I contacted :(

[Delly2000]

Anyway here is a bit of background:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=183000

This girl basically started acting funny 5 months into our "relationship". So I figured there must be another dude. She started witholding sex. Taking long to get ready for dates etc..doing stupid stuff to initiate arguments.

So we had this big argument where we said it was over and stuff. She said she just wants to be alone after I tell her I want her in my life.

So 2 months later I just couldnt stand it. I contacted and no answer on the phone and I left a message.

She sent me an email later that day saying how I pushed her away. And that now she has a boyfriend that loves her and holds her hand in public because he is proud to call her his lady. Opens doors for her and stuff. And that he is "heaven sent". 2 months.

I went with this girl for 5 months and she said she didn't want to be my girlfriend because titles scare her because of her last relationship that was 10 years and the guy was abusive. She wanted everything with the relationship but not title.

This girl basically faked High Interest. Said she really cared about me. Said she wanted to have my baby. That she doesn't want to share me with anybody and how there was no one else. I was with her for 5 months.

This guy been with her for 2 and he is now her boyfriend that she is smitten over. Just goes to show. I don't really want to speculate what this guy has over me.

I thought I played this one by the book. No I love yous. No calling everyday. Dating others. I guess I went wrong by catching feelings. No public dislpays of affection...almost none.

Sounds like she is blaming me for not being sincere. But she wasn't even committed to me. And her getting into a real relationship so quickly shows that she was never down for me from the beggining. Wow.

Any Thoughts?

 

[Londonman09]

Don't take it to heart... people always say their current squeeze is better than the last... shes just trying to get her digs in, n prop herself up. Make sure you reply in kind... things are going great and you just wanted to see how she was... keep your dignity and move on... do not let her think in anyway that this bugs ya..

 

[Delly2000]

Danger. I will be honest. I had a weak moment and asked her to be my girl after a few months.

She kept on alluding to it. Asking me who other girls have been in my bed besides her after sex. And she dont want to share and comments like that.

Yeah I messed up with that one.

As hard as it is to accept. I was a "filler" until something better came along. I could speculate its because of my weight ( I am a big guy) and I dont have ripped muscles (Her ex of 10yrs was a semi-pro football player) or the look she requires. I mean that is reality.

I guess I should take comfort in that I had a shot. Got the "goods"...but should have protected my heart because she wasn't all in and was still looking despite all the things she was telling me.

I already replied to her email last week. I probably goofed on this one as well. But I figure might as well tell the truth. Told her I was upset that she had a boyfirend as I still had feelings for her. But I am glad she finnally found what she was looking for and told her to take care.

I know. I messed up bad. But the chapter is done. I guess in the future I would be able to spot these "uninterested" girls sooner and plan accordingly. U won't beleive the types of things she was telling me making me think she was "in".

 

[women haze]

Exactly you could have been the one, but she probably could not get over your weight.

It's like us guys and bigger chicks...

 

[Die Hard]

Delly, you should focus on one thought only, the rest is unimportant. Here's that thought: you don't need her for validation.

 

[Delly2000]

Thanks for the advice.

I feel that she is trying to make me feel bad by saying how great this guy is. All she had to say is that she met someone and he is cool and thats it. But she threw all the things she felt i did "wrong" in my face...and this guy got it right.

Don't want to repeat myself but its all about interest level and looks I am afraid.

I guess its a non-issue speculating on what this guy had over me for her to choose to commit within 2 months. And it also doesn't help reminding how untogether she was. She was attractive..but..

Had no car
No Job (was in school at nights)
A kid
lived at home with mother
A liar

But in the end they are a non-issue because she had me.

Die-hard. Your comment resonnates. Are you saying I don't need validation to know that I played my hand and/or cards right and 2 people are needed to work together to make things work?

 

[Die Hard]

What I'm saying is this:

A man shouldn't need the validation of a girl. Note that there's a difference between needing it and wanting it. In the first case you're dependant of it and it is directly linked to your self esteem, in the second case it isn't. We all get some validation from our interactions with girls, but when you start needing it, you're fvcked...

She's just a girl. Just....one....girl. She shouldn't have any influence on your self esteem! Not any one person should, for that matter! Your parents used to be the only persons who did, when you were a child and were still building the foundations of your self esteem. Now you are a man, an autonomous individual...not any one person gets to mess with the way you perceive yourself, certainly not some stupid cvnt. YOU are in control, not her!

She's trying to make you feel like you failed, like you did something wrong, like you "lost" her. HORSESH!T... She lost you, since you are the prize, not her. You shouldn't let her get away with this play, you shouldn't let her get to you, you shouldn't hand over the frame to her. Don't you see? She is grabbing the frame here, acting like she's the prize and you lost her, acting like you need her more than she needs you, acting like you need her validation but she doesn't need yours. And you're playing right into it, she is getting to you, she's getting inside your head...making you doubt yourself, making you think about what you supposedly did "wrong", making you think about what this other guy has over you etc. etc. She's messing with your self esteem... This fact should instill a spirit of combativeness and resolve in you! For who is she to mess with the way you perceive yourself? Who is she? Some kind of authority? A princess? A famous movie star? I don't think so!! She's a nobody....she's a joke....and so is that other dude she's currently with, fvck 'em both!

You don't need any girl for validation. Know this... If you don't know this, then start reciting the thought until "as you think, you shall become".

And with that thought...this ridiculous situation of yours ends! You shouldn't have contacted her and you shouldn't have allowed her to mess with your head. You are done with this bullshit right now! Just think about the absurdity of it all!! :crazy: This stupid cvnt now even has her own thread on our SoSuave forum, where you and me are spending our time talking about her. WHAT THE FVCK?! She doesn't deserve that!! Take this cvnt away! Away from this thread and away from your head! Attach a big, heavy anchor to her legs and throw the damn thing to the bottom of the sea... Good riddance!


Now go out there and find some new chicks to enjoy yourself with

 

[ELMER_GANTRY]

Anyway here is a bit of background:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=183000

This girl basically started acting funny 5 months into our "relationship". So I figured there must be another dude. She started witholding sex. Taking long to get ready for dates etc..doing stupid stuff to initiate arguments.

That is what girls do when they lose interest and are looking to get out of a situation


So we had this big argument where we said it was over and stuff. She said she just wants to be alone after I tell her I want her in my life.

The old fight and break up routine. I wrote a thread on that below.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=184988



So 2 months later I just couldnt stand it. I contacted and no answer on the phone and I left a message.

That was a mistake...You shouldn't of did that...there was no need to do that.


She sent me an email later that day saying how I pushed her away. And that now she has a boyfriend that loves her and holds her hand in public because he is proud to call her his lady. Opens doors for her and stuff. And that he is "heaven sent". 2 months.

she emailed you because she didn't have any interest in talking to you. She also wanted to turn the knife into you more by putting on how happy she is and making you feel bad. Which it worked because you are upset. Don't let that bi**h get to you. She could be lying about being happy or she could only be happy for a few months until she dumps this guy. Of course she will blame you, she is playing the victim and wants you to feel bad....Don't.....You did nothing wrong here. You just wanted to be with her, but made the mistake of treating her like a girlfriend when she never was.

I went with this girl for 5 months and she said she didn't want to be my girlfriend because titles scare her because of her last relationship that was 10 years and the guy was abusive. She wanted everything with the relationship but not title.

You shouldn't of taken her seriously then. If she didn't want a relationship with you, there is no reason to be treating her like your girlfriend....period. She is your f*** buddy not a girl that you should be committed to like a girlfriend. That was an excuse by her. If she really cared for you, she would of wanted the title and not throw out excuses to you. She can't have everything. If she doesn't want a title, then she shouldn't be treated as a girlfriend, because that is not a serious relationship because SHE chose not to make it one.


This girl basically faked High Interest. Said she really cared about me. Said she wanted to have my baby. That she doesn't want to share me with anybody and how there was no one else. I was with her for 5 months.

When girls say that, they most likely have another guy on the side or a guy waiting in the wings. I would say that you were the "fill in" guy until she snagged her next boyfriend. She didn't want a relationship with you, but she sure wanted one with him. That is why you should make her prove herself to you, before you commit to a relationship, she didn't want one, so that is why you shouldn't of taken her seriously, because you heard her words and her actions. That was both NO.


This guy been with her for 2 and he is now her boyfriend that she is smitten over. Just goes to show. I don't really want to speculate what this guy has over me.

Who cares about him. Don't even think about him. He might not have anything over you at all. She probably has this fantasy about this guy all made up in her crazy mind. Then when the luster starts to fade, she will dump him for another guy. That chick sounds like she has issues and you're better off without her. Let that other dude deal with her problems. Find a girl who will be truthful to you and wants to be with you. You deserve better and don't deserve her crap that she put on you.


I thought I played this one by the book. No I love yous. No calling everyday. Dating others. I guess I went wrong by catching feelings. No public dislpays of affection...almost none.

You caught feelings and treated her more like a girlfriend when she never was.


Sounds like she is blaming me for not being sincere. But she wasn't even committed to me. And her getting into a real relationship so quickly shows that she was never down for me from the beggining. Wow.

Let her blame, chicks will do that to be a victim. she knows the real reason and so do you. She made it clear she didn't want a title, and you treated her well. Let her find out the hard way, let her see how much she lost in you. Maybe that other dude isn't so great, and she is just telling you that to upset you. Chicks do that you know.

Any Thoughts?

Forget about her. She has issues with past abuse so let her new guy deal with that. Why should you have to deal with her and her not wanting to be with you? You are free from her drama to find a better girl. I know it stings and you feel used, like you wasted 5 months with her, but you learned a lesson. Never treat girls who don't want to be with you as a girlfriend. Start meeting some girls who want to be with you, not ones making excuses afraid of a title. You will do fine and forget about her and that dude she is with now. They both deserve each other. Then you can have the last laugh when their "relationship" falls a part.

....

 

[Delly2000]

Thank you brothers.

All of you have given sage advice. And it is helping with the mental process as it comes from a standpoint of objectivity.

I am a relatively put together guy. Just need to work on my weight and that is something in my control. In the big picture...All those strikes she had would have dragged me down. I need a woman that is put together. But boy was she attractive and "sweet". I can spot em earlier now and not sway from my gameplane to weed them out.

I guess I just need to let the hurt take as long as it needs to..to get out of my system.

I know on the forum they don't advocate getting closure. But for me although it hurt a bit..it helped to know clearly where things are and where she was as opposed to all the question marks about if she met someone else.which was why she was acting strange.yadda yadda. All my thoughts were confirmed. And I was right. Trust the gut. Maybe thats just me.

Thanks again.