"I need space"- texts me a day later

[JonnyD123]

This f*cking girl will be the death of me I swear. Been dating off and on for the better part of 8 months. Got into an argument the other day, she said a bunch and stuff, and then apologized to me the next day.

Later that night we talked before bed and she says "I need some time to think, maybe we can talk next week but I need to clear my head." I say "ok." Radio silence.

Fast forward 12 hours, she says "I can't do this I'm driving myself crazy." Then tries face timing me. Still NC on my end.

Talk about a rollercoaster. It's easier looking in from the outside so I'm trying to get your perspective. I care about this girl, but man my sanity is dwindling. What would you do?

 

[resilient]

Ouch, I rode that rollercoaster last month until the early part of this month. Its hell. I got a response similar to yours, yet she didn't try to contact me.

I don't know the nature of your arguments, yet you were smart to go NC when it got that heated. In the meantime, eat well, hit the gym, hang with the bros and be well-rested so you can think straight.

 

[icantgetlaid]

best approach = silence/NC and do what resilient said: use the emotion as motivation to get your SMV up: gym, eat right, date more girls, buy some new digs, etc.

 

[bigneil]

Wait, so the OP has a girl who he doesn't really have? Doesn't that cancel out?

Choose women who choose you. She is higher value than you or you would walk away.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

She's a dud, cut the investment off now before it gets worse.

As a man you shouldn't even have time to worry about one girl that's being wishy washy. When a girl finds a valuable guy shes into knows damn well to behave.

The fact she bothered you because she lost interest is your a answer right there.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

As a man, it's important to understand the dichotomy of what people say and what they do. By arguing with people, you are not emotionally centred, you are allowing them to control your emotional frame.

"I can't do this I'm driving myself crazy."

This is not necessarily a positive statement from your point of view. She's saying she can't do this. 'This' could be anything, emotionally charged people will tell you half truths to avoid inflaming the situation further. What she could be telling you is she cant be with you anymore.

Part of her probably doesn't want to be with you, because you can't maintain the emotional centre and lead her properly.

This is just observation, and my personal experience. If you can start to lead her in such a way that you remain calm and maintain the frame like she wants you to, you might be able to salvage the situation.

She doesn't want you to argue back. She wants to be feminine and you to be masculine. That being said, if she's just constantly difficult and or unstable, time to let her go.

 

[lizardking82]

Dude, I did not even read your post at all cause I don't need to. The moment I saw the title, I was reminded of my own situation a couple of months ago with someone that was quite dear to me and vice versa for more than 2 years. When she says "I need some space", what she means is that she doesn't want you anywhere near her right now. For your own sake, leave her alone. Maybe she's messed up, maybe you messed up, who knows. The main point is that you cannot make her do anything so lay back and start juggling other stuff right away. Get your mind off this chick. If you can't, it's because you got no options or at least not the options you want.

 

[dude99]

This f*cking girl will be the death of me I swear. Been dating off and on for the better part of 8 months. Got into an argument the other day, she said a bunch and stuff, and then apologized to me the next day.

Later that night we talked before bed and she says "I need some time to think, maybe we can talk next week but I need to clear my head." I say "ok." Radio silence.

Fast forward 12 hours, she says "I can't do this I'm driving myself crazy." Then tries face timing me. Still NC on my end.

Talk about a rollercoaster. It's easier looking in from the outside so I'm trying to get your perspective. I care about this girl, but man my sanity is dwindling. What would you do?

Ill give it to you in bullet points as to what is going on in her head.

Her interest in you is fading.

She needs time to clear her mind. Aka she is interested in another guy.

Told you to give her a week.

Attempted to branch swing to this guy.

Over estimated his interest in her. Mid swing the branch broke.

Realizing she F_cked up huge she has gone into panic mode hoping you don't walk away.


Any time a girl "needs time" you tell her to take all the time she need. Stay NC. Go date new girls. No girl is worth your sanity. No girl.

 

[RangerMIke]

Are you having fun? No? Then dump her. Cut her off and go have fun.

 

[sazc]

Got into an argument the other day, she said a bunch and stuff, and then apologized to me the next day.

That sh1t right there is my deal breaker. Over time I have learned the VERY rough lesson that, people who get ugly with you, people who personally attack you, they think it's okay to do that. In a relationship where someone REALLY values you, and what you have, both people need to take care to ensure that they are not being destructive.

She's already shown you how she IS going to behave everytime she gets angry, and you are saying here that you are worn out and funny like the drama.

You can do better, even if better is being single and having peace for awhile until you meet someone else.

 

[Glassguy]

Cut your losses. There is someone else in the picture and she is an emotional mess on whether or not to branch swing to him. Shes already fvcked him or is thinking about fvcking him or she wouldnt be in limbo with you.

What a real man would do:

Her: I need some time to clear my head.
Real man: You're right and I have been feeling the same way. I think I'm going to explore some other possibilities.

Give her a wink and smile and show her your back.

Even if she is calling your bluff, its been on again and off again in a short 8 months.

Go NC and start spinning new plates. Give her all the time in the world, just not your world.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

She's already shown you how she IS going to behave everytime she gets angry, and you are saying here that you are worn out and funny like the drama.

You can do better, even if better is being single and having peace for awhile until you meet someone else.

Respectfully disagree. All we know is that 'they argue', she took time out as any person is entitled to, and tried to re-open lines of communication,albeit after only 12hours. A lot of embittered little sh!ts herein will be quick to jump to the OPs defence, but we don't have nearly enough information to be taking sides - i.e. the nature of these 'arguments' (see my previous response).

Women are emotional. If a man is arguing, he's acting like a woman. Full stop.

 

[sazc]

Respectfully disagree. All we know is that 'they argue', she took time out as any person is entitled to, and tried to re-open lines of communication,albeit after only 12hours. A lot of embittered little sh!ts herein will be quick to jump to the OPs defence, but we don't have nearly enough information to be taking sides - i.e. the nature of these 'arguments' (see my previous response).

Women are emotional. If a man is arguing, he's acting like a woman. Full stop.

Understood and agree. My point was made from the assumption that she got ugly and/or personal with her words.

Honestly, what would she have to apologize for if this wasn't the case?

Personally I'm tired and thru with people behaving this way. Lol, maybe I'll go female MGTOW

 

[AttackFormation]

Personally I'm tired and thru with people behaving this way. Lol, maybe I'll go female MGTOW

Trouble with your boyfriend?

 

[The Duke]

For whatever reason she has little interest in you at this point. Go buy her actions, do not trust her words. Girls are famous for not owning up to their true feelings in situations like this. They don't want the break up to be their fault, they think they are doing you a favor by stringing you a long. Its all designed to protect their fragile ego's and keep confrontation minimal.

There will be zero confusion with a girl that is totally into you like she should be. That's the only kind of girl to have.

Time to throw in the towel and find her replacement.

 

[lizardking82]

Understood and agree. My point was made from the assumption that she got ugly and/or personal with her words.

Honestly, what would she have to apologize for if this wasn't the case?

Personally I'm tired and thru with people behaving this way. Lol, maybe I'll go female MGTOW

That means you'll go WGTOW

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Understood and agree. My point was made from the assumption that she got ugly and/or personal with her words.

Honestly, what would she have to apologize for if this wasn't the case?

Personally I'm tired and thru with people behaving this way. Lol, maybe I'll go female MGTOW

That's my very point about emotional responses. If she was out of line to the point that crossed the line, fair enough - time to start evaluating the situation. Depends on the severity of the offense and the OPs personal standards of behaviour. It's the very nature of being emotionally upset, people say and do things they don't mean.

Indeed, she can at least be commended for apologising and making a bit of space was actually a considered and mature thing to do. Seems like she's not decompressed for long enough though and is still emotional.

The best thing is to spend two or three days apart and have a rational conversation afterwards. The OP should communicate this and act upon it.

PS. If you're with men who are emotional or act in ways that compromise your standards, you're associating with the wrong man/men/people.

 

[sazc]

Trouble with your boyfriend?

It's done. He got a year and a half of reasonable communication about not presumably attacking me in arguments and couldn't calm down and communicate maturely. I need something different. He was a great guy ever for this one thing. I just can't see myself having this dynamic as a normal "thing" going forward.

Funny thing is, when I told him he was hurting me with his words, I got accused of trying to control and manipulate him with my emotions. He lost me because he needed to be ugly when he was mad. It's just so insane.

 

[AttackFormation]

It's done.

I saw it coming months ago in another thread

So you dumped him or did he dump you?

 

[Roober]

Take this for what it's worth, but when a woman wants "space" or gets distant, it is the beginning of the end. You could labor through it for days, weeks, or even months (like I did) or just cut your losses now and move on!