I might be falling in love. I'm terrified.

[LinkinParkROX]

I've been in relationships before, this one's the strongest thus far. I've known her for a year. She told me she loves me early on and has confessed being "in love" with me as well. She calls me the perfect guy in every way, I call her gorgeous, we just work. I'm usually busy with work and so I barely get time to chat/talk with her. When I do get a moment to myself, I check facebook and twitter where she goes on frenzies posting literally dozens upon dozens of tweets, statuses and photos and private messages to me about how she has the perfect guy and how in love with me she is and how she'd like to spend the rest of her life with me. She's obsessed.

We're going to be in close proximity with each other over the course of the next few years, and we've discussed a distant-future marriage and are both extremely open to it. We agreed to tie the knot as soon as she finishes college in 5 years time, if we're still together. Here's the deal: up until this point, I've been into her, loved her, and handled this well. As of late however, I've been thinking about her a lot more. I've been wanting to spend more time with her. I've loved her all along, but I think I'm starting to fall in love and fall hard. My fear is that I'll wuss out. My fear is that being in love will castrate me; will turn me into an emotional wuss who flips out when she doesn't end an interaction with "I love you" or who gets sad when I check facebook and twitter and she hasn't posted anything.

My fear is that I'll eventually start acting like an unattractive chump which will result in her dumping me just because I'm "in love". My fear is that if she dumps me, I won't be okay. Up until yesterday, if she chose to dump me, I would've been able to shake it off relatively easily and move on. Now however, things have started to change – and this terrifies me. Help?

TL;DR I've started to fall in love/get emotionally attached and it's freaking me out because I might start acting like an unattractive chump causing the love of my life to dump me. Help?

 

[Night-hawk]

You are infatuated. Don't identify yourself with her with love. Remain unattached. You can respond to her feminine displays of love by appreciation, but if you begin believing the two if you are going to fly on a magic carpet then you are going to find yourself in a whole new world lip **** minded 'love'

 

[PlayHer Man]

She calls me the perfect guy in every way, I call her gorgeous, we just work. I'm usually busy with work and so I barely get time to chat/talk with her. When I do get a moment to myself, I check facebook and twitter where she goes on frenzies posting literally dozens upon dozens of tweets, statuses and photos and private messages to me about how she has the perfect guy and how in love with me she is and how she'd like to spend the rest of her life with me. She's obsessed.

And you really believe this will go on forever? You believe 20 or 30 years down the road when you are married to her and have kids with her.. she will still be doing this?

I hope you don't believe that. I hope you know that nothing about a woman's behavior or emotions is ever permanent.

My fear is that I'll eventually start acting like an unattractive chump which will result in her dumping me just because I'm "in love". My fear is that if she dumps me, I won't be okay.

Yup.. you should fear that.. because that is exactly what is going to happen.

Understand that there is no benefit to being emotionally attracted to a woman. You are better off being attached to your dog.

REALITY CHECK: When a woman believes she has found a "catch" (code for the most attractive sucker she can get) she pulls out her bag of tricks and does everything she can to seduce him and cater to his ego. She will treat him like a king and kiss his azz because she knows most men are stupid enough to fall for it.

She knows that most women treat most men like dirt. Its gotten to the point where most men get excited if a woman gives them basic common courtesy. So any woman who is cute and kisses his azz is immediately elevated to "catch" status and seen as "better than other women".

Its sad that all a woman has to do to seduce a man is kiss his azz and he falls in love.

But you're a fool if you think this crap is going to last and she will be kissing your azz for 20, 30, 40 years. I've known many people who's relationships started out this way.. with subservience from the woman. It doesn't last. Eventually it gets flipped around and the woman becomes a manipulative dictator. The man spends the rest of the relationship jumping through hoops to get back the love and affection he got in the beginning.. too stupid to realize it was all an act.

Women invented the bait and switch.

 

[Trailboss]

X2 on the infatuation diagnosis. Love makes you confident, stronger. Infatuation makes you crazy, insecure, emotionally unstable. You are *not* in love: just infatuated. Bang her and forget her....

 

[Revel]

Bang her and forget her....

WOW! Iv heard some good advice in my time but this takes the cake!
pfft grow up.


Marriage is the stage of the fully developed male. You had your adventures, you paid your dues, experienced the most raw amazing things in life and experienced the worst it can throw at you.

The primitive societys still existing in rural parts of the world today require a young man to do a task which proves himself into manhood, an initiation. One of them maybe to be kill a lion in the wild, or wander the wilderness naked for a week with no food. ha

What im trying to say is, id put of marriage tell you know your ready, you will be blessed with a healthy marriage when your ready, dont force anything. Reading the post I noticed your hesitating and your really scared to commit. Im saying this now and maybe it will save you. If your not ready DONT do it! Because it will end bad.

Have you killed any lions lately?

 

[Plutoman]

All I can say is - read Rollo Tomassi's blog, thick and thin, throughout it all. Particularly all the articles listed in his 'Year One' entry.

It's much more relationship focused than other blogs I've seen.

 

[pinkfl]

It honestly seems to me that you like her, but you are not having the same emotions for her that she seems to have for you and you feel slightly guilty/responsible for her emotions.

The fact that you used the word "obsessed" makes it out like even you think her behavior is a bit over the top.

Love is confidence and security; it doesn't feel like a game.

 

[zinc4]

It honestly seems to me that you like her, but you are not having the same emotions for her that she seems to have for you and you feel slightly guilty/responsible for her emotions.

The fact that you used the word "obsessed" makes it out like even you think her behavior is a bit over the top.

Love is confidence and security; it doesn't feel like a game.

Are you even reading the OP?????

The guy is also obsessed/infatuated with her and his big fear is her feelings one day changing and dumping him....in other words he has lost his emotional distance from her.......geez...

OP, take a deep breath and try not to be too emotionally attached to this girl if that is possible and take things very very slowly until you are positive it is right.

 

[Cremasta]

So let me get this straight...
- She loves you to bits
- You love her to bits
- You've said you won't get married for at least 5 years IF you're still together.

I fail to see a problem here.

So you're worried about becoming a chump. Here's a newsflash...
Marriage does NOT equal Chump, unless you let it, so don't.

No person or relationship ever stays the same permanently. It's idealistic and plain dumb to expect that it will. It's just as dumb to hijack a relationship because maybe, just maybe, it might end one day.

If you're still together in five years time, then it'll be pretty obvious that you've found a good one.

 

[Mr. Bond]

You have every right to fear that, OP. I did that exact same sh!t a couple years ago. The girl started as a plate. She fell for me hard. She looked at me like I was a god, and she treated me like one too. At the 3 month mark, she was a booty call. At the 6 month mark, she was a booty call that I enjoyed bringing along to do fun activities. At the 9 month mark, I decided to make her my girlfriend. At the one year mark, I told her I loved her.

At the 2 year mark, I made it clear I wanted to keep her in my life for good. I thought I found a girl who loved me for who I was, and I could finally show her all the love that I felt for her. I thought I found a girl who worked differently.

That's when sh!t started to go downhill. I stopped making myself my first priority. I had begun to care about her so much that I enjoyed making her happy - it made me happy, too.

At first the problems were were subtle. She would complain about all the traffic she drove through to get to my new apartment and visit me. Otherwise, things were normal. At the 2years 3 months mark, she began getting moody toward me. I'd ask what was wrong, and she'd always say "nothing." At the 2 years 5 months mark, she barely made an effort to see me. She was always "too busy." I only fvcked her once every three weeks or so. Rather than using my DJ learnings to see the million red flags, I listened to her words, not her actions. By the 2 years 7 month mark, sh!t was BAD. She basically stayed away from me as much as possible. I broke up with her (like I should have), and came back like a pvssy the next day. I only saw her once after that, and she basically blamed me for everything. At 2 years 9 months, she broke up with me. It sucked, but I learned some very valuable lessons.

SO REMEMBER THEM:

1. You are the most important person in the relationship.

2. Pay attention for red flags.

3. She works JUST LIKE every other woman. SHE IS NOT DIFFERENT.

4. She will keep testing you - if you give in to what she wants all the time, she will lose respect for you and leave you.

5. Never ever forget the principles on this site. If you have tons of feelings for her, hold some back.

6. Never fvcking listen to women on relationship advice. Just because you're in a relationship now and you've found someone you may want to marry doesn't mean that women know what the fvck they're talking about. I listened to female advice about relationships because I was never in a serious one, and it was uncharted territory for me. DON'T DO THAT SH!T.

7. Don't let her get away with things you don't like, now that you are really into her. Don't put up with it.

8. Keep your own friends. Don't spend all your time with her. You need your space from her sometimes to keep things in perspective. Have time you spend with only guys.

9. Don't sacrifice your goals, dreams, and passions for her. Ever.

I'm sure others will chime in, but remember these things. Notice I didn't say "don't get into a serious relationship." Do it if you like, but stay on your toes.

 

[JoeMarron]

Just remember that the game NEVER ends. Don't ever get comfortable, dont ever slack off because as Mr. Bond just illustrated that's when she'll screw you over.

 

[zinc4]

unfortunatetely this is all so true....i thought i would never ever be able to get away from one of my clingy ex LTRs and i didn't have the heart to dump her....well instead of dumping her i started to actually care about her like a family member after she got really sick for a few weeks and sincerely tried to make her happier and sacrificed quite a bit for her...she ended up cheating on me and leaving me...it was so crazy to think about one year i wanted her out of my life but wasn't mean/strong enough to dump her...then the next year she left me for another man...

It can turn really really fast....always keep a healthy perspective...

 

[Bo Don Juan]

Yeah man, I had a similar thing happen to me. The girl was crazy about me for 2 years. Kept saying she would not know how to live if I wasnt in her life. One day, i finally mentioned the same thing to her and she left me a little bit later. Treat her with respect but always respect yourself over anyone else. Demand respect from everyone.