I WAS BLIND-SIDED! I’m SICK...I need your guys help more than ever

[otr4]

I’m writing this post at a point in time of great distress, sadness, confusion, anger, and disbelief...PLEASE HELP ME!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING!
I was seeing this girl for about a month. We were perfect together–great times, good laughs, good sex, good conversation, great letters, we were both attracted to one another, she called me everyday...the list goes on and on.
After our dating a month, she left to go to Hawaii for about two weeks and she just returned. While she was in Hawaii, we talked everyday, sometimes two or three times a day. Sometimes she would call me back crying after I had left her a message, saying how much she missed me. She sent me pictures (via cell phone) everyday, wrote long, awesome letters to me about all kinds of things. While she was on vacation we had written and talked about traveling together in a few months and discussed so many other things we wanted to do together. EVERYTHING WAS DAMN NEAR PERFECT, even up until the NIGHT she was returning on the airplane home...
She got back home two nights ago, was just starting her “cycle”, so she’s was acting a little “different” and we had even talked about how she was going to be starting her period when she got back. We went out a few nights ago and went to a hot tub, but something didn’t seem right. We had sex and that was ok, but when the night came to an end, she said that she didn’t want me to spend the night at her house (something she had NEVER said or implied EVER before) AND this was her first night back. Then, last night, it didn’t seem like she wanted to hang out, but I went to see her anyway and she seemed distant and acted cranky and tired. I left her house again.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! Her behavior was a COMPLETE 180 degree reversal, I mean COMPLETE, compared to how she had ever acted before. I thought I was doing everything right...
I get home tonight and I have an email. Its her saying in so many words that we’re over. She said that she thought I was a good companion, but its just not right and all this other bull****.
WHAT IS GOING ON?? I’ve never experienced anything like this is my life, EVER! I’ve want to cry and die and throw s***, but I can’t even move I’m so unhappy right now. I’m in complete and utter shock. And, to top it off, she wrote me an e-mail to break up! Should I write her an e-mail back? I don’t want to, but I’m so upset right now it’s not even real. I can’t explain the emotions I’m feeling in my body right now. What went wrong? What the hell happened? I can’t believe this. What should I do? I feel like I want to throw up. The only way I can describe this situation is that my reality just suddenly changed 100% in less than 48 hours. What is going ON?
I’ve never needed this board and your guys help more than this. Please write...

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Whatever you do, do not write her an e-mail or call her!! I'll write more later.

 

[otr4]

PuertoRican_Lover--
Please write back as soon as you can. I'd really appreciate your advice, words, or any kind of help. I'm really in a strange state right now.

 

[coldcoal]

....

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Shyt, I wrote a long post and lost it because it "timed out" - I'll try again but it is going to be short!!

 

[DEKKA]

dude is this the same chick you were ranting about in your "do open relationships work?" thread. if it is i got some words for you that are true in either case.

1. YOU GOT ONEITIS BAD.
2. shes a wh0re.
3. she cheated on you(or if it's an open relationship she played by the rules and now you're pissed).
4. YOU GOT ONEITIS BAD. did i say that again?

only thing worse than gettin your heart broken is getting it broken by a two bit "let's have an open relationship" ho. you should roll that track by Eamon called "Fvck It" cuz you got played.

 

[otr4]

PuertoRican_Lover--
Too bad you timed out, but would still appreciate your words.
I'm really loosing it here. I think sometimes on this board people forget that they are actually talking to real people and that the things people write actually affect another's life. I would really appreciate anything you have to say or anything you can suggest to figure out what went wrong.

 

[DEKKA]

Originally posted by otr4
PuertoRican_Lover--
Too bad you timed out, but would still appreciate your words.
I'm really loosing it here. I think sometimes on this board people forget that they are actually talking to real people and that the things people write actually affect another's life. I would really appreciate anything you have to say or anything you can suggest to figure out what went wrong.

sorry bro maybe i was a bit harsh. i've definitly been in your shoes that's why ill offer some "been there done that" advise for ya. im not trying to jump down your throat or anything. so is this the same chick that you agreed on an open relationship with?

 

[otr4]

DEKKA--
How did I get "played?" We played by the rules, she kissed someone else, I "made out" with someone else, we talked about her "kiss" and I was cool with it. Our communication and relationship continued smoothly, I never acted possessive or anything. It's not that I have ONEITIS, it's just that I thought I had a really good thing going and had seen barely any kinks in the road whatsoever, and then suddenly, EVERYTHING CHANGES, seemingly out of nowhere. WHAT THE HELL??

 

[otr4]

DEKKA--
This IS the same girl I agreed to the open relationship with.
I'm really feeling ill right now. I'm trying to knock myself out if it. I'm in the most f***** up haze right now.

 

[Elevenbravo]

She boned someone else in Hawaii, and prolly figured she wants to be single to do it more.

 

[coldcoal]

You need to lay sh*t out when you post like this. Not everyone reads all of your posts.

Your open relationship experiment just blew up in your face.

 

[DEKKA]

Originally posted by otr4
DEKKA--
How did I get "played?" We played by the rules, she kissed someone else, I "made out" with someone else, we talked about her "kiss" and I was cool with it. Our communication and relationship continued smoothly, I never acted possessive or anything. It's not that I have ONEITIS, it's just that I thought I had a really good thing going and had seen barely any kinks in the road whatsoever, and then suddenly, EVERYTHING CHANGES, seemingly out of nowhere. WHAT THE HELL??

well you sound very attached that's why i say oneitis. perhaps you appeared detached, but it's obvious you have major attachment. the thing im trying to point out is that when you have an "open" relationship, you are not attached to the person you're in the relationship with the same way you are when you say 'fall inlove' with some chick. if it was a true open relationship and both sides were playing by the rules than you'd have other chicks on the side you could choose from. this is actually a strong thing because you don't sweat when the chick starts making ripples. "open" also means that she is free to come and go as she pleases... so are you. maybe you both agreed that you'd have an "open" relationship and now she sees that you're getting attached to the point where you're absolutely sick and in need of our help more than ever to fix. i feel sorry for you dude cuz ive had my heart ripped out quite a few times and i still keep putting it out there. you'll be stronger no matter what happens i guarentee that. as for her i can tell you right now that she did more than just kiss some guy in hawaii. dispite that i want you to get this chick outta your mind and move on i know it will take a while to get over her. in the end you will and you'll be glad you did.

-J

 

[coldcoal]

Oh, and by the way, if you got any open relationship advice from anyone here before this happened, ignore them forever.

 

[otr4]

A few years ago, I thought I couldn't trust women and had given up. Recently, I had gained some hope, but now, AFTER THIS, I don't think I can ever really trust a woman again, EVER.
I'm serious about this,
I realy don't think I can interact with women on the same emotional level again. I can feel my mysoginistic tendencies creeping back again. How can I ever let a girl seriously into my heart or life again with the thought lingering in the back of my head that she could just simply out of the blue end it with an e-mail. It's not like I was with this girl for years or anything, but I did feel a connection with her and to have it suddenly end for literally what seems like no reason leaves the most sour feeling in my stomach and mind. I'm not sure what to think or do at this point. I thought I had made some serious improvements in regards to women, but I don't know what to think anymore.

 

[DEKKA]

Originally posted by otr4
A few years ago, I thought I couldn't trust women and had given up. Recently, I had gained some hope, but now, AFTER THIS, I don't think I can ever really trust a woman again, EVER.
I'm serious about this,
I realy don't think I can interact with women on the same emotional level again. I can feel my mysoginistic tendencies creeping back again. How can I ever let a girl seriously into my heart or life again with the thought lingering in the back of my head that she could just simply out of the blue end it with an e-mail. It's not like I was with this girl for years or anything, but I did feel a connection with her and to have it suddenly end for literally what seems like no reason leaves the most sour feeling in my stomach and mind. I'm not sure what to think or do at this point. I thought I had made some serious improvements in regards to women, but I don't know what to think anymore.

it's so funny to watch progression unfold before my eyes. i've seen the stages many many many times. right now you think all women are the devil and evil and dishonest and all dat sh!t. what you have to realize is that women are just mirrors and have no real mind of thier own. they are a product of society and 99% of them can't think for themselves. that's why those rare few women are so proud of the fact that they "speak their mind" and "know what they want". the reason is because women DON'T speak their mind and they DON'T know what they want. however, i digress, women are not evil, stupid, dishonest, or any of those things to any more degree than men are. women mirror men. a lot of women get caught up with society to the point where they fvck everything male that moves and thus become a wh0re. wh0res like to fvck mayne. personally i would never be in an open relationship. that's like taking a sledghammer to my pride to know that i'm allowing the chick i dig to do whatever the fvck she wants with whoever the fvck she wants. ain't happenin. i might have a ONS here and there or play a chick or two, but no open relationships for me unless they are truely open and both parties understand the rules.

-J

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

First off, you are over reacting in your pain, shock and dismay - you've only known her for a few weeks. You had sex with her and you were no one special in her eyes - you were just the next pimp in line!! You must keep this attitude and do not get so emotionally involved with a girl that you do not entirely know! You brought this on yourself for being so emotionally attached sooooo soon!!

When she calls you (do not communicate to her first) you must act unaffected and uncaring - this is a must!!!!! Do this - when she calls you tell her to call back, you need to attend to more urgent matters!! When (if) she calls back do not ask her any questions or 'why?' This will not help you and it would only make you look weak in her eyes. Tell her in an upbeat mood and tone that it has only been a month so there is nothing that you expected from her and that it was fun while it lasted! You must do this to keep your dignity.

You already lost her so your pleas for getting her back will be in vain - do not attempt for understanding, accept the situation for what it is! You must act unaffected.

Her crying on the phone was a little strange, to say the least, was it not? She probably made her decision to leave you while she was on vacation and she saw that you were a ‘nice’ guy and that she felt she was misleading you and that you would be hurt. She was right! You must let her know that you had no expectations of anything more than what it was – a sexual encounter.

She did nothing wrong, so don’t talk to her as if she did something out of the ordinary. It was you who wrapped your heart over a girl that you did not know. You should have had a clue that you were no one special since you were not the first guy she had sex with and she gave ‘it’ up so soon!

Do not talk to her for more than 3 minutes – hang up on her after you state that you had no higher expectations and that you knew this was coming when she started crying on the phone – don’t act as if you were shocked and blind-sided!!! Above all else keep your dignity – she’ll respect you for this!!

Due to the abruptness, I understand your shock and pain, but you gave her your heart waaaaayyy too soon - don't ever do this again!! She was no one special! BTW, what was so special about her that you are in so much pain? Her vagina?

You being so sick after knowing a girl for a few weeks tells me something about you - not good!

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by DEKKA
well you sound very attached that's why i say oneitis. perhaps you appeared detached, but it's obvious you have major attachment. the thing im trying to point out is that when you have an "open" relationship, you are not attached to the person you're in the relationship with the same way you are when you say 'fall inlove' with some chick. if it was a true open relationship and both sides were playing by the rules than you'd have other chicks on the side you could choose from. this is actually a strong thing because you don't sweat when the chick starts making ripples. "open" also means that she is free to come and go as she pleases... so are you. maybe you both agreed that you'd have an "open" relationship and now she sees that you're getting attached to the point where you're absolutely sick and in need of our help more than ever to fix. i feel sorry for you dude cuz ive had my heart ripped out quite a few times and i still keep putting it out there. you'll be stronger no matter what happens i guarentee that. as for her i can tell you right now that she did more than just kiss some guy in hawaii. dispite that i want you to get this chick outta your mind and move on i know it will take a while to get over her. in the end you will and you'll be glad you did.

-J

I agree with your words Dekka.

1. if you were being open your sure not acting like it.

2. You never should of told her you kissed anybody. Let her carry any guilt...even in open relationships.

3. If it were an open relationship then why were you calling her everyday...that kind of sympish stuff chases these types away. They come to realize that your a nice guy and they don't want to hurt your feelings.

4. We don't know how your truely responded when she told you she kissed somebody else. I do recall seeing your posting about it..so I'm sure you didn't give her the correct response to her TEST.

5. Yeah she probably did test you too see if you could handle it...and even a slight quiver in your tone woulda been enough to hang you.

6. Your not made for an open relationship because your obviously not able to detach. And it shows here and I'm sure it shows there.

7. She is leaving you probably because of this...not that she fawked someone over there...cause if she did it's none of your business.

8. If your post is an example of your style then this would be another reason why she is leaving. I've posted many times before...DO NOT BECOME SYMPS just because you get a girl. This is what chases them away quicker than shyt on a toilet seat.

9. You need to relax and think of all the other girls your going to score with...this one was only practise...plus you've only known her for 1 MONTH!!! It's not that serious to her.

10. Just cause she called you and wrote you letters doesn't mean that she does or does not care...and it didn't stop her from whatever she really did over there. Women are care givers it's their nature to get all lovey dovey on you. And with you calling her harrassing her on her vacation everyday or asking if she would call you the next day....that drives women crazy.

11. Detached means you do not talk to them everyday. You do not beg for long letters. You do not tell them your secrets...especially just to see if she cares..you do not get all sympy on the and clingy...do not deny it cause your post(s) show it.

12. You do need ONEITIS therapy! Badly. I will not diss on your behavior cause your really hurting right now...I think most men have been there before so we can understand.

13. Your better off without her in your life believe me. Just think how bad you would be if this happened say 2 months or 6 months or even 8 months from now...thank god it's only been 1 MONTH!! if I read your post correctly. And if that's the case she's been gone for 2 weeks also...so if you've only been together for 2 weeks and then she was gone...dayum! Hopefully it's been a month and then she left on her vacation..right!

There are some excellent people who have experience with this kind of thing. I'm not one of them but I'm sure your in good hands....good luck man.

Recently my woman and I had a disagreement. She went out of town. I didn't harrass her while she went and had fun. I waited for her to call me. And she has done that open relationship type of stuff before.

When you become a wimp it becomes unattractive to women.

How you handle that email will determine what type of man you are. Do not respond for a while. Go on with your life. When your calmer then respond to her.

 

[DEKKA]

for future reference most men are judged by women on the speed at which they become attached among other things. the longer it takes the stronger of a man you are. there's nothing cool about falling in love at first sight. it's not even possible except amonst the minds of men. women know that if you fell in love at first sight you're full of sh!t or you've deceived yourself. to illustrate, women want love, men want sex, women don't give sex up easily (in most cases) and men don't give love up easily (in most cases). the women that give it up easily are not strong women and are wh0res and the men that give up love to easily are not being true to themselves and are weak. the ones that take forever to never to fall in love are the strong ones that are really trying to be real about things and find out if something is truely what it appears to be. this is where experience also helps, the more experience you have the more you are able to recognize worthless women from valuable women. you sound like you deserve much much better than this one bud. you deserve to wade through the slvts and c0ck teases till ya find some gold. don't give that love up mayne. it's yours.

-J

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by coldcoal
You need to lay sh*t out when you post like this. Not everyone reads all of your posts.

Your open relationship experiment just blew up in your face.

Otr, you bastard - You should have told me that this this was the Hawaii ho in your last thread - I remember it now. I was the first one to post on that thread!!! This is what I said...

"A hor is what a hor does - don't be suprised if a hor acts like a hor - especially if you encourage it!!!"

Say no to hos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You deserve it for not listening to what I told you in your last thread!!!!! 'Open relationship" means "I'm screwing other guys!!!!!!!!!"