I keep failing at sarging and I'm at the point of tears...

[Deicide]

Hello. I hate to bring negativity to this forum. It's done a lot to improve me and my life. But, I'm failing with sarging everytime I go out and I'm lucky to get one number when I do it. It's affected me so much that I'm starting to get upset afterwards. I guess I'm trying too hard, I really don't know. But I guess I should experiment with my clothing preferences. That and my inner game hates confrontations and bothering people, so I'm fighting an inner AFC. I can open almost any set, but after that, things go south and girls walk away from me.
Basically, today at the mall, I did about 10 cold approaches. In my first one, I f*cked up on my false time constraint with a receptive girl who was with her mother, and I bailed after 3 sentences because of fear. I opened a 2-set with a MM type opener and one girl gave me a sh*t test by asking me if I would buy her cookies, and I told her no and that I'm good, but not that good. So she and her friend bailed shortly afterwards. I approached a 2-set at American Eagle, and I negged one of the girls immediately over something, but they walked away. I was having a decent cold approach at Wal Mart with a girl, but I saw a man coming up who I thought might've been her bf or husband, so I bailed. I opened a girl at Aeropostale and she answered me, but her body language was very cold and she never smiled at me. I gamed a worker at Baskins Robbins but she didn't seem interested in me.
Basically, I'm having problems with fear of confrontations(I'm taking boxing classes, I hope they clear me up when I start sparring) and causing disturbances or problems. That and I'm unsure of how to correctly be an Alpha male.
The positives: I did approaches on more than just one woman! I tried to use false time constraints to help my approaches. My overall gaming and using negs is very good! The problem is that I'm failing to attract and hook these girls.
I'm not giving up at all on this. I want to be very good at picking up women, and therein may lie the problem. So, what should I do to recover from all of this? Should I take some time off from sarging to work on my inner game or what? I feel like I learned things today, but the same patterns keep occuring.

 

[Chickfight]

Yes, your problem is your inner game. I don't think you even know what inner game really means. The word is tricky, because there's actually no game to it. It's about gaining real confidence and self-esteem. Forget all the technique you learned. In fact, forget about getting women all together. Just go out and try to have fun. It's your life man. There is nothing to be afraid of. The truth is the absolute worst thing that can happen is you die, but even that would be better than living your life in fear.

All this PUA stuff, mystery method and what not. It's all bull****. You know why it works? because it gives the people who learn these "tricks" false confidence. They believe it works and so it works for them. This isn't the case for you. What you have to do is build real confidence and a love for life. YOUR life.

How can not getting women reduce you to tears? I'm sorry to say, but that's pathetic. There are things in life that are ten times more rewarding than women and the ironic thing is when you pursue what you TRULY want as a man. Women come after YOU. They're just people like you and me. They might smell better and look better, but they're just trying to find their way and purpose in life like everyone else.

 

[garruk]

Yes, your problem is your inner game. I don't think you even know what inner game really means. The word is tricky, because there's actually no game to it. It's about gaining real confidence and self-esteem. Forget all the technique you learned. In fact, forget about getting women all together. Just go out and try to have fun. It's your life man. There is nothing to be afraid of. The truth is the absolute worst thing that can happen is you die, but even that would be better than living your life in fear.

All this PUA stuff, mystery method and what not. It's all bull****. You know why it works? because it gives the people who learn these "tricks" false confidence. They believe it works and so it works for them. This isn't the case for you. What you have to do is build real confidence and a love for life. YOUR life.

How can not getting women reduce you to tears? I'm sorry to say, but that's pathetic. There are things in life that are ten times more rewarding than women and the ironic thing is when you pursue what you TRULY want as a man. Women come after YOU. They're just people like you and me. They might smell better and look better, but they're just trying to find their way and purpose in life like everyone else.

TRUTH. game has nothing to do with MM and CF and whatever other acronym people come up with. people have been getting laid for centuries before this crap was invented. what you need is REAL confidence.

it sounds cliche but hit the gym, study hard, and find a hobby. forget about girls for a year and come back to it after you have made real progress with YOU.

you'll be AMAZED at how easy getting girls actually is.

 

[mahoney]

the others above are correct - too much time spent on 'sarging'. in a way its good that you've gone out there and tried (its not a bad thing to have done this and it not really worked out for you - instead of wondering)

dont worry about bringing negativity to the forum. its good to get negativity out there, look at it, and see what can be improved rather than just pretend it isnt there with false positivity (well actually that can be good too, but it really depends on the person!)

in a way its kind of good you've gone out there and tried sarging quite so many girls in this way, but the strike rate for this is never going to be very high unless you are a certain type of person and I wouldnt put too much emphasis on doing particularly - its really the other end of the scale from oneitis and both in different ways are different ways of being really unrelaxed about stuff. so while its good as an exercise and an antidote to oneitis, on its own terms it can be quite draining and can knock confidence (the very thing its supposed to raise)

Ultimately, its more important to be natural, relaxed, have "quiet confidence" (dont mistake this for brashness or arrogance), and not put too much pressure onto any one thing. While there are people who can sarge and be successful at it, its a personality thing and unrealistic for most to aim for. Aim to be more relaxed, confident and natural in your own way, let things happen in their own way and at their own pace a bit more

 

[st_99]

IMO, inner game and confidence isn't created out of thin air. It comes from goals, having a purpose, achievement and accomplishments. Having said that, I would say get out there and focus on different areas of your life EQUALLY.

That could include, school, career, hobby, sports, friends, working out, lifting, running, whatever but also include getting GIRLS in there because that is a basic human drive and you can't ignore it. I disagree with other posters that say forget about girls for now.

Just don't put ALL your energy into girls, spread your efforts around to other areas of your life. Balance. BUT, keep going after them, just not at a fever pitch. It sounds like you're not balanced and its wearing you down, basically you care too much about conquering chicks and it may be affecting your game perhaps.

 

[Warrior74]

Hello. I hate to bring negativity to this forum. It's done a lot to improve me and my life. But, I'm failing with sarging everytime I go out and I'm lucky to get one number when I do it.

All you need is one.

Churchill said, when going through hell, keep going.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

Basic conversational skills and confidence are far more powerful in the long run than any specific script you could follow. It's like only using one rod/pole/lure combination over and over again, not even knowing if the fish you'll catch with that specific lure are the kind you want. What you need is an expansive tackle box that you can dip into depending on what fish are running.

This is from the book "How to talk to anyone" by Leil Lowndes:
I can't remember exactly where it is in the book, so I can't quote it, but here's the gist:

The key to being charming is to bask in the warmth of the other person and to make that show. If you've ever been around a charming person, you'd know what I mean. They seem to be enjoying what they're hearing and they can get people talking and even rambling effectively and they never appear bored or anxious. They let conversation take its natural pace and enjoy the process.

Try to enjoy the process before you expect to grab numbers. Women are people too, and the entirety of our mating ritual revolves around excellent communication (both verbal and non-verbal).

 

[Chamber36]

Try to enjoy the process

very relieving advice. It applies to where i am now aswell. I've started seeing women as rubicks cubes. So I'll have to cut that out.
Even when i started going out i just went out to get girls. Sometimes i'd really be disappointed if i didn't score one, but i had a higher success rate than i do now.
Somehow the past few failures have chiselled a hole in my confidence. It used to be about exploration and discovery u know....

 

[Romeobadboi]

take that anger and pain,, think use it to motivate you to come back on here and read and study more,,! just cause you read somthing once doesnt mean it ingrained forever !! use that pain to push you higher!

 

[Alex DeLarge]

I think the problem here is going to a particular place JUST TO SARGE. I know a lot of people on here do this.. But what I usually do is go somewhere for my own fun. I love going to concerts, bookstores, bars, college parties etc.. While I'm not so good in the bookstore atmosphere, I'm the life of the party at local concerts, and friends' parties. You just have to truly feel happy with yourself and your friends, joke around with people.. But not to the point where you piss them off and they think you're a douchebag.

I really worked on my inner game since last september, I had just come out of a year's depression. Constantly feeling sorry for myself, Thinking I was an ugly unnattractive person, always bummed out my friends and all that. But then it was like an inner game renaissance for me finding this website and looking up some self-improvement reading, and figuring out what I want to do with my life and not just obeying the orders my parents demand.

 

[SharinganUser]

take that anger and pain,, think use it to motivate you to come back on here and read and study more,,! just cause you read somthing once doesnt mean it ingrained forever !! use that pain to push you higher!

Worst advice I've read in a while. Dating isn't something that you should torture yourself over. Getting phone numbers, going on dates, ect... are supposed to be fun.

 

[nightcrawler]

lol OP u sound creepy

 

[ELMER_GANTRY]

But, I'm failing with sarging everytime I go out and I'm lucky to get one number when I do it. It's affected me so much that I'm starting to get upset afterwards. I guess I'm trying too hard, I really don't know.

That is because you keep going in with a negative attitude. You put these chicks way above yourself. You try to please them way too much when you're talking to them. What you talk about with them isn't very funny. We talked about this before.



But I guess I should experiment with my clothing preferences. That and my inner game hates confrontations and bothering people, so I'm fighting an inner AFC. I can open almost any set, but after that, things go south and girls walk away from me.

Clothes don't mean nothing unless you fix yourself first. You could be the coolest looking guy around, but if you go in with a negative attitude, feeling nervous, acting AFC, putting the chicks above you, and not knowing what to say, you will have lots of problems with women. It's the mind and your inner self is what counts and that is what you need to focus on and fix first.


Basically, today at the mall, I did about 10 cold approaches.

Still hanging out at the mall trying to pick up chicks? This hasn't been working for you. Instead of the mall where you have limited time, try going some place else where you have more time to talk with women. You're rushed at the mall and don't have enough time and if you sound like this you come off as creepy and desperate.


In my first one, I f*cked up on my false time constraint with a receptive girl who was with her mother,

again? Didn't I tell you about time in your last thread? You don't have that much time in the mall. Its a quick chat and you get the number. You talk way too long and these chicks are getting bored, then they end the convo on you and leave. Why were you talking to a chick with her mother? That is weird dude. Were you trying to get her number too? Maybe it was a 2 for 1 thing. How did you eff that up when you only got three sentences in?


and I bailed after 3 sentences because of fear.

What did they do when you bailed? You shouldn't of approached a girl who was with her mother anyway. I wonder what they thought about that. I don't know why you would approach a chick with her mother. why did you do that?

I opened a 2-set with a MM type opener

Quit copying other guys suff. What works for him, might not work for you, and you can see that. If you're inexperienced and having problems, using other people's material doesn't work and makes you look worse. Find your own game, your own style, practice that and use it, and you will have a lot better results.


and one girl gave me a sh*t test by asking me if I would buy her cookies, and I told her no and that I'm good, but not that good.

she probably was making fun of you. Why would you tell her that you're not that good? She doesn't care about that and you just lowered yourself to her and her friend.

So she and her friend bailed shortly afterwards.

I can see why. You're trying way too hard and you're coming off as desperate, needy, and very unfunny. This happens to you everytime.

I approached a 2-set at American Eagle, and I negged one of the girls immediately over something, but they walked away.

You just don't neg to neg, sometimes it comes off as insulting if you don't know how to do it right. And you just don't walk up and start negging girls.

I was having a decent cold approach at Wal Mart with a girl, but I saw a man coming up who I thought might've been her bf or husband, so I bailed.

LOL...so you just ran away from the chick? how old was she? Maybe he wasn't even with her. I wonder what she thought about that. Again, you're randomly going up to strangers you don't know in stores. They don't know who you are. Most people think that is creepy and weird when some random guy like you just comes up and tries to hit on them in a store when they obviously know what you're trying to do. When you do that, you run into problems like this, with women who might have a boyfriend or husband walking around the store.

I opened a girl at Aeropostale and she answered me, but her body language was very cold and she never smiled at me.

wow...you're trying way too hard dude. you keep getting rejected each time, you feel worse about yourself, and then you go back for more, while feeling worse. If you do that you are going to fail because you have poor mental thoughts. take a break from this and work on YOURSELF first. If you don't, you will still have problems.


I gamed a worker at Baskins Robbins but she didn't seem interested in me.

she wsn't either? what were you saying to her? hope you didn't say you wanted her cookies n cream (that was a joke) You're trying to game each girl you see everywhere you go.

Basically, I'm having problems with fear of confrontations(I'm taking boxing classes, I hope they clear me up when I start sparring) and causing disturbances or problems. That and I'm unsure of how to correctly be an Alpha male.

Boxing won't help you at all. You have to fix your mental attitude first and how you view yourself.

The positives: I did approaches on more than just one woman!

you listed several here

I tried to use false time constraints to help my approaches.

you did? I read where the chicks walked away and you bailed on them. that's what you wrote.

My overall gaming and using negs is very good!

it is? then why are you so upset almost reduced to tears? From what you wrote, the chicks aren't interested, you are bailing on them, and they are not interested and walk away. how is that very good?

The problem is that I'm failing to attract and hook these girls.

Yes you are, I agree, and the results from you overall game and negs that isn't very good. You need to focus less on yourself, forget the PUA stuff that isn't helping you, work on YOURSELF, getting all the negatives out of your mind, getting some inner confidence in you and get a better over all mind frame. When you start out with a deafeatist attitude, and appear, strange, desperate, and creepy, you will get poor results. So start on yourself first or you will always have problems, not just with women, but with life in general, and all your social interactions.

I'm not giving up at all on this. I want to be very good at picking up women, and therein may lie the problem.

quit trying too hard and fix yourself

So, what should I do to recover from all of this?

fix your inner self and work on getting confidence or will have the same problems all the time.

Should I take some time off from sarging to work on my inner game or what?

I would think so. And stay away from the malls, try other places where you might have better success. Take time to get YOU take care of first.

I feel like I learned things today, but the same patterns keep occuring.

Then you haven't learned anything if the patterns keep occuring. Here we all gave you advice in your first thread, I did twice, and you didn't listen to any of us. That's a problem right there. Get your own game going and quit trying to copy and imitate other pick up artists. That is their own game they profected, that works for them, it might not work for you as you can see, you need to learn your own and be successful at that.

....

 

[Mike32ct]

ELMER gets a rep point. Spot on.

Copying another guru is not the way to go. Chicks know when you are "acting" and when you are being real. Honestly, I got minimal success until I dropped all "methods" and started being myself. Then I worked out a style over time that works for ME by just getting out there and talking to women, making lots of mistakes, and fine tuning things to avoid the same mistakes.

When you are following someone else's "script," you are blind to what is really going on because you brain is too focused on following some cookbook receipe. When you are being yourself and just flying by the seat of your pants (as scary as it can be), you will learn soo much more and see things into this game that you never noticed before.

Lastly, stop worrying about "creating attraction." You can't CREATE attraction. She is either attracted or she isn't. Game is about maintaining or possibly increasing the attraction that is ALREADY THERE and working with it to achieve some type of close. It is not about pulling some magic trick or "solving the Rubix Cube" to get that uninterested girl hot for you. You don't need to "hook" either. They either want to talk to you or they don't. Some conversations will flow easily. Others will be like pulling teeth. When it's the later, feel free to eject after giving it a fair try.

Also, don't approach a female just because she's hot or you feel you have to. Plenty of women are hot. What is it about her that makes you want to approach her? Use your intutition and be more selective about your targets. I approach women that look interesting and on a gut level, "feel" like someone I would click with.

Finally, you need to ENJOY talking to women. Some women are really cool and interesting.

 

[RockaRolla25]

Hello. I hate to bring negativity to this forum. It's done a lot to improve me and my life. But, I'm failing with sarging everytime I go out and I'm lucky to get one number when I do it. It's affected me so much that I'm starting to get upset afterwards. I guess I'm trying too hard, I really don't know. But I guess I should experiment with my clothing preferences. That and my inner game hates confrontations and bothering people, so I'm fighting an inner AFC. I can open almost any set, but after that, things go south and girls walk away from me.
Basically, today at the mall, I did about 10 cold approaches. In my first one, I f*cked up on my false time constraint with a receptive girl who was with her mother, and I bailed after 3 sentences because of fear. I opened a 2-set with a MM type opener and one girl gave me a sh*t test by asking me if I would buy her cookies, and I told her no and that I'm good, but not that good. So she and her friend bailed shortly afterwards. I approached a 2-set at American Eagle, and I negged one of the girls immediately over something, but they walked away. I was having a decent cold approach at Wal Mart with a girl, but I saw a man coming up who I thought might've been her bf or husband, so I bailed. I opened a girl at Aeropostale and she answered me, but her body language was very cold and she never smiled at me. I gamed a worker at Baskins Robbins but she didn't seem interested in me.
Basically, I'm having problems with fear of confrontations(I'm taking boxing classes, I hope they clear me up when I start sparring) and causing disturbances or problems. That and I'm unsure of how to correctly be an Alpha male.
The positives: I did approaches on more than just one woman! I tried to use false time constraints to help my approaches. My overall gaming and using negs is very good! The problem is that I'm failing to attract and hook these girls.
I'm not giving up at all on this. I want to be very good at picking up women, and therein may lie the problem. So, what should I do to recover from all of this? Should I take some time off from sarging to work on my inner game or what? I feel like I learned things today, but the same patterns keep occuring.

I don't want to sound like I'm insulting you, but do you wear Deicide t-shirts and other metal band t-shirts? I like Deicide and metal too and I am not saying there is anything wrong with listening to metal and showing it with t-shirts, but the majority of women DO NOT listen to metal. So, when they see a guy with a "Deicide" shirt, they think the guy is scary or something. This makes it harder for them to open up to you.

I'm not saying it is right of the girls to do this, but first impressions really stick. They would much rather talk to a guy wearing a nice polo shirt than a black Deicide shirt, even if the personalities are the same. If you wear metal shirts a lot, then you have to expect that girls who are into metal will be into you. But, remember the majority of women like club music to dance to.

I am not saying to ditch the metal shirts to give into women, but it means you have to work harder than the average guy to attract a girl because your t-shirts are scary.

 

[Deicide]

I don't want to sound like I'm insulting you, but do you wear Deicide t-shirts and other metal band t-shirts? I like Deicide and metal too and I am not saying there is anything wrong with listening to metal and showing it with t-shirts, but the majority of women DO NOT listen to metal. So, when they see a guy with a "Deicide" shirt, they think the guy is scary or something. This makes it harder for them to open up to you.

I'm not saying it is right of the girls to do this, but first impressions really stick. They would much rather talk to a guy wearing a nice polo shirt than a black Deicide shirt, even if the personalities are the same. If you wear metal shirts a lot, then you have to expect that girls who are into metal will be into you. But, remember the majority of women like club music to dance to.

I am not saying to ditch the metal shirts to give into women, but it means you have to work harder than the average guy to attract a girl because your t-shirts are scary.

I don't usually wear metal t-shirts when I sarge. I try to consciously not do that. Though I have wore Testament and Cradle of Filth shirts at college during some cold approaches. I don't really see many girls around here into metal. Most of the girls I go for wear nice preppy/athletic clothing and maybe some crazy shirts Asian girls wear also. I go for women of all races but I tend to like the ones that wear the nicest clothing(American Eagle type stuff, nice big shopping purses, etc...). So it's always a little odd if I'm wearing some MMA, Boxing, or Football clothing when I approach them. Though I do that.

 

[Chamber36]

You're going to have to accept that women have better game. You're going to have to stop taking htem so seriously. Girls subconciously ****test because it's part of their primal instincts. They can't help it. Next time just ask her what you would get in return for the cookie. Outwit them. You have to be the last to speak, just like when in an argument with an idiot.
Besides that stop qualifying yourself to them.

 

[Deicide]

....

Once again, thanks for the in-depth post. I didn't want to game her mom lol, but she looked cute, and I should've approached her when she was by herself but I waited too long. Then again, she was in the women's jewelry section and I felt awkward. I said something like I have to catch up with my friends, and I felt weird having her mom there. Though, initially, I was happy I did the approach. When I left, her mom asked her "Who was that?" lol. I did it because I know I have it in me to get good with mommy in order to get her daughter's number. I think I'll pass on the mom daughter approaches for now. I'm always lowering my value myself with women without realizing it. I don't know why it happens. But I made sure not to buy them cookies because it's supplicating.
Yeah, I walked away from that girl at Wal Mart. I'm afraid of getting into fights and ending up going to jail, and my parents finding out and blaming me over it. She was in her 20's, but a little older than me.
I was talking with the girl at Baskin Robbins about Mexican food, and she said the best place to get that was at Chile's. LOL Instant neg from me, but it was limited conversation and she wasn't interested.
The gaming comment: I can tease and neg girls easier than ever before. That's what I meant by I could do that. But, I don't know what to do after that, I'm clueless.

I'm taking time off from approaching women. I'm trying to become a more relaxed person while putting the idea in my mind that I am the prize and that I am the alpha male women want to be with. I don't believe that now, but if I can keep doing that little by little, it should stick. That and learning how to ignore women around me without checking all of them out(I do check out like any woman that is remotely attractive) should help me build up a non-needy complex. I'm not sarging again until I've conquered my inner game issues. For now, I may just focus on possibly trying to make some things happen with girls from my small town that I've known for a long time, and the J-Girl I got a number from at college last week(Still, I'm not rushing anything with her, I just want to build comfort to meet at a later date with every phone conversation).

My hobbies are solid. I play guitar, play pool, lift weights, run, read about philosophy, religion, psychology, and dark/gothic themes.
I really don't know what I want in my life. I've always preferred having time to do my hobbies and interests over doing work any day. So, getting a good job hasn't been as much of a priority for me, because I treasure enjoying my life in its own way over having a good paying job that would take over my life. I guess that's why I've been in college 5 years with 2 BA's, and I still don't know what I want with my life.
Once again, thanks for all the replies, even to the guy that said I sound creepy. Hey, I need a reality check.

 

[Vice]

I've also been having challenges when I go out sarging. I've been hearing alot of "no's" lately, and the numbers I get usually end up being flakes.

Like you, I'm glad that I'm getting out there and getting experience. Most dudes never take time to get this area of their life handled.

Like you, my ego is pretty beat right now. But you will start growing thicker skin, and you'll start fine-tuning yourself, and you'll notice that you are MUCH better than you were before.

Now I'm not sure if the reason for my own failures is just that the girl's circumstances weren't ideal for dating, or if they were just deflecting me. But I'm having a HUGE dry spell, and the fact that I'm under 21 really limits the venues that I can go to in my area. I have to drive 20 miles out to get to the nearest club. Gas is expensive, and my car gets sh*t mileage. Plus there's cover to get in. I f*cking hate getting nickel and dimed to death.

 

[Deicide]

I've also been having challenges when I go out sarging. I've been hearing alot of "no's" lately, and the numbers I get usually end up being flakes.

Like you, I'm glad that I'm getting out there and getting experience. Most dudes never take time to get this area of their life handled.

Like you, my ego is pretty beat right now. But you will start growing thicker skin, and you'll start fine-tuning yourself, and you'll notice that you are MUCH better than you were before.

Now I'm not sure if the reason for my own failures is just that the girl's circumstances weren't ideal for dating, or if they were just deflecting me. But I'm having a HUGE dry spell, and the fact that I'm under 21 really limits the venues that I can go to in my area. I have to drive 20 miles out to get to the nearest club. Gas is expensive, and my car gets sh*t mileage. Plus there's cover to get in. I f*cking hate getting nickel and dimed to death.

Same thing here. I have to go an hour away to this city that I did all these approaches at. Hey, at least you've kissed a girl and aren't a virgin like me. Good luck getting over the dry spell. Yes, I totally understand where you're coming from on the phone number flakes, I had a lot this past semester at college.