I Wanna Master the Hi Approach

[thefonz]

Ok, I've come a long ass way since I first came here from keeping to myself everywhere I went to being able to chat up a chicks and guys (as friends stupid)......Thanks to some quality advice from H2O I've been forcing myself to take every oppurtunity to meet new people everyday and continue to make great strides evryday. I've learned to keep convos alive when things are starting to drudge and I'm learning to balance work life and social life (a HUGE accomplishment).......There are still things I need to work on:

Approaching groups of girls
Approaching HB8+
Approaching girls w/ ***** shields up
Not worrying about observers

Most of my approaches have dealt with observational comments or sponatneous "hi's" when I'm feeling really good.

I gues my question is in relation to the "hi" approach" when talking to people......unless I feel really good I can't just walk up to a girl and say "hi" and start talking. Usually I will find something to say before I start talking, find new things as I go along, and eventually introduce myself (ie. rap., # close)......but it makes me really uncomfortable to just walk up to a stranger and say hi. I mean, I can rationalize getting shot down when trying to talk with somebody about something like the enviroment, her clothes, what I'm doing etc....but getting shot down after a simple hi is really hard right now. This is something I badly wanna learn cus I have never actually observed this type of approach but heard about it millions of times on this board.......if I could master this I would undoubtedly be invincible. If I could have some further explaination (ie. detailed description) of this approach or related links to the subject I would be thankful

I am aware of the idea of just going out and trying it but I know how I work and just rawballing it and having a bad first few experiences could be enough to deter me from the whole idea altogethervand cause me to give up. Some advice on the concept before I enter into foreign territory would be appreciated.

 

[milkman]

Originally posted by thefonz
unless I feel really good I can't just walk up to a girl and say "hi" and start talking.

If you are in a good mood and you see someone you like, great, go and approach.

If you are in a bad mood and you see someone you like, great, go and approach.

Learn to approach no matter in what mood you are.

Originally posted by thefonz
....but getting shot down after a simple hi is really hard right now... Some advice ... would be appreciated.

Then practice as long your "hi" until you doesn´t care if you should be getting shot down.

Then come back and we will fix the rest.

Good luck.

 

[SeldomSeen]

RE:

there has to be more than just "hi" or "hello" in your opener. I usually have a few things in mind about how I want to start my openers and it always comes in the form of etiher something interesting about what she's wearing, reading etc or some sarcastic remarks about myself (usually done when Im in the gym) which usually brings about a small laugh.

 

[Jukeboxhero]

Re: RE:

Originally posted by SeldomSeen
there has to be more than just "hi" or "hello" in your opener. I usually have a few things in mind about how I want to start my openers and it always comes in the form of etiher something interesting about what she's wearing, reading etc or some sarcastic remarks about myself (usually done when Im in the gym) which usually brings about a small laugh.

I agree with this wholeheartedly and it's one of the things that prevents me from approaching every woman I see. Sometimes all I can think of is a basic "Hello, how are you this evening" or basic
greeting like that.

The gym is actually one place I have yet to talk to anyone. Can you give me some ideas on what kind of sarcastic comments about yourself you say?

Your Awesome, TheFonz

Keep up the good work and remember that many other people (myself included) are in the same situation as you are, but the most important thing is your working towards improvements.

I'm still working on just walking up to random strangers and starting good convos with them. I also have my good days and my bad days, for instance last Sat night I went somewhere and I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone (my mind was just blank and I was in a semi-disappointed mood). However, last night I approached and talked to about 20+ different people (I actually remember the names of about 19 of them) and talked for at least 1min or so. A few groups I actually talked for a good length of time and one particularly cute girl (who was also well-endowed) was in hugging mode! So I got some friendly hugs which also put me in a good mood.

 

[everywomanshero]

Wingman

Whena guy first starts doing cold approaches, I think a wingman can be useful. At least for me, it made me feel alot easier. However, a wingman reaches a point of diminishing return.

You need to start going out solo after a few sessions with a wing. More women approach me when I am solo. Wings also tend to be jealous types unless you get a good one. At some point, most wngs I've found don't and won't do enough approaches. The next stage is they get upset with themselves and start displaying jealousy. Remember and remind them that is THEIR and not Your responsibility to ensure a pickup occurs. People in the learning phase shouldn't be thinking like that in the first place and making everything a do-or-die situation.

 

[Anomalous]

Your a freekin Master Don Juan!!!

Grab your balls and say"HI"

 

[Smooth Player 056]

Originally posted by whyshy
Your a freekin Master Don Juan!!!

Grab your balls and say"HI"

Yeah I agee.....just do it................If you cant, go out with a wing....hand him 100 bucks......every approach he gives you 20 back. TRUST ME! you WILL approach.

 

[thefonz]

Re: Wingman

Originally posted by everywomanshero
Whena guy first starts doing cold approaches, I think a wingman can be useful. At least for me, it made me feel alot easier. However, a wingman reaches a point of diminishing return.

Ya, I'm in the process of getting one.....meet a kid the other day who shares my passion for picking up girls and we're gonna head to the clubs in 2 weeks (when my paycheck comes in, i literally own 1 pair of pants right now I'm so broke)

Guys, I'm looking to 'fine-tune' my approaches in various ways NOT TO LEARN HOW TO GET THE BALLS TO INITIATE......I'm a budding dj and I'm not gonna lie either, I have been ****ing around too much since I got here a year ago but it has taken me a little while to sort out why I have the fears I do and more importantly what I need to do about ridding them. I came here a complete desperate, hopeless wreck and I'm damn proud of how much I've accomplished both socially and professionally. I'm definitly no master DJ but I feel I'm better than about 60 % of the posters in terms of dealing with people. I've never claimed to be anything I'm not in that I come here mostly to post advice on topics I know about and ask about things I don't

Maybe I'm putting too much emphasis on the "hi" thing, I was just wondering if this is something I should should implement into my approaches cus when I approach now I just start off with throwing out a comment. I feel if I walk up and say hi I'll freeze after that....

 

[h2o]

Hey fonz,

With that one time-management tip of yours that gave me a kick-start, I have been making strides as well

With regards to the "hi" approach, I think I get what you’re saying. I think a good tip would be…and this is something that helped me…

When you’re just walking around during the day, make eye contact and smile at girls you pass by, and say "hi/hey…howdy, whatever" to them, and greet them as you pass. I’d recommend trying to be patient enough to hold eye contact for a little longer than usual, smile, and then greet her. Sometimes, I’ll even wave. Occasionally, when you hold eye contact the girl will smile first, and it will be even easier…but don’t break eye contact. Sometimes she will even smile and greet you first…you just have to give off that "friendly/sociable" sort of vibe. The point is not for getting over your fear as much as it is to get you comfortable with just saying "hi" and nothing more...and getting used to the reactions you will get from it, all in a brief moment. Later on, you'll be able to tell from simple body language when a girl turns towards you, or even literally follows you etc, whether or not you should continue with conversation...just observations from these small interactions can help you in your other interactions

I still do this "hi" thing because it keeps me from getting rusty, it's just a good exercise to keep you in stride.

In terms of having a good/bad day, I know what you mean. I used to, and just like anyone else, still have days where I just don’t give a **** and don’t want to talk to anyone. Funny thing is, on these days…for example this morning…I get approached more by cute girls than on other days. This morning I was feeling pretty ****ty because that’s how caffeine makes me feel after sleepless nights with coffee to stay up and study…anyway, this hot girl just comes up and makes a situational comment, and I said something with an attitude somewhat, and she looked at me kind of weird (due to my "I don’t want to talk to you right now" tone of voice, probably). Anyway, I reflected on that shortly afterward, and took a moment to think, and realized that regardless of if you are having a good or bad day, the game of life does not stop. There are no time outs, and if you don’t keep playing it, no matter how tough it gets, opportunities will be lost. So, for the rest of the day, I did play it out, and I faired pretty well on an approach later in the afternoon.

Even if you are having a rough day, keep your "game face" on for the sake of projecting strength and confidence for yourself. You need to have an image for yourself…it makes you feel better, so the next day you can look back, and say, “damn, I’m freaking awesome." I mean, we are human, so it is inevitable that you will have a bad day, or feel the need to just pull out your iPod and shut out the rest of the world for a few minutes, for some introverted time. But for people like us, who came from being introverted and used to have such habits, it's not good to feed those emotions and let them take over for too long. Sure, enjoy that little anger/frustration rush for a few minutes but don't relish it for too long, and get back in the game a.s.a.p.

Success breeds success, just like misery likes company, or whatever that latter saying is. I think you know what I’m talking about…even if you’re day is bad, stick it out, and this may be a bad example but…

…you know how every new girl you talk to or mess around with, you somewhat forget about the last? …so just like that, keep talking and interacting and taking every opportunity, not letting yourself or you mind get too caught up in the last. Just enjoy what is in front of you, in the moment, even if you have to make an effort to enjoy it, it will be worth that conscious effort, later in the day, or week or month, whatever.

You will feel even stronger because you have proven to yourself that you will not let bad days, or anything in your mind to stop you from taking every opportunity.

-------

Going back to your original post…it’s actually great that you are opening strangers with situational comments. Getting shot down is not so bad, because just put yourself in someone else’s shoes. You have bad days, and so do they…don’t take it personally…I know what you mean, because it used to be the same way for me.

I think I know what you mean about the simple "hi" approach. You just want to feel comfortable with that "awkward" silence of having nothing to say really, and just greeting them, I guess? And, that’s cool; I guess it just comes from practice and realizing that silence is not awkward. Just try that "hi" boot camp exercise I mentioned, and when you do several of those, then move on to the basic just "hi" approach with stationary girls. Smiling, and like I said the "friendly/social" vibe is very important. If you give off that sort of character/personality with your presence…just someone who talks with and easily makes friends with strangers, don’t be surprised that girl will make conversation.

Remember that you can become comfortable with that silence, whereas it may actually be uncomfortable for her. Girls are ten times more scared of rejection and disappointing guys than guys are of girls, or as guys with at least some sense of manhood.

I hope that helps, if I am at all on tangent. Good luck.

 

[thefonz]

Welcome back H my man!

Dude, thanks for answer I was looking for......I knew somebody out there would understand me

I'm no where near where you are yet and I'm currently in the process of learning to love the fear and see it as an advantage......prying open my third eye is intriguing. I"m actually getting to the point where I'll make dumb mistakes on purpose in everyday situations just so I can try to react to them and see them under a different light. It's almost like I'm trying to see my life for the first time. Just today in class, my prof. called on me in a crowded lecture hall for talking to this girl even though I knew we weren't being loud or distracting anyone else's learning experience in anyway (He's just a strict asian man). He asked me what we were laughing about (she was laughing cus I was being ****y/funny ie. implmenting my game) and instead of apologizing and saying sorry for doing nothing wrong, I questioned the bastard, "We weren't being that loud I don't understand what the problem is?" I was a little scared but more so just pissed off at the injustice being forced on me. Then he drilled me further, "I wanna know what's so funny that you don't want to participate with the rest of us." I sat there and stared at him. "See me after class." He said. NOw he gave me a verbal thrashing after class and moreso later on in lab. I was a little embarrased but I'm so glad I didn't take his ****. The guy gets on everyones nerves and I have no tolerance for teachers who like to publically humilate their students. I think it accomplishes nothing but inflating their ego while breaking the will of the student. I won't stand for it.

ANyways, in terms of the hi thing I"m actually gonna try taking a job as a host at a restraunt. My buddy offered me the job and he looked at me kinda funny when I said I'd rather be a host than a cook. This is the perfect challenge to keep me on my toes and it's good money too. Win/win baby! I gotta get to class now

 

[thefonz]

This thread is absolutely ridiculous. LMAO!!!

Don't do what I did kids. Just live your ****in life for better or worse.

BTW, I actually got that job as a male host...it sucked.