I have women who check me out but never let me see them do it. I have a question

[disciple]

I have a question or rather a dilemna that I need an answer to.

I get women who give me buying signs that I can see and pick up on such as body language, eye contact, putting herself "in my way" etc.

These are the easier ones to deal with because I can visibly pick up on their interest and go from there.

The problem I have and have had for a long time is that alot of women who are attracted to me don't give me those open buying signs.

Then I find out from a friend or somebody later on that this girl or that girl really liked you or I'll eventually meet the girl and she'll tell me she always thought I was cute or attractive.

I know that alot of women are insecure and become shy around guys that they are attracted to and they may be too insecure to openly show their attraction.

I sometimes encounter girls who just act aloof or completely uninterested when they see me and then later on I'll find out they liked me.

It can be very difficult to tell the difference between a girl that likes you but gives no signs of it or acts uninterested and a girl who doesn't look at you because she really isn't interested.

Do you feel me?

I know I'm not the only guy who goes through this because I've seen similar posts elsewhere on this forum.

I am asking my fellow mature DJ's for a definitive answer to these questions:

How can I tell if a girl is really interested even if she gives me no signs in either her behavior or body language (never lets you see her looking at you, etc.)?

How can you tell the difference between a girl who shows no signs of interest but really likes you and a girl who shows no signs of interest because she really isn't interested?

 

[uniassign]

Look, who cares if they are interested initially?

Just go there and talk to her. Then you find out real quick. Don't worry about buying signals, or interest levels initially. Develop a good rap because chicks place a lot more emphasis on your personality (whether for ONS or LTR), so you must display your presonality.

As long as you don't hit on her from the beginning, most chicks are happy to talk to you because they know it takes confidence to talk to girls. Better to have tried and failed then to die wondering.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I agree, stop acting like a AFC and take the initiative yourself. DJs are comfortable making approaching, signs or no signs. Do we even consider that they wouldn't want to meet us? H3ll no! There's no reason to wait for signs.

 

[Jariel]

I happen to know exactly what you mean.

Several times now I've heard from my friends that women eye me up when I pass, or talk about me when I'm not there and that women think I'm sexy. Well that's all news to me! I get no signals at all, not even from women who allegedly have crushes on me.

Someone recently told me I'm too naive to notice it or too modest to believe it.

It's damn flattering to hear, but I never really do anything with it except use it to boost my confidence.

 

[So Many Ways]

I've had this happen a few times as well. I was at a club one night and my buddy was chatting up 3 girls. He introduced me to them and they were all dismissive of me. I just went off an did something else. Anyway my friend tells me later while we were going home that they were asking about me, saying I was "cute and mysterious". I would have never had guessed based on what I saw.

I've also had the experience of having a woman eye me while I'm not looking. One instance, my brother caught her looking at me and he told me so I approached her, only to have her look down the whole time I was talking to her and giving me one word answers to questions. She actually did give me her number after I approached her a second time and I was finally able to break through the shyness.

I don't think there really is a solution to this, due to the fact that shy girls act like disinterested girls when you talk to them. I think the only thing to do is would be the following:

A) Have wings keep a lookout for you. I know personally if I see a girl checking out one of my boys, I tell him that way he has the option to approach.

B) If you see your type, or the type of woman that you attract generally, talk to her anyway even if you don't get the traditional buy signals. Personally I get the most play from black or hispanic females, so if I see one that would traditionally be attracted to me, I'll go talk to her assuming she is interested.

C) Be persistent, don't eject if a woman isn't buying your rap initially. Try to keep the convo going and bust on her a little bit to crack through the shell. Like Gunwitch says, make the hoe say no.

That's all I have to say on the matter. Hopefully the more experienced Don Juans have other tips to add.

 

[dockta]

This was a great thread.. and something i can relate to, and something which is very very close to home. You virtually summed up my life story.

Those reply posts to this thread, were exactly what i needed to read.

I too try to analyse the buying signals etc... but that never works, i always seem to miss the boat, so to speak... and yep.... there goes another F**k / LTR or whatever.

But now, i am slowly changing my ways.. its hard, but i am getting there... for me now... EC and a smile is all i need, then i go and make small talk, from there you can evaluate the buying signals... much easier to workout by talking to them, than by just walking past them... even if they do like you.. too late.. they are already 30m away.. get in her personal space.. by doing that you are letting her in yours... does she like it? yes? BINGO

I need to act, to be acted upon.

 

[Big Pappy]

Ah... RISK. REWARD.

Men,
Please forgive the drunken musings of an older but hardly wiser man...

How DO we know when she's interested?

How DO we know when she's REALLY interested?



Is it a bolt from the blue yonder that you need?

Are you expecting the fair lass (and she is fair, else you wouldn't care two bits for her opinion of you!) to just take her panties off and place them in your hand? Puh-lease!

For players and "great guys" alike, you must be aloof at times. But not all frakin' night! How else will the lass know that you're worthy unless she hears it from someone or YOU tell her. Not by your words, but by your actions.

Give her some attention -- at first. Make her laugh. Then, and only after you've made a positive impression, you talk to your boys. When she wants to go home, she'll come up and say good bye.

1. If you haven't made a favorable impression, focus on someone else.
2. If you don't pull back at least a little bit, the girl will never know how cool you are. Why? Because, if you are in her way all the time, she will milk it for every penny.

I'm afraid I'm losing voice now.

 

[disciple]

Francisco d'Anconia I agree, stop acting like a AFC and take the initiative yourself. DJs are comfortable making approaching, signs or no signs. Do we even consider that they wouldn't want to meet us? H3ll no! There's no reason to wait for signs.

Acting like an AFC? Damn, those are harsh words man, but I understand where you are coming from.

I usually have enough girls giving me buying signals that I don't have to sit around wondering about the rest.

But I don't want to leave out the ones that are too shy either.

Usually if I see something I want, I want to see what's up with that particular chick.

But I wanted to know if there were some additional clues or indications that a shy chick might give off to make her interest easier to detect.

Of course, if you can't tell initially about her interest, then you say f*ck it and go and find out and I do that but my name wouldn't be disciple if I wasn't always seeking knowledge and ways to move higher in my understanding of the game.

 

[Seizing The Day]

More important than looking for signs of interest is noticing signs of DISinterest.

Positive signs can lie. All men have experienced this at some time.

But negative signs NEVER, NEVER, lie.

This is why it's so important to take the first step with nearly all women. Virtually all of them lack the nerve to take risks like a man.

So just go ahead and approach, then pay close attention for negative signs.

Remember, negative never lies.

 

[disciple]

Seizing The Day

More important than looking for signs of interest is noticing signs of DISinterest.

Positive signs can lie. All men have experienced this at some time.

But negative signs NEVER, NEVER, lie.

Good point.

 

[PocoDiablo]

I think it's really simple, actually. If you chat her up a little bit, make some rapport, and then ask for her phone number. Which number does she give you? Home = Cell = Work = Pager =

I was flirting with a girl at work the other week (who does not work in my office) and things seemed to be good. She gave a lot of buying signs. So I asked for her phone number.

She gave me her work number.

I asked for her home phone number and she said "Oh, I'm always at work so you can just call me there." BS. Needless to say I tossed it and have not talked to her since. Now if she had given me her cell or home number, that would have been different.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by disciple
Acting like an AFC? Damn, those are harsh words man, but I understand where you are coming from. ...
Of course, if you can't tell initially about her interest, then you say f*ck it and go and find out and I do that but my name wouldn't be disciple if I wasn't always seeking knowledge and ways to move higher in my understanding of the game.

It may seem harsh but come on now, are you an AFC? It doesn't sound like you are so you needed a cycber-b1tchslap to bring you back to reality.

You say you want to gain a better understanding of the game? There are only two things that you need to know:
1.) Understand what drives the other team (women)
2.) Understand that YOU make the rules of the game you play. You can either choose the rules of the DJ or follow those of the AFC.

That's it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by disciple
Good point.

I agree, but what about the DJs that misinterpret signs as being negative? That's why we have so many asking for clear cut signs to go by.

For example, a couple of weeks ago I met this woman from the Net. On our first date she told me that she wanted to meet 'guy friends' and to take things slow. On our second date we ended up making out in the rain under a bridge. Out third date (last night) she ended up spending the night at my place and we made out. Now what if I took the "friend" thing as a negative?

 

[disciple]

Francisco d'Anconia

I agree, but what about the DJs that misinterpret signs as being negative? That's why we have so many asking for clear cut signs to go by.

Seizing the Day was right when he said that negative signs don't lie and that girls give guys false signals of interest sometimes.

A DJ has to be able to read a situation quickly by using his knowledge of the game, his instincts, his experience, and the positive or negative feedback he gets from the girl.

That being said, you have to look for positive signs but you have to keep your eyes and ears open for anything that doesn't add up or smells fishy.

It's like you have to evaluate any signal or sign, positive or negative, then add it all up and do the math.

Then you'll know what's really good with this chick.

Also, I want to clarify something about what I originally stated in this post about girls who are shy or don't show their true interest with buying signals, etc.

I never said that I won't initiate conversation or whatever with a chick if I don't see initial signs of interest because I know from experience that alot of women (especially the prettier ones) tend to act shy around a guy they are attracted to because they fear rejection more than most guys do.

In fact, I even said that I if I see something I like I will go see what's up with that chick and initiate (that's not AFCism).

If I get positive feedback after breaking the ice, then I proceed.

If I get some negative sh*t or if I can tell she is bullsh*ting me or wasting my time, I leave and go find another.

But in the mackin game, you have to treat your time like it is a valuable commodity and invest it wisely.

It is important to focus your time on women who actually want to interact with you rather than on the ones that don't.

That's why buying signals are important in the first place.

But in the real world, oftentimes girls try to hide their interest.

If I'm in a room with 20 girls and I see 7 or 8 that I can detect buying signals from, my focus goes to them.

Now, there might be another 4 or 5 who are also feeling me but I can't tell because I can't detect any buying signals.

Now, I'm going to see what's good with the 7 or 8 that I got positive signals from and work my way down from there.

Because I am preoccupied with the these chicks, my other "secret admirers" may get overlooked because I'm focusing on the ones that I can clearly tell are worth my time to see what's up with them.

My time is limited and I don't have time to go up to every attractive girl who I can't clearly read to see if she's interested when I have plenty of chicks that I KNOW are ready to ride the "D" train.

I think some people who read this post misinterpreted what I trying to say.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

One thing to keep in mind is there's a point in time when you should just hit the eject button with chicks that act shy and disinterested.

I personally hate shy chicks. I hate them because I'm working really hard on not being like that anymore. I'm not all the way yet, but I find a cold, aloof chick to be a serious turnoff because they tend to throw me off my game and make me think that I'm screwing up, even if I'm not. This also has to do with my own confidence level, which at this stage in my development is still up and down.

If you're a player still in development, I would suggest not bothering with shy chicks - they'll **** up your game, and let's face it - the onus is on us to put ourselves out there, to take all the risks, so why waste your time on a chick that is obviously has so many hang ups that she can't even be bothered to project her interest to you. It makes the game that much harder.

I would even go so far as to say that I'd bet there's something wrong with a chick that feels she needs to act that disinterested.

Who needs the hassle, especially when you can game other, more receptive females?

So, if she's just not opening up quick enough, and it's cutting into your time better spent on another chick - then next!!!

Chances are, she'll even be motivated by that and come up to you, once she sees you aren't going to be bothered with her, she'll think she missed her chance.

if not, well, who gives a f*ck, there's too many fish in the sea.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Oh, and to add, awhile ago, I was interested in this chick that I knew from a sports club. I could tell that she was interested in me, because I always caught her looking at me.

I tried and tried to open her up, but she was too f*cking shy. I was real interested in her too, because she seemed a little mysterious. But man, she would talk to everyone else, but around me seize up completely. I tried to make her confortable, but it didn't work. For months. I eventually gave up, frustrated as all hell.

This chick had ample time to converse with me and get to know me, but she'd always go off and talk to someone else or turn away from me EVERY time. Then I'd catch her eyeing me.

F*cked up and only f*cked up my head. She's still f*cking single as I understand it.

Obviously something wrong with her.