I need your advice on my very bad situation

[DT25]

Hello,


I have been dating this girl for 7 months. I started dating her pretty much right after she had broken up with her boyfriend. I think she even cheated on him with me. But she assured me that she was pretty much friends with him at the time. They were miserable together. I caught her making contact with her ex, about five months after we dated, she insisted that it was just friendship. I broke up with her over the holidays, but then took her back. I was upset that she lied to me about it. I was upset that she contacted him. I may have overreacted, but I was hurt. Shortly after, she started becoming distant, and very sad. I knew something was wrong. We agreed to take it slow. But she kept being distant. Hot and Cold.

Fast forward to today. She has just told me that she no longer wants the relationship. That she can't have a relationship right now. She has no idea why. She says somedays she wakes up and loves being with me. Somedays she wakes up and wants nothing to do with the relationship. She says she is just messed up emotionally. I love this woman to death. I am so hurt. I don't know what's going on. I left it "well maybe a break will be good for you, and if it's meant to be it will be". I don't know if she fell out of love with me, if he came back in the picture. She said something about the fact that she can't give 100 percent to the relationship, and that she realizes she is being selfish and therefore doesn't want to feel guilty because she is not all in. She told me that it has nothing to do with me. Just that all of a sudden she just feels like this.

My question is, I am going to disappear now. Do you think, if this is an emotional issue, she will come back? Do you think she just needs time to figure things out? Especially the way we started? Or, do you think this is done and that I will never hear from her again. Please help.

 

[scrouds]

She's just not in to you anymore bro. Its done, time for you to move on.

 

[MikeBrown30]

It's done, time to move on to greener pastures. She doesn't need time to get over this "emotional issue" or figure things out, she has just lost all attraction towards you. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to contact her again, do not try to salvage anything. I know that you will feel like you need to talk to her/email/text her, resist all urges to do this.

I recommend you start reading here: http://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

At first you will be in disbelief, but this is the way that the world works. Right now you are in the Matrix, what's important is where you go from here.

Are you going to take the red pill or the blue pill?

 

[Greasy Pig]

It's tough mate but by trying to salvage this will only make her lose what little respect she has for you right now.
All that avails is flight. Take some time to heal but keep yourself occupied and busy. The pain WILL pass. It might take a few weeks but one day you'll wake up and you won't care anymore.

You simply don't want to be with a woman who isn't passionately interested in you. Don't bother trying to "fix" this one, she's gone.
Now you have to embark on a new path.
Hit the gym, buy some new clothes, hook up with your buddies, start or maintain a hobby. You'll start looking and feeling better and the women will start flocking to the new you.

Above all, learn, learn, learn. Remember the bad signals you were getting from this woman and learn to recognise them quickly and react when you meet the new ones.

The world is now your oyster. Go forth and grasp it with both hands and don't let a woman mind **** you again.

 

[backbreaker]

go ghost.

 

[Rubirosa]

My question is, I am going to disappear now. Do you think, if this is an emotional issue, she will come back? Do you think she just needs time to figure things out? Especially the way we started? Or, do you think this is done and that I will never hear from her again. Please help.

Come back to what ? Whatever you have is making her decide to leave. So it's at this point that you step back and take an honest look at yourself. My guess is that you are too emotionally needy and this has been turning her off for some time. She just finally verballized it, that's all. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to live your life like you are the man and that she's lucky to be getting time with you. Always act like you're having fun with or without her, always act a little macho, and always act like you could drop her and not miss her. The scared little boy inside your head will say no to this, but trust me. Stop the puppy dog sh#t and hit the gym and bang other chicks. Your ego is hurt and depending on her to make you feel good about yourself again. That's why you're on here asking advice. You want to stop the ego pain. Consider this pain a blessing as it now necesitates a change in how you run your life.

 

[DT25]

Thanks for your replies. I was not needy. In fact, I gave her space many times. What I wanted was respect. I didn't like the fact that she was texting her ex back and forth without telling me. It always seemed like she was in an emotional struggle with her last relationship. She kept telling me that she doesn't want to do what girlfriend does, she doesn't want to call or see me everyday. She wants it on her own terms, and thinks that is unfair to me. She has been very distant. I have no idea how I was needy. I didn't ask her to hang out or call me. It would have been nice to hear from your "supposed" girlfriend every couple days or so though. Do you guys think this girl was just not "ready" for another relationship after her ex?

 

[speed dawg]

Probably not. But either way, you know she's not into you. Sometimes, even if you do the right things, the chick just doesn't like you. But if she did like you in the beginning, you have to keep doing the things that attracted her to you to begin with. Sounds like you got wussified with her.

And girls are ALWAYS ready for a relationship.

Stick around this site. Read the Don Juan Bible. Stay awhile.

 

[Lexington]

Your first mistake and the one that doomed the relationship before it even started was going after a girl who had just broken up with her boyfriend. They're good for a rebound fling, but expecting it to go long term is a very bad idea.

This girl has lost interest in you. She's basically giving you a variation of the old "it's not you, it's me" routine. It's not certain that she ever had a great deal of interest in you to begin with because it's clear she never completely got over her ex.

There are a number of possibilities. Maybe the ex is back in the picture, maybe she found someone else or maybe she just doesn't have any real interest for you any more. The cause is irrelevant. The bottom line is that it's over and it's time to move on.

Occupy yourself with your hobbies and interests. Get busy going after other women. GFTOW - go fvck ten other women.

 

[backbreaker]

Your first mistake and the one that doomed the relationship before it even started was going after a girl who had just broken up with her boyfriend. They're good for a rebound fling, but expecting it to go long term is a very bad idea.

This girl has lost interest in you. She's basically giving you a variation of the old "it's not you, it's me" routine. It's not certain that she ever had a great deal of interest in you to begin with because it's clear she never completely got over her ex.

There are a number of possibilities. Maybe the ex is back in the picture, maybe she found someone else or maybe she just doesn't have any real interest for you any more. The cause is irrelevant. The bottom line is that it's over and it's time to move on.

Occupy yourself with your hobbies and interests. Get busy going after other women. GFTOW - go fvck ten other women.

I think one of the most over looked issues in gamedom so to speak, is rollo's theory on the dominant Alpha Ex. that **** is real.

Sometimes, it's really not you and it's really nothing you can do about it. she just ran into one of those guys. that guy will have an effect on her, rather he's activly dating her or not.

there is a girl that I dated when I was 23 for about 5 months. girl was head over heels for me, Crystal. I likedher, she was chill, but.. just to depressing and not someone i could stay faithful too honestly. so i cut ties.


to this day, she is still trying to prove she doesn't need me and this was 5 years ago. emailing me pics of her and her "new BF". yet any time i give her a slither of attention, for the smallest things.. she does some work for me in the horse racing front.. and she's honestly pretty damn good she does so it's one of those things that i have to stay in contact with her every once imn a while.. drops everything she is doing.

it's to the point, like, you ever just KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt regardless of what a peson says they want you and you know you can have them if you put the effort in? there is no doubt in my mind if I showed up in lexington (where she lives) and told her i wanted to take her out, that whoever she she is dating is about to get tossed. none wahtsoever. she misses me. she realized what she had. One day she even so much admitted that one of the guys she was with 'He's ok but he's not you"

and on the other hand, i'd be the same way with my wife honestly and she'd be the same way with me. not even becuase we are married. that woman is head over heels in love to this day. i don't care who comes in her life, i don't care how much money he has, how good looking he has, she's going to compare him to me.

note, all significant Ex's aren'[t this way. When I met amber, her ex of 6 years was basically done, and after she put him on speaker phone while he was crying because she wouldn't see him i saw why lol. but it looks like you ran into one of those guys.

If I were to become single again this is one of the things I would make sure i take note of. Screening for the preseance of a dominant alpha male is a must. there can only be one. the good thing is, lol there aren't many of them out there so the odds are you won't run into one. but if you do you can forgot it. the woman has spent days if not weeks or even YEARS pinning on how she was going to get revenge on him or get back with him, what she likes and doesn't like is pinned around him.

 

[Slickster]

What I wanted was respect. I didn't like the fact that she was texting her ex back and forth without telling me. It always seemed like she was in an emotional struggle with her last relationship.

Excellent attitude!!!

Now instead of getting emotional over the break-up, follow through with your convictions.

You demanded respect and obviously she's not willing to give it. Don't ever settle for less. Move on.

If she comes back willing to give the relationship the respect it deserves, fine. If not then the relationship wasn't worth anything anyway. Don't spend a minute of your life worrying about that. Respect yourself!

Good work!

 

[sodbuster]

Not sure what the bad situation is. SHE didn't live up to your expectations of a girlfriend and dropped herself out of the competition for your attention.

The ONLY problem is your's... you are trying to get her back.

 

[Delly2000]

Hmmm. I know alot of people think it is cool for a girl to keep in contact with an ex but I feel that is like a big no no. Seriously...like what for if she is making you the center of her life.

A girl is suppose to be head over heels for you to the point that talking to an ex is a complete waste of time. Also if you laid down the law in the begining she should be scared as heck to reach out to an ex lest you find out and she knows you would walk and missed out on a good future.

In this case you were right to break up with her the first time. You were wrong to take her back...but you liked/loved her. So I understand. No fault to you. Live and learn.

Don't have any illusions about getting her back. Also don't worry too much if she got back with the ex...that obviously will not last (those problems that made them both miserable are still there...and even worst after she got involved with someone else).

You may not see it but you are really a lucky dude. Let this experience help you sharpen your game so you get an even better girl next time that doesn't run behind your back keeping in contact with exes and Lord knows what else.

 

[vatoloco]

Your first mistake and the one that doomed the relationship before it even started was going after a girl who had just broken up with her boyfriend. They're good for a rebound fling, but expecting it to go long term is a very bad idea.

QFT, +1

 

[iqqi]

She wants to get back with him, and she wants to keep you too.

You are lucky it is ending honestly like this without her cheating on you... however there is a big chance she HAS cheated on you with him.

I say break ties immediately, she needs space if you want to call it that. It will be painful because you are so invested in this relationship emotionally, with love to give. Focus on making yourself even better. Do NOT remain friends, she needs space so give it to her. She also needs time and a chance to feel the loss of you.