After reading more about the cluster B train wreck I had gotten myself into, suddenly I'm thinking more positively. I appreciate the good advice and learned much from the 'how to get rid of a cluster B thread' . Here I'd been thinking I became needy and such when in fact her abandoment issues were really the cause of my paralysis by analysis. Now that I can see there really was no chase, it starts to make more sense. All the blame had been put on me to the point I was starting to believe it and accept it.
In the past, I've always known better to try and figure out what a woman is thinking, what she is saying etc. You never really know so it's pointless. Signs of high interest followed by sudden inconsitancies are the way of these women. With her twisted ways she got me hooked by getting me to constantly ask myself wtf? As soon as she knew, the push/pull started and never stopped. Hell, she's even doing it now. The only difference is I'm not participating in it.....maybe it's just me but, I've noticed when a cluster B gets her period, it is a thousand times worse than a normal woman. It'll be about two weeks or so until her nice side wants come back and see if I'm still hooked....she's more predictable than the weather.
I now realise I got sucked back in as I thought she was taking responsibilty for her actions. That was obviously a disappointment, but i can and have started taking responsibility for mine. My mistake came when I failed to tell her JSTFU, save it for the next guy. Your Sorry? Me too, I should have stood by my telling you to leave me alone.The hooks were in too deep, with just enough affection and bewilderment to keep me from listening to my gut. I can look at the last eight months as a waste of time, or a hard learning experience. Either way, what's done is done.Sitting here worry about it won't change anything. I was happy before I fell for the Bpd, I was having fun dating. Although I was far from being a pimp, I had a good perception, and knew there were other options. It would be nice to just flip a switch, but in reality the work that needs to be done will take some time. I can start to actually see getting over this girl. I went from feeling like 'MAN DOWN' to the current crawling out of the wreckage that it had become. A breakup after nine years didn't leave me nearly as broken a this one almost did. I was about to go below rock bottom and it appears I somehow stopped myself. I am starting to believe that the stories and advice from those of you that have been through it helped me finally get off of the rollercoaster. Thanks!
Usually for me, when dealing with a breakup it sucks to think of an ex with someone else. Nobody really cherishes the thought of the next guy boning their ex. Not in this case. I feel bad for the next guy. She'll still be a head case that hates her daddy, and men for that matter. Long after I've moved on and met someone else she'll still have the lowest body image possible. I'd like to think I've dodged a bullet but it would be more accurate to say it grazed me. Wow that was close. A few days ago I wrote about how to deal with the fact I may have to see her at work. That isn't bothering me anymore, I could care less. I will just picture her as she had recently told me, "she was so tired, she had fallen asleep in brown underwear". Ummm.....my first brown flag? If that means what I think it does, That is fvckin disgusting. It'll be my equvilent to another poster having suggested to picture them taking a dump. Hey whatever works. I'm far from fully recovered, but I am starting to feel better each day. Hopefully my ridiculously long post will help someone else who has been emotionally crippled by this type of woman. It's true, it only lasts as long as you let it. I was hurting because I knew I'd given her the control back and now I'm getting the silent treatment. She's feeding off the idea i'm pining and she's tightening the string. HAHA! I've cut it, and there is no need or desire to tell her. Walking away didn't work as I fell for her bs and got sucked back in, this time I will run. N/C is something that I've learned much about. I don't need to tell her the best way for me to improve my life is to not have her in it, she already knows. The saddest part about them ,I think that is the one thing that makes them want to keep coming back.
In the past, I've always known better to try and figure out what a woman is thinking, what she is saying etc. You never really know so it's pointless. Signs of high interest followed by sudden inconsitancies are the way of these women. With her twisted ways she got me hooked by getting me to constantly ask myself wtf? As soon as she knew, the push/pull started and never stopped. Hell, she's even doing it now. The only difference is I'm not participating in it.....maybe it's just me but, I've noticed when a cluster B gets her period, it is a thousand times worse than a normal woman. It'll be about two weeks or so until her nice side wants come back and see if I'm still hooked....she's more predictable than the weather.
I now realise I got sucked back in as I thought she was taking responsibilty for her actions. That was obviously a disappointment, but i can and have started taking responsibility for mine. My mistake came when I failed to tell her JSTFU, save it for the next guy. Your Sorry? Me too, I should have stood by my telling you to leave me alone.The hooks were in too deep, with just enough affection and bewilderment to keep me from listening to my gut. I can look at the last eight months as a waste of time, or a hard learning experience. Either way, what's done is done.Sitting here worry about it won't change anything. I was happy before I fell for the Bpd, I was having fun dating. Although I was far from being a pimp, I had a good perception, and knew there were other options. It would be nice to just flip a switch, but in reality the work that needs to be done will take some time. I can start to actually see getting over this girl. I went from feeling like 'MAN DOWN' to the current crawling out of the wreckage that it had become. A breakup after nine years didn't leave me nearly as broken a this one almost did. I was about to go below rock bottom and it appears I somehow stopped myself. I am starting to believe that the stories and advice from those of you that have been through it helped me finally get off of the rollercoaster. Thanks!
Usually for me, when dealing with a breakup it sucks to think of an ex with someone else. Nobody really cherishes the thought of the next guy boning their ex. Not in this case. I feel bad for the next guy. She'll still be a head case that hates her daddy, and men for that matter. Long after I've moved on and met someone else she'll still have the lowest body image possible. I'd like to think I've dodged a bullet but it would be more accurate to say it grazed me. Wow that was close. A few days ago I wrote about how to deal with the fact I may have to see her at work. That isn't bothering me anymore, I could care less. I will just picture her as she had recently told me, "she was so tired, she had fallen asleep in brown underwear". Ummm.....my first brown flag? If that means what I think it does, That is fvckin disgusting. It'll be my equvilent to another poster having suggested to picture them taking a dump. Hey whatever works. I'm far from fully recovered, but I am starting to feel better each day. Hopefully my ridiculously long post will help someone else who has been emotionally crippled by this type of woman. It's true, it only lasts as long as you let it. I was hurting because I knew I'd given her the control back and now I'm getting the silent treatment. She's feeding off the idea i'm pining and she's tightening the string. HAHA! I've cut it, and there is no need or desire to tell her. Walking away didn't work as I fell for her bs and got sucked back in, this time I will run. N/C is something that I've learned much about. I don't need to tell her the best way for me to improve my life is to not have her in it, she already knows. The saddest part about them ,I think that is the one thing that makes them want to keep coming back.