I love you, I’m leaving you?

[countermart]

I would be grateful if one of the guys who has worked this out could advise me. I have had this amazingly, passionate, sexual love affair with this girl for a year. We find each other very attractive, she is very pretty 38 (looks much younger), skinny, professional does everything I ask of her. Very innocent because she was sick (stomach thing) for a long time and now is well (hard to believe, but true), I guess she is not so innocent after a year with me. The main sticking point is that she wants to have a baby and she wants it now. I have said maybe but in the future, I am really hoping that the relationship could mature, but most of the time it’s been fantastic.

Over the last three months she has said she wants to break up with me because, “I don’t trust her and will never want another baby” (I have 2 children/prior marriage and am nervy about women). Each time we have this breakup talk we end up making passionate love and the whole thing goes, breakup, passionate sex, breakup, passionate sex on and on. It is driving both of us a little crazy.

Today, she turned up wearing something I said she would look very sex in, she had bought it on my advice, she looked great. She bought things over to cook that I like, then out of the blue proceeded to tell me once again she wants to break up. Once again we end up having passionate sex, we go out to lunch have a wonderful day out, laughing and making out on the beach etc, we cannot keep our hands off each other. She is very sexual with me in public, and stops to buy some massage oil. When we get home, she wants to break up again. I have to pick up my kids. When I get home she is gone (we have only lived together for periods of a week, she comes over about three nights a week).

It sounds strange for a guy, but I felt used, and sent her a rather aggressive, “that’s the final straw text”. She sends me three long texts back including that “she loves me” and that she has “never felt this way about another person”, and that she “doesn’t know what she is doing either” and it was “not her fault that she found me incredibly attractive and couldn’t stop” and "that there was no malice in what she did". She then asked if she can keep my photos and to forgive her (In my text I had asked for some photos of me she had, back). I have not replied to her texts.

My ex wife who gives me hell through the courts has also said when wanting to get back together that she “loves me, that she would die for me”. But she gives me hell. My son told me she has a photo of me in her purse and when she started drawing courses she would draw me. I just want to get away.

What’s with this “I love you, I’m leaving you thing?” Yes, she could want to force me to just say yes to a baby, but what guy would do that in the kind of wonderful but unstable (at least over the last three months) relationship we had. Help, before I go nuts!

Countermart

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

EJECT EJECT!!!

Reminds me of my ex. She liked the little dramas, which led to hot sex.

Then she started the baby thing.

I can guarantee you that's once you've fulfilled your role as 'baby donor', her attitude will change. You'll be out!

Be very wary of women who push the baby card, regardless of age.

You say you already have 2, you don't need anymore.....do you? She knew you had kids before it got this far, what did she think was gonna happen.

I'd get out before you're trapped!

 

[horaholic]

Sounds like my BPD ex. Same age, same insanely great sexuality, same medical conditions that magically get better, same I love you one minute, break up with me the next. Mine used to say "That was not my intention. I wish the best for you." when I called her out on BS. Her name isn't Edith is it? lol!

It wont get better. You can either break up now, and move on while you can, or your stuck with a roller coaster ride until she runs off with a guy who WILL knock her up, or worse yet... she gets pregnant and you're stuck with her forever. Sorry. She has issues/baggage she possibly isnt telling you about.

 

[zekko]

If she wants a baby and you don't, obviously your goals in life aren't going to match. She has a right to want a kid and you have a right not to want more. So maybe it's better for the both of you if you just let her go, so you can each pursue what you want out of life. It's unfortunate.

 

[Royal-tiger]

Without any second thought, please leave the girl and lead your life as you would prefer to. Bringing any precondition to stay in a relationship is highly selfish and manipulative act.

There are plenty of women who will love you just as much and with fewer drama.

It is very easy to get hooked to someone due to physical beauty and/or sex. However, long-term sanity is better over orgasm (that can be provided by so many others).

At the end of the day, it is your call -- a sane life or an insane one!

 

[jophil28]

Geez, wacked women like this have no business being mothers.
The whole idea scares me to death.
Children deserve stable, dependable parents, not some scatterbrained mother who acts on her whims or whio is overwhelmed by her emotions.. Sadly, a lot of kids end up with exactly that.

CounterMart, this woman sounds perfect for a drama filled soap opera with you , but is unfit for parenthood.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Countermart,
So much sadness here.......I was ,like the others placed in this situation by my second wife,my advice,don't do it....Zecko does have an excellent point though that should be considered....You have probably forgotten the nappies and the sleepless nights,the gradual decline in your sexual activity,the complete lack of a satisfying social life....Another very real problem is the Family Law situation,as you well know it leaves you extremely vulnerable if a break up occurs....Can you financially afford to have the State thrust a second Assegai up your rectum?....As I found out to my cost,once a Woman uses power successfully,she will continue using that same power,for less and less important objectives...You are being firm and that is the best policy,in between times,start putting your act together and consider spinning plates.

 

[RMM]

This whole thing reminds me of what Rollo says about "whoops" pregnancies that happen thanks to after-breakup sex, only repeated ad nauseum. Specially since she wants a baby right now.

But maybe I'm paranoid.

 

[Kailex]

Countermart, for your sake, I hope you are using condoms and disposing of them yourself down the toilet. When a woman wants a child, almost nothing will stop her from trying to acheive that goal.

I don't care how much you "CARE" for her, if she wants a baby now because she feels her window for a child is almost severely closed, who are you to close that window for her?

Not only that, but her push/pull on you is working WONDERFULLY.

If I were you, I'd drop the situation altogether...woman and all. I'm sure you could find another likely candidate to acheive lengthy bump and grind sessions with.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Seems like Bpd, running scared all the time. Either way, you´ve already made clear to her you don´t want kids. If she wants to keep seeing you she has to respect that or get out. Since she´s "running scared" it´s up to you to call the shots. Get detached or her drama will eat you up...

ANOTHER THING >>> FLUSH the fuking toilet with the rubber, don´t leave it in the trash. You never know what these girls are capable of...

 

[countermart]

Thank you

OK Guys thanks for your comments. She is not BPD that is a much more radical disorder. I checked out her prior illness and it is all true. She does however say she, “only wants the best for me.” Also halfway through I kind of damaged the relationship when I said to her that as she wanted a baby and I wasn’t ready for it I would understand if she wanted to find someone else. She took this as me telling her to go away. It was a big mistake on my part, but I didn’t want her using up her time if in the end I did not want another child. She says me saying “I don’t know” means “no, never” and that “she is forcing me to do things”.

My main problem is that she started pushing the baby thing so hard that it destroyed the relationship. If she had just settled down and chilled for awhile it may have been fine. It is just too early for me, I am still going through a messy divorce and the financials (after 3 years), but even after this I should still have significantly more money than her. I need to be more cautious because I have more to lose and also have to protect my kids. She said she would sign an agreement on the financials.

I believe she is caught between love/lust/attraction for me and my hesitancy/natural caution and her age. I agree with the post on changing after a baby because that is exactly what my former wife did. But at the same time I think what are the odds that I would walk straight back into the same situation?

She breaks up with me but at the same time she leaves doors open for us to get back together. I needed to see a doctor for a test and she says after saying she wants to break up yesterday, to “promise to tell her” and she will come with me, and other things that lead to us still seeing each other. On the other hand she says she wishes “I would listen to her when she says she wants to break up” and that “we could never be just friends”.

She just seems hugely destabilised by the whole situation and full of contradictions. Yes, I guess I should eject, but it’s a great loss for both of us and not easy. It’s a bit like the words to that song, “Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano”.

Thanks again guys,

Countermart

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

The main sticking point is that she wants to have a baby and she wants it now.

She's not lying when she says she's never felt the same. It's just that her being with you has awaken in her the strong desire to get pregnant. Once that rears it's head, that becomes (in her mind) more important than anything, including her feelings for you.

Imagine if you met a girl, and she was everything you dreamed of. But she would stop having sex with you just short of you cumming. All the other times besides sex, kissing, holding hands, her cooking for you would still be enjoyable, but you would have an overwhelming desire to shoot your load, with whoever women would finish the job.

That's where she's at. Her overwhelming desire is to have a kid, with any breathing guy with two arms and two legs that she can convince to stick around a few years. That desire is stronger, and more important than any thing else.

Your only choice is to accept and respect her desire to have a kid, let her go, and find somebody else.

All those feelings and self doubts and second guessing you are experiencing is mother natures way of making sure earth is well populated. You've done your job (two kids) so no more. Resist the urge to get sucked into her frame (despite how incredibly inviting it may be), and eject while you have some wits about you.

making a clean break is your ONLY option.

 

[backbreaker]

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

 

[MaddXMan]

As a newly single 42 year old who is just starting to date again, this thread reminds me it is important to get a vascetomy!!!!! I need to do this soon.

 

[catman]

As a newly single 42 year old who is just starting to date again, this thread reminds me it is important to get a vascetomy!!!!! I need to do this soon.

I will second this This has bpd written all over it too! I love you but im not in love with you will be the next mind fvck she says then she will find another SPERM DONER and you will left wondering wtf happened? If your boundrys are set on not haveing anymore kids stick to them!!! I just got out of yet another rollarcoster realionship that was more off than on so ya the chances that you found of these again is highly likely. Hard to walk away from that make up sex so i hear you there too. My god the world must be full of these women and no they are not mother material.Listen to the older fellas and listen to your gut and run like the wind!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

COUNTERMART, BPD or no, you are playing with fire my friend. It is no coincidence she gets sexually charged after a pseudo-breakup. This fits a very common and dangerous pattern. You're also making a very common, albeit flattering, mistake in thinking she's locked into some love/lust cycle with you. This is all part of the set up. My guess is she is not on birth control and is actively trying to get pregnant by you. Many a Man has fallen into this trap by thinking that the woman is sexually insatiable and they are the source of that appetite only to find that it's all bait & switch once she gotten 'accidentally' pregnant.

Of course she'll agree to anything whilst in the process of trying to become pregnant by you. Once she does, you're finished. I don't know about your personal situation, but at 45 you will be well into your 60's before you see the light of day if this happens. It sounds as if you're starting your life over, this woman will be the end of all that and drag you into her misery. At 38 she's already hit the wall and is staring down the barrel at the rest of a life devoid of commitment and long term security, this is what she sees you as and hopes your emotionalism will carry her through until you slip up and she gets pregnant. You may think she hot, but it's not about what you think, it's about what she thinks. Like all women she knows her value is a depreciating asset - it doesn't last forever and a baby is her best insurance policy for long term support. You aren't what's sexually motivating for her, it's the prospect of your long term provisioning that is.

So the cycle works like this; you've been together a year, she threatens a break up to provoke an emotional response at the prospect of losing her sexual attention, you balk and she throws herself at you with even more vigor in the hopes of upping the ante. Rinse and repeat, she threatens another pseudo-breakup then makes up with crazy sex until you either relent willfully or she "accidentally" gets pregnant. Once her goal is achieved, everything goes back to zero and she uses her sickness or the pregnancy as a rationale for her loss of sexual desire, which then carries into her new parenthood and you come to realize that this sexual urgency was all a ruse to lock you into a lifetime of provisioning.

 

[Greasy Pig]

ANOTHER THING >>> FLUSH the fuking toilet with the rubber, don´t leave it in the trash. You never know what these girls are capable of...

I thought I was the only one who did this. I'm not paranoid after all!!! Awesome!

Rollo is spot on too, countermart. Listen.

 

[scorpio1138]

ha ha wow.

I've been seeing someone off and on for a year now and its the same situation.

She's gaga for this guy that lives in another state and just a few weeks ago she said if I knocked her up and she went to live with him she'd trick him into believing the kid was his since we look similar.

looney women man.

 

[countermart]

It’s not that simple IMO

It’s not that simple IMO. Yes, I know that a lot of girls will deliberately get pregnant and thus lock a guy into a lifetime of provisioning. I guess that is the case with any person you have a baby with. At the start a year ago I was the one taking the silly risks for about a week after we began to have sex (but up to a point if you know what I mean) when she was not on the Pill, but she said she would go on the Pill and did, and when there was any additional risk she insisted I wear a condom. She would regularly stop me and say she had been a little sick during the week with a tummy upset or something and just to be safe we had better wear one. In fact, she bought them for me at the start and kept buying them regularly. She said she would never get deliberately pregnant without me wanting it, that I would hate her if that happened and she did not want that. Yes, maybe the buying of condoms and insisting they be used when there was any increased danger was some elaborate rouse, but I don’t think so. She was on medication that could have damaged a baby, and she did not want to risk it. Yes, we were both stupid in the first week of sex.

My ex-wife went off the Pill and then advised me she was pregnant, and went off sex after it, so I fully know what women can do here. But that was seven years into the relationship, so there was a heck of a lot of good sex in the lead up while she was on the Pill.

My suspicion and caution in bringing my GF into my life, essentially my lack of trust in her, given a bad past relationship, greatly damaged the relationship with her on a number of fronts. Yes, I think you are right that she may have split sometimes to try to move the relationship forward, but in the end she said that it was causing her too much pain to have to split with a person she loved just to move my trust, or the relationship forward, and she wanted out of the relationship. She said that there was no joy in having to split up all the time just to move the relationship forward.

She said she wished she had known me before I was so hurt. That my “maybes” to a baby meant “no”, and that she did “not want to force someone she loved to do something they did not want to do” and for that reason we should split up because this was kinder for both of us. In the end she is a girl and most girls want to have babies, that is not her fault, it is just the natural way it is. It is also not her fault that her time for this is closing, she ages very well though, and looks very young.

If she really wanted to trick me into pregnancy I think she could have done it more easily, if she had just gone off the Pill and moved in with me. I think she was just a little immature on some fronts in regard to expecting me to second guess what she wanted sometimes, she certainly seems very sorry about the way she broke up with me, but is insistent we still break up. At times I was not as thoughtful as I could have been. I’m always very busy and at times I think she felt a little left out. We had a lot in common in regard to world views and would talk for hours, she was smart and I like that in a girl. She taught me to cook, bought new music into my life, took me to new places, and was a good fun companion. She was a great addition to my life. If love exists, I do love her. She had less money than me, but she was a professional with her own practice. The split is very hard on her too, because she really does love me, as another poster said it is just, “unfortunate”. Unfortunate timing.

In regard to provisioning/money she looked into it and said she would sign an agreement to protect my assets if that is what I wanted.

In regard to wether she was just faking attraction to get pregnant, sorry I don’t think so. Despite my age, I am attractive to women. I can walk into any pub in the city and will usually get IOIs, but strangely usually only from good looking girls with class. I have had older women in the office say, “You know all the girls just love you, don’t they?” I have mates I’m drinking with say, “There’s a hot girl over there who keeps checking you out”. On Friday a nice looking girl was checking me out and the girl that had invited us to the pub kept coming up and hugging me, even though I had only met her in the lift and the office twice, and the guys were like “How do you do it?” I just have a strange attraction for good looking, intelligent, professional women. Those lower down the food chain though I have no luck with. I know how to touch a girl to turn her on, simple story.

Thanks again for all the replies. The hardest thing with women is sifting the genuine from the fakes, you never really know even years into a relationship. There are no guarantees, security is an illusion.

Countermart

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

She said she would never get deliberately pregnant without me wanting it,..

You hear me now, believe me later.