I need some opinions on this situation! 13 year age difference!

[Kari]

Ok, I'll keep this short and simple:

I'm 19 and a woman who wants a relationship with me is 32 and she has a Son who is 6. She is also my next door neighbor. I am postive that she is looking for a serious relationship and not some "fling", although I wish this was not the case, as the age difference is quite "extreme"...or so I have read. I really didn't see it as a big deal, but I wanted to know what you guys thought about it..any Advantages or Disadvantages?

I know this part of the website is dedicated to "Mature Men" but I think my situation is best left to be evaluated by the people in this area.

Thanks in advance.

 

[K-man]

Ok, I'll keep this short and simple:


Been there, done exactly that.
Such a waste of precious time, money and energy I almost want to kill myself when I think about it.

Do what you want with her but DO NOT ENTER A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP with her.

Honestly, you might be very mature for your age but it's very strange that a 32 year old woman with a child would be "serious" with a 19 year old guy. Sex, yes, but as a partner? No, something's fishy here.

 

[cordoncordon]

The women is a nutjob. End of story.

 

[sodbuster]

She wants a dumb kid she can control and raise to HER definition of a husband. You will only be happy as long as you are willing to be her kid. IF you were ever to grow up and be a man[or want to] you'll be unhappy or dumped.

You need to get your degree and get life under control before you get married.

 

[Warrior74]

I hate to doubt your veracity, but how exactly are you positive she wants something serious?

A 32 year old woman with a child to raise who wants a serious relationship with a 19 year old throws up a lot of red flags.

 

[Desdinova]

Do YOU have any kids?

No???

Then date a woman who doesn't either.

When you don't have the experience of being a parent, a single mother is going to frustrate the hell out of you. You'll either have to date them with the kid in tow, or you'll have to wait until she's got a babysitter - and even help pay for one.

You've got the freedom to date women on any day of the week, at any time of day. So why would you want a single mother slogging down your time and energy? Don't spend your parent-free days waiting for a single mother's free time, use those days to get some enjoyment out of your life.

 

[Kari]

Thank you all for your kind responses, but I am observing posters assuming things then jumping to conclusions about the woman in questions sanity. I think that I am to blame for this misconception, as I do not believe I have accurately articulated the full extent of the position that I find myself in; so allow me to elucidate this situation in a more clarifying manner.

Ok, for starters one fact that I neglected to mention was the fact that this is not a random female who I have just come into contact with, I have been acquainted with "Ashley"(A Pseudonym) for approximately 8 months. When I first met her I was the one who attempted to start a relationship (sexual) with her. (As a side note I am well acquainted with this website and I have assimilated the advice given here quite well, I actually have my pick of the women, I get sexually harassed frequently, but I only flirt, and other things of that nature, at work. I don't devote any of my "free-time" to "picking up women" or other trivial events).

Ok, back to the topic at hand: "Ashley" is attractive for her age and I assumed she was in her mid-to-late twenties. Needless to say, she rejected all of my advances and she did not "take any of the bait" of my "Techniques". This woman did not even want me touching her, period I tried, she rejected all attempts so I decided to stop trying and move on. We remained ok associates but we never really called each other, "hung out" or anything. During this period I went about improving my physical appearance quite drastically. Became a Vegetarian, worked out, better dressing, etc. Basically becoming the sophisticated male you are "talking" with today. I have always been "advanced" for my age mentally, maturity wise, intellectually etc; but I did not look like it until very recently. Now that that's out of the way, let us commence with the topic once again.

About a month ago I saw "Ashely", while I was returning to my place of residence, and she stated, "Kari, you look sooo handsome." with a smile. Now taking into consideration the last time, I assumed she was only joking, so I said thanks, awkwardly, and continued about my personal business. Then a week later I saw her after what could be called a "workout", I had on a muscle shirt, she was talking with another neighbor lady and then she states to me "Hey sexy, I'm loving the muscle shirt, wooo!" Of course I was yet again surprised so I reacted the same as last time. Then I went over to her house a few more times and long story short, she taught me how to dance, then after that she started playing "love songs" when I'm over and she kept singing to me the lyrics. Interesting, and she actively initiated us touching and rubbing on each other etc. But no sex has happened. We are actually going out tonight, so I may brief you on what happens, we are going to see the movie Kick-Ass, because I was informed that it was awesome.


So to wrap this up for condensed reading, as far as "personal issues" are concerned, I have done extensive Independent Research in various fields including Psychology and Cognitive Disorders and the only issues I have seen involving her Psyche is that "Ashely" has tendencies of less-than-desirable control of Anger when she feels that she has been dealt an injustice and a polarization towards "cursing" in her conversations. I have chastised her about tis.

Also, I do not plan on getting married, ever, so that is not an issue for me and it's way to early, in my opinion, to discuss such important matters at such an early stage in this relationship. Also regarding her child, he is a nice little guy, but I am opposed to having children also. I can handle dating a woman with a child, so long as I don't have any biologically.

Ok, that should cover everything. I await your opinions, thanks

 

[Kari]

She wants a dumb kid she can control and raise to HER definition of a husband. You will only be happy as long as you are willing to be her kid.

How did you come to this conclusion? Do you know the woman in question? Her motives? Are you a Mind Reader? A Soothsayer? A pessimist? Seriously I want to know how you came to this conclusion. And if this is the case she will be very disappointed, I follow my own will.

You need to get your degree and get life under control before you get married.

I am going to ignore this silly piece of garbage and respectfully ask that you refrain from telling me what to do. Thanks.

 

[Kari]

Do YOU have any kids?

No???

Then date a woman who doesn't either.

When you don't have the experience of being a parent, a single mother is going to frustrate the hell out of you. You'll either have to date them with the kid in tow, or you'll have to wait until she's got a babysitter - and even help pay for one.

You've got the freedom to date women on any day of the week, at any time of day. So why would you want a single mother slogging down your time and energy? Don't spend your parent-free days waiting for a single mother's free time, use those days to get some enjoyment out of your life.

No, I do not have any children, thank "god".

Good points but it's not like I couldn't just walk away from the relationship if I felt things weren't going "good". What do you think now?

 

[Warrior74]

Thank you all for your kind responses, but I am observing posters assuming things then jumping to conclusions about the woman in questions sanity. I think that I am to blame for this misconception, as I do not believe I have accurately articulated the full extent of the position that I find myself in; so allow me to elucidate this situation in a more clarifying manner.

Ok, for starters one fact that I neglected to mention was the fact that this is not a random female who I have just come into contact with, I have been acquainted with "Ashley"(A Pseudonym) for approximately 8 months. When I first met her I was the one who attempted to start a relationship (sexual) with her. (As a side note I am well acquainted with this website and I have assimilated the advice given here quite well, I actually have my pick of the women, I get sexually harassed frequently, but I only flirt, and other things of that nature, at work. I don't devote any of my "free-time" to "picking up women" or other trivial events).

Ok, back to the topic at hand: "Ashley" is attractive for her age and I assumed she was in her mid-to-late twenties. Needless to say, she rejected all of my advances and she did not "take any of the bait" of my "Techniques". This woman did not even want me touching her, period I tried, she rejected all attempts so I decided to stop trying and move on. We remained ok associates but we never really called each other, "hung out" or anything. During this period I went about improving my physical appearance quite drastically. Became a Vegetarian, worked out, better dressing, etc. Basically becoming the sophisticated male you are "talking" with today. I have always been "advanced" for my age mentally, maturity wise, intellectually etc; but I did not look like it until very recently. Now that that's out of the way, let us commence with the topic once again.

About a month ago I saw "Ashely", while I was returning to my place of residence, and she stated, "Kari, you look sooo handsome." with a smile. Now taking into consideration the last time, I assumed she was only joking, so I said thanks, awkwardly, and continued about my personal business. Then a week later I saw her after what could be called a "workout", I had on a muscle shirt, she was talking with another neighbor lady and then she states to me "Hey sexy, I'm loving the muscle shirt, wooo!" Of course I was yet again surprised so I reacted the same as last time. Then I went over to her house a few more times and long story short, she taught me how to dance, then after that she started playing "love songs" when I'm over and she kept singing to me the lyrics. Interesting, and she actively initiated us touching and rubbing on each other etc. But no sex has happened. We are actually going out tonight, so I may brief you on what happens, we are going to see the movie Kick-Ass, because I was informed that it was awesome.


So to wrap this up for condensed reading, as far as "personal issues" are concerned, I have done extensive Independent Research in various fields including Psychology and Cognitive Disorders and the only issues I have seen involving her Psyche is that "Ashely" has tendencies of less-than-desirable control of Anger when she feels that she has been dealt an injustice and a polarization towards "cursing" in her conversations. I have chastised her about tis.

Also, I do not plan on getting married, ever, so that is not an issue for me and it's way to early, in my opinion, to discuss such important matters at such an early stage in this relationship. Also regarding her child, he is a nice little guy, but I am opposed to having children also. I can handle dating a woman with a child, so long as I don't have any biologically.

Ok, that should cover everything. I await your opinions, thanks

I agree you covered most of the possible disadvantages that people will throw up at you. You've made a strong case for dating her. You presented your argument in a seemingly logical and rational sense. And in the end, you're a grown man and you are gonna do what you wanna do. It seems to me that you've already made up your mind and really have no need for my opinion or anyone's for that matter. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[jophil28]

I am going to ignore this silly piece of garbage and respectfully ask that you refrain from telling me what to do. Thanks.

This is an ADVICE forum and Sodbuster gave you some valuable general advice.

I agree with Warrior. You seem to be convinced that you have life undercontrol because you have the ability to think.
However you do not yet have the experience with women that generates wisdom and discernment.

Go ahead with this "over the fence" liason. It offers a fast track opportunity to learn about the intricacies, the demands, and the traps of relationships.

Good luck with this- we are here if you need to "talk" . I have a hunch that you will be back in a few months.

 

[logic1]

yelp, you have it figured out. You have nothing to learn here. Put the mirror away before you leave the room.

Good luck

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

This strikes me as a "spider and fly" scenario.

Who's the spider? It ain't you, lil buddy.

It's laughable that any 32 year old would want a relationship with a 19 year old. 32 loves to bang 19 (especially if 32 is male and 19 female), but get in a relationship with one? GTF outta here.

 

[iqqi]

I could have fun with this, but I'll get to the point.

OP, your unnecessary use of big words makes you look especially young and wet behind the ears even though I realize that you are trying to look sophisticated. And you should work on your grammar. Way too many "" going on.

The best advice you'll get on this is (drum roll please!)... just have fun. The age difference might not matter once you are a little older, but right now you are just way too young to even worry about serious romances with 30 year olds. If you happen to find yourself in a year long, or even a two year long, relationship with this woman... then great! Maybe you'll learn something. Otherwise, just go with the flow, and have fun.

If she is naive enough to think that a 19 year old is anywhere near ready for marriage, that is her fault. She is older and should know better.

 

[Desdinova]

Good points but it's not like I couldn't just walk away from the relationship if I felt things weren't going "good". What do you think now?

I think the same way I did before I made my first post.

Also, if things weren't going good for you in this relationship, you very well COULD (and probably SHOULD walk away). Everyone has control of their own direction.

But as Warrior74 stated, it seems you've figured out which direction you're going in.

 

[Hammer79]

No don't do it. You guy's are at two different stages in you lives but if she's a smoking hot 31 year by all means have your fun and let her go. But don't get into a relatinship with her.

 

[DangNammit]

Hey - If the 13 years were you being 30 and her being 43 I'd say go have your relationship if you really care about her and the two of you click.

As some of the other posters have said though, the gap at your ages as they are, is going to be pretty tough for the r/s to work.

That being said, here's how it would have played out when I was 19...

HER: Hey cutie wanna' eff?
ME (2.5 min later): That was effing sweet! I think I love you.
HER: Run along.
ME: Wanna go see a movie sometime?
HER: No. Forget this happened.

 

[sodbuster]

Well, I never argue with a dumbass-they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience[being stupid all the time]. Hope you have planned something better than a welfare check for income. The ACTUAL unemployment rate is closer to 20% than the claimed 10%. That little piece of paper will count for alot. The next 5 or 6 years will be "interesting" for the country as we work off personal debt and the government has to cut spending because the Chinese stop lending to us.

My ex GF[who couldn't control me] is living with a 28 year old now. She TOLD me he's easy to control. ASK married men if his wife started trying to treat him like one of the kids after she had some.

But I really hope you don't listen to me. The more you screw up your life,the less competition you are for my sons-they'll probably need janitors in their businesses

 

[Kari]

Good advice so far. Very much appreciated.

@Warrior75- Thanks for the compliment, but I have not "made up my mind", which is why I posted this. I hold the "Veteran" posters of Sosuave.com in high regard, for they have Wisdom (Personal experience) and Knowledge (by reading information posted on this website by others) in the area of Dating. I always look for others perspectives on such matters, it helps me develop.

@jophil28- I did not mean anything negative by my comment to "sodbuster" I just have little tolerance for someone telling me what to do. Suggestions are always welcome, commands are not. I felt like he commanded, so I took appropriate action in a respectful manner.

Also I am glad you approve. You said "However you do not yet have the experience with women that generates wisdom and discernment." I am 100% positive that you are correct in the assumption, but how am I supposed to get experience without taking some risks? I see this situation as a chance to learn something. To me there are no failures in life, only lessons or opportunities and once I make a perceived mistake, I always correct it. Also you said "Good luck with this- we are here if you need to "talk" . I have a hunch that you will be back in a few months." I do not think it will take months. It could take Minutes, Hours, Days or Weeks. If I see any serious problems, this "relationship" will be over a.s.a.p. I do not "play games" of this nature. I think I will stick around here for a bit, but I would LOVE to hear any tips you may have on women/dating, you and Warrior75. PM me please, I think it would be a nice discussion.

@logic1-"yelp, you have it figured out. You have nothing to learn here." I would argue to the contrary. I still have much to learn and ponder. In fact I am sure I will be learning things for the rest of my existence on this planet. I look forward to it.

@Julius_Seizeher- I like your moniker, it is very witty in my opinion. And yes I am aware why you may perceive it in that manner. I studied all the works of "Pook" from this website and his blog, and yes the manipulation of honest, trustworthy into slaves, is widely abound in the American culture but, trust me, I am no fool and I, figuratively speaking, squash Spiders for fun. (I would never do it literally though, I respect all forms of life) Thanks for your response.

@iqqi- Why are you "criticizing" me unnecessarily? I use my extended vocabulary whenever I wish. And we, more accurately you, seem to have a misunderstood a few things:

"The best advice you'll get on this is (drum roll please!)... just have fun."

1.)Gee wilikers, thanks Captain Obvious. :eyeroll: "Fun" is a goal in all of my endeavors of life. You might want consider being more mindful of your feelings, arrogance is not a good trait to have in my opinion. Unless you were not attempting to be arrogant. Perhaps it was funny/sarcasm, that you attempted to convey? I do not know, please clarify.

"The age difference might not matter once you are a little older, but right now you are just way too young to even worry about serious romances with 30 year olds."

2.)My exact statement was " I am positive she is looking for a serious relationship..." Which is not an absolute certainty or fact. It is merely speculation. Furthermore what makes you assume that I am "worrying" about anything. I keep a detached objective mind set when dealing with issues, so "worrying" about anything, for me, is not only unproductive but also impractical, for things will happen as they happen when and if they do happen. So if I can't change it, I do not waste my precious time dwelling on it.

"If you happen to find yourself in a year long, or even a two year long, relationship with this woman... then great! Maybe you'll learn something. Otherwise, just go with the flow, and have fun."

3.) Good advice, I am highly doubtful it will get that far but hey, who knows

"f she is naive enough to think that a 19 year old is anywhere near ready for marriage, that is her fault. She is older and should know better."

4.) I am 19 in physical age only. Intellectually, Morally, Philosophically, etc I am "different". And you are overlooking that fact that "Marriage" is not apart of my future. I stated that in a previous post. In fact I know "Marriage" is just a long-term or life financial contract and I think its absurd. In fact don't even think life long monogamous relationships are even a Natural occurrence for our species, but that is an entirely different topic altogether.

Thanks a lot for your responses, I have a lot to think about. I look forward to the replies

 

[Kari]

Well, I never argue with a dumbass-they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience[being stupid all the time]. Hope you have planned something better than a welfare check for income. The ACTUAL unemployment rate is closer to 20% than the claimed 10%. That little piece of paper will count for alot. The next 5 or 6 years will be "interesting" for the country as we work off personal debt and the government has to cut spending because the Chinese stop lending to us.

My ex GF[who couldn't control me] is living with a 28 year old now. She TOLD me he's easy to control. ASK married men if his wife started trying to treat him like one of the kids after she had some.

But I really hope you don't listen to me. The more you screw up your life,the less competition you are for my sons-they'll probably need janitors in their businesses

Very interesting post. I have very limited knowledge of economics and politics but now I will look into it more, but for now I can not agree or disagree with your first paragraph . And again, I am well aware of Women and their manipulation tactics. Most Men think they are free when in reality they are slaves to their wives every whim.

And don"t lie or use reverse psychology on me, you actually really hope I do listen to you. You want to help me by not letting me do certain things. Very commendable and your awesome for it. You interest me, anymore tips, I would like to "hear" them.