I just cant do cold approaches

[Mr. Delicious]

In the past couple of days since I have started my senior year in college I have seen sooo many hot girls. I have made eye contact with several and got some smiles. The problem is I just cant make myself talk to them. I am fine around a girl once someone introduces me or if she talks first. I dont even have a problem asking for her number. I just cant initiate convo myself. Help me guys. Is there any more baby steps I can take so i am able to do this. I have missed many opportunities in just the past few days.

For some reason this site seems to always say that missing opportunities with girls is worse than getting rejected. It is the complete opposite for me. Missing an opportunity is no big deal for me cause I miss alot of them. However, when I am rejected I carry it around forever and certain rejections will just pop into my head and I will think man i was stupid for doing that. I can even remember being 5 years old telling a girl I liked her and she punched me. It took many years after that before I would tell a girl i liked her again. Anyway this is a crappy situation and I would appreciate some advice

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

Sounds like someone I know...

Anyway, you need to just accept first that you will never get a girl to go out with you on walk by glances alone. You need to go "Hey, all that work for a smile and no Hi!" Let that be a opening line for you. Most likely you will get a "heheh what do you mean?" response!

So from there you just talk to her. You number close by saying hey, im on my way to glass, work, etc etc and you get her number.

You have to stay consistant at the beginning and then mold your skills!

M.A.C.

 

[b's nuts]

is your problem just with girls, or do you have a problem approaching just anyone. get comfortable approaching people you aren't attracted to, talk to just anyone. practice makes perfect.

 

[kairos]

Several things you can do...

- make sure you work on your state, you need to be confident, calm and friendly
- also make sure you are in the right environment, it's hard to do cold pickups if everybody is walking around in a hurry...
- read jwhite17's long journal on cold approaches, it's excellent...
- use the david d. "are you single?" question, it's pretty simple and direct...

kairos

 

[Walden]

If you want to start with'baby steps' and work up to doing CA's take a look at the Don Juan Boot Camp , it's liked thru the bible in the top right corner of your screen.

 

[jwhite17]

Well, first off, get rid of that thought process of, "I can't," eliminate that from you vocabulary. You are setting yourself to fail before you even start. THINK positive and BELEIVE you can do this and it will happen, at least it did for me, and you probably don't know what to say if you had a HB10 right in front of you. Write some openers down and try them out until you reach a point where you don't need to plan it any more, it will just happen.

Also, you sound like you are not comfortable around women. First, get used to being around women. IF you have any female friends, hang out with them more until you reach a point where you see them as a person not as an object you lust about.

If you have any friends that are really successful with women, hang out with them and learn from them because they can help you achieve the level you want to be at. Or at least find someone who has similar goals with women as you do, use the wingman forum and find people.
Good luck
JW

 

[Mr. Delicious]

I do have problems approaching anyone. I am naturally very shy but over the years I have worked on it. I still continue all the time fighting my shyness in many situations. Its very hard for me to even approach old people (least intimidating people of all).

I really dont have any friends that are good with girls. I have a couple that are ok but I can watch them and point out many things they are doing wrong. I have female friends taht I hang out with and have no problem whatsoever talking to them. The problem is making the first opening line because I have no idea how they will react. Even when they smile I still feel weird. Once I get talking i am perfectly fine and usually fairly comfortable. I thought about the boot camp but I am still working on reading the Bible (week 4) so i may try that next.

 

[jwhite17]

I do have problems approaching anyone. I am naturally very shy but over the years I have worked on it. I still continue all the time fighting my shyness in many situations. Its very hard for me to even approach old people (least intimidating people of all).

You could start of approaching people that have to be friendly with you like store clerks, cashiers, sales people, etc, but I don't know if that will help you though. When you approach someone cold, it is completely different than approaching a salesperson and asking about clothes.

The problem is making the first opening line because I have no idea how they will react. Even when they smile I still feel weird. Once I get talking i am perfectly fine and usually fairly comfortable. I thought about the boot camp but I am still working on reading the Bible (week 4) so i may try that next.

Let me get this straight, you can talk to anyone once the convo starts rolling, but you have difficultly starting conversations. The only advice I have from you is what SexPDX told me, "If you want to get better at opening, don't look for targets, look for opening opportunities instead. Find openers and practice whether it be guys, UG's, families, people in parking lots, etc. I talk to people ALL the time, dude. This gets you warmed up and hones your opening skills for hot girls."
The bootcamp definitely will help you, but you will have to stick to it and NOT GIVE UP EVER if you want to succeed. Most people(about 90% or more) who go through the bootcamp never get past week 4 except for Walden who has posted an excellent journal on his progress through it(I believe it is in the Bible).

Also, I think you are operating at what David D calls "Scarcity Mentality." I assume you are putting a lot of importance on that one girl you want to approach. You should not worry about the outcome of the approach because it doesn't matter. There are so many girls you can approach that you want, so why be so hung up on one or two girls or whatever. You have to be indifferent to the outcome, whatever happens, happens, it doesn't matter, and you will succeed if you just believe it and take action.

 

[THA REALNESS]

Cold approaches are very difficult at first,you just have to get over the fear of being rejected at first ,having an experienced wingman helps some ,but i prefer to go at it alone.

 

[Julian]

I havent bothered to read anyone elses posts in regard to this thread, sh1t i didnt even read what you wrote. But i know the one answer to your problem and thats grow some fuccin balls.

 

[Mr. Mystery]

Originally posted by Matt ala Casanova
You need to go "Hey, all that work for a smile and no Hi!" Let that be a opening line for you. Most likely you will get a "heheh what do you mean?" response!

M.A.C.

That has to be one of the best openers I've ever heard!!

I'll have to start using that M.A.C. thanks!

Mr. Mystery

 

[Mr. Delicious]

I just really screwed up an awesome opportunity. I was walking to class and I made good eye contact with an HB8.5 Well I kept walking and i came to a stoplight with a crosswalk. While waiting the chick comes and stands right up next to me. She was in my personal space. I felt awkward and I just couldnt get the nerve to say anything. We went across the crosswalk and she was just walking side by side with me

 

[Player_Supreme]

1. They just take practice like anything else.
2. Only approach if she is showing signs of interest. This will cut down on your rejection rate tremendously.
3. Keep practicing with the attitude that I'm only practicing and this isn't serious. It will cut down on your stress level as you approach.