I posted a lot of threads recently.
One thing that is made clear at this point is that I'm 90% over my 13 year older BPD ex.
But apparently I'm completely not over my ex from 6 years ago. I just went on a trip with her (and with other friends as we have the same group of friends). And I noticed I am completely not over her. I heard she broke up with her current boyfriend and the feelings I felt with hearing that are not normal. I am even jealous of a friend who gets along with her better than me (to be honest I barely say anything to her besides necessary stuff because of fear of she thinking I'm still into her or thinking anything else).
I know for certain that if this friend and her get together I would be devastated. I won't be mad towards this friend, it would be more because "why him and not me". And again to be honest, I just want to f*ck her once again, nothing more, she's not the type for me, it would just be for some revenge, that she would chase me and I could say NO.
Seriously, I am coming to a point of just giving up and giving in to a life without a girl ever. Reason for this is the above and the following.
I work with a girl from time to time. In the beginning when we worked together a customer said to me "she's checking you out". I also noticed her initiating conversations, trying to talk, etc... Recently I found out she has a new boyfriend. I haven't seen her in a while but today I had to work with her again and I basically ignored her (yes this is extremely pathetic). Again I noticed her initiating conversation, I even noticed some signs she was irritated because I barely said something (or I was probably imagining it). But yeah, this is how I work and I need to get out of it, but I don't know how, thinking different doesn't help.
I even started with paramotoring, went on holiday two times in one and a half month, got into a company of which I had 0,3% chance of getting into. Do I feel better? Not a single sh*t, in fact I feel worse than ever.
One thing that is made clear at this point is that I'm 90% over my 13 year older BPD ex.
But apparently I'm completely not over my ex from 6 years ago. I just went on a trip with her (and with other friends as we have the same group of friends). And I noticed I am completely not over her. I heard she broke up with her current boyfriend and the feelings I felt with hearing that are not normal. I am even jealous of a friend who gets along with her better than me (to be honest I barely say anything to her besides necessary stuff because of fear of she thinking I'm still into her or thinking anything else).
I know for certain that if this friend and her get together I would be devastated. I won't be mad towards this friend, it would be more because "why him and not me". And again to be honest, I just want to f*ck her once again, nothing more, she's not the type for me, it would just be for some revenge, that she would chase me and I could say NO.
Seriously, I am coming to a point of just giving up and giving in to a life without a girl ever. Reason for this is the above and the following.
I work with a girl from time to time. In the beginning when we worked together a customer said to me "she's checking you out". I also noticed her initiating conversations, trying to talk, etc... Recently I found out she has a new boyfriend. I haven't seen her in a while but today I had to work with her again and I basically ignored her (yes this is extremely pathetic). Again I noticed her initiating conversation, I even noticed some signs she was irritated because I barely said something (or I was probably imagining it). But yeah, this is how I work and I need to get out of it, but I don't know how, thinking different doesn't help.
I even started with paramotoring, went on holiday two times in one and a half month, got into a company of which I had 0,3% chance of getting into. Do I feel better? Not a single sh*t, in fact I feel worse than ever.
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