I dont know why im so socially akward - really a handicap when it comes to women

[sknudheat]

It sucks.

Every single time I go to the bar/club or just out in general I guess a sense that people are looking at me or that im acting weird or out of place. Even just standing against the wall I feel like im not comfortable in my own skin. Is there anyway to change this? When im talking to a woman at the club/car I feel like im being awkward which MAKES me act awkward lol. its a vicious cycle. This I feel is a terrible handicap when it comes to talking to women. Any suggestions?

 

[Kbomb]

make peace with it. You are awkward, own it.

 

[TheCWord]

Counseling would definitely help. A qualified psychologist can help you to overcome self-esteem issues and give you tools to combat the "over-thinking" that you experience when you're standing against a wall or hanging out anywhere.

 

[sknudheat]

...

make peace with it. You are awkward, own it.

can you be a lil more specific? I just pictured my self posing with one hand up in the air screaming " YES! IM AWKWARD!!!"

 

[sknudheat]

..

Counseling would definitely help. A qualified psychologist can help you to overcome self-esteem issues and give you tools to combat the "over-thinking" that you experience when you're standing against a wall or hanging out anywhere.

I have pretty bad anxiety, maybe that has something to do with it. only problem is, I don't want to take medication. I have before, and that **** was made me feel like a zombie.. even thought I lasted hours in bed on one nut.

 

[goundra]

read some books. by Nathaniel Brandon, for instance, THE PSYCHOLOGY of self esteem, THE EXPERTS BOOK OF THE SHOOTING SPORTS by David Petzal, THIS IS KARATE, by Matsutatsu Oyama. the only meds you need, most likely, are what guys take for stage fright. 10% as much Inderal as is prescribed for heart trouble. it's a blocker of adrenalin. get some real skills, have confidence that is based upon real ability, at something that matters, like self defense. It will CYA, and give you something to talk about which women both respect and are interested in. The ones that are waf, that is.

 

[TheCWord]

I have pretty bad anxiety, maybe that has something to do with it. only problem is, I don't want to take medication. I have before, and that **** was made me feel like a zombie.. even thought I lasted hours in bed on one nut.

Hahaha, I know what it's like to last long (maybe even too long) when on meds. But that's also just SSRIs, primarily. There are other medications out there that could make you feel less like a zombie.

But in my original reply I wasn't advocating a psychiatrist, I was suggesting a psychologist - and if you have anxiety issues then talk-therapy with a psychologist would be a huge benefit to you in general.

Over time your psychologist and you could discuss the possibility of going the medication route if you both come to the conclusion that it's the right move. Otherwise, you're just doing one hour sessions to help get your head in order and reduce that anxiety. Then you come back on this site and absorb some of the information about attracting women a lot more easily - because you will feel more centered, understand yourself better, thus have the appropriate amount of confidence to BELIEVE that you can go out there and DJ with the best of em.

Also, if you don't already, get a gym membership. If working out is not normally a part of your life, invest in a personal trainer for the first little while. I'm not saying become a meathead gym rat body builder... Lord knows I'm not, but lifting weights and going to the gym three times a week has given me results and it helps me feel comfortable in my own skin. And oh ya, women notice too.

Good luck my man. Seriously consider the counseling

 

[sknudheat]

........

read some books. by Nathaniel Brandon, for instance, THE PSYCHOLOGY of self esteem, THE EXPERTS BOOK OF THE SHOOTING SPORTS by David Petzal, THIS IS KARATE, by Matsutatsu Oyama. the only meds you need, most likely, are what guys take for stage fright. 10% as much Inderal as is prescribed for heart trouble. it's a blocker of adrenalin. get some real skills, have confidence that is based upon real ability, at something that matters, like self defense. It will CYA, and give you something to talk about which women both respect and are interested in. The ones that are waf, that is.

I will look into it, im being serious too. I really will, I def need to do some good reading. "Inderal" - I will lookin into that as well. thank you!

Hahaha, I know what it's like to last long (maybe even too long) when on meds. But that's also just SSRIs, primarily. There are other medications out there that could make you feel less like a zombie.

But in my original reply I wasn't advocating a psychiatrist, I was suggesting a psychologist - and if you have anxiety issues then talk-therapy with a psychologist would be a huge benefit to you in general.

Over time your psychologist and you could discuss the possibility of going the medication route if you both come to the conclusion that it's the right move. Otherwise, you're just doing one hour sessions to help get your head in order and reduce that anxiety. Then you come back on this site and absorb some of the information about attracting women a lot more easily - because you will feel more centered, understand yourself better, thus have the appropriate amount of confidence to BELIEVE that you can go out there and DJ with the best of em.

Also, if you don't already, get a gym membership. If working out is not normally a part of your life, invest in a personal trainer for the first little while. I'm not saying become a meathead gym rat body builder... Lord knows I'm not, but lifting weights and going to the gym three times a week has given me results and it helps me feel comfortable in my own skin. And oh ya, women notice too.

Good luck my man. Seriously consider the counseling

I will DEF consider the counseling. im actually looking for some now that will be covered by my work insurance. Its tough, cuz when im out dancing I feel like im being laughed at. I know my self esteem has EVERYTHING to do with it. but the weird thing is im 5'9, 160lbs, I work out, im financially stabile to a certain extent (im not BALLIN' lol) and I drive a decent car. I dunno what it is. I genuinely hope counseling will help, because even thought I understand rejection is a part of the game, being rejected 10 out of 10 times SUCKS!!!...



on a different note.. anybody have any good ideas how to improve humor/****y humor? I always feel like the females look at me like " did he really just say that? " or. " what the hell does that mean " lol.

 

[TheCWord]

on a different note.. anybody have any good ideas how to improve humor/****y humor? I always feel like the females look at me like " did he really just say that? " or. " what the hell does that mean " lol.

If you only take one piece of advice today, take this: if you are not naturally funny, do not try to be.

Play to your strengths.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, you simply have some social anxiety. I got rid of mine by simply determining to make small talk everywhere I went. Just get used to saying "hi", asking people how they are, making quips or jokes about the environment. Strive to brighten someone's day. You'll find yourself changing and becoming much more comfortable engaging in extended conversations.

 

[TheCWord]

OP, you simply have some social anxiety. I got rid of mine by simply determining to make small talk everywhere I went. Just get used to saying "hi", asking people how they are, making quips or jokes about the environment. Strive to brighten someone's day. You'll find yourself changing and becoming much more comfortable engaging in extended conversations.

Imagine if OP mixed this in with some good, strong body language and a nice, warm smile? The ladies would be BEGGING him to ask them out.

 

[JohnChops]

OP, you simply have some social anxiety. I got rid of mine by simply determining to make small talk everywhere I went. Just get used to saying "hi", asking people how they are, making quips or jokes about the environment. Strive to brighten someone's day. You'll find yourself changing and becoming much more comfortable engaging in extended conversations.

This.

 

[Mike32ct]

It sucks.

Every single time I go to the bar/club or just out in general I guess a sense that people are looking at me or that im acting weird or out of place. Even just standing against the wall I feel like im not comfortable in my own skin. Is there anyway to change this? When im talking to a woman at the club/car I feel like im being awkward which MAKES me act awkward lol. its a vicious cycle. This I feel is a terrible handicap when it comes to talking to women. Any suggestions?

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about.

I find it helpful to have a purpose to be there. If I go to a bar, it's usually a bar and grill. I get there early, sit at the bar, and watch the TV while waiting for my FOOD. I'm not worrying about what anyone thinks of me because I want to eat. If some friendly people chat me up, great. Otherwise I'm gonna eat, maybe listen to the band if there is one, and go home.

If it's a club or bar with a dance floor, I only go because I like to dance.

Whatever you do, don't go out just because you feel you're supposed to. Then you will be a wallflower because you're BORED.

Have a purpose such as...

1. To eat or drink
2. Listen to a cool band
3. Dance

The nights I had the worst social anxiety was when I was at the club with no purpose other than I was addicted to going to them because I was "supposed to sarge every Friday and Saturday" lol.

I bet you have little social anxiety at the grocery store. Why? It's because you have a reason to be there. Your brain is focused on what foods you want to buy, not your body language or how youre being perceived. Whether some girl in aisle 8 thinks you're a creeper is not important lol.

For confidence dancing, that's a totally different topic. You can PM on that if you want.

As for c&f stuff, just drop it. It's lame, unnecessary, and only a small percentage of guys can pull it off well.

 

[Jair213]

OP, you simply have some social anxiety. I got rid of mine by simply determining to make small talk everywhere I went. Just get used to saying "hi", asking people how they are, making quips or jokes about the environment. Strive to brighten someone's day. You'll find yourself changing and becoming much more comfortable engaging in extended conversations.

will deff start trying to do that.

 

[foreverAFC]

its ok, there is a bit of Joe Davola in all of us

 

[Kbomb]

can you be a lil more specific? I just pictured my self posing with one hand up in the air screaming " YES! IM AWKWARD!!!"

Be awkward. Let it take you over. Let that be one of your defining characteristics. Take it to the next level.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X37EzJnuntk

Because ultimately you are actually incredibly awkward or you find out you are just wound up from obsessing about it.

 

[FairShake]

EVERYONE is awkward sometimes bro. Most people plug on anyway. It's not the end of the world. Plus it's situational, if you're awkward one time people won't care if you aren't the next time.

I hate to use the whole "When you get older..." trope because I hated it when I wasn't older but there will be a time when other things in life become more important than what strangers in a club, who can't even really see you due to poor lighting, alcohol abuse, and trendy sunglasses, think of the way you are standing on a wall.

There will a be a time in your life where you will be like "The Club? Seriously...can't we just play some Scrabble tonight?" and that will be just fine. It's then that the status game is over and you couldn't possibly care less about what people who don't matter, think.