I might have BPD

[BoostedArrow]

Currently I'm reading 48 laws of power and reading law 10 (Infection: Avoid the unhappy and unlucky) was quite fascinating, bc. it literally describes people with BPD and how they brought down others. (And therefore it says you should avoid them obviously.)

This got me thinking about this:

During the pandemic I was quite in a dark place. I was isolated, no friends no girls, I had no job, I was just a ****ing failure. This resulted in me getting depressed and to fix that and myself I wanted to try therapy. I started with one, I liked her but she didn't think anything was wrong with me, so I visited another one. I answered some questions on some tests. It turned out I was suffering from a "moderate depression", which seemed about right. She also did another test which was about personality traits. It came out that I had traits of several PDs (Personality disorders). Some of them were BPD, NPD, Avoidant PD, Dependent PD. (I need to say here that these results probably just meant I had traits of these PDs and was somewhat "on the spectrum" of those disorders. I don't know for sure if I actually have any of these PDs, especially since I was in really bad space at the time. I started therapy right after my 19th birthday btw.)

When I think about it, it makes quite sense, bc I have always been somewhat impulsive with a short temper (I thought that was just bc I was italian lol) and can fluctuate in different emotions quite fast.

Now why I come up with all that stuff: I have been struggling socially for quite some time. Even though I have improved I still struggle with ppl staying with me / actively choosing my company. Since 48 laws adviced to stay away from BPDs I assume that might be the cause why some keep me at an arms distance.

To my questions:
Does anyone have experience actually having BPD (or it having some other male in your life)?

What are tools/advice the RP gives to men with BPD? How can I fix it/work with it?

I already tried therapy twice, but it's **** and too expensive. So I wanna do it on my own.

Some infos about myself:
-Soon I'm 21
-I'm in university currently
-yes I do lift frequently (until now 4 times a week, now I try 3 full body WOs to save time)
-I'm engaging myself socially

 

[Toddy]

Sorry no experience with BPD. But do get down once in a while, when the daily grind gets to me.

Have you tried any martial arts? Other stuff like journalling and meditation may help.

 

[BoostedArrow]

Sorry no experience with BPD. But do get down once in a while, when the daily grind gets to me.

Have you tried any martial arts? Other stuff like journalling and meditation may help.

I already do meditiation and journaling.

I've been doing karate the past 13 years, but I stopped for several reasons. (I'm doing boxing a few times now.)

But thanks

 

[Kotaix]

I can't think of anything worthwhile that the RP has to offer when it comes to helping with this. If anything it'll make it worse.

This person really has a good idea of what she's talking about. And it does sound like you have BPD. The channel is also a resource for people who have these problems, if you contact them then I think they'd be very likely to respond. It's really good that you're taking an active approach now.

 

[Deranged]

Have you looked into Stoicism? Accepting that almost nothing in life is actually in your control may help. (free read) Epictetus - The Enchiridion or Gregory Hays' translation of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (my fav translation)

 

[BoostedArrow]

I can't think of anything worthwhile that the RP has to offer when it comes to helping with this. If anything it'll make it worse.

This person really has a good idea of what she's talking about. And it does sound like you have BPD. The channel is also a resource for people who have these problems, if you contact them then I think they'd be very likely to respond. It's really good that you're taking an active approach now.

Thanks, actually I already saw this video and a lot others of the channel. I do now most of the traits and I see some in my personality/life playing out. Of course that's not a diagnosis, it's just a suspicion. (Getting one is difficult here, since therapy is expensive and the therapists are **** (and mostly women))

I was hoping to get some RP-tailored advice on how to deal with it better.

 

[dogsta]

Let me come at this from a different perspective:

You would have been in your teens during the pandemic, right? I'm sure that was tough with no friends/girls/job and so forth. I think most people would understand or even feel themselves as being 'down in the dumps' as we'd say in this part of the world. That would be kind of a natural response.

Basically, we all hit the low times sometimes. At such a young/inexperienced age, that's a little brutal.

From your post, I got the impression you were seeking what you wanted to hear - and lets face it, if you go to someone for help your receptive to what they will say. Now, I'm not dismissing your thoughts, you should defo be self-reflective and try to find solutions if there are issues.

Two therapists - giving two extremes. Think about that. Also, if you're in a rut, don't chase what's in the rut, chase the route out of it. If that makes sense? If you think you have something, you're going to look for patterns that confirm it (chasing the rut) - right? Personally, I don't think that's the best action to take!

Also, if you're walking around thinking you have personality disorders, think how that will affect how you interact with people. They will sense something is off. Think about it, if your attitude leans towards negative things, you will portray negative vibes.

Why not venture into understanding body language - non-verbal cues are pretty powerful. And experiment with it. You'd be amazed how people respond to subtle differences. Should have some positive effects on social situations.

I'm starting to go off track here. Listen, maybe you do have BPD or maybe you don't. All I'm saying is don't fixate on negative stuffs - seek out the positive. Listen to successful people, watch inspirational videos. Look up, not down!

Lastly, at your age (teens), I was impulsive and had a bad temper. I tamed that stuff as I got older (now 46). Seems normal to me.

Sleep well, eat well, exercise, set achievable goals for whatever you're doing - tick them off as you go = you're getting better everyday.

That's my opinion at least - just an opinion.

 

[BoostedArrow]

Let me come at this from a different perspective:

You would have been in your teens during the pandemic, right? I'm sure that was tough with no friends/girls/job and so forth. I think most people would understand or even feel themselves as being 'down in the dumps' as we'd say in this part of the world. That would be kind of a natural response.

Basically, we all hit the low times sometimes. At such a young/inexperienced age, that's a little brutal.

From your post, I got the impression you were seeking what you wanted to hear - and lets face it, if you go to someone for help your receptive to what they will say. Now, I'm not dismissing your thoughts, you should defo be self-reflective and try to find solutions if there are issues.

Two therapists - giving two extremes. Think about that. Also, if you're in a rut, don't chase what's in the rut, chase the route out of it. If that makes sense? If you think you have something, you're going to look for patterns that confirm it (chasing the rut) - right? Personally, I don't think that's the best action to take!

Also, if you're walking around thinking you have personality disorders, think how that will affect how you interact with people. They will sense something is off. Think about it, if your attitude leans towards negative things, you will portray negative vibes.

Why not venture into understanding body language - non-verbal cues are pretty powerful. And experiment with it. You'd be amazed how people respond to subtle differences. Should have some positive effects on social situations.

I'm starting to go off track here. Listen, maybe you do have BPD or maybe you don't. All I'm saying is don't fixate on negative stuffs - seek out the positive. Listen to successful people, watch inspirational videos. Look up, not down!

Lastly, at your age (teens), I was impulsive and had a bad temper. I tamed that stuff as I got older (now 46). Seems normal to me.

Sleep well, eat well, exercise, set achievable goals for whatever you're doing - tick them off as you go = you're getting better everyday.

That's my opinion at least - just an opinion.

I decided to go to therapy right on my 19th birthday. Bc. I spent that one crying. (That's almost 2 years ago)

It wasn't just that I was isolated. I tried to take action. I wanted to start a new job, but got turned down everywhere. I wasn't even able to lift myself out of it.

You could say I was zeroed out, since I was at rock-bottom and wasn't even able to get up despite trying.

At the time I didn't want to hear that "I was depressed" or had x or y or any other label. I mean yeah kinda, but only bc. I wanted sb. to help me. I was hoping a therapist could help me with confidence and other stuff and make me 'more attractive' to other people.

The first one said that she didn't believe I was depressed and that my situation was 'that' bad. My instincts told me, that she didn't take me seriously. (Mybe bc. she was a woman and I a man but idk.) So I wanted a second opinion. (If the other therapist said the same thing, I knew that she would have been right)

You're right, that thinking about having PDs is not productive. In the past year I tried to forget them, bc of that. But bc. of the reasons mentioned in OP I realized I have to deal with fundamental stuff.

Body-language is important, but what's going on inside of your head is way more important, bc. that's affecting everything else. So fixing that has a bigger ROI.

Sure teenagers have moods. But I never did to be honest. I mean when I got emotional it often ended badly, so I learned to control myself there. Also I was 19 and not 14.

I have to point out: I don't want to feel sorry for having depression, BPD or whatever. I want to see what's going on with me and I want to fix it, I want solutions, I want tools so I can fix stuff and improve my life. Everything else is a waste of time.