CactusMcDougal
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2006
- Messages
- 89
- Reaction score
- 0
Hello, all. I have lurked for quite a while as an anonymous on this fair forum. I have a fair understanding of your terminology and your philosophies. I have even read the DJ Bible through at least three times already. But, there is one thing that oft continues to plague my consciousness for many restless nights.
The DJ Bible seems to be written for people who are already fairly well-off; it assumes that they have friends, job, are already over eighteen, etc. I, on the other hand, have none of that.
For starters, I am not in a normal public High School anymore. I was invited to be in a new (and fairly unique for the North Texas area) programme that, in essence, combined High School and College into one. What that means is that we, as members of the Collegiate High School, take classes up on the college campus. For our classes, we get both High School and College credit. This is fairly benificiary because almost all of us will graduate with not only our diplomas but also an Associate's Degree (Sciences or Arts).
And I must say, college, although rather intimidating at first, is rather abuzz with activity...that I almost always distance myself from. Despite the active atmosphere of the campus, I can never seem to fit in. And this is not just with the college students. (They all seem to harbour a bad attitude towards the high school students.) My peers are not accepting of me as a person or as a human of equal worth; however, they seem to have no trouble accepting me when it comes to matters of the mind. To cut a long explaination short: I have no friends to speak of within the school, or elsewhere for that matter.
This is not really the main issue, though. My real concern lies with the fact that I am still an introvert even though I have amassed the proper theory behind self-improvement. I guess you could say that I have no motivation to improve. Why would I? I am a (within reason) top-level student amongst my colleagues. I already have a head-start in the academic field. I have several engineering firms competing for my attention already. But, I am still faced with crippling depression due to my alienation from humanity in general. This has begun affecting my day-to-day dealings with others and my studies.
And that depression feeds from a very low self-esteem. That's why I do well academically so I can compensate for the fact that I lack basic social prowess. But, it does nothing for my confidence. I have no "happy memories" or "positive experiences" to grasp. Unfortunately, the negative voice has been my voice of reason for most of my life. (I suppose it stems from the fact that my parents were the same way.) This, in effect, has led to a negative outlook despite knowledge of a positive outcome.
In addition to depression, I have begun to consider succumbing to emotions that distinctly reek of rage and madness. In my mind, there is a voice that tells me to kill and harm every person that does not accept me immediately. It also tells me that if my primary sexual desires and lusts cannot be satisfied through rational means, I must satisfy them by force; I must forcefully, brutally, and savagely ravage all vulnerable females in sight. I know that this voice is not sexuality, it is a savage and beast-like rage that is driving me to thoughts of rape and murder. It is my budding inner sociopath. I do not want to give in to this voice, for I fear the consequences that come along with following its direction.
And so, this has given me the self-label of, as you, my predecessors, would call, WBAFC. Although I don't approve of the wording, the meaning behind it is very fitting to my description. In theory, since I have knowledge, I should be a rAFC, but I still see myself as WBAFC.
But, I do seek improvement nevertheless. This is where I hope the Don Juans, or perhaps even Pick-Up Artists, of this fine forum can help. I cannot improve myself alone. No matter how much knowledge I can acrue, I will not be able to find the self-motivation to improve myself. As stated in the topic, I need a Mentor. Basically, I need an experienced individual to teach me, preferrably through field work or some similar means, how to interact with people, chiefly women. I need someone who can help me practically apply the knowledge I have aquired through my studies. Most importantly, I need someone who can help me pick myself back up when I fall (or help me get up, for that matter).
Please forgive me if I seemed to ramble. I am here to seek help. Hopefully, if they were able to make it past my prattling and my meaningless self-analysis, some fine Don Jaun would be able to help a poor wretch such as myself. Nevertheless, I am humbled in the presence of this community. It's mere existance is a service to the successful and the unsuccessful alike. Perhaps one day I can grace your boards with a success story of my own.
The DJ Bible seems to be written for people who are already fairly well-off; it assumes that they have friends, job, are already over eighteen, etc. I, on the other hand, have none of that.
For starters, I am not in a normal public High School anymore. I was invited to be in a new (and fairly unique for the North Texas area) programme that, in essence, combined High School and College into one. What that means is that we, as members of the Collegiate High School, take classes up on the college campus. For our classes, we get both High School and College credit. This is fairly benificiary because almost all of us will graduate with not only our diplomas but also an Associate's Degree (Sciences or Arts).
And I must say, college, although rather intimidating at first, is rather abuzz with activity...that I almost always distance myself from. Despite the active atmosphere of the campus, I can never seem to fit in. And this is not just with the college students. (They all seem to harbour a bad attitude towards the high school students.) My peers are not accepting of me as a person or as a human of equal worth; however, they seem to have no trouble accepting me when it comes to matters of the mind. To cut a long explaination short: I have no friends to speak of within the school, or elsewhere for that matter.
This is not really the main issue, though. My real concern lies with the fact that I am still an introvert even though I have amassed the proper theory behind self-improvement. I guess you could say that I have no motivation to improve. Why would I? I am a (within reason) top-level student amongst my colleagues. I already have a head-start in the academic field. I have several engineering firms competing for my attention already. But, I am still faced with crippling depression due to my alienation from humanity in general. This has begun affecting my day-to-day dealings with others and my studies.
And that depression feeds from a very low self-esteem. That's why I do well academically so I can compensate for the fact that I lack basic social prowess. But, it does nothing for my confidence. I have no "happy memories" or "positive experiences" to grasp. Unfortunately, the negative voice has been my voice of reason for most of my life. (I suppose it stems from the fact that my parents were the same way.) This, in effect, has led to a negative outlook despite knowledge of a positive outcome.
In addition to depression, I have begun to consider succumbing to emotions that distinctly reek of rage and madness. In my mind, there is a voice that tells me to kill and harm every person that does not accept me immediately. It also tells me that if my primary sexual desires and lusts cannot be satisfied through rational means, I must satisfy them by force; I must forcefully, brutally, and savagely ravage all vulnerable females in sight. I know that this voice is not sexuality, it is a savage and beast-like rage that is driving me to thoughts of rape and murder. It is my budding inner sociopath. I do not want to give in to this voice, for I fear the consequences that come along with following its direction.
And so, this has given me the self-label of, as you, my predecessors, would call, WBAFC. Although I don't approve of the wording, the meaning behind it is very fitting to my description. In theory, since I have knowledge, I should be a rAFC, but I still see myself as WBAFC.
But, I do seek improvement nevertheless. This is where I hope the Don Juans, or perhaps even Pick-Up Artists, of this fine forum can help. I cannot improve myself alone. No matter how much knowledge I can acrue, I will not be able to find the self-motivation to improve myself. As stated in the topic, I need a Mentor. Basically, I need an experienced individual to teach me, preferrably through field work or some similar means, how to interact with people, chiefly women. I need someone who can help me practically apply the knowledge I have aquired through my studies. Most importantly, I need someone who can help me pick myself back up when I fall (or help me get up, for that matter).
Please forgive me if I seemed to ramble. I am here to seek help. Hopefully, if they were able to make it past my prattling and my meaningless self-analysis, some fine Don Jaun would be able to help a poor wretch such as myself. Nevertheless, I am humbled in the presence of this community. It's mere existance is a service to the successful and the unsuccessful alike. Perhaps one day I can grace your boards with a success story of my own.
