I need woman/dating advice!!

[ARK]

Hello. Ive been a reader for a little bit but I thought I would join up because Im needing some advice.

Quick history: Im 31, reasonably good looking about 6 foot tall, and 205 lbs. (Lost 20 lbs. from last year.) Im also divorced. I filed for divorce on Sept. 11, 2001. She cheated on me twice. I haven't dated a lot, but I feel like I know what Im doing with a woman on a one on one level. Ok, speed up to 2005. I need advice on several things. Lets break it down.

Short versions
Girl #1 and I had 6 dates and we really seem to work together. We both feel like it is "right" when we are with each other. However she had to move (80 miles away) last weekend. She told me she wished we would have talked sooner so that she would have known if we are compatible for a serious relationship. Though, she said she was hurt before and doesnt want to jump into anything serious right now. Told me I should feel free to date if the opportunity arises. We are keeping in contact and Im going to see her on Memorial Day.

Girl#2 and I went out right after I was divorced. She is now 24 and is seeking me out. Said she was thinking about me and would love to see me sometime. We talked several times this week and we are going out Friday.

Girl #1-long version
Last year my neighbors moved in to the apartment below me. One of which I met is 23 years old. She seemed really friendly, etc. I thought to myself I wanted to get to know her more. Well, I didnt see her that much during the fall and winter. Finally this past spring I saw her coming in and out of the building more. I ended up asking her out and she said yes.

So we go out to dinner and a movie twice in a row. Both times I got a hug. I ask her out again for #3.

We go out to eat the third time and rent a movie. Come back to my place to watch it. By the end of the movie, we began to hold hands and we finally kissed. Put my hand around her neck, rubbed her cheek and it was a nice simple kiss. Afterwards she really felt comfortable and leaned against me with her head on my shoulder. By the end of the night she fell asleep on my chest with her arm around me. I played with her hair, rubbed her neck, etc. Anyway, she leaves at 230 am and we kiss for 5-10 minutes at the door. Just nice passionate kissing.

I call her up after a few days and offered to make dinner for her on date #4. I made Fettucine Alfredo, salad, bread and pineapple upside down cake. She came up at 6:30 that Friday and we ate and talked at least 4 hours. Finally, we go in the living room and put a movie in. We talk. She says she likes me for several reasons. One is she was teasing me about detailing my car one day and my reply was "I like to take care of things." She seemed really intrigued by this. She also said that I "dont put up a front", that she feels safe with me after 4 dates, and that I have a lot of the qualities that she likes. We talk more, kiss etc. and she asks what Im thinkin. I say, "It feels right" her reply was.. "yeah, it does." She is a really awesome girl. She left at 5am!!!

Anyway, date #5 comes by and we have a carbon copy of #4. Passionate kissing, laughing, etc. She just feels really relaxed being in my company. We look each other in the eye and I can just see her building feelings for me. She left at 3am!

Bad thing is she was going to be moving. She studied a ton and took her State boards test and now needed to move to another city. (80 miles away) I offered to help her pack and end up meeting her mom and dad. They buy me dinner, etc. and I help her dad move boxes. Next day (last Saturday) I helped her dad pack the uhual. Cool guy, likes Star Wars so we had stuff in common. Him and I hit it off. Her mom was cool as well and I say my goodbyes when finished and head back upstairs after talking to her about doing dinner. Turns out her dad buys our dinner and we go out and comeback to my place.

We talk at my place last sat. night. She says, "I cant imagine the kissing getting any better than it is now. Usually it gets better as time goes on." We're making out hardcore. She has my shirt grasped in both of her hands and Im pinned down to the couch. **Guys you need to try the suckle on a womans bottom lip. It turns them on BIG-TIME.**

Anyway she goes on to say, "that she wished we had been talking sooner because she would have liked to know before she moved if we were compatible for a serious relationship". After 6 dates... she brings up the topic of a serious relationship. Anyway, she adds, "she was hurt before when she jumped into a serious relationship and right now with her going to school and devoting the majority of her time to school that she was enjoying her freedom of not having to answer to someone. She wanted to let me know because of this, that I was free to date someone else if the opportunity came along.

She was ok with me being divorced, and added what I was to expect from her physically. Basically she is a virgin and wants to wait until shes married. Im cool with that. I actually am. Anyway, we kiss, etc. and we exclaim that we both care for each other and that we are both beginning to build feelings for each other. That we were going to enjoy what we had and if it was meant to be that it will happen. We both agreed to keep in contact and I would come see her after she moved. She added shes never made out on a guys couch before on the 3rd-6th date. Usually she just gives hugs after a date. She just feels so comfortable and relaxed with me. Anyway, we kiss more, etc. and she left. Last Sunday I helped her pack her car, a couple quick kisses, gave me her email and she moved away.

I called her Monday night, we talked for an hour and a half and I have plans to go see her on Memorial Day.

Girl #2 - long version
"When it rains it pours". Right after I got divorced a friend of mine set me up on a date. I was 27 at the time and she was 20. Way to young. We went out and that was that. I was in no shape to have a relationship. Fast forward to a month ago. My buddy who set me up said, "Guess who came in the store and asked about you?" Yep, turned out to be girl #2.

Well this past Tuesday girl #2 contacted me. She told me she had been thinking about me and would love to see me sometime. We now have a date set up for this Friday May 27th. We talked Tuesday night on the phone for about an hour. She seems very forward and while on the phone Monday night said that she like older guys because they were more mature. She wanted to settle down after having a 2pm to 12am job it literally killed her social life. Her friends were getting married, etc. and she wanted a 8 to 5 job where she would have a social life again and would be able to be home at nights with her SO.

Wednesday, she ended up calling me at my work and told me she just landed her new job and said, "she just called to see how my day was going." She knew where I worked, so all she did was look up the number and get my extension.

Anyway, were going out tomorrow night for dinner and a movie. Thoughts?

HELP
For the first time in my life, I am juggling two women. Does anyone have any thoughts or inspirations on how to do this? Turn off the phone.. keep them from knowing about one another. I obviously dont want to hurt either of them.

 

[Qualtran]

To get more advice, try quickly summarizing the pages of text you wrote into a concise paragraph or two. You will find that people will not take the time to read as much as you wrote (I know I wont).

 

[Derek Flint]

Girl #1 sounds like a long-distance relationship, and those rarely work out, although 80 miles isn't all that far.

Too bad, as she sounds like a great girl.

Any chance you could move closer to her?

If not, move on - there are plenty of women out there.

Girl #2 is interested in you, but if you wait too long to bang her like you did with Girl #1, she'll be offended and will lose interest.

On the flip side, Girl #2 sounds like she wants to latch onto someone and quick.

Be very careful, or you may end up being a Dad whether you want to be or not.

 

[Don Corleone]

paraphrase that entire post. Just by the amount of information you put into it, you are overanalyzing this whole situation.

I have experience with judging two women, so take my advice...

Keep in mind, I have not read your post, but my advice to you is this:

Enjoy both seperately, but try not to hurt either of them. Don't lie about either of them to the other. You are not exclusive with either, so you are not in the wrong here.

When you want to really be with one, then if you feel its right, be exclusive with her. I recommend dating as many girls as you can though. the more variety you have, the more you find out what you like.

 

[ARK]

Thanks for the input. I added a short version of each to the top.

Yeah 80 miles isnt that far. I offered to come see her and keep in contact with her. Ive never felt closer to anyone after only 6 dates. By what she has said to me, it sounds like she feels the same way. There is a chance I could move closer. Though not until my lease is up next year. Actually the company I work for has an office in the same town she moved to and they have offered me the opportunity to work out of that office whenever I wanted to move. Girl #1 is a virgin at the age of 23 and wants to wait until she is married. I dont see the opportunity of sex anytime soon. She actually told me this.

I agree about Girl #2. She seems to want to "latch" onto someone quick and yes I think she will want sex in a matter of a few dates. When I look back at when we first went out 4 years ago I probably could have had sex with her then.

When I think about it they are both opposites. With Girl #1 there would not be sex until we were married. If I were to end up with her I would have the choice of becoming a stay at home dad because her career would support the both of us easily. Therefore I would have to give up my career and just do freelance from home. Girl #2 though there would be sex and I would have to keep my career in order to keep us afloat.

 

[ARK]

Don,

That is what I thought I would do, enjoy both separately. The tricky part is seeing both of them at the same time.

Obviously Im not going to volunteer the info, but if asked I probably should say yes I am dating someone else. I dont want to hurt either of them but yeah how much information do I actually tell them when/if they ask. (Yeah I am dating someone else. We've gone out a couple times, etc.) I can just see my phone ringing and it being one of them when Im on a date with the other. heh.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by ARK

HELP
For the first time in my life, I am juggling two women. Does anyone have any thoughts or inspirations on how to do this??? [/B]

You're not really dating either of these women. One's not ready for a relationship and is physically not easily accessible, the other had just reappeared after a hiatus.

Just go out with them and have a good time, you don't have any obligation to either one. Stop sweating it. Who knows, you may meet a new HB and will be able to have even more fun.

 

[themanwithnoname]

you can game both the girls but it requires you to clean more often, being more paranoid, and being more discreet.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You don't have to tell either one of them that you are seeing someone else because at this point you are seeing neither!!!

Long distance of 80 miles would work if you had a longer connection to keep the interest - she'll meet new dudes in school - I suggest you do the same!!

Don't think about marriage until you know someone extremely well over a extended period of time - 6 dates is nothing - so get marriage out of your head!!! You got divorced once!

 

[ARK]

Oh yeah, marriage isnt even in my head. At a certain point though you think about your needs. Career, family, etc. and how that girl makes you feel. Im beginning to look at what my needs are at the age of 31. Whats important to me as a person. Where do I want to be 5 to 10 years from now.

I did ask #1 what she would say if someone asked about us. Her response was we were dating.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by ARK
I did ask #1 what she would say if someone asked about us. Her response was we were dating.

Ok, good question you asked but don't take her response as true -- women always say this!!!! But they falter when another man challenges their resolve!!! She doesn't want YOU to stray - that is the reasoning behind her response!!

You say, or, she says that she is a "virgin"?? I love that word because it is pure and unblemished ! Albeit, every hor I met said she was a virgin so I give little credence to her verbage!!!!

Talk to her and see if her behavior changes over time - calling you less - saying less of how much she misses you, etc........

Do not make committments or promises of your loyalty to anyone -- tell girls that you are loyal to your wife!!!

 

[ARK]

Puerto Rican, she didnt actually come out and say she was a virgin. However, from her response and conversation about what to expect from her physically, one can easily tell that she is one. She made it sound like she is waiting for her husband.

 

[ARK]

UPDATE - Girl #2
We went out last night. I picked her up she was looking great, I was looking great. I called ahead for seating at dinner and she seemed to appreciate that. Conversation was great actually. We joked and laughed quite a bit. I have gone out with her before but that was 4 years ago.

I felt really at ease and felt like I could be myself with Girl #2. She contacted me online, gave me her phone number and said she had been thinking about me and wanted to get in touch. So I felt less pressure to impress her and could relax more. Whereas Girl #1 I felt like I had to impress her a lot. Girl #1 fit the role of the alpha-female.

Anyway, we had dinner killed some time at the mall walking around and going in stores and went to the theater. Turns out, the movie was nearly sold out with only a couple seats here and there. We wouldnt be able to sit together. Ended up deciding to walk around a carnival. I did a little kino by touching her back as we went through the crowd. She seemed at ease. We left with really nothing else to do.

She needed to get home because she had to get up early for a wedding and said she was sorry to have to cut the date short. I suggested we could get some ice cream before I dropped her off. her response was, "How about we get ice cream and see the movie next time." We talked on the way home, she said she had a really good time, etc. I dropped her off at her apt. and left. Stupid me.. I didnt walk her to the door.

Got home and called her. I apologized for the sold out movie as did she and that I didnt walk her to the door. By the tone of her voice she seemed to think this was really thoughtful. Almost had a slight giggle to her voice. "Awe, hes cute" kinda thing. We are planning on going out again. It was a quick phone call, again we both said we had a good time and left it at that.

UPDATE Girl #1
Going to call her tonight and see how she is doing. I havent talked to her. The only time she called me was to confirm a time or day when we would see each other again. She did say, "well if I dont talk to you before Monday, call me when your on the road."

 

[Gangster Of Love]

You need to advance physically with both of these. The longer you wait, the less the chance you will hook up with either, specially since you are not looking for anything close to marriage.

Both of these already know wether or not they are going to be getting in the sack with you. How soon would you like to find out? Every "date" from now on is just postponement, which can just decrease your chances.

 

[tmpgstx]

Girl #2 sounds geniune. I didn't read much about one though, but g2 sounds nice.

What's with the hugs though? To me, hugs = friends. You need to kiss her, get that 'primal fire' in gear. Have her thinking about that kiss until the next date and so fourth. It's not playing games, it's just doing what a man and a woman do who like each other alot. Sex should and can come later of course.

 

[So Many Ways]

Originally posted by Gangster Of Love
You need to advance physically with both of these. The longer you wait, the less the chance you will hook up with either, specially since you are not looking for anything close to marriage.

Both of these already know wether or not they are going to be getting in the sack with you. How soon would you like to find out? Every "date" from now on is just postponement, which can just decrease your chances.

I agree. I've made the mistake of waiting too long to escalate in the past. Don't make the same mistake. Women expect you and want you to make a move.

 

[ARK]

Guys, I know it was a long read but Girl #1 told me what to expect from her physically. She is not willing to get in bed with anyone. SHE IS SAVING HERSELF FOR MARRIAGE. She even told me, "a boyfriend of hers didnt get as far as he thought he would in 4 YEARS." We have however been making out quite a bit. She did tell me, "she cant imagine the kissing getting any better than it is now between us." She pinned me to my couch and grasped my shirt in both of her hands and we made out. Heavy panting, catching our breath, I was kissing her neck and ears, etc. Also gave her a back rub. She loved it and feels really comfortable with me. Not sure how much further I can take it though.

I just had my first date with Girl#2 on Friday. We haven't even had a chance to get physical yet.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You are 31 - if you are looking towards LTR/Marriage then look into all possible options but a girl being 80 miles away makes it difficult to establish a deep bond that is needed to gain each others trust!! Keep tabs with her in case other options fail!!

 

[ARK]

Well I called Girl#1 last night at 9pm since I haven't talked to her since Wed. night. Left a message since she didnt answer. She called back at midnight and told me she was at her moms watching a movie and didnt hear the cell phone ring. Wanted to check that I was coming to see her on Monday morning so that she knew when she should leave her parents house and be there by the time I got there. She didnt want to be on the north side of town when I was heading towards the south end of town. That was the extent of the call.

Havent talked to Girl#2 since we went out Friday night. Sat. she had a wedding to go to out of town/state so I didnt want to call. Plus with the holiday weekend I imagine she is busy. Wondering though at what point if she doesnt call when I should. Tonight before I go to Indy to see Girl#1 or when I get back Monday or even Tuesday eve. Maybe tuesday would be better that way I could ask how her first day was at her new job and slip in going to see the movie we didnt get to see on our date.

 

[ARK]

I went to see Girl #1 on Monday. Turned out to be only an hour away which wasnt too bad. I wasnt sure how the day would go but when she opened the door to her new apt. the first thing she did was say hi and kissed me. I knew right away how the day was going to go.

We made lunch and ate it there and drove to the zoo holding hands in the car. When we were at the zoo I used major Kino on her. Whenever we would be looking at an exhibit I would put my hand on her back, shoulder, etc. She would lean against me and we even gave a kiss a couple times. I could tell everytime we left an exhibit she would search for my hand and hold it. It was a great feeling. I even got her to Kino my back when we were walking along the zoo and she even rested her head on my shoulder when we waited in line.

When we left there we went to Hobby Lobby and ended up going to Olive Garden for dinner. After dinner we rented a movie and went back to her place. She showed me some family pics in some albums she did and watched the movie. Afterwards we kissed and made out for a while. I would ask her what she is thinking and a couple times she would say "nothing" as if there were some deep thoughts that she had and didnt want to share. Time slipped by and I finally left at 1am. Drove back home and by 2:10am I was in bed. We both had a great time.

I have to say that reading the Kino part of the bible has definitely helped me in dating this girl. Thanks guys!