"I can't wait!!" beatjunkie's journal

[beatjunkie]

Been a week since I wrote anything so let me update on my achievements since the last time i posted;

1) Eating healthy (no soda, chips or anything processed with preservatives)
2) Taking omega-3 daily
3) Hitting the gym consistently, seeing some improvements in terms of strength and stamina.
4) Walking 1 KM everyday
5) Working and succeeding at work
6) Not thinking too much about my x
7) Connecting and getting closer to my family (mom, pops and so forth)
8) Cut down time spent on the TV immensely
9) 17 days without weed or alcohol
10) Smoking a cig only once a day (mornings) and plan to cut that out too
11) Getting slowly weened off my antidepressant pills
12) Stop taking anti-anxiety pills

Thank you SS and its members for setting me on the right path

 

[beatjunkie]

Over a month since i wrote in here. Reading my last post above makes me shudder. Everything I listed above, i have now reversed due to some blowback from breaking NC. I did, however, just return from a walk. Towards the end of though I had a moment of clarity. I am so fed up of being dumped, so fed up of feeling down. In fact, today i feel exactly like I did when i started this journal..."I cant wait" to smile again and be the best i can be. I wanted to shout and scream and the world, instead i buried it inside and will use it as fuel for the days to come.

Right so this is start of phase 2 for me. Just took my omegas and going to call it a day. tomorrow I arise from the ashes...again. stay tuned.

 

[beatjunkie]

To all those who advised me and pointed me in the right direction. Sorry if i let you down, believe me I let myself down more. I promise you, and more importantly myself, I will fcking run sh!t soon. There will be nothing but positivity dripping from these fingers!!! bare with me.

 

[thunder_god]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Just continue going forward and break through all the barriers. We all have off days.

 

[narcissist]

Just stay focused and stay on the right path BeatJunkie! You are doing good man. At the very least you are TRYING to better yourself, and that is doing more than 80% of guys out there right now. So don't give up!

 

[beatjunkie]

thank u both, thunder_god and narcissist. thunder i follow your journal and i'm impressed by your motivation to improve. i could learn a thing or two from u actually! narcissist...words cannot do justice to all the help, advice and motivation u continue to give me. u rock bro!!

 

[Induced Drag]

I agree, don't be too hard on yourself.

Why do we fall?

So we can get back up.

 

[beatjunkie]

I agree, don't be too hard on yourself.

Why do we fall?

So we can get back up.

will try brah. and yes we do so to get back up again...the quote in my signature will probably be my first tattoo as soon as i pull through this.

 

[beatjunkie]

Things are looking up! Today and yesterday I:

1) Have been hitting the gym hard again.
2) Started taking my omega-3s again
3) Paid for my cable sports package: WORLD CUP!!
4) Went solo to my fav restaurant today. Owner (dude) was sitting alone so i thought why not finally make some friends in this crappy country <djibouti>. So we chatted and a friend of his came. He introduced us and left (epic guy) I gamed her and was close to closing. She left to go look for the owner and hasn't returned yet (typing this mid game haha). So I assume she is low interest.If she returns i am gonna use her to network and meet others.
5) Applying for jobs to get outta here. Aiming for Europe.

taking this a step at a time!!

 

[TheGambino]

Good man, keep up the good work brother.

But wow Djibouti! where are you from yourself? what do you do there

Why aren't you trying The Arab Emirates, Dubai or Qatar? Better chances to make carreer and money then Europe if you ask me. Offcourse you need to have the right documents or somehow be highly educated or have a network there or some good reason..

My mother is from Morocco by the way I love to spent my vacations there, if I had lots of money I would live in Morocco for good

 

[beatjunkie]

^^ thanks bro

i'm here because of the pay (high and tax free). i work for the UN.

Will look into the mideast as well. lived in abu dhabi for a year and my impressions weren't good. dad said working for them was the worst and since he knows my chatacter (i refuse to be pushed around) he suggested not to even consider that area lol.

morocco? awesome man! tu parle francais j crois?

 

[beatjunkie]

4) Went solo to my fav restaurant today. Owner (dude) was sitting alone so i thought why not finally make some friends in this crappy country <djibouti>. So we chatted and a friend of his came. He introduced us and left (epic guy) I gamed her and was close to closing. She left to go look for the owner and hasn't returned yet (typing this mid game haha). So I assume she is low interest.If she returns i am gonna use her to network

she never returned, well i didn't bother waiting past 20mins. lol. whatever, i left.

 

[beatjunkie]

Update;

Since my last entry I have;

1) Continued going to the gym. So much so that I puke after lol. Having problems with eating the recommended diet amounts without having the munchies (420 effect). Taking my proteins and supplements on time. Doing cardio but not too much as I don't want to loose too much weight
2) Nothing spinning plate wise in my proximity...got a long distance plate going though. Will see her in a couple of weeks.
3) Reading on Stoic philosophy. Amazing stuff. Their point of view really puts the world in proper perspective..especially with regards to dealing with failures.
4) Watching the World Cup. Fun stuff.
5) Smashing things work-wise. Getting noticed by all the right people. Today my boss said they will renew my contract for another 2 years. Don't believe them until the ink dries.
6) Regardless of a renewed contract, I am still applying to jobs where relevant.

My goals are;

1) Building muscle and mass
2) Get a few more plates
3) Find a better paying job outside this country

That's all for now.

 

[beatjunkie]

Not feeling great

Well, thought I would vent a little here. Seeing that I have no one else to talk to within 200 miles, this will have to do. I'm feeling down today, like crap actually. In this office as I type this and somewhere down stairs sits my ex with that new engagement ring on her hand. I honestly wish I never met her. It scares me to think that someone has this much power over me...wish I was mentally stronger to stay focused. Haven't been to the gym since my last update. Travelling for work tomorrow so that should help..though I don't know how I can focus in the meeting.

Wanna type more but it all boils down to feelings of anger, betrayal and loneliness. fvck this ****.

-end of vent-

 

[Nn877]

Hey beat just read ur thread, hope you're holding strong man. I can relate about power over you. It's a horrible feeling, like even when people/friends say it's wrong or bad decision and even you know it is, it's like we believe they are an angel and innocent sucks! Been spending a lot of time to myself and learning to enjoy my own company. We have to be own hero in any bad times.

 

[beatjunkie]

Well well well. A little over a year later and I back in this journal....for the same reason as before and with the same chick.

Reading all my posts made me sick, I got over her. I was better. Then I took her back in September 2014...broke up 2 weeks ago because I cheated on her....technically I didn't because we were not together at the time. She also went on a date with someone...yet the way she found out about it was horrible. Went NC since yesterday. she call's to check up.....

I am writing here because I really f*cked up. I got over her. I was better. Then I allowed her back in my life and here I am again....starting from Day 0.....and to make it worse she still works with me and I turned down a job offer to move to another country because of her....GOD I AM SOOO WEAK ABOUT HER.....at work now with an hour left. soon as I am done I am going home to DRINK DRINK DRINK until I pass out and don't call her.....

ps. details are in thread titled "The Dilemma of Two Chicks"