I know I messed up and have let myself down by putting her on a pedestal and being a chump but is there any way I can pull this back?? I do feel she is still interested but its come to a point where it could go either way. Shes not doing enough to make me feel that shes serious about things. I think maybe pulling away myself might help or should I just prepare for a dumping.

 

[Atom Smasher]

NEVER, ever allow yourself to be dumped. You need to pull way back. She's already gone, so you're risking nothing by pulling back. I repeat, if the dynamic stays the same, she's already gone. Women break up with a man long before they tell him.

You need to reframe your life. You're in charge of your life and your relationships, and she's an allowed guest in your life. You need to decide to put her on the back burner and be mysteriously "busy". If she fades away, it was inevitable anyway. If not, you will regain her interest by negating the behavior that drove her away.

She is absolutely preparing to dump you. Pull way back, be distant. This is the ONLY way to either turn it around or to bring the inevitable to completion.

 

[EyeBRollin]

So I know I messed up and have let myself down by putting her on a pedestal and being a chump but is there any way I can pull this back?? I do feel she is still interested but its come to a point where it could go either way. Shes not doing enough to make me feel that shes serious about things. I think maybe pulling away myself might help or should I just prepare for a dumping.

The best thing you can do is focus on you and let her do 100% of the calling and texting. She will notice almost immediately that you are withholding attention, which will either draw her back into you or let her know she doesn't like you at all anymore.

 

[bunjy]

NEVER, ever allow yourself to be dumped. You need to pull way back. She's already gone, so you're risking nothing by pulling back. I repeat, if the dynamic stays the same, she's already gone. Women break up with a man long before they tell him.

You need to reframe your life. You're in charge of your life and your relationships, and she's an allowed guest in your life. You need to decide to put her on the back burner and be mysteriously "busy". If she fades away, it was inevitable anyway. If not, you will regain her interest by negating the behavior that drove her away.

She is absolutely preparing to dump you. Pull way back, be distant. This is the ONLY way to either turn it around or to bring the inevitable to completion.

Thanks for the advice. I needed to hear it.

I do feel now I have nothing to lose, as I said shes started to pull away weeks ago and I can tell the only reason she hasnt dumped me yet is because shes unsure (generally shes a very unsure person and isnt very confident). This is where I think I have room to maneuver.

Ive let her get away with some pretty bad behaviour over the past few weejks, being snappy and taking me for granted and Ive showered her with attention and affection. As I say I went full blown AFC to my embarassment.

So lets say I pull back which I started right now, how do I respond when she contacts me?? Shes already sent me a snapchat today. She is still contacting me daily its just less often and she seems less interested.

 

[bunjy]

The best thing you can do is focus on you and let her do 100% of the calling and texting. She will notice almost immediately that you are withholding attention, which will either draw her back into you or let her know she doesn't like you at all anymore.

Yes I plan to do this. Lets say she does started trying to fix things how do I behave then?

 

[EyeBRollin]

Yes I plan to do this. Lets say she does started trying to fix things how do I behave then?

Be yourself and stop worrying about her. Focus on your long term goals. She will love you for it if she has the freedom to come to you at her own pace. Don't "plan" to do it. Just stop contacting her. Let her come to you.

I'm confused...she's still having sex with you, right? What is there to fix?

Sex isn't everything. He's losing her. Her resentment is building. Some will have sex out of obligation then resent you for it later.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I'm confused...she's still having sex with you, right? What is there to fix?

The fact that she has already left.

 

[Tictac]

how do I behave then?

IF

 

[Atom Smasher]

Thanks for the advice. I needed to hear it.

I do feel now I have nothing to lose, as I said shes started to pull away weeks ago and I can tell the only reason she hasnt dumped me yet is because shes unsure (generally shes a very unsure person and isnt very confident). This is where I think I have room to maneuver.

Ive let her get away with some pretty bad behaviour over the past few weejks, being snappy and taking me for granted and Ive showered her with attention and affection. As I say I went full blown AFC to my embarassment.

So lets say I pull back which I started right now, how do I respond when she contacts me?? Shes already sent me a snapchat today. She is still contacting me daily its just less often and she seems less interested.

Don't reply to some and make very short, minimal relies to a few. Show HER that you're losing interest but don't verbalize that. Stay polite and don't show any attitude. Convey that you're getting bored with her.

 

[Rainman4707]

Just go back to how you were behaving in the beginning.
David De Angelo has talked about this before, guys having good game in the beginning, then start acting like a wussy when they are comfortable in the relationship..then wonder what happened when he gets dumped!
DONT BE A WUSS!!

 

[bunjy]

Thanks for all the tips guys, great advice here.

Update: She came over to see me lastnight for a few hours before work (she works shift patterns so we tend to see each other at set times every week). I was hoping we would have sex but it didnt happen, I was more backed off than usual and didnt initiate and neither did she. She was still kissing me but it felt like she wasnt really making the effort as much as she used to.

So where it stands now is we arranged to meet next week, I am going over to hers. Should I not go?? I figure I may back away this week on the communication front then when I go to hers next week make no effort to kiss/cuddle/sex and see how it goes.

It kinda feels like she likes my attention, likes having someone to talk to but now when it comes to the more intimate stuff shes not as interested anymore. I dont feel appreciated.

 

[Tictac]

Thanks for all the tips guys, great advice here.

Update: She came over to see me lastnight for a few hours before work (she works shift patterns so we tend to see each other at set times every week). I was hoping we would have sex but it didnt happen, I was more backed off than usual and didnt initiate and neither did she. She was still kissing me but it felt like she wasnt really making the effort.

So where it stands now is we arranged to meet next week, I am going over to hers. Should I not go?? I figure I may back away this week on the communication front then when I go to hers next week make no effort to kiss/cuddle/sex and see how it goes.

It kinda feels like she likes my attention, likes having someone to talk to but now when it comes to the more intimate stuff shes not as interested anymore. I dont feel appreciated.

Then back off and see if she comes to you. She may or may not.

You chasing her won't accomplish a thing.

 

[bunjy]

Then back off and see if she comes to you. She may or may not.

You chasing her won't accomplish a thing.

Yeah Im cool with doing that. Im just not sure how much to back off. Should I cancel meeting her?

Its hard because she is still asking to be around me but when she is there seems to be no effort.

I kinda feel like maybe dumping here to be honest as I dont really want a girl who doesnt seem to appreciate me.

 

[Tictac]

Yeah Im cool with doing that. Im just not sure how much to back off. Should I cancel meeting her?

Its hard because she is still asking to be around me but when she is there seems to be no effort.

I kinda feel like maybe dumping here to be honest as I dont really want a girl who doesnt seem to appreciate me.

If you go, let her come to you. If she does, good. If she doesn't, wait for her to call you.

If she's not showing up with some enthusiasm, spend your time meeting women that do.

 

[bunjy]

You need to give yourself some space. If I were you I'd cancel your plans, maybe the day before. Pull way back on responding to texts, etc. I think YOU need to evaluate whether you want to be with her or dump her as you said. But that means you need time to think, and not to be bothered with her silliness. Pulling back should be for you, not to try to get her back, so let the chips fall where they may...but do it on your terms.

Yes! I do feel like I need to evaluate, because of her working shift patterns if one our our meetups is cancelled we wont see each other for another 5 or 6 days. In short it would be a pretty big deal to cancel and will send a strong message.

I think I am at the point where I need to know whether this is worth my time anymore. After the way she was lastnight I kinda feel like its not really worth my effort anymore but Im unsure. Its odd because she still contacts me and arranges to meet etc, Im pretty sure if I initiated lastnight we could have been initimate but Im getting tired of feeling like Im doing all the running.

If I could speak honestly with her Id say something along these lines:

"It was great up until recently and now it seems like your not that interested in me anymore".

 

[sodbuster]

well, tell her THAT, and only that. OR something to the effect that since she's not giving it her best effort anymore, maybe you should end it.

 

[Alvafe]

I still think more then a week far from her will help you more in the end, say or you forgot or something came up and you can meet up, plus the extra time will make you more right about you or check how much the effort she will do

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes! I do feel like I need to evaluate, because of her working shift patterns if one our our meetups is cancelled we wont see each other for another 5 or 6 days. In short it would be a pretty big deal to cancel and will send a strong message.

I think I am at the point where I need to know whether this is worth my time anymore. After the way she was lastnight I kinda feel like its not really worth my effort anymore but Im unsure. Its odd because she still contacts me and arranges to meet etc, Im pretty sure if I initiated lastnight we could have been initimate but Im getting tired of feeling like Im doing all the running.

If I could speak honestly with her Id say something along these lines:

"It was great up until recently and now it seems like your not that interested in me anymore".

Hey bro, it was one day. Pull back, setup the next get together so that sex is framed as a definite. Be "busy" the next few times she's trying to reach out. She does like your validation and you make her feel comfortable.

 

[Kailex]

You're outcome dependent at this point.

I hate to say it, but you are probably better off letting her go and going out with other women.

 

[Yewki]

I went AFC on her, is it too late to pull it back???

It's not too late to "pull it back", but you're so afraid of losing her I have serious doubts you can. It's like if you were lying in bed worrying about going to sleep and asking, "is it too late to go to sleep??" ... umm no, but you have the wrong mentality to do so.

Nothing lasts forever, yet you seem pretty surprised and distressed about the situation, as if your life was a Disney movie and someone was rewriting the ending. Did you honestly expect the relationship to be great and last forever? If you break up, life goes on either way. It's like ripping off a band aid.

Notice how everything you wrote is from the perspective of you doing something not to lose her? Let me ask you, if you weren't getting what you wanted is it possible that you would leave her? Or is that unimaginable?

I suspect your game wasn't necessarily that much better the first 2 months, but rather she made it easier for you. And now that the honeymoon phase is fading, you're wondering what's going on. A lot of things could be going on, but one of them I know for sure is reality. Long term relationships take a lot of hard work and dedication. Either way, I think you need to lay off the Disney movies.