I don't know if I can get this part of my life down.

[moneyisking]

Ok, I have posted here several times to get help, but for some reason, I could not write effectively enough to get a understanding advice. Hope this is good one.

I am 22 and virgin for some reason; I love working out and honestly I am pretty muscular Asian guy. I am about 5'7" though. Considering some hook ups (that never led to sex) that I randomly had with some girls, I am not bad-looking guy. Now days, however, I am sad and pissed off; but just trying to hide it through smiling and drinking... but guys, I really pour myself out here. I am sad and just lost. I have been searching to develop myself to become somewhat charming enough to attract some girls and feel good and happy. Of course I know how life is, so I know I can't be happy all the time, but I do wish that I can have some good times, have some occasions where I have fun one night stands, make few girls attracted, get to flirt with some, and be able to have stories about girls that I can share with my boys while drinking and just laugh out. But the past 4 years of searching and trying to find what kind of person I am and what I should be to live like a King, I am stuck clueless, sad, and in a phase of constant awkwardness. I mean, sometimes I get chances to flirt with girls, but I feel so dam awkward and I can't help feel beta about myself when I do it, and I bet girls can feel that I am not natural at it and nervous. Why am I doing this? Why can't I just be relaxed and have fun? I know easy answer is not to think about it and have fun, but somehow my mind does not follow me. Is it b/c I have low self-worth, confidence, or self-esteem? I sometimes even feel like going back to being a nice guy, but probably that will never happen.

Before this whole journey of being better with girls and social interactions, I used to be nice guy and chumpy but I wasn't this depressed and devastated. It's hard to stand this feeling every day, battling with fact that I am clueless and I might never get it. Please help me. I am tired of being sad everyday, I might as well become an alcoholic to chase away all this and act crazy or something.

 

[Kirro]

I find it amusing how many men have to start so far back in the mating game. I could say that life is just cruel that way & men like you who are miserable & sad NEED to exist so a much smaller number of men can enjoy a ton of sexual pleasures & escapades but that's not something anyone wants to hear.

You're 22, you're a man. The answers you seek are already within you, you just have to let go & be. In your state of mind that may seem impossible but you just have to put yourself out there. Talk to friends who are good with women & have them introduce you to some chicks that you can talk to or do it the hard & ballsy way & walk up to chicks whereever you see them & start conversation. You have to take your lumps though, its the only way to learn & condition yourself.

There are a few naturally gifted, talented or lucky guys who will be able to access a state of mind that allows them to be absurdly charming, they may even get a number, a date & a lay on the first attempt, for most guys though, that's a pipedream. To a degree you have to accept who & where you are & work from there.

Sorry bruh but this won't come quickly & it won't be easy. You're living in a personal hell, your own continuous nightmare. Its gut check time, its all about how bad you want it. All you can do is lay the ground work now & keep pressing on. Search yourself, be honest with yourself, find your weakness & attack the source head on.

Enough of my rambling though. Time for more experienced posters to chime in.

 

[iqqi]

Sometimes being all smiley, and the funny clown is the opposite way to gain attraction from women. Try just being calm, cool, and collected. Women like to see a hint of depth that they can't quite reach through simple conversation. A bit of mystery. A man who they hope is as into them as they want him to be, but can't be quite so sure because he is a bit aloof. Yet charming.

I know that might all sound confusing, lol... welcome to women.

 

[iqqi]

Also, to be honest, it sounds like you haven't read some of the basics. Have you spent some time in the archives, reading the DJ bible here?

You need to focus on attraction, because that is where you are failing. Here is some homework:

Weapons of Mass Seduction

and really just read all of Fingz' posts. And also read all of Pook's posts.

Seriously. Don't even consider yourself serious about getting out of this rut unless you seriously read, and maybe REREAD until it really sinks in, all of that material. That stuff is better than ANY relationship book or guide to getting tail, and it's free here at sosuave. Complete GEMS of material and insight.

 

[user43770]

You have to create opportunities for yourself. Take your ass to the bars/clubs. Go get a few drinks in you and take it from there. You shouldn't sit around and wait for your life to improve. Also, stop masterbating. That sh1t is emasculating and will only hurt your chances at getting laid.

 

[Gamtiwia]

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step"
You have a long road ahead of you and it's going to start with more research. Most people will proly tell you to learn more of the game. You have to understand that alot of guys out there are having trouble with women same as you, which is why we're here at sosuave to begin with. Looking at this reality may relieve some of the pressure.

There are 2 approaches I would recommend:

1) LOTS AND LOTS OF PRACTICE. Become as social as possible (while maintaining who and what you stand for). Talk to women, flirt with women, get rejected by women (alot) and learn from the experience and build your confidence. Learn what works for YOU most importantly. Do this until you recognize dating patterns and women become second nature.

2) SELF AMELIORATION AND LIFESTYLE DEVELOPMENT. Become proactive, focus on YOU and things that make YOU happy. Work on a hobby, go out with friends and become a self sufficient man. Learn to love your own company. By doing all these things you won't appear needy and dependent on women and doing so will increase your attractiveness. Once you've conquered your own soul THEN it will be easier to conquer other souls (women).

Also there's no reason you can't do both of the above, just understand that change won't happen overnight and that patience and confidence are a man's best friend (maybe).

 

[Mr. Fantastic]

And also read all of Pook's posts. Seriously. Don't even consider yourself serious about getting out of this rut unless you seriously read, and maybe REREAD until it really sinks in, all of that material. That stuff is better than ANY relationship book or guide to getting tail, and it's free here at sosuave. Complete GEMS of material and insight.

^Maybe one of the best tips you can get (But I'm gonna have to say that Fingers' stuff is kinda iffy IMO)
Here's a better link though ---> http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/Downloads/The Book of Pook.pdf

Cheers!

Also before you read this stuff get a really good idea for what you want, because this stuff is life changing. (It was for me at least)

to attract some girls and feel good and happy.

This is the root of your problem. You are focusing too much on what women want. You are thinking that all your problems will go away once you lose your virginity or get a few ONS's, but you know what? They won't (As this is the difference between true happiness and pleasure. With pleasure having the higher high and happiness being the longer lasting of the two.)

Women aren't the source of all happiness and if you think that getting one will make you happy you are dead wrong. Your romantic life is an echo of your normal life. So it follows that if the world seemingly becomes dark and terrible, then it is time to start examining yourself.

When with a women don't think "how can I attract her?" or "how can I make sure she is having a good time?". Instead think "what can I do to have fun?". When you do this you take the pressure off the interaction with her and put the focus on having fun.

moneyisking: "But Mr. Fantastic! I didn't get the girl! I focused on having fun instead of getting the girl and I ended up without her just like before! All we did was share a few laughs and smiles, but since I was focusing on 'getting her' I forgot to close."

Mr. Fantastic: "But you had fun in the process right?"

moneyisking: "Yeah I had a big *** smile on my face and I hadn't felt that good in a long time, but I still didn't get the girl..."

Mr. Fantastic: "By focusing on the girl you lose track of your true intention! Your true intention is happiness, and in your case you seek it through a female (others through power, money, etc.). So by your logic if you don't get the girl you aren't happy! You are purposefully making yourself depressed! STOP IT!!!"

That is what a lot people who come to this forum forget. Their true intention isn't getting women or becoming 'Don Juan'. Their intention is happiness. True happiness comes from within, not from getting the girl. True happiness isn't smiling because it will make you think happy thoughts. True happiness is being content with yourself and your life. Why fake happiness when you have the tools to make it?

Hope this helps