I Have Changed Dramatically - Need Help!

[SIXPAKGQ]

am going to be 27 next month. At this time my life has just about gone rock bottom. I use to be an AFC till age 21 and then slowly got into the DJ mode. Actually I would have considered myself a near master DJ at age 23-25....these were the times of my life. I could approach any women I want regardless of how good they look and got dates. Basically I had this 'don't give a daym' attitude....well at those times I was also in college with a decent job that paid well.

Things have changed dramatically, and since then I've been going downhill. I have moved from California to Texas. Its just that everything is totally new to me. Basically I am going through a pre-mature mid life crisis. I am trying to get my career together. I do not have any friends here in Texas (they are all in California). I can't seem to interact with any women. I actually did have a FWB for a month here in Texas but that was b/c she asked me out. I am not sure what kind of vibe I am giving to females but I maybe intimidating women? I consider myself a above-average looking guy. I have an average face, nice hair, sharp features, with a modelish built, tan brown flawless skin, and I am 5'10". Women look at me as cute or hot or handsome, it varies from women to women. I have noticed that when I dress nice, my confident is rock bottom and I tend to act stuck-up but when I am dressed trashy which is a rare, I am friendly. What is wrong with me? Also women and men have labelled me as a player which I always disagreed and the women tend to think I am taken or fooling around with girls......

I would appreciate some of your feedbacks and comments.

Discuss

 

[SemperFi719]

Wadup...
It seems to be that what your problem is... is your attitude.

You are saying that you had the "dont give a fukk" attitude in Cali... what happened to it? You obviously DO give a fukk now... which is why you seem to be having problems with your women affairs. Be aware of your surroundings... maybe the area you live in might require you to change your game up a bit. Girls in every area of the world don't act/respond the same. The reception level a girl in Australia gives you aint gonna be the same a girl in Taiwan gives you. Id say that you could try changing your game again... and DONT GIVE A FUKK!

 

[Fenderules]

its a new thing, just slow down man, get used to things. get out learn about the city and the people. i would adventure and go to differnt bars, hell even bowling to just get more comfortable in the city. and why are you giving a ****? just pretend your back and cali.

 

[SIXPAKGQ]

Originally posted by SemperFi719
Wadup...
It seems to be that what your problem is... is your attitude.

You are saying that you had the "dont give a fukk" attitude in Cali... what happened to it? You obviously DO give a fukk now... which is why you seem to be having problems with your women affairs. Be aware of your surroundings... maybe the area you live in might require you to change your game up a bit. Girls in every area of the world don't act/respond the same. The reception level a girl in Australia gives you aint gonna be the same a girl in Taiwan gives you. Id say that you could try changing your game again... and DONT GIVE A FUKK!

I feel like i am in a different world. people are just different here in Texas. I gotta number last week but she happened to be from Cali. I can't change my personality nor my game. how do i change? act fake?

 

[SIXPAKGQ]

Originally posted by Fenderules
its a new thing, just slow down man, get used to things. get out learn about the city and the people. i would adventure and go to differnt bars, hell even bowling to just get more comfortable in the city. and why are you giving a ****? just pretend your back and cali.

well it seems like i am coming off a jerk.......but not in Cali...people are quite conservative here......

 

[SIXPAKGQ]

bump

 

[theSpeculator]

It seems to me that you spend the last few years pretending to be confident but deep inside you weren't really confident at all. The "I dont give a sh1t" attitude is really a quick way to mask your low self-esteem. Your lack of healthy self-esteem is coming back to bite you in the ass. That is why I believe that faking confident isn't the way to go because later on it can hurt you.

When I first discover stuff about seduction, speed seduction, David DeAngelo, and then discover sosuave, I try to fake my confident but inside I knew I wasn't really confident. Sure I had a few girls interested but it only temporarily boosted my brittle ego. I know because as time past I could feel my confident and fake exterior shaking and deteriorating. When I realize it was deteriorating I try to mask it by doing things like hitting the gym, finding new hobbies any hobbies, thinking saying to myself that I am the MAN or prize, even had the "I dont give a sh1t" attitude, etc stuff that people here have suggested. It seems that the more I do these thing the worse I got inside. Soon the exterior mask I had begin to fade and what I was like inside begin to surface.

It was during the summer of last year that a few unexpected changes in my life finally broke my self-esteem. It pushed me into depression that I have only gotten over recently. Deprression is a terrible thing to have. At the peak of it I contemplated about suicide. I decided in Nov that no one can help me but myself and started rebuilding my self-esteem layer by layer. I'm glad to say it is now back. I have real self-esteem now and it is a lot different from fake self-esteem. I feel that I came back a lot stronger then I was before.

You seem to be going into the same situation. Moving from California to Texas is a huge change. That maybe why your self-esteem is now wavering. If you're not already depress you are heading toward it. It's only a matter of time. When you have low self-esteem you unconsiciously tend to do bad things that reinforces your negative thoughts and therefore pushes your self-esteem even lower.

Symptoms of depression include anxiety, loss of motivation to do anyting, suicidal thoughts, negative thoughts, insomnia, loss of energy, loss or gain of wieght, loss of apetite or eating more than usual, and sleeping more often than normal.

I'm sorry that you are going through this, but this isn't something you can find a quick fix to. I can tell you to not take drugs because it only suppresses the feeling. Because the cause of depression is usually from your low self-esteem. So when you go off of drug, it comes back. There is a recent study that discover that drugs actually make depression worse.

I believe that the only way you can overcome this is to try to rebuild your self-esteem. I do not approve methods that temproraily boost it or try to mask it. You have to try to create real healthy self-esteem. To do that I think you have to know what causes real self-esteem.

I suggest you buy "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden. He is a pioneer and one of the leading psychologist in the study of self-esteem. Whatever you do I wish you luck.

 

[MetalFortress]

". I have noticed that when I dress nice, my confident is rock bottom and I tend to act stuck-up but when I am dressed trashy which is a rare, I am friendly. What is wrong with me?"

I think you are trying to impress people or make them think highly of you instead of just dressing that way because that's really who you are. Just be you. Get to know Texas and its people. Make it an adventure.

True self-esteem? Read the Bible. (not the DJ one)

 

[SIXPAKGQ]

Originally posted by theSpeculator
It seems to me that you spend the last few years pretending to be confident but deep inside you weren't really confident at all. The "I dont give a sh1t" attitude is really a quick way to mask your low self-esteem. Your lack of healthy self-esteem is coming back to bite you in the ass. That is why I believe that faking confident isn't the way to go because later on it can hurt you.

When I first discover stuff about seduction, speed seduction, David DeAngelo, and then discover sosuave, I try to fake my confident but inside I knew I wasn't really confident. Sure I had a few girls interested but it only temporarily boosted my brittle ego. I know because as time past I could feel my confident and fake exterior shaking and deteriorating. When I realize it was deteriorating I try to mask it by doing things like hitting the gym, finding new hobbies any hobbies, thinking saying to myself that I am the MAN or prize, even had the "I dont give a sh1t" attitude, etc stuff that people here have suggested. It seems that the more I do these thing the worse I got inside. Soon the exterior mask I had begin to fade and what I was like inside begin to surface.

It was during the summer of last year that a few unexpected changes in my life finally broke my self-esteem. It pushed me into depression that I have only gotten over recently. Deprression is a terrible thing to have. At the peak of it I contemplated about suicide. I decided in Nov that no one can help me but myself and started rebuilding my self-esteem layer by layer. I'm glad to say it is now back. I have real self-esteem now and it is a lot different from fake self-esteem. I feel that I came back a lot stronger then I was before.

You seem to be going into the same situation. Moving from California to Texas is a huge change. That maybe why your self-esteem is now wavering. If you're not already depress you are heading toward it. It's only a matter of time. When you have low self-esteem you unconsiciously tend to do bad things that reinforces your negative thoughts and therefore pushes your self-esteem even lower.

Symptoms of depression include anxiety, loss of motivation to do anyting, suicidal thoughts, negative thoughts, insomnia, loss of energy, loss or gain of wieght, loss of apetite or eating more than usual, and sleeping more often than normal.

I'm sorry that you are going through this, but this isn't something you can find a quick fix to. I can tell you to not take drugs because it only suppresses the feeling. Because the cause of depression is usually from your low self-esteem. So when you go off of drug, it comes back. There is a recent study that discover that drugs actually make depression worse.

I believe that the only way you can overcome this is to try to rebuild your self-esteem. I do not approve methods that temproraily boost it or try to mask it. You have to try to create real healthy self-esteem. To do that I think you have to know what causes real self-esteem.

I suggest you buy "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden. He is a pioneer and one of the leading psychologist in the study of self-esteem. Whatever you do I wish you luck.

I doubt I had fake confidence. either i have it or i dont....when i did have it, i was really positive above myself in every aspect (family, friends, career, education)....i think moving from California to Texas killed me since I am starting my life all over again...

well I was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD so i do suffer from some of the symptoms u described above.

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by theSpeculator


It was during the summer of last year that a few unexpected changes in my life finally broke my self-esteem. It pushed me into depression that I have only gotten over recently. Deprression is a terrible thing to have. At the peak of it I contemplated about suicide. I decided in Nov that no one can help me but myself and started rebuilding my self-esteem layer by layer. I'm glad to say it is now back. I have real self-esteem now and it is a lot different from fake self-esteem. I feel that I came back a lot stronger then I was before.


I believe that the only way you can overcome this is to try to rebuild your self-esteem. I do not approve methods that temproraily boost it or try to mask it. You have to try to create real healthy self-esteem. To do that I think you have to know what causes real self-esteem.

I suggest you buy "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden. He is a pioneer and one of the leading psychologist in the study of self-esteem. Whatever you do I wish you luck.

Instead of being so useless and vauge, maybe you should tell him HOW you got your "real" self-esteem back. That might help him a lot more than a mere "You've got to get your self-esteem back!". Think about it. Duh.

 

[Adrian]

I feel you. You lost game because of all the drastic changes that are going on in your life. Sometimes you get depressed and you want some sort of companionship (esp. from the opposite sex) It happens to me up to this day. I have absolutely no friends, I face pressure from many issues in life and for me to reach personal and other necessary goals it is very difficult due to everything that goes on. Many times I even lose focus and motivation. We're only human not some fvcking robot. I know exactly how that is. You have your mind set on other things besides women yet you still want one wether it's for sex or a relationship. Thats the way it is for me. Maybe it's similiar in your situation.

 

[theSpeculator]

Originally posted by jakethasnake
Instead of being so useless and vauge, maybe you should tell him HOW you got your "real" self-esteem back. That might help him a lot more than a mere "You've got to get your self-esteem back!". Think about it. Duh.

That is why I suggested to him to read the book "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem." It will explain to him the cause and a plan how to rebuild it better than I could ever. I got my self-esteem back using the principles written in that book. That is enough for him to know.

If he really want to help himself instead of finding a quick fix to his problem then he would take my advice.

 

[SIXPAKGQ]

Originally posted by Adrian
I feel you. You lost game because of all the drastic changes that are going on in your life. Sometimes you get depressed and you want some sort of companionship (esp. from the opposite sex) It happens to me up to this day. I have absolutely no friends, I face pressure from many issues in life and for me to reach personal and other necessary goals it is very difficult due to everything that goes on. Many times I even lose focus and motivation. We're only human not some fvcking robot. I know exactly how that is. You have your mind set on other things besides women yet you still want one wether it's for sex or a relationship. Thats the way it is for me. Maybe it's similiar in your situation.

companionship from the opposite sex, well I just use it on the phone from my old friends, sometimes ex's. The problem is me basically. I can't even talk properly to the same sex, thats how sorry i am right now, what does that tell u? but ur only 19 man, i am 27. Your youth has just getting started. There are other people my age who are doing lot better then I am. I like to compete and I want to be the best at everything i do. I am trying to get my life back together while multi-tasking which is causing a lot of conflict and dilemma.

 

[SIXPAKGQ]

Originally posted by theSpeculator
That is why I suggested to him to read the book "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem." It will explain to him the cause and a plan how to rebuild it better than I could ever. I got my self-esteem back using the principles written in that book. That is enough for him to know.

If he really want to help himself instead of finding a quick fix to his problem then he would take my advice.

I guess I'll be heading to barnes and nobles and read that book for change.

 

[SIXPAKGQ]

are there any drugs that i can to relief my anxiety?