I think I am too arrogant

[styleman]

Can anyone help me turn my arrogance into confidence? Rather being more confidence, I am just more arrogant.
I am quite arrogant, but one would say average in terms of confidence. My confidence would falter in the face of public debating or HB10s.
Yet, I was always arrogant, and with reason to be so. I come from a wealthy family, and admittedly am a spoilt by my family.
As I travel a lot around the country (England), and I live in an area (Mayfair, London) where the accent, by most of the country's interpretation is poncey and stuck-up. This means that when I am in towns and cities outside my home, people sometimes say pardon, and ask me to repeat what I said (these are not my level of people, but rather shop assistants, whom have regional accents, which even to most from where I come are not understandable. However, I am used to their accents). My point here is it is not so much me, or even them. My voice is clear and annunciated, but rather the two of us speaking to each other.
Now I know that this is beating around the bush a little, but with this I am leading to an example of my behavior. I was in a train station today, and in the queue to purchase a ticket. A man with a regional accent came to me and said, "My train is leaving in two minutes, can I step in front of you?", to which I responded "Not a chance, mine leaves in five" he then put his head down to my face (he was quite tall) and says, "Pardon?" so I look at him, smirk and grunt, and shout "Get lost!", wave my hand in his face, turn my head away and laugh.
Now my point here is, I am not normally this bad, I would in a usual situation say no, but not laugh at his face, and wave my hand in it. Somehow, I think it takes some audacity to ask a man in a suit and tie to step in front of him, particularly when this individual was in a sloppy t-shirt and pair of jeans.
Now another example of this is that I find myself in supermarkets, getting very agitated with common folk. I will walk around with the trolley, and if there is not route for me to pass, I will huff and puff, and swear under my breath until the obstructing individuals are out of my path. This usually results in confused glances from the aforementioned obstructing individuals.

 

[Lion]

Haha! Great, now I think you are proud of your arrogance and it is a sign of narrow-mindedness which is not always a bad thing. You sometimes have to take a step back and look at the scenario in a more productive way.

I have only discovered this forum this week, however I understand that initially you must put in what efforts you fell necessary to acomplish a goal, your goal being to have a higher confidence:arrogance.

Perhaps you fear rejection for being the person you are. So you become an agressor to impose a characature of your persona onto people you do not know in order to protect yourself.

How can I put this, say you create a contentious atmosphere to batten down peoples opinions and comply with you.

Now I can only suggest that you be more humble about your dealings with people. I don't know if this is DJ but sometimes I change the way I speak with different people, as you mention "these are not my level of people". So learn how to dumb down so to speak and be receptive of other peoples ways of thinking so that you can create a decent rappor with them.

I know people with what I think are similar traits and I can see how easy it is to turn to arrogance for the resolution.

This is my current train of thought, I am constantly realising the DJ in me.

 

[styleman]

Haha! Great, now I think you are proud of your arrogance and it is a sign of narrow-mindedness which is not always a bad thing. You sometimes have to take a step back and look at the scenario in a more productive way.

I have only discovered this forum this week, however I understand that initially you must put in what efforts you fell necessary to acomplish a goal, your goal being to have a higher confidence:arrogance.

Perhaps you fear rejection for being the person you are. So you become an agressor to impose a characature of your persona onto people you do not know in order to protect yourself.

How can I put this, say you create a contentious atmosphere to batten down peoples opinions and comply with you.

Now I can only suggest that you be more humble about your dealings with people. I don't know if this is DJ but sometimes I change the way I speak with different people, as you mention "these are not my level of people". So learn how to dumb down so to speak and be receptive of other peoples ways of thinking so that you can create a decent rappor with them.

I know people with what I think are similar traits and I can see how easy it is to turn to arrogance for the resolution.

This is my current train of thought, I am constantly realising the DJ in me.

Let's put it this way, often girls have asked me, "Don't you feel scared carrying so much cash around?" To which I always respond "They can try and rob me… someone will be at their back in 5 minutes". It always seems to get a laugh and positive reaction out of them.

 

[Wyldfire]

Yes, you come off as arrogant. You refer to people working in shops and what not as being not on your level. Monetary wealth doesn't define how good or bad a person is. That also does not determine who is a better or worse person.

You don't have to "dumb down"...you just need to talk to people with the attitude that they are just as important as you are. Rather than try to "talk to people on their levels", you should just start treating people as if you are on equal levels to begin with and it shouldn't be a problem.

 

[Lion]

Yes I think Wyldfire is right about this.... I was trying to get this across in a way which Styleman can appreciate! haha

I won't admit it

 

[styleman]

Yes, you come off as arrogant. You refer to people working in shops and what not as being not on your level. Monetary wealth doesn't define how good or bad a person is. That also does not determine who is a better or worse person.

You don't have to "dumb down"...you just need to talk to people with the attitude that they are just as important as you are. Rather than try to "talk to people on their levels", you should just start treating people as if you are on equal levels to begin with and it shouldn't be a problem.

Yes, you are right, people who earn less than me are no better or worse than me; but this much is for sure, they are less cultured than me.
Additionaly, although this may not be the case, but in the UK, shop staff do try it on. For example, I was buying a propety the other day, and I asked the sales woman if the property came with a parking space. She responded to me in an arrogant tone, "Yes, you have to pay for it, sixty-thousand", to which I had no choice but to respond, "That's splendid, about quater the price of my car, but the real question is, is that how much your home is Essex cost you? Now let me speak to your manager, I want to file a complaint against your wisecrack" the look on her face was priceless. Some people deserve it. Agreed, the person in the railway station did not deserve it, but if he was asking me a favour, he could at least make the effort to act with some decorum, and not have me repeat myself.

 

[Doggystyle]

No that doesn't sound too arrogant at all, you've got to stand up for your self, although waveing your hand in there face and shouting "get lost!" in your posh southern accent sounds a bit gay to me!

 

[Wyldfire]

Oh boy...

You totally missed the point of what I said. No, you aren't more "cultured". You are operating on the assumption that being "cultured" is only about the sides of culture that you have experienced. On the contrary...there is another side of things that you quite clearly lack experience with and understanding of. Your parents should have exposed you to some charitable causes and made you get your hands dirty and learn a bit more than you have.

You lack respect for those less fortunate than yourself...and that, I suspect, is where your difficulty dealing with others lies. You can fix that, though. Put on some jeans and a t-shirt and go milk some cows, serve meals in a soup kitchen, change some poo diapers in an orphanage and realize but for the grace of God you could be one of those people you spend your day helping.

 

[styleman]

Oh boy...

You totally missed the point of what I said. No, you aren't more "cultured". You are operating on the assumption that being "cultured" is only about the sides of culture that you have experienced. On the contrary...there is another side of things that you quite clearly lack experience with and understanding of. Your parents should have exposed you to some charitable causes and made you get your hands dirty and learn a bit more than you have.

You lack respect for those less fortunate than yourself...and that, I suspect, is where your difficulty dealing with others lies. You can fix that, though. Put on some jeans and a t-shirt and go milk some cows, serve meals in a soup kitchen, change some poo diapers in an orphanage and realize but for the grace of God you could be one of those people you spend your day helping.

I do not understand how this would help.
I do sometimes do lowly jobs, like take calls when my secretary is off sick, or go out to get the washing up liquid for the maid, if it will speed up the job. It makes me feel no different.
They are certainly not dinner conversation topics, so likely not to be culture!
Fortunately we do not have cows in Mayfair; we live in civilization.
Besides, I want to know how to increase confidence, not reduce arrogance.

 

[Wyldfire]

You won't be able to portray confidence if you don't reduce the arrogance. Why? Because your mind set is so overwhelmingly focused on this belief that you are superior. It's honestly dripping off your posts. I'm not trying to be mean, here...I'm trying to help you.

Answering the phone and buying laundry detergent is not "lowly".

That's the problem right there...you think certain things are beneath you...but they aren't. You're just lucky, and that's it.

If you honestly want to be able to relate to a wider of variety of people in a better way...you need to adjust the mindset and gain an appreciation for all you have as well as a respect and appreciation for those who weren't born as fortunate.

Frankly...I don't think you can do it.

 

[styleman]

You won't be able to portray confidence if you don't reduce the arrogance. Why? Because your mind set is so overwhelmingly focused on this belief that you are superior. It's honestly dripping off your posts. I'm not trying to be mean, here...I'm trying to help you.

Answering the phone and buying laundry detergent is not "lowly".

That's the problem right there...you think certain things are beneath you...but they aren't. You're just lucky, and that's it.

If you honestly want to be able to relate to a wider of variety of people in a better way...you need to adjust the mindset and gain an appreciation for all you have as well as a respect and appreciation for those who weren't born as fortunate.

Frankly...I don't think you can do it.

Mean is the last thing I see it as; I do see it as you trying to help, and a big emphasis on trying.
I just hope you understand that nor am I being mean, but I totally disagree with what you have to say.
Fore mostly, even if I believe I am superior, how does this mean that I am going to lose out on confidence because of this? Now here I honestly want to know what your thought pattern was, I'm not challenging you.
Answering a call, before it has been through my sectary is lowly, many of my business colleagues will back me on this. Clearly you have no experience of my field. I have had clients say to me, "I am used to a sectary dealing with such rudimentary tasks."
The fact that I think they are beneath me is enough. It is your word against mine.
I have no desire in being able to relate to people from 'different walks of life' (if that phrase suits you better) to me, rather the total opposite, if I was friends with shop attendants, middle managers, accountants, doctors, lawyers, etc. I would feel embarrassed.
I feel I have an ample level of confidence, all I want to know is how to boost that; and if that involves interacting with lowly people on a social level. I'm happy as I am.

 

[Wyldfire]

Now I remember why I Nexted that multi-millionaire...

 

[styleman]

Now I remember why I Nexted that multi-millionaire...

Had a comment which I was going to pass; but as you are trying to help, I'll save it.

 

[flippinfreak]

styleman, ask Wyldfire what her job is

From what your saying(if that involves interacting with lowly people), and what your options are...

You would be smart to stay happy as you are, and lucky ... otherwise, you can start ragging on people to bring your arrogance up. Just start insulting them, asking people if they think you are btter than they are, just start rubbing stuff in their faces.

Your choice.

 

[styleman]

That seems to make sense.

 

[Wyldfire]

I'm not trying to help anymore. It's pointless because you are looking for the impossible.

You can't turn your arrogance into confidence. It doesn't work that way. You need to rid yourself of the arrogance and then build the confidence from scratch.


Arrogance is what you have when you've never had to earn what you got or proven to yourself or anyone else that you really deserve what you have. Anyone can be "cultured"...but it takes far more to be a man of character.


The best thing you could do for yourself is go on a month long survival trip where you have to really rough it. It would get rid of the arrogance, give you real confidence and would replace some of that "culture" with some much needed character.

 

[styleman]

I could reel of Debrett's to you also, in the equivalent way you are reeling of this socialist/left-wing stance. However, it proffers me some solitude that you are likely to be a Champagne Socialist. For this; there is ample prudence, you express initial interest for the leisure class (the millionaire you, as you put 'Nexted') but when it comes to the crunch of understanding gentry, it’s all liberal.

 

[styleman]

I must apologise, I have used some UK specific terms, I believe that a Champagne Socialist is known as Limousine liberal or latte liberal in the US, assuming that is where you are from.

 

[Swagger]

styleman slow down. you don't seem to have a real life. get loose. live. money doesn't equal being cultured. money may equal luck, effort, sense for business, timing or whatever. but definitely not beeing cultured. there are many broke and poor people who are way more cultured than you are. you are ignorant. i never heard someone talk the way you do.
i thought it's a joke. and i hope it is. i'm not trying to attack you. it's just sad. you miss out on life whatever your car costs. you probably won't get a word of what I'm saying.

read some good books and get cultured. read the alchemist for example. if you really are as rich as you pretend to be, you have enough money to be able to take some time off and try to understand life.

good luck to you.

do you have any friends? real friends? not business friends?

i doubt it. make some

 

[Wyldfire]

I could reel of Debrett's to you also, in the equivalent way you are reeling of this socialist/left-wing stance. However, it proffers me some solitude that you are likely to be a Champagne Socialist. For this; there is ample prudence, you express initial interest for the leisure class (the millionaire you, as you put 'Nexted') but when it comes to the crunch of understanding gentry, it’s all liberal.

Politics have nothing at all to do with it, sugarbritches. Not that it matters...but I'm actually fairly conservative...but I digress.

You came on this forum asking how to be more confident and admitting that you think you're too arrogant. I'm being honest with you...you will never become genuinely confident unless you strip away the arrogance first. Arrogance and confidence can't co-exist.

And that multi-millionaire was actually a genuinely great human being...very down to earth, humble and not at all arrogant. But alas, he was not the norm in his circles and I just wasn't willing to go beyond friendship with a guy whose environment was so damn uptight and anal.