I don't know, part of me thinks I have aspergers. Please help me.

[flyingpanda505]

Seriously, I feel so socially inept sometimes. I'm in the 11th grade and its SO ****ed up too, because in summer I had no problem pulling hot girls... but back when school started up, almost instinctually I suddenly fell back into the same routine of being awkward.


- In class, I often feel intimidated by the popular kids and I'm usually very quiet, worried that they'll look down on me (I know, "dont care about what they think", its easy to say.. but almost impossible to do for me... is there a way that's worked for you?)


- Normally I'm a really outgoing person with my friends and fun to be around, but its just the problem of me being comfortable around them before I come out of my shell. The problem is that all of my friends hang out with the "pseudo-popular" crowd, which has some hot girls attached to it, which sucks because I'm usually uncomfortable with people there and I don't act as myself.

- I sweat a lot in social situations, I can't seem to help it at all. It's hugely embarrassing.


- When popular girls talk to me, I get overly excited and make dramatic hand gestures and talk fast. How can I remedy this?


- I ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS think someone is watching me, talking behind my back, or laughing at me in some way. I don't even understand it anymore, I'm very attractive now (forgive the and strong and since school started, some of the popular girls are going for me, but this habit has been with me since God knows when and its going to turn the girls off of me soon if I don't do something about it. Sometimes I fidget because I'm so nervous about what other people think about me.


- There's this one girl who I've had a thing with since 8th grade and even though I think she likes me (She has a boyfriend now but they're about to break up, so rumors say), I can't bring myself to talk to her. I fantasize about her, but in four years I've never been able to approach her (I tried once in 8th grade and that ended horribly embarassing), but now that I've changed so much this summer she's starting to show interest in me. I get all nervous being in the same class as her. I want to be with her and I know she wants to be with me, but I'm too fycking worried I'll say something stupid and screw it up and make it awkward like I ALwAYS SEEM TO DO!

- I have trouble maintaining eye contact and not letting my eyes wander while I'm talking to people other than my close friends, because I'm so worried about what people will think of me. I desperately need help with this as well.


And finally:

No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I envision and fantasize about me talking with women/having witty comebacks/kicking ass, none of it seems to carry over when I actually go out in the field. It's like I forget everything I've envisioned and just make a fool out of myself again. As a result, I've gone without a girlfriend for three years, although this year is going to be different, considering how drastically I've improved my image. I am, in a word, awkward, I don't want to be, I'm so desperate to change myself and I've been trying, lurking religiously on these forums trying to figure out just how the hell I can change myself. This is my one last, final shot. After this, I don't know, I really have no other option but to give up on high school.



You guys have been through it/going through it, you guys are from all kinds of different social backgrounds, please, if there is any insight to the bullets I posted above, if you can help me with just one of my problems... I've seen you guys do wonders here before, please me out. I don't understand my situation, it hasn't gotten better since freshman year.. should I see a psychiatrist or something? Should I visit a doctor? Is this normal? Please, any help would be appreciated.

 

[WalkingStick]

I'm sure you're fine. Just insecure. Keep working at it and take it slow.

It's not going to be easy, but with some of these things, you're just going to have to force yourself to do it. Start making eye contact with strangers and force yourself to hold longer than they do. It WILL get easier. Realize that most "popular" kids are probably pretty friendly and they are never any better than you.

I can be a fasttalker sometimes, I used to debate, and I got used to it. It doesnt work when you're talking to a friend (or a girl). It might be hard, but try to calm down and intentially slow your movements and speech.

I had a big sweating problem, too. I know how horrible it can be, especially in social situations. I started using Degree Clinical Strength today and I've heard great things about it. It costs about twice as much as normal antiperspirant, but if the normal ones arent working, they're useless anyway. I recommend you give it a try. I'll keep you posted on this.

You will not make ANY direct progess on this website. Progress is made in the real world. We'll always be here to help you out when you come back.
Good luck.

 

[noodle]

Heres the solution to everything you just posted...

Relax and stop worrying so much. Its not what it seems like.



Your overthinking all of this too much. (I used to do it ALL the time too btw)

I used to think that all the big guys at the gym hated me because I was the smallest and youngest guy there.
Some workouts I would skip if there were too many big guys in the free weights area!!! I know eh? Seems silly now doesn't it? Well it was HELL when I was going through it. So I know what your getting at. I always felt like the whole gym was watching me, talking behind my back and making fun of my small weights. I would sweat and feel very uncomfortable in there. I was VERY NERVOUS.

Well guess what? NONE of that was EVER true. Those guys don't give a damn about how much I did or if I was the youngest/smallest. They were there to do their thing, they don't care.

As soon as I started realizing this I became more relaxed at the gym. I even smiled at a few guys, said hello. And they didn't turn away from me in disgust as I thought they would, but they said hello back, smiled, became friendly. Some even offered to help me with my form/technique and some spotting.

So you see, what I went through and what your going through are sort of the same. We both over-exagerated what was going on and that makes us really nervous. You have to open up to them. All of it seems so silly now what I did. And the sooner you realized that all of this "worrying" is silly. The sooner you'll become relaxed around these people.


Also a tip that I've learned. DON'T keep your responses to yourself. Back when I was shy/nervous and standing in a group. They would be conversing and talking to each other while I stood there silently looking at my feet with my hands in my pocket. I would listen and I would always have a reply pop up in my head. But I WOULDN'T say ANYTHING. I was scared what I said would make me look like a fool.

you must get over that stage^. Its hard to break that habit, but once you do it once, then it'll get easier.

Good luck bro and we'll be here for you!

 

[jeffthechef]

Your only problem is confidence, and it's definitely not necessary to see a psychiatrist or anything of the sort. The only thing i have in common with you is not being able to look at teacher's in the eye for a long time..But not because of confidence..ACNE!:cuss: and sometimes i erupt in laughter:crackup:

well anyways...popular kids are actually friendly..they don't approach you or talk to you all the time not because they look down on you..but because they already have lots of friends...if you take the time to talk to them when they do
talk to you or you initiate the contact yourself...i'm sure they'll enjoy your company...just dont get clingy cause that gets annoying..

i'm also quite quiet..not because i'm shy but i have nothing to say...mostly quiet in class though because i went to a catholic school up till 9th grade..and discipline was a priority...but out of class im quite talkative..perhaps you should try finding common interests with people at school..they don't have to be popular..just make friends..get used to human interaction and soon enough you'll feel comfortable

good luck and TAKE IT EASY don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy...EAGLES SONG...they're ok but i prefer the temptations..marvin gaye..anyways keep us posted

 

[Colin O'Brien]

Trust me, I actually *have* aspergers and I got through the same stage you are in.

You need to watch The Blueprint Decoded by real social dynamics... I was in the exact situation you were in till I watched it, learned it, and applied it. Find it off bittorrent.