I take rejection badly.

[FortunateSon]

How do you not allow rejection to get you down, make you bitter, make you hate and how do you just brush it off?

I take rejection so badly that I end up despising the girl that has rejected me and more often than not I will cut them out of my life completely. It's so bad that I won't even acknowledge their existence if I see them on the street, I just walk past without so much as looking at them.

A little story as to what I'm like. There was this girl I knew for two years up until last summer. She had a boyfriend and we were very good friends, well she split up with him last year and we started hanging out, but we couldn't get together because she had just come out of a relationship and I was moving away for a while. It left me angry, bitter and I ended up just deliberately losing contact with her. She would text me and I would text back a week or two later, just out of spite really. She would phone me up from time to time and I would deliberately send her to my voicemail. I never once responded to her stuff on facebook.

Well I've moved back to town for a while, I'm hopefully moving away again early next year and this girl is back on the scene, but I hate her guts, I don't know why I do, because she is a decent girl, but I just really dislike her. We went out on Monday night for a few drinks and a chat and for the entire time I was there I just wanted to go home.

It's clear she is interested in me, but because she rejected me last year I just cannot/do not want to get with her. I can't even stand to be around the girl. I see her rejection as doing me a personal wrong and I just cannot get beyond that.

 

[AlexDP]

You fail to mention in your story when she rejected you.

 

[FortunateSon]

You fail to mention in your story when she rejected you.

Last summer when she said we couldn't get together because she was fresh out of a relationship and I was moving away.

 

[Htienvu]

Since I've read the DJ bible and the materials on there, it really helps with dealing with rejection and women in general. The more you learn the more you up your game, the more easy it will be to brush off rejections. Also try to chat up more girls, the more rejection you get the less it will hurt.

 

[AlexDP]

Last summer when she said we couldn't get together because she was fresh out of a relationship and I was moving away.

That's a pretty legitimate reason. Find out if she likes you now.

 

[FortunateSon]

I don't really bother with girls who have rejected me. I just move onto someone new.

 

[AlexDP]

You're quite petty.

 

[FortunateSon]

Why? If a girl rejects me I just tend to move on, if I run into her again and she acts interested I don't bother. As I have said before I take rejection badly and very personally so I just tend to reject them back and move on.

 

[Tesl]

Why? If a girl rejects me I just tend to move on, if I run into her again and she acts interested I don't bother. As I have said before I take rejection badly and very personally so I just tend to reject them back and move on.

Okay? Good for you?

So what were you trying to gain out of making this thread exactly?

 

[FortunateSon]

Okay? Good for you?

So what were you trying to gain out of making this thread exactly?

Clearly there is something wrong with this type of thinking, and I want to change. I want to know how I can get over rejection and not let it get to me so much to the point where I become a spitful and bitter man because of it.

 

[st_99]

I get what you're saying FortunateSon, I used to be the same way. When I thought about it, I believe it just came down to putting too much stock into a girl BEFORE you guys ever put a good amount of time into eachother.

Even if you had sex with her or went on a few dates, you still need to keep your expectations low. I think rejection is painful only because we elevate the girl PREMATURELY to higher status. IMO

Other times, I've been rejected by ugly fat chicks that I was just f*cking around with and of course I didn't care and found it funny because I rated them a 0.

 

[FortunateSon]

I get what you're saying FortunateSon, I used to be the same way. When I thought about it, I believe it just came down to putting too much stock into a girl BEFORE you guys ever put a good amount of time into eachother.

Even if you had sex with her or went on a few dates, you still need to keep your expectations low. I think rejection is painful only because we elevate the girl PREMATURELY to higher status. IMO

Other times, I've been rejected by ugly fat chicks that I was just f*cking around with and of course I didn't care and found it funny because I rated them a 0.

You could be onto something here. I guess I am just a desperate, frustrated chump.

 

[powpow]

Rejection sucks. And the bad feeling that comes with rejection is just part of the learning process. At first it hurts, sure... but after a while, you will not be hurt by the rejection.

Its a process. First, love yourself. Really think about that statement. Love yourself. Im serious, take 10 minutes and ponder it.

After that, take the rejection. Just take it. Be brave, be bold, keep pushing on. Then, you will have true power.

 

[omkara]

I posted something but I realized that it had nothing to do with your post because you weren't mean to the girl, you just moved on.

 

[Some Call Me Tim]

Honestly OP I sort of feel you. Back in my overtly AFC days I would regard any form of 'no thank you' as a knife in the back. Can't tell you how I changed. It's the mindset of just knowing that it's their loss because you're simply the best. If you can't change your mindset, at least fake being cool with rejection. There aren't qualities much uglier than pettiness and jealousy, and you're giving both of them off by taking things so personally.

 

[FortunateSon]

Honestly OP I sort of feel you. Back in my overtly AFC days I would regard any form of 'no thank you' as a knife in the back. Can't tell you how I changed. It's the mindset of just knowing that it's their loss because you're simply the best. If you can't change your mindset, at least fake being cool with rejection. There aren't qualities much uglier than pettiness and jealousy, and you're giving both of them off by taking things so personally.

I don't think I've shown this girl any pettiness or jealousy. Last year, I just accepted her rejection with a smile and went about my way, but inside I was quite knocked back by it and got bitter by it which is why I barely kept in contact with her as a result.

 

[Miles28]

I think your behaviour is actually fine. It's better than hanging around her like some sick puppy looking for crumbs.

The only problem is that it's hurting you. That's the part you need to deal with.

Some might say by cutting the girl out of your life you're losing the chance to hook up with her later or maybe her friends, but so ****ing what.

 

[Igetit!]

How do you not allow rejection to get you down, make you bitter, make you hate and how do you just brush it off?

I take rejection so badly that I end up despising the girl that has rejected me and more often than not I will cut them out of my life completely.

Ok,I want to focus on something you said here.....

You see the part I put in bold,the part where you said that when a girl rejects you how you'll "cut the out of your life"?

I believe that's the key right there,the key to you being able to handle rejection better without turning all angry and bitter towards a girl.



You said that you'll cut them out of your life completely. Well my question is....

What are they doing in your life to begin with?


These can't be cold approaches. They can't be girls who you were just out minding your own business,saw a girl who caught your eye and decided to approach her. How can you be bitter against and "cut out of your life" some random chick who you've known all of 5 minutes?



So these must be girls you ALREADY KNOW and most likely have known for some time,girls you already have some form of friendship/aquaintence with. If that's the case,then THAT'S WHY you're bitter.




If you're doing so,then STOP trying to date girls you already know/have known for a while,and already have established friendships with.




You're bitter because of INVESTMENT. A girl who you've known for a while rejecting you is different from a random/cold approach chick who turns you down.
You invest time,effort,energy,and emotions into a girl who you already know. So when she rejects you,you feel like she rejects you AS A PERSON,where as if it's just random chick,it's more of a sense of her rejecting YOUR APPROACH STYLE rather than YOU yourself.




So the way you feel is legit. The solution to this is simple....

STOP INVESTING IN GIRLS BEFORE YOU ASK THEM OUT.


If you don't invest anything,then you can't lose anything. And if you don't lose anything,you won't have any reason to feel bitter. So don't laugh and talk and joke and play and kid around with girls for weeks and weeks to months and then one day after all that time has passed,you suddenly decide to man up and ask her out.




Ask her out before all that. It makes it easier to deal with rejection because she doesn't know you. And if she doesn't know you and turns you down,more than likely,it has more to do with some aspect of your game you need to fix,rather than you as a person.

A little story as to what I'm like. There was this girl I knew for two years up until last summer. She had a boyfriend and we were very good friends, well she split up with him last year and we started hanging out,

Well you already know the parts of this which stick out to me,which are.....

1:"This girl I knew for two years"
2: "we started hanging out"



Ok,question. You said you two couldn't get together and start dating because she had just came out of a relationship,and you were about to move away for a while. Well dude,those are legit reasons,but if those were the true reasons you two couldn't start dating each other,then tell me.....


WHY DID YOU TWO START "HANGING OUT"?




Why even bother? If she was fresh out of a relationship,and you were about to move away,and (according to her) these were good enough reasons to not start dating,then what was the purpose of you two "hanging out"?


What for?



You did it again. You're pissed off and bitter because you invest YOURSELF in girls only to be rejected. You did it again here. First,you invested yourself into this girl WHILE SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND,so obviously you weren't going to get anything in return,then after she split up with him,you invested in her even MORE by "hanging out" with her even though she told you she was fresh out of a relationship and you were about to move away.



You're all angry and bitter towards these girl when it's YOU who's causing this bitterness in yourself.

 

[FortunateSon]

You're right Igetit, how right you are, I might just start using prostitutes until I get the confidence to get an A-game together and then go from there.

But from now on, no more female friends.

 

[Warrior74]

Have you ever done any sales work? I have, pretty much my whole life. I'm no master salesman. We had to sell things in boy scouts, for our junior achievment group, for college organizations, and of course I have to go out and sell my services in the real world. I worked for 8 months in a call center selling everything from RV insurance to seniors to trying to get people to donate to McCain in the last election (I'm not a republican btw, fun times).

Anyway the point of this diatribe is this...like Zig Ziglar or some sales guru said, each rejection brings you that much closer to a sale. If it takes 100 rejections to close a $1000 deal, you count each one down. If you get to it before the 100, WINNING. That's the mindset you have to have with women. Each one moves you closer to your goal of winning. Learn what you may have done wrong, or just accept that the client wasn't ready to buy and move on to the next one.

Make each rejection a milestone on the road to getting what you want. You don't lift weights one day and then cut the gym out of your life because you're not ripped by that afternoon. You pound away every day and eventually you see results. Good luck.