I just had an epiphany (again)

[backbreaker]

Will try to keep this short. I had leased out my web development business to someone last year, only to find him to be a stupid **** face who took a business that was generating close to 100k a month in revenue and dwindle it down to about 30k in less than half a year. At that point I took it back. Something else he did was run off some of my better programmers. I don't need the money per say but I mean... it's the freaking principle of the damn matter. It was a working extremely profitable business and you ****ed it up. That business is part of my overall big game plan, it has to be in place.

So, what i am getting at is, well i started advertising and doing things my way again, brought in some extra business. I have now, 3 programmers, have 7 NEW projects. That's too many. So I am hiring programmers for the long term but in the mean time I am looking for a bridge gap to handle some of the work. some of it I could do myself, but some are in technologies that even if i wanted to I could not because that's not what I do.

Anyway so I start beating the bushes looking for freelance programmers to help me for the next 3 weeks to a month, until I can get my people in place. now mind you, while I'm not cheap, I run a business and there are profit margins. I generally pay my develoeprs between 25 (php) and 40 (high end asp/flash ) an hour. And I am getting some responses that I look at, in particular for the php projects which is the majority of what i have, that I subconsciously just looked at, and did not pay a bit of attention to. But, not becuase they did not know what they are doing.. they were TOO professional. Meaning.. I could look at them and tell they were large companies trying to get my work and while I am sure they do excellent work, I am not interested in paying retail prices when I am a retail outlet.


Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why I was thinking of this I have no idea but I did . you can be overqualified for a woman. She might not come out and say it, but she may feel that she can't keep you around becuase someone better might come along and take you, so why bother.

 

[Noodles]

you can be overqualified for a woman.

Really? So you can be too successful and that's what makes her not want to sleep with you, date you etc? Seriously...the 'she's a lesbian' line is more believable.

And how exactly is this coming up in conversation? Are you telling her about your business on the first date? Are you talking about profit margins and business plans? I think this might be what's causing your problem. You're meant to be having a good time with each other...not trying to get her to calculate your market capitalisation.

I keep my job off the table for until at least the 3rd date...and then only snippets. She doesn't need to know, I find it boring, and normally they don't care.

 

[Scaramouche]

Oh Backbreaker,
come off the Oyster Bed you guys are just so Technocratic....But yeah Prieto was right I got 80%of my Fvucks from 20% of my Women.

 

[jophil28]

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why I was thinking of this I have no idea but I did . you can be overqualified for a woman. She might not come out and say it, but she may feel that she can't keep you around becuase someone better might come along and take you, so why bother.

That point is not discussed around here, but you are right.
Being "overqualified" to a woman is rarely about your financial value, it is much broader that that.
In a nutshell, some women deliberately avoid dating high value men because they (women) hold a perception that the guy is in a higher league and he will inevitably dump her for a hotter applicant.

Water seeking it's own level ?

 

[zekko]

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why I was thinking of this I have no idea but I did . you can be overqualified for a woman. She might not come out and say it, but she may feel that she can't keep you around becuase someone better might come along and take you, so why bother.

I think there's some truth to that. Everybody has their own dating value, and in the end people tend to end up with someone close to thier own value.

Women (like men), over time, learn what their value is, and will learn to settle for a (say) 7, instead of a 9. if that's what their level is.
I think most of us would agree that this is true, although I'm not sure how this squares against a lot of the pickup dogma that you hear.

I think this might be what's causing your problem. You're meant to be having a good time with each other...not trying to get her to calculate your market capitalisation.

You don't understand, Backbreaker is a dime. He's engaged, he doesn't have a problem. I am a little curious as to whether or not he has any real life examples.

 

[Heretolearn]

That point is not discussed around here, but you are right.
Being "overqualified" to a woman is rarely about your financial value, it is much broader that that.
In a nutshell, some women deliberately avoid dating high value men because they (women) hold a perception that the guy is in a higher league and he will inevitably dump her for a hotter applicant.

Water seeking it's own level ?

Isn't this and the original post about self esteem alignment. Hence the hot girls with low self esteem date the loser local band members. I.e not so much about why the water is at a different level just a realisation that the waters are moving in a different direction.

That said, I appreciate the other posts which I infer mean we cannot use 'over qualification of ourselves' as an excuse for poor performance

 

[The Duke]

Backbreaker-
I've dated two girls who both told me months after we broke up that I was too good for them. There were many social, educational, and financial strengths that I had and they did not. They knew it, I knew it. It bothered them, but not me. I suspect they thought I would leave them someday for something better.

A lot of people are intimidated by success and will seek others who are equal or below them.

 

[Noodles]

I've dated two girls who both told me months after we broke up that I was too good for them. There were many social, educational, and financial strengths that I had and they did not.

And? I've told girls I've split up with they were better than me. That deserved someone better. I even told one I was thinking about being gay. Anything to make them go away. I didn't actually mean it.

The question is though...were they physically out of your league? If they were then your impressive standing counts for little. And if they weren't...why were you dating two different women from the bottom of the barrel?

 

[The Duke]

And? I've told girls I've split up with they were better than me. That deserved someone better. I even told one I was thinking about being gay. Anything to make them go away. I didn't actually mean it.

The question is though...were they physically out of your league? If they were then your impressive standing counts for little. And if they weren't...why were you dating two different women from the bottom of the barrel?

Noodles, life isn't so black and white! And there's never just "one" reason as to why the relationship died.

Physically both girls were in my league. We were well matched as far as looks go.

I wouldn't consider either of these girls bottom of the barrel. Its all relative anyways. I would say both were very "average" on the socio-economic scale of life in America. Both girls were good people with big hearts. That goes a long ways in my book. I've been around those with sky-high socio-economic status without a heart. They aren't good people to me.

 

[synergy1]

I got this strait up at the last in person interview I had. I had a great dialogue between myself and the interviewer, and near the end the question of over qualification came up. I told them that no one is overqualified for work in this economy and played it off like I wanted to learn rather than earn tons of money ( which is all true). If we see a contraction in jobs along with a high supply of good laborers ( or in my case engineers), I think companies would be smart to start shifting their expectations and not view people with prior experience as 'too good'.

My guess is your are worried about flight risks/ the entitlement of higher qualified individuals?

 

[Noodles]

Noodles, life isn't so black and white! And there's never just "one" reason as to why the relationship died.

Good point, well made.

My original point was whether status (and I agree what goes into your bank every month does not make you a better person than someone else) would stop a girl going out with you. You're right though, that it could become a sore spot in a relationship over time.

Either you have to pay for her to go out to nice places, or you have to go to cheap places to split the bill, or don't see each other very often.

 

[Die Hard]

This thread just brought back a long forgotten memory:

My BPD ex once complained that I was getting too skinny. So I asked her: "Do you think I am beginning to look less attractive because of this?" She answered: "No, but you make me look fat when we're out on the street walking next to each other."

She was not joking, she was dead serious about this...

 

[squirrels]

This thread just brought back a long forgotten memory:

My BPD ex once complained that I was getting too skinny. So I asked her: "Do you think I am beginning to look less attractive because of this?" She answered: "No, but you make me look fat when we're out on the street walking next to each other."

She was not joking, she was dead serious about this...

Shoulda offered to go hiking/exercising with her or something.

That IS one thing I've noticed recently from getting back into the dating game...if you're TOO good at this "Don Juan" crap, women can get the impression that you're unobtainable. Even if you show her affection, she may assume you're just using her for attention until something better comes along.

There's an art to exposing small bits of vulnerability while still appearing "strong and masculine". Small actions and compliments that serve not to supplicate yourself to her or reduce your own value, but to elevate her to YOUR level. Like anything, it's a balancing act.

 

[lifeislearning]

And? I've told girls I've split up with they were better than me. That deserved someone better. I even told one I was thinking about being gay. Anything to make them go away. I didn't actually mean it.

Why waste the time and energy lying though? If a girl is someone worth dating than she's someone worth being honest and upfront about the shortcomings of the relationship at the very least. How do you or her learn anything from the relationship if you purposely lie to each other?

I see a lot of disdain for girls in who were "crazy" or "BPD" but keep in mind when you decide to date a girl you assess these observations and for some reason STILL decide to date them! Whether the overriding reason is big t*ts, great cooking, a rich daddy, you found her an acceptable partner on some level. I know I've dated my share of crazies, but hold yourself accountable for your part of the relationship and realize that if they were really so horrible, what were you doing with them in the first place? Remember how frustrating is is when women spout unnecessary bullsh*t you both know is a lie? Don't be like that, be a man.

The question is though...were they physically out of your league? If they were then your impressive standing counts for little. And if they weren't...why were you dating two different women from the bottom of the barrel?

Why do separate worth into independent sections? Ok a woman needs to be a 6 in education, a 8 in body, a 7 socially...
Sounds ridiculous right? I take no stock in "league" and encourage friends to pursue and date ANY woman who interests them like I do. On paper I'm not worthy of any of the awesome girls I date. I'm just a skinny ass, no Jude Law in the looks department, broke ass, college student (read "no career"), no rich daddy or 3 pound c*ck. What is not on paper is how fun I am, how I can put anybody at ease, have no patience for looking at life without a sense of humor, and live my life in the most interesting way I can.

So is every woman I date "physically out of my league?" Sure, but they STILL will never find another guy as good as I am

 

[Powerlifter]

I am with BB on this good post BB.

 

[backbreaker]

There actually was one girl, heather.. nicest ass I have ever seen in my life. I'm not even an ass guy but I mean, you make exceptions, this one had it. Country, about the most low maintenance girl I have ever seen. More than once we went out to eat at burger king lol. that's her fab place to eat. She would be just as happy sitting down with you watching law and order than she would be going out to eat. down home, sweet as candy. I had 2 cars and she would let me drive her car around, just to not put miles on mine lol and she drove a brand spankin new camery (Daddy). Just a real sweet girl. I knew she had some bad habits, but I saw a ****load of potential in the girl, was extremely sexy with absolutely no makeup on, she could wear scrubs (she was a nurse assistant) and would be the best looking woman int he room just off sheer body / face. had gorgeous feet . Came from some money, but she had well, she had ****ed some drugs up in her day. But was smart as a ****ing whip. And the girl honestly, adored me. I have never used that word before. I remember one day I took a girl, who i wasn't even interested in out to eat, she was in NA and she was extremely close to relapsing, I took her there from one AA member to another just to get her mind off it and talk about it. Well someone saw us there, took a picture and sent it to heather and she called me balling.. girl was crazy about me.You call she picked up. You wanted to go out she was down. Faults and all I took a strong liking to her.

One day, I found out she relapsed, pretty bad. Even with this, i was still goin to keep her around.. we all **** up. honestly it took me a few times to get it, i couldn't' be a judge. but she said look brandon (my real name).. i'm just holding you back and you can do better, i'm a **** up and i'm going to be a **** up. you are not a **** up.

i wonder how heather is doing now actually. honestly, there is less than 0% doubt in my mind if i saw her, and this was what, 4 and a half years ago, regardless of who she was dating, she'd be down for whatever.

 

[jophil28]

This thread start by BB raises some interesting possibilities.
If we hang around this board long enough and absorb the teachings and ideology of PU and self improvement, it is fairly easy to adopt the belief that more DHV is always better .
More status + more wealth + dominance = more women.

Not quite true as it turns out.

 

[backbreaker]

This thread start by BB raises some interesting possibilities.
If we hang around this board long enough and absorb the teachings and ideology of PU and self improvement, it is fairly easy to adopt the belief that more DHV is always better .
More status + more wealth + dominance = more women.

Not quite true as it turns out.

The way I see it, it's like money

you can get lucky and win the powerball, or have a rich uncle, or be skilled enough to be a professional athlete or musician.. this is the normal person when it comes to women.


or

you can go to yale, bust your ass and learn the principles of having money, learn what is what, learn not to depend on outside circumstances or dumb luck, and be able to generate your own wealth on your terms, when you want to. that's how I see this site.


The reason I come here and stay here, is becuase well, I don't ever want to feel I'm lucky to have a woman again in my life.


The amount of money you make does not generate how smart you are with money. For crying out loud Kim Kardashian made 6 million dollars last year. I am not more of a "DJ" Because I screw 5 women a month and you screw 3 or visa versa. But, I guarantee you this... I know 20 years from now, I'm going o be in the exact same position I am now if not better, defiantly better, becuase I did not get where I am by dumb luck or being hot. The principles that got me where I am now, will take me where I want to go 20 years from now. It's the same with women. You might or might not drive a benz 10 years from now. You might be in great shape, you might come up with a back injury and can't work out and gain alot of weight. That great job you have, the company might fold. But the princples here, will always be the right way to go.

 

[jophil28]

But the princples here, will always be the right way to go.

Agreed.
However, we need to be mindful of the reality that applying the principles promoted here (and on some PUA sites) will merely increase your chances rather than deliver guarantees of success.
You are still going to encounter flakes and ditzy women who change their mind and do not return your calls. You are still going to have to deal with loonies, crazies and attention ho's who will use you for ego inflation.

You will still scratch your head at the seemingly endless parade of nutjobs and children in adult female bodies who are incapable of mature behavior.
And occasionally you will 'overqualify' yourself with a new woman who will 'poof' because she fears that you will probably drop her cold after the next date, and so she gets out first..

The values and principles promoted by this site are many and varied - but ultimately, when it comes to women, the game is still loaded with variables.

I guess that one of the most treasured skills I have acquired is the willingness to assert my leadership without a second thought and being ready to dump those women who do not like it.

 

[Jitterbug]

I was thinking of this tonight while people asked me what's new in my life, and I have a slightly different take on it.

Men like us in The Community are taught to constantly improve on ourselves and go forward in our lives. If you're successful at that, your life will get better and better all the time. That itself is a great thing.

However, a lot of women these days are brainwashed since they were kids to compete with men, instead of complementing us. Most of them, however, get nowhere with their lives that's really of their own abilities, apart from some conveniences they get with their good looks (provided that they're good looking that is). When those women hear our "DHV" stories about how we're going places, they will feel bad about themselves and associate that bad feeling with us. That's why you may find them date losers (who may be attractive "right now" but are going nowhere in life) because those guys make them feel good. They are right at each other's level.

Not all women have that attitude though. With certain ones, you can see their eyes light up as they find out how you are achieving real things. Those women have not been programmed to be pen1sless men who want to compete with us.