I did my first (sort of) cold appoach by blind luck!

[astrn]

Ok I made my first cold approach (kind of). Technically she approached me but I decided to use my chance...

I was sitting in Starbucks and reading No More Mr. Nice Guy from my iPad. I got bored and decided to go a library to enroll located in a university.

When I was in the vicinity of library I checked google maps for the exact location. (I am not a student in university so I am total stranger) when I was checking a HB7 came near to me:

She: Excuse me do you now the xxxx library.
Me: Well actually I was on my way to go there.
She: ah perfect can I join you.
Me: Sure

Then we started walking and made a convo about where are u from etc.

We entered the building and when we are about to seperate I decided to give it a try and asked her number to meet later for a coffee but got the classical answer "Sorry I had BF". "I replied thats OK no problem, see you" then left.

Well that was not scary as I thought. Even I did not become anxious. It was fluid and without worries.

Guys its in your mind. Really don't bother if youre rejected. Now I am typing this lines along the glory of taken the first step without worries and a funny smile on my face from the reading room of peaceful library

 

[Suspens]

You got cold approached.

Nevertheless, that was a positive experience. Now you should keep practicing cold approaches more and more, while also reinforcing that new cognitive process.

"Hey look at me for a sec" and when she looks at you tell her:
"Congrats, you just experienced love at first sight. Now give me your number"

 

[TheGambino]

Very good my friend. Join the club. I approached 200+ ladies and got rejected so many times. You'll get used to it, the more confident you become, the more fun you'll have doing it, the more she will pick up on that and think youre a fun outgoing person to have a cool adventure with and she will give you her number.

You could aswell ask for the coffee immediatley next time if your at a train station or in the mall if the convo is good and you think she's interested. Take her for a coffee have fun and number close, try to kino while talking and rock her day.

But a very good start do it every time you have the chance just go for the number eventually it will become natural to approach a girl that attracts you, you wouldn't want to miss the chance!

 

[DragonBlood]

astrn? You have never cold approached before? You are on the right path but for me personally I would not consider this a cold approach. I was cold approached by a pair of girls before I came across SS. I was walking down the street and these two school girls come up to me and the more confident one says "Hey my friend likes you she thinks your really hot". Because they were under age (16-17) I did not know what to make of it, didnt say a word and just walked on by. You can also be cold approached by packs of HB5 girls in the bar.

When I first started cold approaching I built up slowly by asking random girls for directions or starting casual conversations. Surprisingly one or two of them had sparks of interest in their eyes that I had no idea what to do with. After that I would straight up stop girls and ask them out and my next 5-10 approaches went REALLY BADLY. The girls were scornful, annoyed and rarely stopped at all giving me a very fast "IHAB". But then the hottest girl I had cold approached turned to giggles and gave me a date. Since then I have become much more calibrated.

The advice I can give is:

SHORT TERM
1. Focus on getting 10 REJECTIONS in a week. Its alot harder than you think and will help you get out of your head about having to make things work. i.e. freedom from outcome. Dont be afraid of FAILURE. Failure means your doing something right and are gaining new learning experiences, most guys are so paralyzed by the fear of rejection they do nothing to help protect their fragile ego where everybody MUST like them. Whats more important to you? rejections, *****, slap of real life, confidence and social growth or.. a well reinforced ego, vague undefined sense of entitlement/bitterness and boyish crushy feelings for girls in your social circle. Cold approach can actually be pretty humbling when you think about it.

2. When you get better at it, focus on getting at least 3 NUMBERS in one day. This will stop you getting lazy whenever you successfully "number close" the first girl of the day. You will feel like a massive player and lots of resistance going for that second number, but later in the week when all three girls ignore your texts you wont feel so bad about spreading your options.


LONG TERM
3. Just go on autopilot, if it takes more than a few seconds to cold approach a girl your not going to do it. It should become a habit requiring no thought (takes awhile but you will get there). Eventually you will feel BAD about not approaching a girl because you know deep down you pussied out and just reinforced the wrong habit. Normally when this starts to happen and I am walking away.. I just stop on my feet for a few seconds, turn around and approach the damn girl.

4. Build momentum. Say hello to random people, then ask someone for directions or some kind of observation, then start asking out girls.


Cold approach is definitely an interesting experience with lots of ups and downs when you start out. I think you remember your first ones and your first bad ones the most and then after awhile the rest just sort of become a blur, as its no longer a memorable experience or emotional challenge, its a habit. Thats where you want to be eventually astrn and then you can start discussing more finer "first world problem" technicalities with me on how to get around legit bf excuses from hot girls. The worst are when you discover they are actually waiting for their bfs, wont give you the number but also dont want you to leave hahaha.


It certainly hasnt brought me the army of beautiful gfs I thought it would but on the other hand it has cured oneitis forever (how can you accept oneitis for that "special girl" when your goal is now ultimately to replace her with abundance anyway?), brought me massive social confidence and made it VERY EASY to approach girls at the bar completely sober like its nothing. On top of that, sometimes cold approach does work and you end up bring a new hot girl into your life that you would of otherwise never met. You didnt even have to go out or buy her a drink, she just slotted into your normal day when you were doing more important stuff. Not a bad use of your time if you ask me!

 

[astrn]

astrn? You have never cold approached before? You are on the right path but for me personally I would not consider this a cold approach. I was cold approached by a pair of girls before I came across SS. I was walking down the street and these two school girls come up to me and the more confident one says "Hey my friend likes you she thinks your really hot". Because they were under age (16-17) I did not know what to make of it, didnt say a word and just walked on by. You can also be cold approached by packs of HB5 girls in the bar.

When I first started cold approaching I built up slowly by asking random girls for directions or starting casual conversations. Surprisingly one or two of them had sparks of interest in their eyes that I had no idea what to do with. After that I would straight up stop girls and ask them out and my next 5-10 approaches went REALLY BADLY. The girls were scornful, annoyed and rarely stopped at all giving me a very fast "IHAB". But then the hottest girl I had cold approached turned to giggles and gave me a date. Since then I have become much more calibrated.

The advice I can give is:

SHORT TERM
1. Focus on getting 10 REJECTIONS in a week. Its alot harder than you think and will help you get out of your head about having to make things work. i.e. freedom from outcome.
2. When you get better at it, focus on getting at least 3 NUMBERS in one day. This will stop you getting lazy whenever you successfully "number close" the first girl of the day. You will feel like a massive player and lots of resistance going for that second number, but later in the week when all three girls ignore your texts you wont feel so bad about spreading your options.

LONG TERM
3. Just go on autopilot, if it takes more than a few seconds to cold approach a girl your not going to do it. It should become a habit requiring no thought (takes awhile but you will get there).
4. Build momentum. Say hello to random people, then ask someone for directions or some kind of observation, then start asking out girls.

Thanks for the input.

Yeah well I made alot of cold approaches but not for getting their numbers of course. I dont have any problem to approach a random girl or a person to ask something. The problem is my approach intentions to her. If I need an advice or directions thats very normal for me to approach and ask but for asking numbers afterwards that is new waters for me...

The next thing that I am gonna try is your suggestions. I m pretty sure I will get alot of rejections but my first priority in here make myself more comfortable and confidence, not getting numbers...

I was planning to start cold approaches after I finish the No More Mr. Nice Guy but this encounter proved me I can eventually start this anytime I see a girl that I like...

I dont expect miracles in one day but if I continue to improve, I will be much more confidence in 6 months afterwards...

Today's experiment is just showed me that it is not so scary to be rejected than I thought before. I was still comfortable afterwards and actually smiled and continued my business.

I am gonna start right away...

 

[TheGambino]

I got way more confident by cold approaching women. It was a hard time the first weeks coz of the girls that didn't text back or gave me mixed signals afterwards but the more I practiced the more I succeed the more I grew my brother. Goodluck keep us updated

 

[DragonBlood]

I am gonna start right away...

Good keep us posted

The reason it feels good and "light" is because you are now participating and facing your fears. That is the real victory, actually getting the girl is more the icing on the cake for a job well done.

Regarding numbers, you should only roughly ask AFTER she has agreed to meet up with you later. Failing that go for the number anyway in case she changes her mind (she wont, but at least you got the number close on your 10 rejections).

You can also use "instant dates" like TheGambino suggests to increase success but thats when your cold approach is pretty tight already. I sometimes move girls to a quieter location or invite them to lunch, or join them for lunch. I have found this to be very successful with about 20-40% of girls wanted to meet up later. Takes balls to endure a cold approach for 20min+ though, rarely do I actually finish my lunch ahahaha

hardest approach: girl walking by you fast in a bad mood with headphones on.
medium approach: girl sitting down on a bench looking bored (probably waiting for someone, park, square, bus stop etc).
easiest approach: girl that is already committed to having lunch/coffee and is having it alone.

 

[astrn]

Good keep us posted

The reason it feels good and "light" is because you are now participating and facing your fears. That is the real victory, actually getting the girl is more the icing on the cake for a job well done.

Regarding numbers, you should only roughly ask AFTER she has agreed to meet up with you later. Failing that go for the number anyway in case she changes her mind (she wont, but at least you got the number close on your 10 rejections).

You can also use "instant dates" like TheGambino suggests to increase success but thats when your cold approach is pretty tight already. I sometimes move girls to a quieter location or invite them to lunch, or join them for lunch. I have found this to be very successful with about 20-40% of girls wanted to meet up later. Takes balls to endure a cold approach for 20min+ though, rarely do I actually finish my lunch ahahaha

hardest approach: girl walking by you fast in a bad mood with headphones on.
medium approach: girl sitting down on a bench looking bored (probably waiting for someone, park, square, bus stop etc).
easiest approach: girl that is already committed to having lunch/coffee and is having it alone.

These are great tips.

I was outside recently to try cold approaches but either couldnt managed to find the girl that I liked or the girl without any distractions. I found two different girls I liked actually but both of them were with group of other friends they were talking constantly. I didnt want to be their funny topic for that night so I just skipped them.

Next day I will look for more opportunities...

 

[apprenticedj]

hardest approach: girl walking by you fast in a bad mood with headphones on.

DragonBlood, are you approaching these women? Damn that sounds rough! :box:

 

[astrn]

Yeah today I was on my way to work seeking girls to approach and saw alot of girls with headphone mode on! Skipped them directly.

Later on one girl grabbed my attention when I was in Starbucks with working on my laptop and decided to go and ask for it. When my work finished I packed my stuff went to the restroom to check myself. When I was outside the girl was gone. I said damn ****! It actually takes a huge amont time to got my balls together and I was in mood to ask her bu she was gone...

Today is zero so far...

 

[DragonBlood]

DragonBlood, are you approaching these women? Damn that sounds rough! :box:

Yeah I use to, and sometimes it happens by accident. Typically the girl will look at you with a confused stare, take off the headphones, take in your playa "pick up line" with mild annoyance say no and move on.

An exception to that however is a "bench girl" (medium difficulty) who is listening to music. Just tap her on the shoulder and ask what she is listening too, she will be responsive and open to chat.


Nice one with the starbucks girl astrn, yep the longer you take to break the ice the more likely you are to psych yourself out. The odds are too that you will never see her again.. you dont get second chances with cold approach. I have made this mistake many times

A better strategy is to try and meet a new person the second you walk into a venue before you sit down. You can even scope the place out a bit like a creepy mofo before someone catches your eye. Most will assume you are looking for someone, and for all you know, the starbuck girl had already checked you out. Here is my real question for you, why were you sitting alone in starbucks in the first place? This was the biggest mistake. Like I said once you have the basics down 20-40% of lunch girls will meet up later. Where all other scenarios where you have less time to game are more like 5%. Nothing feels better than picking up a girl and have it taking no time out of your day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGUIHExaL1Y

Its easy ****. I would never use the loaded "Is this seat taken" line, more like "Hey are you eating alone? Can I join you?" and try not to choke my food on my own anxiety hahaha.

 

[Vulpine]

Too much typing, not enough boot-camping.

Boot Camp!

BOOT CAMP!!

BOOT CAMP!!!

http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/djbc.pdf

Seriously, down at the bottom of the page, in the left corner, the first link is "DJ Bible". Click on that, which will take you to the launch-page. Read, and read, and read... while doing the boot camp. Journal/Field Report your evolution: you'll be glad you did. Journaling/Field Reporting really helps you see your wins/fails, and keeps you on track, too. When you read back over it in the future, you'll be double-glad you took the time to type it out.

Oh, and, take the red-pill. Get ready, "It means Kansas is going bye-bye."
:flowers:

DAMMIT! I want to see more bootcamp journals around here. There's none, and you FNG's need to get off your lazy asses and better yourselves!
:kick: