I f@cked up, gentlemen

[_TAO_]

3 Years. It's been 3 years with the same girl. Don't ask me why, because there's not much reason to it. But for 2 of these years, I've been completely smitten with another woman, and I never had the balls to show it. I was a p%ssy; I never had the courage to put myself out on the line and go for what I wanted. Instead, I stayed in the comfort zone of consistent sex with a girl I don't love. And tonight, the night to end my nights of college, the woman I have been helplessly attracted to since day 1 essentially confessed her love for me....at a f@cking McDonalds of all places. I decided enough was enough, I don't care where we are...I am going to take this girl outside and kiss her like I have wanted to for so long, like some cheesy @ss movie, but right then her friend shows up, and I lose the confidence. Not because I'm afraid of rejection, but because my sorry @ass is scared my current girlfriend would find out. So with tears welling up in her eyes, she leaves. She kisses me on the cheek more times than I can count, looks deep into my eyes, and disappears. She leaves tomorrow for the east coast, and I don't know if I will see her again. Gentlemen, I f@cked up.

So, don't be like me. Don't be a scared little b!tch. Go for what you want. Try. Try like it's the last chance you will ever have. Because, there is nothing worse than the sh!t I feel right now. The bundle of insecurity that I call myself has done nothing positive for me when I listen to it. I can't f@cking believe this girl, and apparently all of her roommates, felt this way and I was too blind to see it. I thought I was a background nobody to her/them. So, go after what you want, like there is no ****ing tomorrow, because one day, there won't be.

 

[Groovy]

Calm down bro perhaps it will all work out for the best! Tell us more updates pls.

What do u mean it's the night to end ur nights in college, u mean literally? Sry I just read ur update that she left for the east coast.

Well she aint gonna die or anything tho. U still have something I think it's called "face-book" that u can use to chat with girls. Perhaps u can arrange something with her on the weekends or something?

U should go with the flow... if that's what's happening to u now, then be ok with it. Also, if the world wants something for you, it's going to happen! Perhaps this girl isn't the right one for you or something like that. Don't consider it bad.

But also I think u should try to get to talk to her more before she leaves, tho, if possible. Because you do like her and she likes you. So you won't loose anything by trying, but don't force anything. What are you going to do now?

The tao works in mysterious ways.


Iceberg and Down_Low must know what they're taling about since they're old.

 

[Iceberg]

I know it sucks, buddy, but it's just a woman.

Among all the things that will ultimately define you as a man, this girl is pretty insignificant.

Of course you should go after what you want, but don't get all choked up about one girl. Plenty more where that came from.

 

[Down Low]

Don't be a scared little b!tch. Go for what you want. Try. Try like it's the last chance you will ever have.

What are you waiting for? Go to her place right now and literally sweep her off her feet.

If she already left, find out where she is and buy your airfare.

What? Are you still waiting? Go!

 

[_TAO_]

Since I posted, I grabbed her number from a friend, and talked to her room mate for a bit. Apparently she went right home after saying goodbye, and went right to her room to sleep. I gave her a call and sent a text, but she's already asleep for an early flight in the morning. I'm not about to show up at her front door, maybe because I don't have the balls, but that just doesn't seem like a great idea at 4:15am....not gonna force it.

@ Groovy, when I say it's the night to end my college experience....I graduate on Friday and I will be living thousands of miles from here. It's not officially my last night here, but she leaves in about 6 hours.

@ Iceberg, I know it's not the end of the world. It just hurts like a *****. There have been maybe 3 women in my life I have felt this strongly for, and this girl was also drop dead gorgeous. From what I could tell, she was a great package that I would have loved to explore and get to know better, and the regret stings pretty bad right now.

Edit: Thanks for the words of wisdom and support guys, I'm gonna get some sleep and reflect tomorrow.

 

[Groovy]

I would go. U have nothing to loose, and lots to win.

U think it's forcing it? Well my buddy, no mean to put pressure on u, but just look at the time u have. U are forcing it but u have no better alternative. It's do or die, at least, that's what it seems.. Just go talk and see where it takes u! Just my opinion tho. Do whatever u think it's best. U may be loosing the love of your life, may be dodging a bullet, or may not be anything at all. So, what happens, happens? But let us know how it went, pls!

Edit: Thanks for the words of wisdom and support guys, I'm gonna get some sleep and reflect tomorrow.

It's my pleasure. But let me get this straight, is she gonna be still in town tomorrow or not? If not I would reconsider that.

 

[nice_guyeh]

Goooo bro, this is inspiring actually. You could write a book from this..but in all seriousness, do what everyone else said, and go see her. now.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

1. You have oneitis for a girl who is going to leave across the country.
2. Your in a relationship with a girl you don't see a future with.

Boy now you know what you need to do. To years ago I was in a relationship with a girl for 2 years and to be honest I was just stuck on the sex. Even hen the sex dried up I stayed with her in hopes to get some sex. I was whipped like hell. Even my mom and dad told me to leave her and I knew I wanted to leave her. But I wasn't confident enough to tell her that I didn't want to be in a relationship with her because I didn't want to change up my life. Finally at the end she broke up with me after I tricked off and gave her 40$ on my birthday!!!

It took months for me to get over the madness. I was never sad. I was just mad as hell for all the $ that was spent and wasted on this girl and saddest part was she wasn't even a dime. She was a 6.5 at best. Don't make the same mistake as I did brother. Go ahead and break up with your girlfriend!

Play the game for a while and get to know what you like in females. Try not to catch feelings for these girls in the meantime.

 

[_TAO_]

Just a quick update. I just went to bed last night, I didn't try to go straight to her front door (would've be a little hard to get past the doorman at 4:15am, but who knows, it could've worked). I sent one more text last night, to which she never responded, even this morning. I'm not sure why she won't respond, maybe I misread the whole situation, but I'm going to send her one more text tonight just saying goodbye.

My girlfriend and I are breaking up after graduation, a bit of a relief and at the same time pretty scary to me. I feel bad because I do kind of treat her badly, and she's a really nice girl, so it's going to be hard to break her heart. She keeps saying how she sees us together in the future...I don't know about that. The mind just gets complacent sometimes, but I'm off to unknown adventures so it's time to learn and adapt.

Thanks again guys, I'll update if anything new happens

 

[SMS 48]

Just do yourself a favor and remind yourself that this girl you like is not special. Your misery is the result of the illusion that she is different from the rest.

 

[AlexDP]

Just a quick update. I just went to bed last night, I didn't try to go straight to her front door (would've be a little hard to get past the doorman at 4:15am, but who knows, it could've worked). I sent one more text last night, to which she never responded, even this morning. I'm not sure why she won't respond, maybe I misread the whole situation, but I'm going to send her one more text tonight just saying goodbye.

My girlfriend and I are breaking up after graduation, a bit of a relief and at the same time pretty scary to me. I feel bad because I do kind of treat her badly, and she's a really nice girl, so it's going to be hard to break her heart. She keeps saying how she sees us together in the future...I don't know about that. The mind just gets complacent sometimes, but I'm off to unknown adventures so it's time to learn and adapt.

Thanks again guys, I'll update if anything new happens

If I were you I'd focus on the situation with my current girlfriend. Chances are you were only attracted to the other girl, because she was forbidden. This entire scenario reads like a chick flick. Except this other girl probably wasn't dark, tall and handsome.

Think about why you're with your girlfriend. Is there really nothing there? If there's not, break up with her. If she's an attractive girl who has always treated you well and is head over heels in love with you, you might want to consider staying. These days people think this fleeting emotion of being in love is all there is to a relationship, but it's quite a bit more than that. Also remember that it's all about your goals.

If you want to start a family or build a stable relationship, you have to think rationally about the pros and cons of the girl who is now your current girlfriend. And her being a good girl and in love with you are pretty decent pros. People who love you want to make you happy. Remember that. Dont be the sucker who goes for toxic love with a girl he thinks he's madly in love with and leaves the good girl next door.

If, however, you're not ready for a relationship or don't think this girl is the girl to have one with: by all means leave her. There's no point being in a relationship that is going nowhere or is suffocating you. Think about what you want, whom you want it with and when you want it.

 

[_TAO_]

If I were you I'd focus on the situation with my current girlfriend. Chances are you were only attracted to the other girl, because she was forbidden. This entire scenario reads like a chick flick. Except this other girl probably wasn't dark, tall and handsome.

Think about why you're with your girlfriend. Is there really nothing there? If there's not, break up with her. If she's an attractive girl who has always treated you well and is head over heels in love with you, you might want to consider staying. These days people think this fleeting emotion of being in love is all there is to a relationship, but it's quite a bit more than that. Also remember that it's all about your goals.

If you want to start a family or build a stable relationship, you have to think rationally about the pros and cons of the girl who is now your current girlfriend. And her being a good girl and in love with you are pretty decent pros. People who love you want to make you happy. Remember that. Dont be the sucker who goes for toxic love with a girl he thinks he's madly in love with and leaves the good girl next door.

If, however, you're not ready for a relationship or don't think this girl is the girl to have one with: by all means leave her. There's no point being in a relationship that is going nowhere or is suffocating you. Think about what you want, whom you want it with and when you want it.

My current girlfriend is hopelessly in love with me. That's a huge chunk of why I stay. But it also hurts my conscience to know that she is far more into me than I am into her, it doesn't seem fair to her. She'd say yes if I asked her to marry me, while I'm not even sure I want to get married, ever. Also, I've cheated on her before, and I feel like sh!t about that, so I stay away from situations where that could happen again. And often times when she calls, I just straight up don't want to answer the phone. To me that is my biggest hint that I should just end it. But I've thought about this rationally many times over the years, and there are a few main reasons I have a hard time leaving her.

1: I truly doubt I will ever find a girl who is this committed to me again. It's not impossible, but after my experience with women, and especially after reading this site, I have a hard time believing I will find another girl this dedicated to me, my well being, and my happiness.

2: She's a sweetheart. She's got a bundle of problems, and has been damaged in the past, but she really is a good hearted person.

3: I'm a pretty paranoid motherf@cker, especially after coming to this site. I generally think that most girls will cheat given the right circumstances. I think the same of my current girlfriend, but I know that she doesn't even think about putting herself in those situations. If I broke it off and ended up with a girl less dedicated to me, I know I'd be a paranoid douche and probably end up sabotaging the relationship.

As for the other girl....I'm not blinded or jaded by her beauty to the point that I turn into a drone who'll ignore all her bad actions. I'm so insanely attracted to this girl because of the amazing energy she puts into her life, I find that rare in girls I meet. I know I f@cked up by not pursuing because I missed out on the chance to get to know her better. Call it one-itis, but I think you're actually crazy if you think any girl can be replaced by any other. Sure, there are others out there who are probably very similar who I would love to get to know as well, but any time you say you're attracted to someone with more than your d!ck here it's suddenly "oneitis". Is it really that frowned upon to be more than just sexually attracted to someone? When I saw this girl, I didn't just think, Oh I want to f@ck her. Honestly I just wanted to share some time with her. That doesn't mean I didn't want to F@ck her too, but sex with an emotional connection is more than that to me. Overall, I'm just p!ssed I missed out on the chance to get to know someone who seemed like an amazing person to share my time with, all because I was too complacent with a girl I see as "good enough".

Thanks for the thoughtful response, it's making me rethink a lot of things, which is something I often need.