I know too much about my GF's past !

[Borgia]

Hi all

Some advice/feedback would be much appreicated.

About a month back, i hooked up with this girl (who was in my group of friends). It wasn't a one night stand thing or whatever, and on about the third night, she started wanting to talk about our past relationships. I didn't really want too, primaringly because i am not that experianced and also because i think that its not a good idea to talk to much about the past as it makes it more real. I told her this but she insisted.

So she did, she told me how many people she has slept with (much more then me) and details down to the size of one of the d**ks - he was huge apparently, and she likes that although he couldn't hold it for too long. She told me all about a one night stand she had, down to how good it was and how much she lusted for this guy for about a yr before it happened, as it did when she and her boyfriend were on a break from each other.

How would this make you feel? What happened for me is that i started feeling really compared, i even had the occasional vision of her sleeping with one of the others and sometimes (still) think about her doing stuff with them that she does with me.

I am by far far far more bothered with the one night stand, then with the rest of it.

It got me stressed, and insecure. When that eventurally became apparent, she vigouriously reasurred me that i am really good etc but that hasn't really helped.

Then she started telling me how she doesn't think that i am enjoyin myself (during sex) - i thought that i had been and when she told me that, it made me feel like she was comparing me again, since then i haven't been able to and now she is finding it harder to also - a self-fullfilling prophecy.

I don't really know what to do and any feedback would be much appreciated - thanks for reading such a lengthy post

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

You need to stop judging a person's past, especially if it didn't involve you. Does she treat you well? If she does, why are you being an @sshole by judging her past. The real problem is that you aren't comfortable enough not to judge people, it's as if you have something to hide. If it effects you so adversely, you should move on.

 

[Borgia]

I understand and appreicate what you are saying, i guess that i am being an as****e. But why would she insist on telling me so much when i didn't want to know if she didn't want so kind of reaction out of me?

 

[sapphire]

If you want this chick for a serious and exclusive relationship I would be quite concerned. Form what she has told you she is a bonafide ho. Otherwise, the past is the past.

 

[sapphire]

If you want this chick for a serious and exclusive relationship I would be quite concerned. Form what she has told you she is a bonafide ho. Otherwise, the past is the past.

 

[Sugarfoot]

I agree with sapphire, the girl is a ho (or a recovering ho, which is just as bad). You have rightly judged her. Do not be afraid to judge a person by their past; do not for one second think that it makes you weak, or that it exposes your insecurities. As much as I despise the philosophy of Ayn Rand, she did make one of the most poignant statements that has stuck with me since reading it. She said that the universal imperative of Judge not lest you be judged is "an abdication of moral responsibility." The proper moral position should be "judge, and be prepared to be judged."

For, what are we, Borgia, but our pasts?

Consider the story you just told us. Now, imagine that you two were in love after dating for several months when she told you this. It would eat you alive!

Now, as far what you should do. . . Well, the weight of that burden is entirely on your shoulders. Do you honestly think that this is something you can live with? Only you know how this affects you. But, by the looks of it, the facts that you know about her are going to tear at you. Moreover, from what you wrote about her, I have no doubt that she would absolutely crush your heart.


TOOTLES™

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Borgia
I understand and appreicate what you are saying, i guess that i am being an as****e. But why would she insist on telling me so much when i didn't want to know if she didn't want so kind of reaction out of me?

Repentance or sabotage, take your pick. Either way, you're having a reaction aren't you?

 

[flexion_]

In general its a pretty big warning sign if you or the girl you are dating start talking about past relationships.

If you are in a LTR then stuff eventually comes out but not initially.

 

[Borgia]

I did ask her why she told me so much info. The reason she gave were basically two-fold. Firstly, she just wanted to be upfront from the start and clear it from bull**** and suspicions before they build up and hurt the relationship and secondly, she thought that i would be able to handle it, even although she admitts that she probably wouldn;t be able to do so.

I am posotive that this girl likes me a lot and i very unlikely to move on because of this esp as she does not talk about it anymore (although i sometimes bring it up) it was mostly in the beginning and she says that she doesn;t compare and nor does she want to.

I am still having trouble clearing the crap from my head though .......... .

 

[Kaine]

How will not telling you that one of her BFs had an enormous whang and went 0-60 in 2 seconds hurt your relationship?

Details of how much she enjoyed it and the moles on his right buttock are not details you need or ever need to know.

Also enjoy the fact that once you guys are through, she's gonna cough up all your juicy details on the next guy.

This reality checks on the house

Good luck with the inner dialogue

 

[NewMan]

It forever blows my mind why women divuldge the details fo their past relationships.

It is all well and good being honest - but does honesty have to go to the details of the size of his d#ck - or to what she did, and then what he did?

Being honest is fine - but putting all of your sh#t on your partner is not on the agenda in my world.

It's a joke - you have to deal with it if you can.

Next time perhaps you should tell them you don't want to know.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Here's a clue... f*ck her past. Nobody should give a sh*t about her past, least of all you. You've got bigger fish to fry.

Namely, you asked her not to tell you about her past, and she f*cking did it anyway. Disrespectful. Think about it.

 

[Cremasta]

Look at it this way...

An ex is an ex for a reason, big **** or no big ****. No need to stress about this. She just showed some poor judgement by telling you something you weren't comfortable with so soon into the relationship. No point crucifying her for it. Just tell her that you would rather leave the past in the past and you don't really care about it or the suspicions that may build up.

You should judge her by how she is treating you. Everyone has a bit of social ineptitude about them, you just found hers quicker than you would like.

Cheers

 

[squirrels]

Strike one.

Keep pitching.

 

[Glenfiddich101]

I think sexual past is a topic most guys would prefer not to tread on. I for one see no reason for doing so. But yes, sometimes curiosuity gets the better of me but i tell myself its gona be like shooting my own foot.

Its perfectly fine to know briefly abt the nature of her past relationships. How was the overall vibe or why they broke up. It does give you a better picture of how she handles LTRs.

 

[MindOverMatter]

I agree with Gio on this one.

You TOLD this girl you didn't wanna hear about her past, she told you anyway. That just screams of disrespect. Secondly, not only did she tell you when you told her NOT to, she gave you way too much detail. I'll tell you right now, a normal girl that tells you about her past will usually mention how many boyfriends she's had, THAT'S IT. Only a ho will brag about her sexual exploits without you asking her to.

She waited a full year while in a relationship thinking about some other dude she wanted to f*ck, and she did it as soon as she and her bf were on a break (haha). You're not that gullible are you? She prolly cheated on her bf with this guy, and prolly several times. Not that she'd tell you that.

My advice? Walk away from this one. You will never be able to trust this girl, you will never be able to have a relationship with her, and the longer you stay with her, the more miserable you will be. It's not worth it, find yourself a better girl, and let the streets have this ho.

 

[Trance]

There are really dumb girls lol We dont tell this **** to girls, and they shouldnt tell us too

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by Borgia
she started wanting to talk about our past relationships. I didn't really want too... I told her this but she insisted.

That flag is just GLOWING flourescent red.

 

[DeathDealer]

Leave her since you seem stressed out over this.

A girl that doesn't sleep around a lot is seen more serious than one who does. I would leave the girl or get distant if I found out she had more boyfriends than 1/5th of her age.

Would you want to date a former drug addict? No, you want someone that was never a drug addict in the first place. Drop this girl.

Take Paris Hilton for instance. She's probably done a dozen guys so far and she's so skanky, her value as her body is very little but her fame/moneyness makes up for that.

 

[biker_gixxer]

You TOLD this girl you didn't wanna hear about her past, she told you anyway. That just screams of disrespect

Exactly. This is where you made your first mistake. Just because she insisted, you went along with it? Come on bro, grab your pair and tell her you're NOT going to talk about it, end of story. if she was a decent girl, she would have respected your wishes and dropped it.

Questions you need to ask yourself is why did she want to talk about it?

To see if you were the jealous type and test you?
To get under your skin?
To get a reaction because she knew it would bother you?
To create drama?
To try and impress you?

Next time you find yourself in this type of situation (hopefully you won't) start making fun of the crap coming out her mouth. For example...


she told me how many people she has slept with (much more then me)

My response: That's it? Man I slept with that many people in one year, light weight.


details down to the size of one of the d**ks - he was huge apparently, and she likes that although he couldn't hold it for too long

My response: Must suck having all that equipment and not know what to do with it. Can you hand me a beer babe, thanks.


She told me all about a one night stand she had, down to how good it was and how much she lusted for this guy for about a yr before it happened,

You should have zoned out totally, that way, when she asked if you were listening, you could of said...'huh, what, i wasn't paying attention'.


It got me stressed, and insecure.

Yep, she got the reaction she wanted. Now she's got you where she wants you and she knows it.

Maybe, I'm wrong, but I bet this was all one big test. Fellas?