I screwed this up already?

[Cheeks]

This kind of thing happens to me all the time, but I'll use this past Friday night as an illustrative example of my dilemma:

I hit the bar, open a set of 3 girls. I'm only really attracted to the HB9 blonde, an eventually I have her undivided attention. Things are going great, I feel like I'm on top of my game, building rapport, comfort, making her laugh etc. I isolate her outside by grabbing a smoke together. We chat some more. I'm doing so well that I probably could've got a same night lay, but for logistical reasons I have to go for the number close.

Me: "Hey listen, I have to go soon, but I'd like to see you again some time (HB9 name)."

HB9: "Of course!"

Me: (Some humor about her giving me a fake number, she responds well and now I have her as a contact in my phone)

Somehow, we ended up groping and grinding each other, and I got the kiss close.

Following that, I walk back inside with her and say goodnight to her friends and a couple guys I know at the bar. Before leaving:

Me: "We'll be in touch."

HB9: (beaming at me) "Absolutely!"

So yeah, for all intents and purposes, I should be in like Flynn.

Shoot her a text the next night: "Let's get drinks soon."

24 hours later and no response. Story of my life. I'm beginning to think my "game" isn't as good as it appears to be and all these girls are just soaking up the attention without having any real interest in me. It's frankly discouraging and frustrating. I know you have to stay positive, but its hard to shake the ****ty feeling you get when you're not even worthy of a single text reply from a girl.

I don't know what I'm asking really. Hope I don't come across as whiny, I just would rather have some clear indication that my game sucks and women hate me rather than all these false starts and disappointments.

TLR

1) My game seems tight when I'm out; always end up generating attraction and getting the number.

2) Follow up text suggesting a meetup is always ignored, without exception.

3) I do my best to forget about it and make sure to delete her number to avoid simping out and texting her again.

4) Rinse and repeat.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I hit the bar, open a set of 3 girls. I'm only really attracted to the HB9 blonde, an eventually I have her undivided attention. Things are going great, I feel like I'm on top of my game, building rapport, comfort, making her laugh etc. I isolate her outside by grabbing a smoke together. We chat some more. I'm doing so well that I probably could've got a same night lay, but for logistical reasons I have to go for the number close.

There's a lesson be learned here. Club pick ups are only good for same night lays. If I meet a girl at a club, I don't even bother to ask for her number anymore. You have to strike while the iron is hot; otherwise, it's a waste of time. It has nothing to do with your game either. Women do not take guys they meet in clubs seriously (just like you shouldn't take women you meet in clubs seriously).

 

[Cheeks]

There's a lesson be learned here. Club pick ups are only good for same night lays. If I meet a girl at a club, I don't even bother to ask for her number anymore. You have to strike while the iron is hot; otherwise, it's a waste of time. It has nothing to do with your game either. Women do not take guys they meet in clubs seriously (just like you shouldn't take women you meet in clubs seriously).

This was hardly a club, just a tiny bar at a Japanese restaurant. I stopped there for a drink before heading out to another state to visit friends.

I understand what you're saying, but any attractive girl these days likes to hit the clubs. I don't think catching her at the grocery store is gonna convince her to text me back. Oh well.

 

[Bokanovsky]

This was hardly a club, just a tiny bar at a Japanese restaurant. I stopped there for a drink before heading out to another state to visit friends.

Well, that's different. But I stand by what I aid about clubs... same night pulls are all they're good for.

 

[Cheeks]

You guys think it would be worth it to send one more feeler text? Maybe something like "Hey it's Cheeks, get back to me before I forget what you look like, don't be a flake".

I usually don't double text, as it feels pathetic and needy, but maybe I need to switch things up a bit. Persistence is an alpha quality, no?

 

[Lexington]

She might not be responding for any number of reasons: maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she doesn't take guys at bars/clubs etc. seriously, maybe she found another c0ck to ride (if she's an HB9, she gets plenty of male attention) or maybe she was just stoking her ego.

Whatever the reason, it's irrelevant. Move on. Spin more plates. If she texts, she texts (but don't count on it). Keep working on other girls. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, diversify your portfolio, hedge your bets and all that good stuff....

 

[Die Hard]

Cheeks, come on... You're just tyring to convince yourself of somehting that you know is not true! Do not text her again, it will only make you seem weak and pathetic, like you said yourself.

Keep yourself under control, don't let your emotions get the best of you. You are still the great guy you've always been, that won't change because some bar chick flaked on you.Don't let it mess with you!
I know you're disappointed, it sucks... You were so succesful with her that night and I'm sure that brought you great joy and made you feel real good about yourself! Then *poof* it all vanishes into thin air when she flakes on you.
Naturally, you're inclined to feel disappointed and frustrated. But it is your task as a DJ to neutralize those feelings and prevent them from making you do stupid things! Be tough and walk away with your honor, you will definitely feel much worse about yourself when you give into the temptation and decide to text her after all!
And who knows, if you just go no contact and are able to STAY no contact, she might contact you in the future! Girls sometimes get lonely too, you know?


As for the way you handled things, try to do it a little different next time:

1. Don't text her the very next day. Give her the gift of missing you, make her wonder about you a little. She should be sitting at home, thinking to herself "Hmm, I wonder if he's ever gonna text me? Or maybe he just thought of me as a nothing more than a little pleasure for one night?" Make her hamster spin a little! Then when she eventually does receive a text from you, she'll actually be happy to receive it! Whereas now, you were just that same guy she had been grinding and kissing with last night... Where's the challenge in that? Do you like watching the same movie you saw literally one day ago? Of course not...but when you wait a while, you will enjoy that movie again!
There's no perfect rule for how many days you should wait. Two or three days seems to work well for me. But in any case, the very next day is too soon!

2. Take charge! Sorry, but "Let's get drinks soon" is too weak, man. Suppose you need to see the doctor because your foot hurts...so you call him up and he tells you "Okay, let's meet up soon" and then he hangs up. Wouldn't you be like WTF?!
Your text was hollow, you have communicated ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to her by sending that message. You might as well have sent her a text saying ".....", lol.
What is she supposed to do with your text? Do you expect her to make you an offer, instead of the other way around? Do you expect her to ask you out, instead of the other way around? Come on, women like a man who takes charge, not a man who acts shy and insecure. Coz that's basically what you did... You showed her that you like her and want to meet up with her again, but it seems you first want her to confirm by saying "Yes, I'd like that too", before you make a real offer. Girls pick up on this, man... It's like you walk up to a girl and open her with "I like you and think you are beautiful", then just standing silently in front of her, hoping that she will reward you for your compliment or something, lol.
Or better yet, standing and gazing at her the whole goddamn night, without ever making a move!
Women don't like that! They don't like it when you supplicate and treat them like they are some kind of goddess, as if you should feel lucky to even have a moment of her time and attention!
What you did, was exactly the same. Telling her "Let's grab drinks soon", is basically saying "I like you and I hope you like me too, but I am afraid to make a move, so would you please tell me that you like me too?"
It's weak. If you're gonna ask her out, then ASK HER OUT: At least suggest a day to meet up! And of course, adding a little ****y&funny to the text will make it even more appealing

 

[Married Buried]

How do you know she even got the text? Call her.

 

[speed dawg]

Get 10 numbers, and one of them will bite. You got one-itis for a chick you've known for 10 minutes.

 

[Cheeks]

How do you know she even got the text? Call her.

iPhone sends delivery receipts.

I feel weird asking younger girls (she's 21) on a "date", seems too formal. That's why I went with a casual "lets grab drinks" vibe.

I'll probably never see her again, so nothing to lose by trying one more contact. Any suggestions on how to go about it?

 

[Married Buried]

iPhone sends delivery receipts.

I feel weird asking younger girls (she's 21) on a "date", seems too formal. That's why I went with a casual "lets grab drinks" vibe.

I'll probably never see her again, so nothing to lose by trying one more contact. Any suggestions on how to go about it?

Call her up. Tell her that you're busy, you can't talk but you want to see her and tell her when, where and what you're going to do. Tell her that you need an answer now. The whole thing should take you 10 seconds, 15 tops.

 

[Die Hard]

Wow, you are being a moron...

You are right, one should never call it a "date", it's good to reframe it to "grabbing drinks". But that doesn't take anything away from the fact that you need to suggest a day/time for "grabbing drinks".

But hey, it is obvious that you are gonna try to rationalize away any advice you get here. You can't control your urge to contact her again and you are blind to any reasonable arguments that show you it's a mistake. So go ahead and be a loser, contact her again. If all goes well, you will feel miserable afterwards and have learned your lesson...

 

[Cheeks]

Wow, you are being a moron...

You are right, one should never call it a "date", it's good to reframe it to "grabbing drinks". But that doesn't take anything away from the fact that you need to suggest a day/time for "grabbing drinks".

But hey, it is obvious that you are gonna try to rationalize away any advice you get here. So go ahead and be a loser, contact her. I hope you feel very miserable afterwards, coz you deserve it.

Ok I'm a moron. Look, there's a lot of conflicting advice out there. Sometimes I hear stories about persistence paying off, sometimes you can redeem a bad situation. I'm not obsessing over this girl, I'm just trying to understand why this always happens to me. But I'll take your stern advice and say fvck it.

 

[Golden Arms]

It ALWAYS happens to you, without exception ?

Seriously - you have never gotten a single reply for any text you ever sent to a girl whose number you got after meeting once ?

 

[Cheeks]

It ALWAYS happens to you, without exception ?

Seriously - you have never gotten a single reply for any text you ever sent to a girl whose number you got after meeting once ?

Scouts honor. I've tried the direct approach, texting for a meetup. I've tried calling, but never an answer. I've tried engaging with humor, banter, questions, etc. Always nothing. And every time I've deleted their numbers and never tried again. So if I sound desperate, it's because I feel I need to try something else.

 

[Golden Arms]

Scouts honor. I've tried the direct approach, texting for a meetup. I've tried calling, but never an answer. I've tried engaging with humor, banter, questions, etc. Always nothing. And every time I've deleted their numbers and never tried again. So if I sound desperate, it's because I feel I need to try something else.

How many total times do you think you've tried ? In my experience, a large percentage do flake , that's why you have to keep trying and play the numbers game. But if you're batting in the area 0 for 100, there may be something in your technique that needs adjusting.

 

[Cheeks]

How many total times do you think you've tried ? In my experience, a large percentage do flake , that's why you have to keep trying and play the numbers game. But if you're batting in the area 0 for 100, there may be something in your technique that needs adjusting.

In the past 3 months I've gathered about 10 numbers, all non-responders. I don't live in a big sexy metropolis, so there's no abundance of attractive women. When I do see one, I pounce.

And the thing is, I always get strong IOIs and general good vibes. I'm a decent looking guy so that could be part of it.

Anyway I'm not trying to whine here. I'm actually very emotionally strong and used to being lonely and without female company. I just figure life is short so if I'm not getting any, might as well change my approach.

 

[Golden Arms]

In the past 3 months I've gathered about 10 numbers, all non-responders. I don't live in a big sexy metropolis, so there's no abundance of attractive women. When I do see one, I pounce.

And the thing is, I always get strong IOIs and general good vibes. I'm a decent looking guy so that could be part of it.

Anyway I'm not trying to whine here. I'm actually very emotionally strong and used to being lonely and without female company. I just figure life is short so if I'm not getting any, might as well change my approach.

10 numbers isn't that many. What about before last 3 months ?

 

[Cheeks]

10 numbers isn't that many. What about before last 3 months ?

Before that I wasn't even really trying with women. I was focused on getting a better job, financial matters, etc. I was in a relationship, my first and only, for about 3 years. I met my ex at a coffee shop she worked in and visited her often, so never had to play the text game with her. Anyway, that ended in tears, worst experience of my life.

When I was younger I used to land the occasional ONS or short term fling. I was by no means a player.

 

[Die Hard]

It is a number's game. You can do everything right and still have the bytch flake on you. But when you keep doing everything right with every girl, then some of them will respond positively, for sure!

The thing is, you need to be consistent and persistent. Suppose 5 out of 10 chicks will flake on you when you do everything right. So you go out and do your thing, but you get flaked on 5 times in a row. Number 6 would not flake on you, but after 5 flakes, you've had enough of it and therefor try another approach with number 6. She flakes as well and you give up on the game and start acting like an AFC. Hey, all bytches flake on you anyway, so you might as well just act AFC, it doesn't make any difference anyway, right?

Wrong. Number 6 would not have flaked on you if you had done everything right, but you didn't have patience and decided to try a different approach with her and THAT is why she flaked on you.

You say the last 10 chicks flaked on you. But how many different tactics have you used on these chicks? Did you do everything the same with all 10 of them? Or did you try out 5 different tactics, meaning that each tactic was only tried on 2 girls? In that case, you have done crappy field testing and the fact that the last 10 girls flaked on you says nothing at all!

The advice I gave in my first reply: Don't text a girl the very next day and take charge. You say you did that before... Well, with how many of the last 10 girls did you do this? It is sound advice but if you only apply it one SOME girls, then you are not playing the number's game correctly. Suppose you only applied this advice to 3 out of those 10 flakes? It is very much possible that the other 7 would have responded positively, but you never tried it on those other 7 girls, you tried different tactics on them.
But you don't see this... You just see the fact that 10 girls flaked on you consecutively and you conclude that no tactics work at all. You need to see things in their proper context: only 3 girls flaked at the right tactic, the other 7 flaked because you applied the wrong tactics on them. End result: 10 flakes. Whereas, if you had used the same tactic on those other 7 as you had on the first 3, the end result might have been 5 flakes, 5 successes. Coz 5 of those other 7 would've responded positively! But you were not able to experience this, because you didn't stick with the right tactic and gave up on it after you tried it with the first 3 girls...


Something else that is important to realize:

Whatever you are doing wrong, you need to fix it. But whatever you're doing right, you need to keep doing!!

You are throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Girls flake on you because of the things you do wrong, so that's what you need to change. But the things that you were doing right, you need to keep doing!! You know perfectly well that you will come across as weak when you text for a second time, while she ignored the first text. Staying no contact is the right thing to do! But you're desperate and frustrated, you're spinning out of control, so you start messing that up too, arguing: bytches flake on me anyway, so I might as well break this rule as well...
Don't be that stupid. You should find out and improve the things that you are doing wrong, but you should leave the things that you were always doing right intact!