I really don't know what to do - My memoirs of tonight

[Rubato]

I suck at this stuff

The first step to solving a problem is admitting it exists. I have always been a big day game person and thought I was the man because I could get a girl's phone number pretty easily at the mall, in a bookstore, or on campus.

Never mind that they FLAKED. Almost 100% of the time.

They had boyfriends. They forgot who I am. They had this. They had that. It was always some excuse.

But for some reason, I thought that being able to get a girl's number meant that I was hot sh$t. I'm trying to think about it right now and I don't know that I've ever even kissed a girl I've met while "sarging". And actually writing that makes me sick to my stomach.

I went out tonight with a guy who is going to be my new wing. And we know just enough about game to screw us up, I think.

Before I say anything else, I'd like to say that I think dance clubs are like the worst place ever to pick up girls. I danced with one girl at the first dance club we went to and started thinking to myself what kind of DLV this was for me. She and her friend were facing each other, texting, talking, ect, and I was dancing on this girl starring at this guy dancing on her friend. And as I looked around, that's what <75% of the guys were doing.

It makes us look like f$cking idiots

After tonight, I have a clear understanding of what the word "b$tch shield" means. I cannot believe what a total lack of respect these girls have for men. They are attention wh0res who use guys to make themselves feel better. I got tired of that fast and when I realized what the dynamics were, I pushed the girl away from me. I subsequently pushed several other girls. If a girl did not resopnd positively to me (none did), I pushed them away and walked away without looking back. My wing and I quickly bounced and started talking about what happened. Our theory is that no girl goes out to a club like that alone. They either come with their BF or girlfriends. I don't think it's possible to verbally open a set in one of these clubs because it's too d$mn loud. So what are we supposed to do? If we dance with the girls, it's feeding their attention wh0reness, DHVing them and DLVing us. On our way home I came up with an idea that maybe the only way to break in to a set is by dancing on the girl like that and figuring out a way to sexually escalate while you're dancing... moving your hands around her, pulling her hair, smelling her hair, neck ect. Somehow turning her around and away from her circle of friends (a soft isolation maybe?) and doing the same thing. Then actually moving her to a different area of the club. We didn't have time to field test that. And I don't like the idea of starting off a set by DHVing the girl and DLVing yourself.

The 1st set we opened was at a normal bar. Some girl was having a bachelorette party and my wing asked them what they were doing and they told us. I really don't remember all that happened except I kept negging this one girl about a pen$s shaped sucker she had and one of her friends was rubbing a penis shaped straw around my chest. So many places I could have gone with that if I would have thought about it!

We opened another 7-9 more sets that night and nothing remarkable happened.

I just feel so incompetent like I don't know what I'm doing. I don't really even know how to formulate a good game plan about where to go from here to improve my game. I don't want to keep doing the same thing over and over again because I feel like it's lame to keep repeating mistakes. Everyone says READ THE DJ BIBLE!!!!!!!!

Ok.

What do you do after you've done that?? I want to get this area of my life improved. And I know it's not a math problem I'm gonna get the answer to one day and I can't approach it like a problem to solve. But f$ck, I just don't know what to do.

And I got like 2x-4x the IOI's from guys tonight rather than girls. What the hell is up with that? I would think that would mean I'm doing something right. If guys are IOIing me, I've got to be hot ****. My wing and I theorized that maybe it's because I was dressed rather metro (dark jeans, tight blue button down shirt, no undershirt, 3 buttons undone) and was not with a girl. I look awesome, no girl, ergo, I must be a homosexual.

Anyways, I need to get some sleep. Can someone point me down a good road?

 

[YAboi]

you use WAY too much PUA language which kind of indicates that you need to chill out and stop approaching this whole thing as a mathematical problem and just go with the flow.

 

[Iceberg]

you use WAY too much PUA language which kind of indicates that you need to chill out and stop approaching this whole thing as a mathematical problem and just go with the flow.

Wow. You took the words right out of my mouth.

And aside from all the "DHV", "DLV" talk, I'd say that you are WAY too outcome dependent.

If I may say something that goes against the grain....stop "sarging." Stop going out with "wings" for the purpose of "picking up". That doesn't mean that you shouldn't talk to girls. It just means, go out to have fun. Stop having this silly mission attached to your social activities where you have to approach 15 women per night because some PUA guide told you to.

I'll admit that at this point in my life, I have options with women. So perhaps if I were in your shoes, I'd be frustrated at well. But it just sounds like you're putting too much emphasis on women. If I go to a dance club, it's not because I'm sarging...it's because I'm in a mood to go to a dance club. Same with bars, restaurants, parties. Whatever. I go where I want to go because it's where I want to be. And if women are there, great. And if I click with a couple of them, even better. Most importantly, though, is that I'm doing what I wanna do.

You don't, as you say, "suck at this stuff". You're just not putting yourself in the right situation to meet chicks. Relax. Get yourself in a good frame of mind. And go out to have fun nights with good conversation with the people around you. Random girls. Guys. Bartenders. Whoever.

 

[Rikudo]

In claro Live your life dont get botherd all the time do i look good what does she think of me does she give me iois. gett a hobby try to have fun then you will see women will get after you it happens to me alot after i aproch that women give me their number without me asking for it,its just that i sta y cool the whole time dont get needy dont see her as the only one just another chick and i express that feeling out she sees i am not like 100 other guys who aproch her thats the secret be cool and cold hearted !!

 

[Rubato]

Wow. You took the words right out of my mouth.

And aside from all the "DHV", "DLV" talk, I'd say that you are WAY too outcome dependent.

If I may say something that goes against the grain....stop "sarging." Stop going out with "wings" for the purpose of "picking up". That doesn't mean that you shouldn't talk to girls. It just means, go out to have fun. Stop having this silly mission attached to your social activities where you have to approach 15 women per night because some PUA guide told you to.

I'll admit that at this point in my life, I have options with women. So perhaps if I were in your shoes, I'd be frustrated at well. But it just sounds like you're putting too much emphasis on women. If I go to a dance club, it's not because I'm sarging...it's because I'm in a mood to go to a dance club. Same with bars, restaurants, parties. Whatever. I go where I want to go because it's where I want to be. And if women are there, great. And if I click with a couple of them, even better. Most importantly, though, is that I'm doing what I wanna do.

You don't, as you say, "suck at this stuff". You're just not putting yourself in the right situation to meet chicks. Relax. Get yourself in a good frame of mind. And go out to have fun nights with good conversation with the people around you. Random girls. Guys. Bartenders. Whoever.

Iceberg:

This may sound a little ridiculous, but I'm trying to be as honest as I can be... I don't understand why being outcome dependent is an issue, firstly, and secondly, how do I chill out about this stuff?

I'm a very concrete person, but can also be abstract... in college, my major was political science with a minor in philosophy, history, biology, and chemistry. It's a little weird, but I was originally going to be a lawyer and after I got accepted in to law school, decided I wanted to be a surgeon.

So, both the abstract part and the concrete part of me feels like there is an outcome to every social interaction, and someone who is going to succeed the most in their social interactions will be mindful of where they're going and have an idea how they want them to end up. Saying not to be outcome oriented (except maybe for the outcome of having fun) seems really counter intuitive to me because it feels like approaching a situation without any plan.

But maybe I get it. And forgive me if I'm being "too in my head" about this, it's just the way I think. Are you saying that approaching a woman or set with some sort of outcome dependent mindset sabotages you from the beginning because you're seeking something she may or may not choose to give you? That sounds like DLV to me, even if it's concealed. So rather than do that, if you approach, not because you're seeking, but because you're having a good time and it's something that occurs naturally out of that, you're not seeking anymore, but contributing something out of the kick-@ss time you're having? Is that essentially what you're saying?

And if that's true, this is also something that I feel embarrassed to admit, but I don't know if I know how to do that. Most of my life, I've not been a very social person and so as I've tried becoming more social over the last few years, a lot of what I've done feels very manufactured to me. I have fun doing things like writing music, writing my 2nd book, playing music, and I know this is not what I should be aiming for, but I do have a lot of fun when I feel like I'm successful with women. I know I shouldn't be seeking validation from them, but it's hard not to do that when getting validation feels good. Most of the stuff I do is stuff I do on my own. So, to the people who would give me the advice that I need to get hobbies or something like that, I have a lot of hobbies. I'm good at a lot of things: Music, writing, athletic stuff (weight lifting - individual; rock climbing; for me, it's usually with people I don't know; cardio - individual), reading, technical arts (doing things like gardening, woodworking, and craftsmanship as they would have done them in the industrial era), and if you haven't been able to tell, intellectualizing things . And there's more than just that list. The only hobby I can think of right now that I do with people is ballroom dancing, and I always feel very stilted around those people. The women are the epitome of people like Scars' viewpoint of women, and the men are total AFC's who act like they're not. And are about as caddy as the women.

I would say Iceberg that yea, you may need to take a step back from where you are and consider what it was like before you got there. It's frustrating. The only options I have are options I don't want to pursue. And that frustration is probably something that drives my "outcome oriented" behavior. I actually think a lot of the things that pickup people recommend are lame, and my negative attitudes towards dance clubs have just been further reinforced after last night (Dance clubs where you actually dance though... salsa clubs, swing clubs ect... are different).

I've already written a lot and don't want to bother you with too much detail or too many questions, so I'll wrap this up. I'd really like to know what suggestions you have about getting better at being social and going out and having a good time without any expectations, and verifying if I interpreted what you said correctly. When I'm with one of my friends, I can be the guy I want to be around very easily. For some reason, that changes whenever a person I don't know enters the matrix.

That's enough for now... that's for you input Iceberg and everyone else. I really appreciate it