I feel so hopeless, I feel as though I have aspergers or some hideous social defect..

[flyingpanda505]

Seriously, I feel so socially inept sometimes. I'm in the 11th grade, its SO ****ed up too, because in summer I had no problem pulling hot girls... but back when school started up, almost instinctually I suddenly fell back into the same routine of being awkward.



- In class, I often feel intimidated by the popular kids and I'm usually very quiet, worried that they'll look down on me (I know, "dont care about what they think", its easy to say.. but almost impossible to do for me... is there a way that's worked for you?)


- Normally I'm a really outgoing person with my friends and fun to be around, but its just the problem of me being comfortable around them before I come out of my shell. The problem is that all of my friends hang out with the "pseudo-popular" crowd, which has some hot girls attached to it, which sucks because I'm usually uncomfortable with people there and I don't act as myself.

- I sweat a lot in social situations, I can't seem to help it at all. It's hugely embarrassing.


- When popular girls talk to me, I get overly excited and make dramatic hand gestures and talk fast. How can I remedy this?


- I ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS think someone is watching me, talking behind my back, or laughing at me in some way. I don't even understand it anymore, I'm very attractive now (forgive the and strong and since school started, some of the popular girls are going for me, but this habit has been with me since God knows when and its going to turn the girls off of me soon if I don't do something about it. Sometimes I fidget because I'm so nervous about what other people think about me.


- There's this one girl who I've had a thing with since 8th grade and even though I think she likes me (She has a boyfriend now but they're about to break up, so rumors say), I can't bring myself to talk to her. I fantasize about her, but in four years I've never been able to approach her (I tried once in 8th grade and that ended horribly embarassing), but now that I've changed so much this summer she's starting to show interest in me. I get all nervous being in the same class as her. I want to be with her and I know she wants to be with me, but I'm too fycking worried I'll say something stupid and screw it up and make it awkward like I ALwAYS SEEM TO DO!

- I have trouble maintaining eye contact and not letting my eyes wander while I'm talking to people other than my close friends, because I'm so worried about what people will think of me. I desperately need help with this as well.


And finally:

No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I envision and fantasize about me talking with women/having witty comebacks/kicking ass, none of it seems to carry over when I actually go out in the field. It's like I forget everything I've envisioned and just make a fool out of myself again. As a result, I've gone without a girlfriend for three years, although this year is going to be different, considering how drastically I've improved my image. I am, in a word, awkward, I don't want to be, I'm so desperate to change myself and I've been trying, lurking religiously on these forums trying to figure out just how the hell I can change myself. This is my one last, final shot. After this, I don't know, I really have no other option but to give up on high school.



You guys have been through it/going through it, you guys are from all kinds of different social backgrounds, please, if there is any insight to the bullets I posted above, if you can help me with just one of my problems... I've seen you guys do wonders here before, please me out. I don't understand my situation, it hasn't gotten better since freshman year.. should I see a psychiatrist or something? Should I visit a doctor? Is this normal? Please, any help would be appreciated.


Yes, I realize I posted this in the High School section, but I'm really pouring my heart and soul out here, I desperately want things to change. I can't go through another year like this...

 

[DJVladdy]

Hey

Seems like social anxiety disorder - you have described all of its symptoms at least.. I would see a psychiatrist or psychologist, no shame in that - all kinds of people at times need professional help.

 

[scottfall]

Sounds to me like ur damned from the start. You have to change your thinking, there is nothing holding you back but you. You think your going to fail so you do.. you have to believe in yourself. You say your outgoing and fun to be with, well then get to it. The sooner you start to believe in yourself like this the easier it will be for you later. Or you could go on like this for the rest of your life.. its up to you.

 

[Alexander the Great]

Think about the following very thouroughly but not too long and be honest about it. You'll know the truth. Also know that this is not to berate or bash you:

• You're in your head too much.
  
  
• You're too concerned with what people'll think about you.
  
  
• You're too focussed on yourself.
  
  
• You're being very self-centered.
  
  
• There's no room in your head for other people, their pet-peeves and troubles, nor the rest of the world because you're too occupied with your part in it.

This is not to berate or bash you. You have a confidence problem perhaps? A lack of self-esteem? A lack of feeling as worthy as others? A lack of belief in yourself and your abilities?

You should work on this if you feel this is correct. Know that it may be hidden somewhere deep, camouflaged as something else that you do know about.

What has been suggested about an anxiety problem / disorder is very much likely. I too would like to advise seeing a therapist. It's the most expedient way to dealing with your problem if you don't feel like you know what you can do about it after, for example, reading through the life-improvement posts in the DJ bible linked at the bottom of this forum.

Don't stay stuck in realizing the problem alone. Move forward to fix it.

Deityspeed to you! :cheer:

 

[flyingpanda505]

Think about the following very thouroughly but not too long and be honest about it. You'll know the truth. Also know that this is not to berate or bash you:

• You're in your head too much.
  
  
• You're too concerned with what people'll think about you.
  
  
• You're too focussed on yourself.
  
  
• You're being very self-centered.
  
  
• There's no room in your head for other people, their pet-peeves and troubles, nor the rest of the world because you're too occupied with your part in it.

This is not to berate or bash you. You have a confidence problem perhaps? A lack of self-esteem? A lack of feeling as worthy as others? A lack of belief in yourself and your abilities?

You should work on this if you feel this is correct. Know that it may be hidden somewhere deep, camouflaged as something else that you do know about.

What has been suggested about an anxiety problem / disorder is very much likely. I too would like to advise seeing a therapist. It's the most expedient way to dealing with your problem if you don't feel like you know what you can do about it after, for example, reading through the life-improvement posts in the DJ bible linked at the bottom of this forum.

Don't stay stuck in realizing the problem alone. Move forward to fix it.

Deityspeed to you! :cheer:

I am not offended, you are just being honest, and although I think I do have a disorder, I feel too embarrassed to go see a psychiatrist. I mean, I would go see a psychiatrist if it meant my parents wouldn't find out. Do they do psychaitry sessions online.. or what? Do you have to be 18 before you can go see a psychiatrist entirely on your own?

 

[Igetit!]

It looks to me as if you have a self-esteem problem. You just have to realize that you are just as good and valuable as anyone else on this planet. I look at it like this: Imagine a hospital room full of newborn babies. When you look through the window at all those babies, no one of them is better than the other. No one baby is above or below another. Now imagine all those babies in 10 years. Is one more important than another one now? Add another 10 years. You seem to think that you are somehow beneath the other kids in your class. If you had been one of the babies in that hospital room, and all the other babies were your classmates, then tell me, from the time all of you were born until the time all of you were all sitting in class together, what happened? What happened to suddenly cause one of you to be more important, more valuable than the others? What? Do they have a car? Expensive clothes? What was the change? Also, you need to stop worrying about what people are thinking about you. Everybody in that school has a life complete with their set of highs and lows, ups and downs. Trust me, the people who you think are thinking about you are too worried about what others are thinking about them. Oh yeah, one last thing. Don't drop out of school man. Do I really need to go into why? Just don't.

 

[Warrior74]

This is your life, and it's one second at a time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esiwzK7IRzY

 

[Groovy]

If you when are alone or at home have a different mindset, and are relaxed, fun, and preety dj then when having that mindset imagine other people around you and ask yourself how would you act?

You're letting other people control your toughts! The focus should be you and you alone. You're doing something because YOU want to. You don't do things to expect a reaction of people. You don't complement someone because you want their approval, you do it without expecting anything and just because you feel like it. You don't think in stuff... You just say what's on your mind and express your personality. You should know EXACTLY who you are inside... and other people's opinion is their opinion and doesn't affect you much because you know who you are.

And at the end of the day, you go to sleep and you should think to yourself... "Ahh, I am the man..." If you don't fix your problem, you'll always be insecure because you'll be "I'm outgoing and fun but I get nervous around people wtf if wrong with me?". If you do what you want to do, however, you'll think "Damn, I did something bold, it felt awsome, haha! I'm really the man!!" And you'll sleep better that night.

hope my post helped ya!

ps. And please don't start thinking "damn, I'll never improve, because i can only truly improve if i visit a doctor". I wouldn't think the problem is something amazing that can't be solved by myself that's stupid. this is more then a normal problem. YOU created the problem for yourself, YOU can fix it. You'll even be a stronger person once you leave it all behind you! how's that for motivation?