I think I may have ruined my relationship

[WORKEROUTER]

In my last post I describe how I was acting pretty stupid and impulsive when I broke up with my gf after seeing her studying with another guy.

Well, anyway, we got back together, but I have noticed a definite change in her today. It's like she is so neutral that she couldn't care whether I was with her or not, and when I talked about us getting together tonight (which was initially planned a couple days ago), she acted like she didn't really want to and that she'd give me a call if it's possible. Before we met, I had told her that I was going to meet a friend of mine for a little bit. Well when I said we're actually not meeting today, she says, "no, i want you to go to his party." The point is that she seemed to have no care whatsoever if I was partying it up with other girls. This made me feel like she doesn't even care if we are together.

I ask her if the incident from last night is still on her mind, and she tells me that she thinks it brings up bigger issues that we need to discuss. When trying to dig further, she said she really doesn't want to talk about them right now, or even tomorrow.

The point is that I really got myself into a sh*tter here. What the f*ck am I suppose to do? She's obviously having second thoughts about us, and that hurts, because I really like her and I feel like a moron for acting the way I did. Although I apologized about it, she just didn't take it and return to normal. I can definately feel that she's bothered by it still, and it's really impacting our relationship.

Anyway, do you think I have hit a bottom here where I just can't dig myself out of? Is it futile to even continue with her? I mean, last night she pretty much told me that I appeared real insecure and stupid, and is this always going to be floating in the back of her mind about me, until she actually finds a guy who she doesn't think is like this, and then dumps me for him?

It's hard because I can't seem to get her off of my mind. After all, she is one of the few girls I really like, and I would hate to see our relationship just die away. I decided not to badger her and just see how it all falls out, but at the same time, it's hard for me to focus on other things in life (like work, studying, etc.) when this is always in the back of my mind.

 

[Joe The Homophobe]

you found her studying with another guy, she nolonger seems to care about you, things are going downhill

solution = END THE RELATIONSHIP!

why? if you don't end it, she will. Trust me on this it is nearly impossible to get a b1tch interested again when you are in the ending point of a relationship. You either end it yourself, or you will suffer from she ending it. It is always better for the man to end relationships, this way you don't feel so bad.

Your relationship is now a clicking timebomb that will end sooner or later. You better end it soon, break it clean, before she herself ends it and you end up feeling like a loser.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

But the problem is that I am attached to this girl! I mean, I seriously do like her a lot.

Still, I think I SHOULD break up with her just because unfortuanetly, I see our relationship diminishing and becoming worse and worse. But it's hard because a couple months ago, our relationship was WONDERFUL. I seriously had some AWESOME ass times with her. When we were together, time didn't even seem relevant. We could just be walking down the street together or watching TV and absolutely love being in each other's company.We'd be flirting and laughing together the WHOLE TIME. And she use to say how much she just loved it when we were together and when I was holding her. I don't know why, but it hurts to think back to those golden times and then now see us like this. I just wish for those times to have continued instead of ending. This makes me feel very down and depressed and makes it hard for me to do anything.

It's even more sad because I do feel like she is thinking of wanting to meet other guys. After all, she doesn't seem to care if I meet other girls. And thats another thing...it wasn't too long ago that she was actually very protective about me and wanting us to be so close to each other. She never even thought of meeting someone else, and she wanted us to be very exclusive. Now, she doesn't appear to even give a f*ck (example: "no, I WANT you go to the party."). I don't know if it's temporary, but either way, I don't like it.

It's easy to say, "just go find another girl," but that's not very easy to do, especially when you are attached to THIS ONE. I say to myself that I could get over here if I was just hitting on other girls, but it's hard for two reasons:

1. I am attached
2. I am not good at picking up girls.

And I feel like if I break up with her, then I will just be chilling by myself, again, feeling down because I really do want her back in my arms again.

I want to reconcile the problems. I want to fix this relationship and make it what it USE TO BE. But at the same time, I feel like I am just deceiving myself into thinking that this is even possible.

 

[Luscious]

Give this girl the boots, pronto!

Don't be an idiot.

It's OVER.

Save some face and pride and put her ass out the door.

I don't care if you 'feel' for her...go get drunk or whatever. Don't sacrifice your testicles like this.

 

[Luscious]

Originally posted by WORKEROUTER


It's easy to say, "just go find another girl," but that's not very easy to do, especially when you are attached to THIS ONE. I say to myself that I could get over here if I was just hitting on other girls, but it's hard for two reasons:

1. I am attached
2. I am not good at picking up girls.

And I feel like if I break up with her, then I will just be chilling by myself, again, feeling down because I really do want her back in my arms again.

Your problem is a SERIOUS LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE.

I don't care how long you have been here. Read the Bible again.

It's tough love.

 

[Joe The Homophobe]

Originally posted by Luscious
Your problem is a SERIOUS LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE.

I don't care how long you have been here. Read the Bible again.

wait a minute, he has already read the dj bible? it sure don't seem like it. He sounds like an afc with oneitis!

Let me do my impression of workerrouter

"Oh no im attached to this girl! she goes and studies with other guys, doesn't seem to care about me, but it is so hard to get a girlfriend that I don't want to see that she is nolonger interested, this relationship is almost over and sooner or later she is going to dump me!"

 

[WORKEROUTER]

It's not that I haven't read the bible; it's just that knowing the information and actually being able to go out and apply it are two different things.

But I feel like I am getting over this girl, and I think I am going to spend a little time today starting at the first lesson of the week-by-week bible guide. I feel like I have been b*tching too much.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Hothead Workrouter, relax man, I feel sorry for you, I'm going to tell you how to fix this - but you must do as I say!

Sign contract here first that you will listen and take heed to my words! I don't want to waste my time.

 

[c3LL]

Don't listen to these guys Workerrouter. There are plenty of options. .

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Hothead Workrouter, relax man, I feel sorry for you, I'm going to tell you how to fix this - but you must do as I say!

Sign contract here first that you will listen and take heed to my words! I don't want to waste my time.

Okay, it is signed, I guess.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by WORKEROUTER
Okay, it is signed, I guess.

You guess?? Hmmm, doesn't sound too reassuring!! I know the answer, I talk to women before and they told me exactly what it is, which I knew already because I study things!!!

I need more than I guess!! Either a contract is signed or it isn't!!!

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Well Puerto Rico Lover, I basically just grabbed my balls and gave her the clue that if she's acting like this, it's over. Then I said good bye and left.

But anyway, consider your contract SIGNED.

Now can I hear your words of wisdom that will suddenly make everything great again?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Ok kid, the signature on your contract is still wet but I'll honor it!!!

Why, you ask?

Because I think you over-reacted but there may be some truth to your over-reaction!

Never put your arm around a girl just to show others that she is yours - this is weak!!!!

Look at it from this perspective!!

"Cheating" comes ONLY from the perspective of your partner (your girl) -dig??

What are you saying, PR_L??

What am I saying?

Listen!

Your relationship is with your girl - right?

So then, you DON’T have to worry about any man infringing upon your territory BECAUSE the ultimate power in determining whether your girl is faithful to you is YOUR GIRL!!!

That is right, "YOUR GIRL", not the 37 men that approach her because she has the juice that will quench their thirst – this is not your worry and beyond your control!!!

Why, you ask?

Because you cannot impact this outcome - only she can determine the outcome!! She thinks, “Should I give these guys that approach me the time of day or should I be loyal to my man!!”

And her determination will come from within!!!

Based on what factors would she determine if she should comply with these strangers demand???

Hold on kid, I need a beer ……. I’ll continue shortly!!

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover


Hold on kid, I need a beer ……. I’ll continue shortly!!

Ya, I had a couple shots of whiskey earliers, lol.

And you're right...I cannot force her to do anything. Her not cheating comes from inside, from me being a MAN, and from her seeing that she wouldn't want to loser this MAN for some chump. By getting pissed off and immature, I appeared as just a confused kid in her eyes who can't control his tantrums.

And hence me going back and reading the bible, and kicking my ass back into gear so that I don't screw up like this again.

My Dad told me once that everyone makes a mistake once, but making the same mistake again just means that you are a fool.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

OK, so I had more than one beer more - I think it would be wise to continue my response with a sober mind!!

Hasta manana!!!

 

[FratAndDiddy]

in my opinion, it appears jealousy killed this relationship.
jealousy is hard to control, but it can be controlled thru confidence.

sounds like youre starting to come to your senses.
brush yourself off, pull your chin up, get some confidence in yourself and consider this episode as a good learning experience.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

OK Hothead Workrouter - you shared some more info on your other thread. So you are AFC! You were her first sexual encounter (so she says)! Her interest dropped awhile back and not just because of your "studying" incident!! You apologized and told her of your shortcomings and admitted that you are a jealous type!

So I guess I was right - this incident was NOT the cause of your "break-up" - she lost interest in you before this incident and now you have done her the favor of breaking it off!

Chances are slim that you’ll get her back but because you were her “first” sexually she may have a slight attachment!

What I wanted to tell you was that you should not contact her at all but then you said in your other thread that you talked to her when you were drunk last night!

Do not put pressure on her to take you back - this would only hurt your cause.

Do not initiate contact with her and do not do any favors for her – make yourself invisible.

Pursue other woman – good luck in finding another virgin!

If she doesn’t contact you before a month’s time then she is seeing, or she has been seeing another guy!!

Learn from this and remember, don’t be threaten by other men in fear that they will take your woman – it is the woman that has the contract with you and it is she that will decide whether to cheat on you --- not the man!!!

Don’t have a LTR with a woman you don’t trust!!!!! Jealousy should be a sign that something is not right with the situation and you should investigate your cause of suspicion quietly and not explode!!!!!

Quit being an AFC and smothering your girls!!!!!

Be a man and let the woman smother you with their emotions and attention!!

 

[FratAndDiddy]

aha !! so it was jealousy. and may i add trying to control her.
controlling someone never works, male or female.

i dont get it. why are you posting 2 different posts about the same on-going problem?
one post goes in one direction and this one goes in another direction.
i noticed somone else did the same thing.

it is hard to give out advice when i must read 2 different posts to gather all the info.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

PRL:

I think you are right. I am not contacting her anymore. I was a hothead and AFC, and I am trying to improve myself now.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Women like men because of their masculinity!!! If you were anything else but a man then woman wouldn't want you!!

I think your outburst may have been the final straw for her but like I said she was contemplating this BEFORE this incident and you actuallly saw this disinterest and this created suspicions in your mind and thus your insecurity and outburst!!

And as I said, if she really liked you then this outburst wouldn't have mattered - she would have given you another chance!!

So the reason why she lost interest is deeper!!!

She'll tell you one day - just don't ask her!!