I,m Feeling Suspicious About The New Girlfriend??

[soulforge]

hello guys.. advice needed!

i have been seeing this girl for around 2 months now.. i like her & hope to try for long term with this one if she proves to be a quality chick.. (Early Days Yet)

anyhow, me and this chick never talk on the phone.. the only communication we have is on WHATSAPP, but we see each other in person at least 2 or 3 times a week

she normally sends me a msg on whatsapp in the morning, we have a quick conversation, exchange a couple of messages back and forth.. then late in the afternoon i usually message her a few times after i have finished work..

we do not chat for ages, just keep it minimal & its mostly dirty talk..

so here is the problem...............


sometimes she just disappears off whatsapp, for most of the day and night..

i can see when she last logged on and off...


she will disappear around 5pm and then not log on again till around 2pm the next day.. so in that time we do not talk.. i refrain from messaging her, when i can see she has been off line for ages.

i just find it strange how, some days she will be online and chatting to me.. then she just vanishes for a whole day and night


what are my options???

01. ask her where she keeps disappearing to?

02. just ignore it, and turn a blind eye & try not worry about it

03. or do the same to her & make myself less available to her, on whatsapp?


maybe she is banging some other dude, thats why she disappears.. you just cant trust bishes these days lol..

is this a red flag??


i don't want to come across needy, so i don't question her about it.. how about i play her at her own game?

 

[jurry]

Yes, but you should "play her at her own game" because you genuinely are not concerned with the outcome, not because you are trying to out-do her indifference in an effort to raise her interest, which you would just be faking.

So this means stop initiating conversation and continue to meet new girls or do whatever else you normally do. Dont hope for it to turn into a relationship, be your own man and let the cards fall where they may. Due to the amount of time offline, she is likely seeing someone else as you mentioned.

 

[soulforge]

problem is.. i,m starting to like this chick.. and now i,m starting to feel like something is not right in my gut..

i,m supposed to be seeing her, this weekend.. so not sure, how i should act around her

 

[Chico]

First, remember the golden rule when in the early dating phase - you initiated contact with her, so now let her pursue you. You are a challenge. your are the catch - not her. so always give a bit less than she does. If you are too easy and available, she might lose interest and explore other options. Most girls want a challenge.

She is interested in you...otherwise, she would not be going out with you twice a week. I assume you are sleeping with her. Correct?

It really does not matter what she is doing with her free time...even though it is natural for you to wonder. So here's the deal - two months is plenty of time to evaluate whether you (and her) are relationship material, so at some point, that issue needs to be broached. She could be waiting for you to ratchet things up a notch? But remember, NEVER show weakness.

At the two month point, a decision should be made...in my book anyway. Is she relationship material? do you even want one? Ot maybe you want to continue playing the field? Regardless, the decision is yours...she will not make that for you.

If you want a more steady relationship, I would test the waters a bit and throw out some lines to gauge where she is. I would say things like, "hey, I wish I weren't so busy because I think I am ready for a relationship...." or..."I have been seeing this great gal, but I'm not sure if she is ready for something more serious...." In other words, indicate INDIRECTLY that you are interested in something more with HER without really mentioning her. Her reaction will let you know where she is. She may just be a player or she may want something more. Either way, the guy should always take the lead in taking the relationship to new levels...but do it subtly.

Or you could try the old fashioned approach and just say that you are ready for something more exclusive - keep your words very BRIEF - just throw it out there, and see her reaction. If you do it right, a woman who is interested in something more will know what you are aiming at and will reciprocate.

If you try these approaches - assuming you want something more with her -and she gives you an answer or reacts with less than stellar enthusiasm, you have your answer. Move on!!

 

[Suspens]

Or you could try the old fashioned approach and just say that you are ready for something more exclusive

Wrong.

i can see when she last logged on and off

Wrong. You shouldn't do that anyway.

 

[Chico]

Or you could try the old fashioned approach and just say that you are ready for something more exclusive

Wrong.

Not necessarily.

 

[Yewki]

When it comes to the status of your relationship let the girl take lead. Don't bring it up. Why are you so eager to lock her in, anyways? If she doesn't log on or message you, so what. You should be communicating to her by banging her and showing her you're an independent guy with sh*t going on who is in control of his life.

You ask what your options are as if you're in some dilemma. It's all in your head. The best thing you can do is realize this and stop pedestalizing her. She is completely 100% replaceable. The sooner you realize this the better.

 

[Chico]

"sometimes she just disappears off whatsapp, for most of the day and night."

How often during the week do these instances occur? If it is once or twice a week, it's crazy to speculate that she is seeing someone else. However, if it is half the time or more, then there is something else occupying her time...a hobby...ill grandmother...or another guy.

The issue here is compounded by the fact that some women need lots of space because they are independent, and also by the fact that they do play games...lots of games.

Maybe you should test her? Try being scarce for a while - change up your routine of how you talk to her on WHATSAPP. See how she responds and maybe she will start wondering what YOU ARE DOING rather than you wondering what she is doing.

Be somewhat unavailable and mysterious my friend.....

 

[soulforge]

"sometimes she just disappears off whatsapp, for most of the day and night."

How often during the week do these instances occur? If it is once or twice a week, it's crazy to speculate that she is seeing someone else. However, if it is half the time or more, then there is something else occupying her time...a hobby...ill grandmother...or another guy.

The issue here is compounded by the fact that some women need lots of space because they are independent, and also by the fact that they do play games...lots of games.

Maybe you should test her? Try being scarce for a while - change up your routine of how you talk to her on WHATSAPP. See how she responds and maybe she will start wondering what YOU ARE DOING rather than you wondering what she is doing.

Be somewhat unavailable and mysterious my friend.....

she is disappearing i would say, atleast twice a week.. maybe she is meeting friends etc... but why vanish for the whole night, and the most of the next day if only meeting her girlfriends?

you could be right... she could be playing games.. seeing how i react..

or maybe she is testing me, to see how much i would let her get away with?

if i let her vanish for a day or two here and there, without kicking up a fuss, or complaining... then she may begin to believe she can get away with fukin around with other guys... and i wont question her on anything.

i will defo make myself less available from now on.. see how she reacts.. make her wonder about me instead


also i met this chick on POF... so i,m very cautious about her... those POF girls are prolific liars and cheats

 

[Chico]

she is disappearing i would say, atleast twice a week.. maybe she is meeting friends etc... but why vanish for the whole night, and the most of the next day if only meeting her girlfriends?

It really does not matter why she disappears and speculating will drive you crazy....just don't do it. But it appears that she keeps coming back for more, and that's a good sign. And even if she is dating other guys, she has a right to do so.

IMO, the real issue here is how interested she is in you. Based on the facts you have provided, there is obvious interest on her part, but the issue is how much. Change your patterns and go a bit scarce for a while, and that should illicit a response from her. The nature of that response will dictate your next move.

 

[om1xr]

what do you expect from a girl you met online? girlfriend material lol!

 

[soulforge]

what do you expect from a girl you met online? girlfriend material lol!

i seriously have a tough time trusting POF girls.. this one seemed different, but the gut instinct is telling me, her vanishing like this.. something seems wrong!

maybe i should keep her around as a fuk buddy, forget the relationship thing.. see how things progress with her

 

[soulforge]

Any more advice on how to deal with this guys x

 

[soulforge]

Should I confront her about where she keeps disappearing to? Just doesn't seem normal..

this chick is persuing me for a serious relationship

 

[pyros]

I would ask her about it.

By doing this she can either:
a) confess she's seing some other guy
b) lie about the fact that she is seing another guy
c) tell you another reason you did not even think about it

If she does a) or b) you know you cant trust her, so up to you.

Do not be clingy or get too angry, just ask her like you would ask her the time. Seing her response will clarify the issue.

Anyway I would not trust any girl from POF, ever.

 

[MOTU]

How old are you OP? And her?

I too am skeptical of POF girls. That being said, if it was me, I would:
- spin more plates. You are way to preoccupied with this chick.
- be busier with your friends and hobbies, for the reason above.
- NOT ask her about disappearing and NOT hint around about going exclusive. She needs to bring it up, and if she wants it, she will. If you ask her she may agree but that's different than her wanting it. As others said, you need to be the prize.
- be patient and cautiously optimistic. Two months is not long.

Have you read Anti-dumps Machine in the DJ bible?

 

[Fireballs]

problem is.. i,m starting to like this chick.. and now i,m starting to feel like something is not right in my gut..

We men have a finely tuned radar that goes off when something is amiss ie. there is another guy in the picture.

Trust your gut.

 

[soulforge]

My doubts about this girl are developing even further.. she stopped at my house at the weekend..

She said said something to me that pizsed me off, so I called her on it... anyhow she started to guilt trip me, claiming I am not sensitive about her feelings and I should treat her better, as she is a guest in my house..


Guest or no guest, if a girl dis respects me or pissess me off, then I, m going to call her out.. simple as that!!

She then tried her best to manipulate me into believing it was all my fault, and I hurt her feelings.. I have so far treated this girl pretty good.. taken her out, cooked for her etc etc

Now she claims I,m not nice to her... I get the feeling this girl could be a manipulater...

She is acting distant on whatsapp, not talking as much..

even tho I like her.. 2 months in.. I, m thinking off dropping this chick.. I am sensing trouble ahead..

Also I met this chick on POF

 

[soulforge]

Also she has now started hiding her online status on whatsapp

 

[soulforge]

Any advice guys