I just can't succeed. I am depressed

[JustCan'tSucceed]

I do not know what the hell is wrong with me, but I am just another twenty year old guy who is in his fourth year in university who has no gfs before.

I have been reading everything from here long enough and yet I dont have much success. Almost all my friends have gfs and I am the only person who is left out. I can see many people out in the malls on weekends and I turned down many invitations from friends because they're usually with gfs.

I am a student of psychology major who is a top student in class learning about human behaviour but I just do not know how to handle my own problems when it comes to girls. I am without lots of friends and have been regarded as a nerd in university. I am usually alone when it comes to weekends and when it comes to night time, everyone is out and I am back to my house with my parents.

I do nothing but more than watching tv, playing games, chit chatting on MIRC or ICQ and hardly go clubbing and etc. I was having a hard time as I am not popular in university. Right now, I am really desperate for many gfs and I wanted to be a player but I am nothing but more than AFC! I have started hitting on girls like a dog in heat and they turned me down when I asked for dates. ARGH!!!!!

Maybe I should go and seek professional help. I didn't expect I will be going to a shrink as I will be one in future but life is so tough for me now as if it is hopeless................

I dont like this kind of dull and boring life.! I am ashamed when people asked if I had a gf, and I felt unhappy........ARGH!!!!!!!! I can't tell anyone my problems except at this forum. I am ashamed of myself seeing everyone with gfs being happy while I am alone.
I am so desperate right now and I am so scared of having a gf as I've seen others being teased for having a first love as an inexperience AFCS!!!!! ARGHH!!!!!!!!!! It looks like I can only dream of having a gf in fantasy but never in reality. I won't get laid and all I can do is masturbate.!

Nothing works.......Punching the wall is the best thing to do now to release my depression. And I am going to do it now!

 

[marqZAL]

You need a fat girl right now...yes when in a slump...fvck a fat girl..if anything it takes your edge off for a few days...or hit the whoore houses......

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Originally posted by marqZAL
You need a fat girl right now...yes when in a slump...fvck a fat girl..if anything it takes your edge off for a few days...or hit the whoore houses......

Ummmm,.........NO.

Time to get a little crazy, I think.

Go out and do something completely retarded. Something that could potentially get you thrown in jail for the night.

It'll probably involve drugs and booze, and perhaps a couple of sluts in a public place, like a park.

That should put an end to your boring life.

Well, it did for me, in some park in Calgary, last summer.....lol

Live a little, pal.

Get out and do sh!t.

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[Leporello]

Prozac.

Or, failing that, listen to some inspiring music.

'Nessun Dorma' always broke my depression.

 

[wysiwyg6000]

try web dating, like match.com or whatever...maybe you'll have better luck than me and wont find any psycho *****es. I'm 20 years old, and before i tried those sites out I had never had a date before. Since April, I've gone out with two women from there, but they were both wierdos. I've learned a lot from this though: Quality people are few and far between.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Could you be putting too much emphasis on Girlfriend?

That's not what it's about. You should be out doing things that make you happy.

Your happiness shouldn't be defined by the girl you have.

You make your reality, and the reality is:

If you keep spending all day alone, playing video games, studying and spending the weekends away from parties and people. You're gonna remain lonely and get more depressed.

It's a self defeating cycle.

Breakout of it.

Don't focus on getting a girl, Focus on being content, without one. Then when you do find one, she should enhance the already good life that you live.

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[One on One]

You sound a lot like me, but I have made improvements and so have you. The key is to talk to people and meet people and go out and do stuff. Don't worry about meeting a girl. The more connections you have, the better. Stay positive and understand that things take time.

 

[Bungo Pony]

I have been reading everything from here long enough and yet I dont have much success.

Good. Have you gone out and repeatedly tried any of it?

Almost all my friends have gfs and I am the only person who is left out. I can see many people out in the malls on weekends and I turned down many invitations from friends because they're usually with gfs.

This makes no sense. You're acting like a child. "Billy has a toy I don't have so I'm not going to play with him".

I am a student of psychology major who is a top student in class learning about human behaviour

The title of this thread is I just can't succeed. You're sure as hell putting work into your classes. Just goes to show that you can do anything if you put your mind and effort into it.

I am without lots of friends and have been regarded as a nerd in university. I am usually alone when it comes to weekends and when it comes to night time, everyone is out and I am back to my house with my parents.

There is a solution to everything. If you don't have any friends in university, go out and find some friends that aren't in university. You don't need friends to go out and meet new people, and I'm not talking about women. Go out and meet some new guys. Find a place that interests you, go there by yourself, and make conversation with somebody you've never met. That's a start.

Right now, I am really desperate for many gfs and I wanted to be a player but I am nothing but more than AFC! I have started hitting on girls like a dog in heat and they turned me down when I asked for dates. ARGH!!!!

Why don't you post one of your experiences on here and we'll tell you what you're doing right, and what you're doing wrong?

Maybe I should go and seek professional help. I didn't expect I will be going to a shrink as I will be one in future but life is so tough for me now as if it is hopeless................

I sure hope you're not saying this to get pity from us. I hope that you actually do go through with this.

I dont like this kind of dull and boring life.!

YOU are the only one in control of your life, noone else. You're the one to blame for having a boring life. You're the only one who can change that.

I can't tell anyone my problems except at this forum. I am ashamed of myself seeing everyone with gfs being happy while I am alone.[/B][/QUOTE]
When you finally start dating, you'll have a different opinion.

I am so desperate right now and I am so scared of having a gf as I've seen others being teased for having a first love as an inexperience AFCS!!!!!

You gotta start somewhere. You weren't born into university, were you?

I agree with marqZAL. Go for someone unattractive just to start you off. Once you start getting used to the opposite sex, it becomes easier and easier. Move up from there.

 

[stormwriter]

JustCantSucceed,

Dude, pretend you run into a very cute chick that seems to like you.
This is what you want, right?

OK, well you WILL ruin it with her with your current attitude.

You can't magically change your mindset, self-esteem, and habits once a chick enters the picture.
If you go on a date with her, she will probably find out you play video games, chat on the internet all the time, and watch too much tv. Your negativity and depression will come out, and she will be GONE.

Work on the short term with the long term in mind. One of your long term goals is to have a girl, right? Well, think of everything you can do NOW, to PREPARE for that goal.
Would a chick enjoy hanging out with such a depressed guy? No.
Can you work on your appearance now to look better in the future?
Can you practice talking to women?
Can you get some hobbies to get your mind off women and make yourself feel better?

You can do it man, so just do it! It takes motivation, effort, energy, committment. Do you think Michael Jordan sat on the couch watching TV and playing video games to dominate in his game? I heard he didn't even make his high school basketball team.

C'mon man, just do something. If you do EVERYTHING YOU CAN, and STILL FAIL - that's a completely different story.

Oh, and don't think having a woman is the greatest thing in the world.

 

[OleRyder]

>>>I do not know what the hell is wrong with me, but I am just another twenty year old guy who is in his fourth year in university who has no gfs before.

So what? I was a virgin until I was 20. Relax, it's not like you're an old fart like myself. By the way, you're 20 and you're in your 4th year? That's damn remarkable, cheers for ya.

>>>I have been reading everything from here long enough and yet I dont have much success.

Reading's good. Now go out and practice it.

>>> Almost all my friends have gfs and I am the only person who is left out.

That's a resourse, y'know? Think about it... your friends' girlfriends have female friends, no? Get my drift?

>>>I can see many people out in the malls on weekends and I turned down many invitations from friends because they're usually with gfs.

BIG mistake. I made it myself, too. Here's a commandment for you: "Thou shalt not turn down a social invitation unless you have a damn good reason". Yeah, it WILL be awkward the first (quite a) few times.

>>>I am a student of psychology major who is a top student in class learning about human behaviour but I just do not know how to handle my own problems when it comes to girls.

Get out. Have fun. Talk to them. Take notes (OK, that was too much - but you get my point). Learn from your mistakes

>>>I am without lots of friends and have been regarded as a nerd in university. I am usually alone when it comes to weekends and when it comes to night time, everyone is out and I am back to my house with my parents.

NOT a good idea. May I suggest, if can, move the hell out.

>>>I do nothing but more than watching tv, playing games, chit chatting on MIRC or ICQ and hardly go clubbing and etc. I was having a hard time as I am not popular in university. Right now, I am really desperate for many gfs and I wanted to be a player but I am nothing but more than AFC! I have started hitting on girls like a dog in heat and they turned me down when I asked for dates. ARGH!!!!!

That's what your problem is: you're DESPERATE and you're HITTING on them. Is that the image you want to project? I sure hope not.

>>>Maybe I should go and seek professional help. I didn't expect I will be going to a shrink as I will be one in future but life is so tough for me now as if it is hopeless................

Hopeless? Are you an AIDS-infected paraplegic in Africa. THAT's hopeless, no kidding. Everything else can be worked out.

>>>I dont like this kind of dull and boring life.!

Who does? Have a car? Sell it and get yourself a motorcycle (retro machines are an instant hit, and they are cheap to fix - which is good, because you will crash a few times before you master it): bumped up my popularity tremendously in high school (NB: black leather is sexy, and if you carry a helmet around, nobody would think you're gay), sign up for dance lessons, join a gym and a book club, outdoors club, learn to paraglide, fish, hunt... options are unlimited, y'know? Oh... and work on your demeanor and appearance: may I recommend "A gentleman's guide to grooming and style" by what's his name?

>>>I am ashamed when people asked if I had a gf, and I felt unhappy........ARGH!!!!!!!!

Tell 'em that you're keeping your options open... with a knowing smile.

>>>I can't tell anyone my problems except at this forum. I am ashamed of myself seeing everyone with gfs being happy while I am alone.

Familiar feeling. You need some ego boost - instant gratification, perhaps?

>>>I am so desperate right now and I am so scared of having a gf as I've seen others being teased for having a first love as an inexperience AFCS!!!!! ARGHH!!!!!!!!!!

"Love" should be the least of your concerns now. Focus on social relationships.

>>> It looks like I can only dream of having a gf in fantasy but never in reality. I won't get laid and all I can do is masturbate.!

Ain't nuthun' wrong about that...

>>>Nothing works.......Punching the wall is the best thing to do now to release my depression. And I am going to do it now!

Go for it. When you're done, heed the advice of the fine folks on this board and DO IT.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Come on guys. This guy is probably a troll. First post, and its one of those "Why me, why me? Poor me, poor me" kind of posts.

 

[FlyGuy]

Your problem is simple - you are a social coward. In other words, a "nerd". Kinda like me I guess. But you have advantages over me... First of all you're still in school which gives you the perfect environment to improve your social skills and find women. Second of all you're not losing your hair like I am So quit *****ing.

You can change this, and that's really the biggest step you can take to start getting girls. Upgrade your wardrobe, get some contacts, get a new haircut, pay more attention to your appearance, etc. Get some hobbies as others have said - OTHER than playing video games. Play an instrument, a sport, get into martial arts, body building, whatever. Work on your social skills. Make conversation with anyone you can, pay attention to your body language, go out with friends, make new friends, don't be AFRAID to get into a social situation and work on your skills. Read books, observe the "cool" guys, do anything you can to learn how to improve.

If you are that depressed and you cannot get out of it on your own then by all means seek professional help.

 

[Azariah]

I’m not going to candy coat this for you. The life you want isn’t going to magically appear when you wake up tomorrow, even if you got a girlfriend today. There is no quick fix! (I can’t stress this enough) You must travel a long road to enjoy the success you desire. You didn’t learn about psychology in a few days of reading, did you? However, you’ll notice that I didn’t say your tasks are impossible.

I became hyper sensitive when I tried to quit smoking. Someone appeared to be enjoying a cigarette everywhere I turned. It was nothing short of maddening. All I really wanted was a cigarette. I was convinced that one little drag would make all my problems just vanish into thin air. When you really want something, you’ll start thinking that everyone else in the world has it but you. I’m going out on a limb here, but I doubt all of your friends have girlfriends, and even the ones who do probably aren’t in the happiest relationship.

You need to read parts of the DJ Bible again, if you haven’t already. Right now you must focus on the articles designed to improve yourself, not the ones about getting girls. I’ll highlight a couple of points that I think would be particularly useful to you right now.

Find a new hobby that you really enjoy. This will serve two purposes. It will simultaneously give you something else to think about besides women and it will expand your available topics of conversation. Ultimately, the success you find in your hobby will add to your confidence and self-esteem. For example, I’m really into music. So I’m learning the mystic arts of being a DJ (the kind with turntables and synthesizers). Find something you love and throw yourself into it. I’m also working on my photography and cooking skills as well.

Secondly, work on your social skills outside of relationships. Spend time with your current friends. Make some new friends through whatever new hobby you choose. Most people who know a skill or trade well enjoy teaching it to others. Hell, this site exists on that very premise.

Getting women will come in time, but there is other work you must do first. You have to work on getting the right ingredients together before you can make that cheesecake.

 

[sailorgirl]

My advice to you is two fold. One, improve your appearance in any way you can, lose weight, gain wieght, work out, lose the glasses, whatever is helpful--do!

Next, and i find this problem common, you might have to lower your goals as to the quality of attractiveness of the girls your trying to date. More times than not when you see a couple together theyll be within a point or so of attractiviness on the 1-10 scale. You may have to go after the 2-5's just to get going, get your feet wet, and gain some confidence. I take it that your probably not the greatest looking guy in the world from your post and your lack of success with women, and lets face it..looks are what get you in the door 9 times out of ten. So, downgrade alittle and Im sure youll be fine. Good luck.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Next, and i find this problem common, you might have to lower your goals as to the quality of attractiveness of the girls your trying to date. More times than not when you see a couple together theyll be within a point or so of attractiviness on the 1-10 scale. You may have to go after the 2-5's just to get going, get your feet wet, and gain some confidence. I take it that your probably not the greatest looking guy in the world from your post and your lack of success with women, and lets face it..looks are what get you in the door 9 times out of ten. So, downgrade alittle and Im sure youll be fine. Good luck.

Yeah, why don't we make the guy feel even worse.

These points are good, but I don't think he needs to hear about his looks, right now. This is beyond that.

You're just knocking his self esteem even further down the tube, Because right now, regardless of his looks, he probably doesn't have a whole lotta confidence.

Why don't we give some encouragment, before the reality checks, ok Cupcake?

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[Starman]

Dude,

#1 if you are a Psych major..its a Requirement that you go see a shrink, so as to know what it feels like "on the otherside"

#2 STOP victimizing yourself and wallowing in self pity..it has never done anyone any good. You think you are the ONLY person in this situation?

#3 Get off your ass and do something about it..instead of chatting online..go work out, read self help books, clean yourself up, practice social interaction with people you know wont reject you (waitresses, clerks, friends etc) and boost your self esteem a bit.

You are doing EVERYTHING wrong.and obviously the result is self defeating depression.

 

[Reto]

Starman's #2 & #3!

Go someplace and become a regular. Coffee shop, book store, gym, etc. You will meet other regulars. Do not sit around at home. Go out and be around people.

Too, don't go looking for girls. When you do and get shot down, you are disappointed. It feeds the depression. Just go out with no expectations, say hello to every one. Even guys. You may make some friends who will introduce you to some hotties...

 

[Bungo Pony]

Yeah, I agree with Bad Ass. Looks don't make a whole fvck of a lotta difference. Ever see the ugliest fvcks with the hotties? It's not their looks that bagged them the women, it's their personality.

Men are attracted primarily to looks. Women are attracted primarily to personality. However, making the best of what god (or whoever) gave you will make you feel a helluva lot better. Change your hairstyle, shave/don't shave, get new glasses or get rid of them (I still wear mine), get some new clothes, etc etc. A physical change makes you feel like a new man.

 

[simplyme]

I do not know what the hell is wrong with me, but I am just another twenty year old guy who is in his fourth year in university who has no gfs before.

I understand, that you want a girlfriend, but why do you need to have had one in the past? (eerm, now I see the reply below in the text).

I turned down many invitations from friends because they're usually with gfs.

I don´t quite understand the reasoning behind the word "because" here

a top student in class learning about human behaviour

Are you a bartender? a teacher? a talkmaster? Those are at the places where you learn about that. Surely not in psychology class.

I do nothing but more than watching tv, playing games, chit chatting on MIRC or ICQ and hardly go clubbing and etc.

Simply change that today. Are you secretly afraid of the surprised reaction of others, if you suddenly act in a way, that, they think, is "not you"?

Right now, I am really desperate for many gfs

Desperation is THE big turnoff.

I have started hitting on girls like a dog in heat and they turned me down when I asked for dates. ARGH!!!!!

Maybe the word "because" should rather belong to this sentence.

Maybe I should go and seek professional help.

No

I am ashamed of myself seeing everyone with gfs being happy while I am alone.

If you cannot be happy by yourself, they won´t come to you.

It is simple. You have to switch off the victim mode now, and never switch it on again. That is somehow against your instincts, so you really have to DO it. It is not like those self help books, a little initializing, and then everything goes by itself.
btw. do not expect immediate results. I
n some off topic post someone mentioned a well with a pump. I think that fits in here. You start pumping and nothing comes, continue, nothing, then a few drops come out, and later on suddenly the water comes- as long as you do not stop pumping.

 

[b_elusive_eyes]

Succeed at what....Go Gay or drown yourself...Bro...enough of these sob stories already!!!!