I cant *** during sex

[wonderer]

I have a problem. I cant c*m during sex.

This is something thats happened with 8 different girls (most one night stands and with a condom). Ill get hard and go and go but no end point. I can last 45 mins with no joy. Its killing me, I just feel nothing in my d*ck just feels like nothing. Sometimes I struggle to have an errection too itl just go soft, but most the time its hard.

I have managed to *** inside a girl before but its rare. I usually have to get tossed off by her to oblivion before any joy.

A little background on me: im 25, healthy, used to watch porn and whack off every day, sometimes more than once a day.

Anyone else have this problem and overcome it?

I'm worried and a bit down about it all. Girls think its them. And im worried about the future when I want to have kids.

 

[Partizan]

I had this problem until I started using the bareskin condoms from Trojan. Now I have the opposite problem. LOL.

 

[wonderer]

I had this problem until I started using the bareskin condoms from Trojan. Now I have the opposite problem. LOL.

really? Always used condoms until recently and still couldnt bust a nut. Im seeing a girl in two weeks where we both know we're gunna get it on. Im not gunna have a w*nk until then and see how it goes, no condom either. If I still dont c*m im f*cked surely.

 

[MtnMan]

i've been known to experience this from time to time when wearing condoms. It can be annoying, but I can always overcome it by banging her exactly how I want in my favorite position.

That happens to be what I call lay down doggie style. Basically banging her from the back while she lies flat on her front with legs together. Gets me every time, hah!

Is there one position/speed/depth of stroke that is your favorite? Go for that and see if it helps.

 

[JohnChops]

I had this problem until I started using the bareskin condoms from Trojan. Now I have the opposite problem. LOL.

aha this, it happens to me. Ill keep going for a good hour and then just tire out and say **** it im done lol.

 

[il_randyb]

the issue is likely emotional. Something is holding you back and you need to sort that out. maybe you need to feel a connection to the person, maybe there is someone else you'd rather be with. Happens to me and it sucks

Good luck

 

[MountainSlide]

Are you rushing too much? Do you have performance anxiety? This condition is called retarded ejaculation (I think). Anyway you need to quit masturbating to porn and quit watching porn altogether, this will help with desensitization. Also sex is better if you engage your emotions otherwise it is mechanical. Try just touching, like massage and stuff. Hope this helps (I've had the same problem too you're not alone)

 

[wonderer]

Are you rushing too much? Do you have performance anxiety? This condition is called retarded ejaculation (I think). Anyway you need to quit masturbating to porn and quit watching porn altogether, this will help with desensitization. Also sex is better if you engage your emotions otherwise it is mechanical. Try just touching, like massage and stuff. Hope this helps (I've had the same problem too you're not alone)

Dont think I rush too much. I spend a lot of time on foreplay. How did you overcome the problem?

 

[Thatfeel21]

To OP: I used to have the same exact problem. I could c** all day from porn n jerrking off but never from sex. That is until one of my exes bought me a jerk off sleeve which helped to train my body to release from something other than my right hand. Shortly after that, I could c** all the time from vaginal intercourse.

 

[TheGambino]

Use it as a pick up line: Baby no girl can make me ***, maybe you can whats your number.

jokee lmao.. but uhm I have the same problem I think it's because of jerking off to porn. Cut that sh1t out for good, eat healthy, go to the gym and f8ck the girls good, like it's your last day it will solve the problem. Also enjoy the sex, think about her, kiss her neck, lose yourself in it enjoy will make you *** faster.

 

[gravityeyelids]

It's almost certainly a mental thing. I think too many guys get caught up either in just pleasing the girl, or they're not thinking of sex the right way.

What I mean by "right way" is that too many men (and some women) are far too analytically and rational about sex. Especially if you've had a problem with pron, it can teach you to think of sex as essentially mutual masturbation. In addition, many men don't have sex even for pleasure or emotional connection...to a lot of guys it can be simply about ego and power.

Sex is about emotion, connection, and losing yourself in it (unless you're just trying to get off in a warm hole...in which case a fleshlight or even your own palm will accomplish much of the same without the work and risks).

Next time you are having sex....slow down. Shut off your rational mind and focus on what you are experiencing and purely living in the present moment. Rather than worrying about when you will c*m or whether or not you are having fun or what the girl thinks about you or if she is having fun...simply disconnect from everything yet at the same time plug yourself completely into the present moment and let your senses become amplified. Focus on how good it feels to touch and be touched by a woman. Look into the girl's eyes and feel something with her rather than just trying to get off (or get her off). You will find that letting yourself become lost in her will naturally progress to orgasm (and hopefully simultaneous with hers).

Stop making sex a checklist with an end goal of any kind. This is the thought process of far too many guys:
O) Okay first i makeout
O) okay now i play with her boobies and her pu$$y and touch her a bit
O) Sweet, time for a BJ! man, i hope she doesnt just stop after a few minutes
O) Hopefully she's turned on enough for me to stick it in. Okay, it's wet, cool. Time for the sex.
O) Okay she had her orgasm and it's been a minimum of 10 minutes which means it's okay for me to get off without looking like a premature chode. Change up a position or two so she thinks i'm a sex masta and know what i'm doing
O) Yes, time for me to finish. OKaaayyyyy ARGH! Humph. Hooh!
O) Yessss I just had sex, i'm so cool, i'm going to tell my friends and post online anonymously about it.
O) Hmm i'm hungry, hope she doesn't wanna cuddle with me for too long


It also begs the question of whether or not you have a connection with these girls. banging girls is cool and fun and your buddies will think you're a bad a$$ if you sleep with tons of girls...but let's be honest here: if you're simply trying to get laid for the sake of getting laid and because SoSuave or some PUA told you to get laid as much as possible, then the sex probably isn't going to be that fun. Believe it or not connection is extremely important for sex. Now i'm not saying you have to fall in love to have great sex. However, it's important to find a girl that turns you on and that you feel something for, rather than just seeing her as a warm hole. Even for ONS's...there are girls whom i just took home because i wanted to have sex that night...and then there were girls with whom I felt a huge sexual attraction with right off the bat, and sex was just a natural progression of how attracted we were to each other.

Also...are you drunk during these one night stands? That's a huge factor. It's very easy for me to come usually (and even too easy occasionally), but if i'm drunk i often wont be able to.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Had it before. My cure was looooots of foreplay before the sex/

 

[MountainSlide]

Bro the solution is to quit porn. There is tons of info on this. (Your brain on porn). You get addicted to the fantasy but porn ainte real. You find yourself thinking of porn when your banging? You gotta know that **** is 100% fake. And you gotta make something real. Real intimacy requires emotional trust. Not everyone is the same, some people are fine without, and some not. Remember that a lot of people are dishonest about their sexual exploits.

 

[wonderer]

@Thatfeel21: Whats a jerk off sleeve? and how long did you use it before you could c*m during sex?


@TheGambino: You have the same problem? So have you managed to overcome iit using any of your suggestions?


@Gravityeyelids: I do have an emotional connection with the girl im banging at the moment. And I really want to c*m for her. I dont want her to think it her. I dont drink so thats not the problem.


@CerwinVegafan: I always do lots and lots of foreplay, kissing, kissing her neck, ear nibbling, boob playing, etc etc.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

Possibly look at your grip and speed while masturbating. You can inadvertently train yourself to lose sensitivity by gripping too hard or going too fast.

Also, stop counting about how many girls you've banged. A lot of people on here seem to have this toxic mindset that the number is important. It's not. By all means, bang as many chicks as possible, but don't make it about the number; all that's important is that you enjoy every one.

 

[jsmith5]

Read this, it should help solve your problem.

http://yourbrainonporn.com/any-suggestions-for-healing-delayed-ejaculation

 

[justin11]

http://yourbrainonporn.com/any-suggestions-for-healing-delayed-ejaculation

Try reading this, it sounds like you have delayed ejaculation. The link will tell you everything you need to know, but basically stop masturbating and watching porn and you'll be fine soon enough.

 

[ImprovingJuan]

it seems an emotional problem, that is not letting you explore the pleasures of sex.

but keep in mind to visit a urologist too and talk to him/her about what is happening. it happened to me before, and it was a psychological barrier killing my libido.

 

[jez12]

As others have said, definitely quit watching porn and try to quit masturbating too. I had the same problem and I "cured" myself with this advice.

There's a lot of info on a site called Your Brain On Porn but I wouldn't dig too deep into that site just yet, it's probably not necessary and you could just get hung up on all the little details there.

For now you just need to understand the gist of it which is that your brain will start to become more and more desensitized from all the wild fantasies and the overload of emotions you get from porn along with the so called "deathgrip" many men use while masturbating. So unreal fantasies + tight grip + speed = delayed ejaculation or even temporary erectile dysfunction.

You need to "rewire" or "retrain" your brain on what it is like with a real girl. It's very hard to say how long it will take for you to "heal" but for me it took about a month. It depends on how long you have been addicted to porn but it's also a mental thing. Just keep banging real girls and sooner or later it will just happen. For me it was just one of those nights again when suddenly I could feel that I'm about to come. And after that night I have been able to come every time during sex.

But it's also very important not to stress about it! There's nothing wrong with you. Just keep following this advice and try to enjoy the sex and the real emotions. It's not like sex is all about the ejaculation, there are a LOT of other stuff about it to enjoy too.

And if you struggle to get an erection, again you need to focus on the emotions. Focus on her. Do stuff that will turn you on. Don't think about the erection, think about how good it feels to be with her. And remember, you don't need to rush it. You can take your time. The girl will not go anywhere!

Good luck!

 

[wonderer]

As others have said, definitely quit watching porn and try to quit masturbating too. I had the same problem and I "cured" myself with this advice.

There's a lot of info on a site called Your Brain On Porn but I wouldn't dig too deep into that site just yet, it's probably not necessary and you could just get hung up on all the little details there.

For now you just need to understand the gist of it which is that your brain will start to become more and more desensitized from all the wild fantasies and the overload of emotions you get from porn along with the so called "deathgrip" many men use while masturbating. So unreal fantasies + tight grip + speed = delayed ejaculation or even temporary erectile dysfunction.

You need to "rewire" or "retrain" your brain on what it is like with a real girl. It's very hard to say how long it will take for you to "heal" but for me it took about a month. It depends on how long you have been addicted to porn but it's also a mental thing. Just keep banging real girls and sooner or later it will just happen. For me it was just one of those nights again when suddenly I could feel that I'm about to come. And after that night I have been able to come every time during sex.

But it's also very important not to stress about it! There's nothing wrong with you. Just keep following this advice and try to enjoy the sex and the real emotions. It's not like sex is all about the ejaculation, there are a LOT of other stuff about it to enjoy too.

And if you struggle to get an erection, again you need to focus on the emotions. Focus on her. Do stuff that will turn you on. Don't think about the erection, think about how good it feels to be with her. And remember, you don't need to rush it. You can take your time. The girl will not go anywhere!

Good luck!

Thank you so much for this advice. The next time I have sex will be with a girl im seeing next weekend. I wouldnt have masturbated or watched porn for 2 weeks. Im gunna relax, enjoy myself and the situation and see how it goes. If im still unable to c*m ill see a doctor and start reading that site. Ill let you guys know how it goes. Im not the only one with this problem.