I don't want to be like Mike

[pbsurf]

Just read an interview with Michael Jordan, written right after he turned 50.

MJ, the greatest, was pretty much miserable. The man has it all - private Jet, hot new wife, boatloads of cash, and 5 (?) rings... But. All he could think about was the old days, his glory days, and whether he should go back to the NBA and show Lebron what's what. Couldn't look forward, only back.

Why am I posting this?

Well, I"m not MJ when it comes to women, (but I"ve been told i look like Steve Kerr). Anyway, maybe I'm more of the journeyman bench guy that made it to the pros through hustle and determination.

I'm not "alpha" - but I am an always evolving beta with alpha tendencies, former AFC, learned the hard way. Wife cheated and marriage broke up at 38. Only woman i'd been with - madly in "love" Or so I thought.

I thought no woman on the planet would even look at me back then - pushing 40, 5 foot 7, depressed as f*ck...

I was wrong. Thanks to Neil Strauss and the Game and dozens of other sources and some good wings, I learned how easy it was to get laid. I dressed well, got into crazy shape, and most importantly, learned how to talk (and not talk) to women. Not a natural, still not able to pick up anyone I want at any time, but... I got consistently good to great results, month in month out, year after year. 20 somethings, cougars, everything in between. Super fun. Each year I got better and better - and between my job, my kids, surfing and girls, i was a different, happy man...

I'll be 48 in September. Still look 10 years younger - but feel my age. I just dumped a 10 month relationship - I slipped into being AFC - she lied and cheated. that was 2 months ago. Its been hard. she was early 40s but hot - and i really liked her. My bad. Now, I feel like all those other years and my improvement mean nothing.

And all i can think of is my best days being behind me. The girls i banged over the years were in many cases at the high end of my range - while i was in the mix it never mattered because i just didn't care if a girl rejected me and there was always some 8 that would step up, even if just for a night.

But now, man, not sure if I have the energy. I"ve lost my mojo..

OK, i'm whining, I know, snap out of it. I walk around the town i live in, a tourist seaside place with, i swear, 9.5s on every corner... And rather than getting jacked up about it, i'm, for the first time in years, intimidated.

So, question for you if your, lets say over 35/40 - can you relate?

Do you adjust your expectations and lower the bar?

Or do you reconfigure your approach/game/attitude some how?

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

I really don't give a fvck about my age. "If I knew then what I know now." Yeah, I think everyone at an older age has these moments. However, it's called wisdom. And some of it, you can only get with age and experience.

The biggest issue with me at an older age is actually meeting women. Putting myself in situations where there are available women to actually meet. The bar scene is a different dyamic for us older cats. And, a lot of the women that hang out at older friendly bars are not the highest of quality. Then you have online dating, well, if that's your only source of meeting women, it may end up leaving you jaded.

I walk around the town i live in, a tourist seaside place with, i swear, 9.5s on every corner... And rather than getting jacked up about it, i'm, for the first time in years, intimidated

.
I differ here, I'm not intimidated anymore. It's strange, I saw an HB9 at the grocery store last night. We walked past each other, I gave her a glance but looked at her as if she was just another 5 walking around. Right away I noticed a change in her, a shy "who is this guy who does not put me on a pedestal" type of look, then she quickly looked away and was gone. I immediately perceived her to be intimidated (yes, just from a look) and to look down and away in submission. I was hoping to run into her again in an area where I could make an approach or say something, but it didn't happen. Oh well.

I feel you may need to do some affirmations. Change your paradigm. If you treat a hot women like you treat any other woman, she will pick up on this "no fvcks given" attitude. And in some case, she will put YOU on the pedestal. Your bank account and your looks will become secondary to your attitude and how you carry yourself.

 

[pbsurf]

Working on the zero fvck thing. Better now than a couple of months ago.

The truth is that I invested way too much in this relationship recently and got my ass handed to me emotionally.

And some of this might just be cold hard reality. In the recentl relationship, i was competing with younger guys ALL THE TIME, just really didn't know it at the time. She could not get enough of their attention, and sh*t went down... She f-ing messed around with a 30 year old and lied to me about it... So i would hope that its natural for me to be a bit gun shy right now. I am taking that pretty personally.

So, my ability to go out and replace her with someone hotter or as hot, let's just say i'm not as confident about that as I might have been 5 years ago... which leads me to adjusting expecations.

Sort of like MJ playing in a local over 40 league for the rest of his life

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

So, my ability to go out and replace her with someone hotter or as hot, let's just say i'm not as confident about that as I might have been 5 years ago... which leads me to adjusting expecations.

Right. And you're blaming it on your age....

Were you in fear of losing her before you did lose her?

This may be some DJ 101. Limiting beliefs due to your age, then not having other options so you invest too much into the relationship too soon. That and a little insecurity of other factors mixed in, and she's banging some other dude.

I'm not at your age, so I really can't officially relate, but at my age, I really don't see any issue with younger women, other than, at times, their maturity level which sometimes makes it hard to get a deep connection.....for me anyways.

That being said, you fall off the horse.....

 

[pbsurf]

Yes - i actually was pretty insecure about us starting about month 4. I've posted about this, but it was classic AFC. I was cool and calm and then started to get attached. Set no boundaries at all, started w/pleasing behavior. Not over the top but just enough.

Constantly around guys and loved their attention. And i got totally addicted to having a gf and the pyssy... In the end she would have cheated probably no matter what my behavior, just pissed that i became so attached and now my ego is crushed.

I admit all of this was weak and not my typical behavior. What is CRAZY is that she was the one that thought I was going to cheat/blow her off early on. If I kept her on her toes, I would have kept my dignity at the same time.

And i'm terrible at spinning plates - which i'm fine with - in the past i'd just go from one to the next and didn't care.

But anyway... I've just had a date with a girl who because I'm not that into her is of course starting to blow up my phone. She's pretty cute - tight body and decent face - but all i can think about is what ex is up to. Its like im under a freakin spell.


but thanks P&V - this helps. I guess its a matter of some short-term goal setting. Add one more girl to the mix, go out and get some numbers, gym/friends/etc..

 

[The_411]

Sounds like complacency set in and you forgot that it's a lifelong choice and that settling down does not mean you relent from being a DJ.

Completely understandable pbsurf, the game can be exhausting and at the end of the day most guys would like something tangible and longstanding if only to relax and focus on other pursuits.

 

[hithard]

This lifestyle isn't just about the women but developing yourself. Do you have an idea of where YOU want to be in the next few years?
Having side projects/passions with longer term goals will fill the void.
You need to look and say "What will be my next great achievement"
not "I define my life by my former glory".
Keep moving forward.

For me getting women while I've been 35- 38 has involved more social group involvement. I'm an introvert at heart so I have really had to push it, but it does become very easy in the end. Finding a group of friends that enjoy meeting up and socializing, while also having a varied age range can be challenging. I try to join smaller circles with larger ones, then work with making bridges to solidify the groups into one larger network.

 

[FairShake]

Michael Jordan is an assh0le. He was an ultra competitive guy who had the world by the balls in the 80s and 90s. He could retire paid and lay back and let someone else have the spotlight.

But he's not that kind of guy. The same thing that made him the best basketball player of all time and a rich businessman is the same thing that makes him such a sh!tty human being. He has to be the alpha dog. Fvck absolutely everyone else.

It's a lonely life but probably the only one he could conceive.

 

[BeDJ]

MJ is as competitive as they come. He mainly relies on his popularity to achieve what he wants. It's not a bad strategy, but most of us aren't as talented. He has no compassion, but I'm sure that doesn't matter to him. For me, I'd rather be compassionate and happy than to walk a mile in his shoes.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If you just keep three or four wh0res to fvck, or hell even one or two, it makes you do all the right things when you do meet a nice girl, like not value her pvssy too much because you already get plenty.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Surf,
Life has its ups and downs...looking back,I peaked at 37 and stayed on a plateau till say 42...at 45 the decline had set in and a fast decline occurred,this was not just subjective,but as I work out and time myself for many activities it was Objective...One may halt the decline and even improve at any age but as you age a greater amount of time becomes involved!