Dear Don Juans, I'm in a conundrum and I'm hurting a lot. I could use a pointer or two.
I'll try to make this short. Three weeks ago I had a 'deep' connection with this girl. She's extremely bright, she is hot, she is a giving person. She does not appear to be a run-of-the-mill *****. I've had PLENTY of those. She says she admires me. She's a student where I work, so she pursued me and we exchanged emails. The first two weeks after meeting we chatted a lot, and we both felt a deep connection. After the second week she confessed me that she had a boyfriend, although she said things were getting sour. We have been seing each other regularly in person, about every day for the last week. We both became very attached. There's a lot of physicality, except sex.
Stupid as it might sound, she appears to be loyal. Her boyfriend is going through a rough patch and she feels the responsibility of being there for him. She does not want to break up with him because she feels like 'she is the best thing that has happened to him, and breaking up with him at this time would bring his world down'. Now, we spend a lot of time with each other, she calls me, she wants to see me at every chance she has. She says I make her extremely happy and 'complete'.
Then something happened. She had been lying about her whereabouts to her boyfriend, but he was suspecting something was up so he checked up on her and found that she was lying (she wasn't where she told him he was).
So I just got off the phone with her. She told me that she can't continue lying like that, so we would have to be only friends. Especially because he said he is going to change. He said he is going to be the things she wants him to be. She says he deserves an opportunity.
I said that that friendship was not possible. She says she understands, although it's going to hurt a lot.
She insists she would rather have me as a friend than not at all. I disagreed, I told her that would be too painful.
She said she didn't want to say goodbye over the phone, so she's coming over tomorrow so we can say that in person.
I'm lost. I don't know what to do. This never happened to me, I had never in my life felt this deep connection with someone that wasn't physical or sexual.
Should I break all contact? should I remain friends and be miserable waiting for a window of opportunity? should I cancel tomorrow's meeting? what, now?
I'll try to make this short. Three weeks ago I had a 'deep' connection with this girl. She's extremely bright, she is hot, she is a giving person. She does not appear to be a run-of-the-mill *****. I've had PLENTY of those. She says she admires me. She's a student where I work, so she pursued me and we exchanged emails. The first two weeks after meeting we chatted a lot, and we both felt a deep connection. After the second week she confessed me that she had a boyfriend, although she said things were getting sour. We have been seing each other regularly in person, about every day for the last week. We both became very attached. There's a lot of physicality, except sex.
Stupid as it might sound, she appears to be loyal. Her boyfriend is going through a rough patch and she feels the responsibility of being there for him. She does not want to break up with him because she feels like 'she is the best thing that has happened to him, and breaking up with him at this time would bring his world down'. Now, we spend a lot of time with each other, she calls me, she wants to see me at every chance she has. She says I make her extremely happy and 'complete'.
Then something happened. She had been lying about her whereabouts to her boyfriend, but he was suspecting something was up so he checked up on her and found that she was lying (she wasn't where she told him he was).
So I just got off the phone with her. She told me that she can't continue lying like that, so we would have to be only friends. Especially because he said he is going to change. He said he is going to be the things she wants him to be. She says he deserves an opportunity.
I said that that friendship was not possible. She says she understands, although it's going to hurt a lot.
She insists she would rather have me as a friend than not at all. I disagreed, I told her that would be too painful.
She said she didn't want to say goodbye over the phone, so she's coming over tomorrow so we can say that in person.
I'm lost. I don't know what to do. This never happened to me, I had never in my life felt this deep connection with someone that wasn't physical or sexual.
Should I break all contact? should I remain friends and be miserable waiting for a window of opportunity? should I cancel tomorrow's meeting? what, now?
