I wanna fix a problem with a girl I like

[tigrecu]

Im separated from my wife. I met this girl a year ago. And we've became good friends. She always knew about my relationship and my very old problems with my partner. She suppported in my darkest hours. She stood by my side when my ex advise her to be away while we were breaking.

Months ago I said to my friend that I was feeling something about her, and she said Stop. I said ok and we continued our friendship.

Things began to complicate because during my split with my ex I was completely broke emotionally. All the time I was sad and only talking about my problems. My separation was extremely dramatic and my friend always knew the details. However we've tried to be friends.

Once definetely splitted I began to hang around with my friend (Im foreigner in the country where this history happens, so I dont have so much friends yet in this country). And we went to a disco and I got a bit jealous when I saw her flirting with anothe guy. I tried to hide it but she notice it. No one said anything.

My friend is abroad now, and she offered me to stay in her appartment while Im still looking for one. I moved with my stuff and suddenly we began to fight because I was still immersed in my "relationship things" and I didnt notice that she was requiting attention because she was feeling really bad about an illness of her sister. We fought and she argued that she was doing alot for me and I was all the time in my "things". We agreed some things and I thought it was ok.

Then we went for new year's eve party, and she flirted with another guy and my feelings and jealousy was more evident. I think I began unconciously began to compete with the other guys. She got angry and we discussed and the friend intervened ... in the middle of the fight I said to her that I cant hide anymore my feelings for you... Indeed a disaster.. I left the party extremely distroyed.

The next day. I tried to apologized, she was angry and feeling betrayed. She said that she has forgiven me but that it will be take time to forget what happen. That she wants distance and she really wants me to rebuild my life. That she does not want to help me carry the burden. I also took contact with her bestfriend and apologize with him because of the bad moment.

She will return in a month...

I want her back in my life as my friend. I quit for her feelings, but I wanna show her that Ive learnt the lessons that Ive grown up, that I have grab again the joy of being happy, that I am doing the things that I like ( music and arts) but that during this time I DID EVRYTHING FOR MYSELF. So I only can offer her just a better person. A person more awared of iits weaknesses and strengths. I will try to be relaxed and not needy with her and that I want her back, but I will respect her decisions and that nothing will happen because Im doing my life and Im doing fine....

Am I doing fine?

I dont know if this new point of view will help ....
thanks

 

[Gangster Of Love]

You are more dramatic than a fvckin' woman, dude. If I was here I would waste no time and dump your a$s like a bad habit.

Get away from that situation. Let her be. Give her a break. Somewhere along the way, you switched roles with her and you became the needy, weak one, as she was the strong one offering support. You became a girly man. So needless to say, she is not attracted to you. Go rebuild your life, without her.

 

[KontrollerX]

Yeah you're doing fine and I don't think you were totally at fault for a lot of the falling out.

You went through an extremely horrible time and this friend may of let you lean on her a bit too much without making some boundaries to distance you two a bit where she could show her support in a healthy way but not get so wrapped up in being around you that she became an intimacy surrogate for you unwittingly.

This is her fault for playing capn save a guy lol.

As a friend its good for her to be there for you at times but also to keep space and she didn't do enough of that so you began looking at her as a replacement for your wife perhaps subconsciously.

In her mind she was only doing right by you but by not keeping enough distance towards you when you were vulnerable she only set you up for a bit more pain that you didn't need.

Its cool that you still want to be her friend after all of this but you two should sit down and have a mature talk about things and maybe suggest that while you appreciated her being there for you part of the problems that you two experienced may of been brought about by her not distancing herself enough which lead you to believe there could be sparks there for a new relationship.

 

[tigrecu]

Yes doing my way and I am Perfect.... This is the only thing I will say to her when she returns. Indeed, during her absence I recovered a lot but I know that when I was breaking up I got incredibely confused and weak. But not anymore... Well Learning from the mistakes again.

 

[WC2]

Sorry buddy, but I don't think you're really over anything. Maybe you've learned some lessons, but the biggest lesson of all is to just move on and enjoy yourself.

I was once in your spot not so long ago and I moped around for a few weeks, but eventually I got my sorts together and showed myself that I am who I am. I don't really care what anyone else thinks of me, I just know deep down I am a damn good man, lover, and person. Nothing gets in my way.

Sometimes people need some very blunt advice, and I feel this is one of those times. You do not want to just be her "friend" if you want to prove that to her. Deep down you still want her as more than a friend. I'm guessing by showing her that you want to be "friends", you are hoping that she will start to feel the opposite for you. It doesn't work like this and it will waste all of your good time that you should be dedicating to getting that new job, reading that book, building that new car, or talking to other women/people.