I slept with my roommate

[1984]

I wasn't going to post anything about this, but now I'm REALLY confused.

You can read my previous threads about the situation if you want, but basically she kept teasing me and teasing me, and this past weekend I had enough. I made plans to move out, as there's no way I can see myself dealing with this for the length of the entire lease.

Saturday night she ****teased me again, and went to bed. I woke her up and told her we needed to talk. I told her what my intentions were, and she looked like she was ready to cry. We sat down and talked about it, and she started telling me how she feels about me, like how she's attracted to me, and she felt bad for teasing me (she called herself a bltch), but that she couldn't help herself and isn't looking for anything. Then she offered to "casually date" me, but I told her it was too late for that and said it sounded like pity on her part.

Then she said, "Well, if you're moving out, we might as well try making out to see if there are an sparks.". I tried resisting, but went ahead. A few minutes later and her pajama bottoms were soaking wet. She offered a lot of resistance, but ultimately we ended up in her room. I wasn't in top form, as I had been drinking and was stressed out about everything, so I might have left a bad impression on her, but she seemed happy afterwards and her aim seemed to be to make me happy too. She didn't even mind that I nutted in her eye.

I stayed in her room for the night, but she told me I shouldn't stay the whole night because she didn't want the other roommate and her BF coming home and finding the two of us in bed together just yet, because the situation might seem wierd. She kind of implied that this wasn't going to be the last time we'd be together. Regardless, the other roommate never came home, so I stayed in her room until the afternoon.

The next morning things were maybe a little wierd between us, but she still seemed happy. Almost like she was in love with me. We did the dishes together, and she was still holding my hands, trying to tickle me, smacking my ass, and I was doing the same. Things seemed fine. Then I had to go to work.

When I came home she had made dinner for herself, but made extra and offered it to me. Then we just sat on the couch for a bit, and it felt a little awkward, but mainly because I was so tired. After a bit of TV I left for the gym, and she was being really cool about everything, like opening the door for me as I left, asking me if I slept well the night before, and being extra nice. I thought everything was going to pan out nicely.

Today my other roommate came into my room and asked me if I was staying. I took a guess and figured that the other roommate must have talked to her after I left the night before. I assured her that things were fine, and that I was staying, but she seemed reluctant to believe me. Then it dawned on me that things might not be all right.

She didn't specifically tell her that we'd had sex, but she already kinda figured we had (she knew we did in the past, she saw how we act around each other, and she read between the lines). But then she said she considers me a better friend than the other roommate, so she was gonna tell me this. Basically, she was told about everything that happened saturday night, leaving out the part about us having sex, but she was told that things felt wierd the next morning, and that she isn't ready for a relationship now. That she needs things to be stable between herself and whoever she ultimately does end up with. She said that if she gets into a relationship, she wants it to be for the long haul.

So now I'm very confused. I got the impression she wanted to keep things going on a casual level. Now I'm thinking that she wants to close the door.

Any ideas?

 

[DonGorgon]

You live with 2 hos... you F'ed yup sounds normal... since few women would opt to live with a dude they didnt find sexualy attractive,..

 

[MacAvoy]

Atleast you finally sealed the deal, congrats for that. I'll ask some questions later.

 

[iqqi]

Stop thinking so much.

Look for signs, recognize them, then follow your nose. The only thing that is going to mess this up is you thinking too much. Act like you aren't invested.

 

[Mavrick]

Drop her! Move out. You're wasting you time on a hoe that's not intelligent enough to make up her own damn mind or decisive enough to make a decision and stick to it.

Why do yourself wrong and play stupid Jedi mind tricks?

You didn't want her anyway, right?

You could use her as a backup chick when you're gaming others, but don't make this chick an exclusive one.

 

[iqqi]

Drop her! Move out. You're wasting you time on a hoe that's not intelligent enough to make up her own damn mind or decisive enough to make a decision and stick to it.

Why do yourself wrong and play stupid Jedi mind tricks?

You didn't want her anyway, right?

You could use her as a backup chick when you're gaming others, but don't make this chick an exclusive one.

Ditto that last part.

 

[DonGorgon]

Drop her! Move out. You're wasting you time on a hoe that's not intelligent enough to make up her own damn mind or decisive enough to make a decision and stick to it.

Why do yourself wrong and play stupid Jedi mind tricks?

You didn't want her anyway, right?

You could use her as a backup chick when you're gaming others, but don't make this chick an exclusive one.

You sounded like me in that post...LOL..

 

[frisco]

never **** your roommates... my golden rule... I live with two girls have had the opportunity its better to let things fizzle down and move on to hotter girls, At least if you expect to live there for a while

 

[1984]

Jedi mind tricks?

Anyway, earlier she came into my room after she came home from work, and started making small talk. I asker her if she talked to the other roommate, and she had this awkward smile on her face.

She talked about how she felt that she couldn't give me what I want, so I asked her what she meant by that, knowing that she thinks I want a relationship. Then I told her that I'm more interested in keeping things casual, and if things get serious in the future, then I'm cool with that too. I asked her if she wanted to shut the door on this, and she told me she didn't, and that it seems like we're on the same page.

I think I might have blown it though, because I indirectly let her know I wanted to hit it again, and she said "I don't want to say yes or no to that.". Then I got all awkward, but I think she's used to that.

It's my awkwardness around her that keeps ****ing me up.

And for what it's worth, I really do like this one. I don't even bother hanging out with other girls who might me interested in me anymore, because every one of them makes me want her more.

edit: And I don't think she's a hoe. She hasn't had sex since like last fall or something, and didn't intend to anytime soon. My other roommate (also not a hoe), reiterated that. The only way I got into her pants was by my refusal to take no for an answer.

 

[MacAvoy]

And for what it's worth, I really do like this one. I don't even bother hanging out with other girls who might me interested in me anymore, because every one of them makes me want her more.

^^^^This is what keeps causing this vvvvvvvv

It's my awkwardness around her that keeps ****ing me up.

 

[1984]

And how am I supposed to resolve that? I know everyone's gonna say, "Spin more plates.". That doesn't work.

 

[Faded Image]

She used you to get off and now that she has, you can go by the wayside for all she cares.

If I were you I would have acted as if nothing ever happened.

She talked about how she felt that she couldn't give me what I want

That's just a nice way of her saying that you can't give her what she wants and that she doesn't want a relationship with you. She down plays her worth by trying to trick you into not wanting to be with her. Women do it all because it's safe and they won't feel so bad after doing it.

It's equivalent to other BS some women say for example:
"You're to good for me"
"I need space"
"It's not you, it's me"
"I need to find myself"

 

[1984]

She used you to get off and now that she has, you can go by the wayside for all she cares.

If I were you I would have acted as if nothing ever happened.



That's just a nice way of her saying that you can't give her what she wants and that she doesn't want a relationship with you. She down plays her worth by trying to trick you into not wanting to be with her. Women do it all because it's safe and they won't feel so bad after doing it.

It's equivalent to other BS some women say for example:
"You're to good for me"
"I need space"
"It's not you, it's me"
"I need to find myself"

I wish I didn't believe that to be true. I mean, she started taking anti-depressants a month ago. Essentially called herself a failure. But I suppose you might be right.

We hung out for a little tonight. She flirted and stared, but less than usual. I barely responded. Then she say's, "Unfortunately, I have to get up hella early tomorrow, so I'm going to bed.". I acted like I didn't care, and told her I had some things to do. She put her hand on my knee and said goodnight with a smile.

It's been an hour, and her light is still on.

I guess I could have tried escalating things earlier, but I'm not certain there would have been a point.

 

[iqqi]

Listen to what I said in reply #4.

Its the best advice here. Unless you are AFC and can't help but fall into ONEitis. Then of course you won't be able to be that smooth.

Your update about what happened when she came in the room only validates in my mind what you can pull off here. I am 1million percent right about this situation.

 

[1984]

Listen to what I said in reply #4.

Its the best advice here. Unless you are AFC and can't help but fall into ONEitis. Then of course you won't be able to be that smooth.

Your update about what happened when she came in the room only validates in my mind what you can pull off here. I am 1million percent right about this situation.

I'm not sure I follow. What did the discussion I had with her in my room validate?

 

[iqqi]

I'm not sure I follow. What did the discussion I had with her in my room validate?

OK. I will walk you through this. First I said this. And make sure you try to understand this all first.

Stop thinking so much.

Look for signs, recognize them, then follow your nose. The only thing that is going to mess this up is you thinking too much. Act like you aren't invested.

Then you said:

Anyway, earlier she came into my room after she came home from work, and started making small talk. I asker her if she talked to the other roommate, and she had this awkward smile on her face.

Her coming in your room is a sign.

She talked about how she felt that she couldn't give me what I want, so I asked her what she meant by that, knowing that she thinks I want a relationship.

On a side note: Do you?

Other than that, you did ok with this:

Then I told her that I'm more interested in keeping things casual, and if things get serious in the future, then I'm cool with that too.

However maybe you should have been more mysterious. Instead of saying what you want and don't want, after she went into her little speech about not being able to give you what you want, you should have just gave her a sarcastic "MMMM Hmmm.... I see...." Without all the deep talk.
(Signifying maybe you aren't as INVESTED as she thinks you are).

I asked her if she wanted to shut the door on this, and she told me she didn't, and that it seems like we're on the same page.

Too much thinking. Way too much.

Why are you trying to define a relationship that you benefit mostly from it being undefined? Just go with the flow. Don't try to control it by defining it.

I think I might have blown it though, because I indirectly let her know I wanted to hit it again, and she said "I don't want to say yes or no to that.". Then I got all awkward, but I think she's used to that.

You are talking too much. And you probably got awkward from being too invested.

Remember, stop thinking too much. And don't get too invested.

BTW, how did you indirectly let her know you wanted to hit it again?

It's my awkwardness around her that keeps ****ing me up.

And the fact you think/talk to much and are obviously invested in an outcome.

And for what it's worth, I really do like this one. I don't even bother hanging out with other girls who might me interested in me anymore, because every one of them makes me want her more.

See. Invested. Fix that.

I wish I didn't believe that to be true. I mean, she started taking anti-depressants a month ago. Essentially called herself a failure.

Thinking too much. This doesn't MATTER.

We hung out for a little tonight. She flirted and stared, but less than usual.

Signs. Recognize them.

I barely responded.

Great. I am proud. See, you came across as uninvested and not needy. Let her come to you. She will. Just recognize the SIGNS.

Then she say's, "Unfortunately, I have to get up hella early tomorrow, so I'm going to bed."

Don't think too much about this...

I acted like I didn't care, and told her I had some things to do.

PERFECT! Good job.

She put her hand on my knee and said goodnight with a smile.

See where that got you? ANOTHER SIGN. Follow your nose.

It's been an hour, and her light is still on.

You could have followed it right to her now, however I think it is good you didn't. Let her miss you and wonder.

I guess I could have tried escalating things earlier, but I'm not certain there would have been a point.

Too much thinking.

 

[ready123]

iqqi's right. you're overanalyzing assuming the worst despite the fact she's been into you

lose the insecurity and just have fun w/ her

 

[MacAvoy]

Without thinking too much, if you really like her and want to pursue something with her then you need to move out. You can't live with her and expect the relationship to grow normally or healthy.

 

[1984]

I get what you're saying about following the signals and not overthinking. It's only that I can never respond to her well.

Like when she says she's going to bed. What am I supposed to do/say to that? I know she's going to her room to masturbate. She definately did last night. She's always so ****ing quick with a response to everything.

Do I just get up and follow her, give her a hug and nibble on her neck, ask her if I can come, ask her which porno she's watching tonight, ask her if she wants to see a naked man?

On that note, when we've been messing around on the couch (last night it was just tickling, pinching and her smacking me in the face with a pillow for no ****ing reason, so I took it from her for a while), and she goes off to her room to play with herself, does that mean the job is half done, or does it mean that she's bored of me and would rather be in the company of some toys and porn?

I don't mean to overthink any of these things. I wasn't until the other roommate got all serious with me and kind of told me she didn't seem interested in me. She was probably just trying to keep me from getting hurt or something, but my mindset was totally at ease before that.

And as for wanting a relationship with this girl... I really don't know. It would depend on how things go in the future. That's why I want to keep things casual for now. She's generally cool to be around, and she never flakes on me. We spend a lot of time together, but I'm not bored of her. The only problem I'm having is the occasional awkwardness and her whole "I'm going to bed (but I'm really going to masturbate while you sit on the couch watching Family Guy)." routine everynight.

 

[MacAvoy]

The only problem I'm having is the occasional awkwardness and her whole "I'm going to bed (but I'm really going to masturbate while you sit on the couch watching Family Guy)." routine everynight.

I seriously think about trying to help you then you go and say something like this and it makes me think your dillusional and beyond helping. I'm at a loss.